Win your challenges with our unique solutions

This post has already been read 394 times!

Sometime back, there was a panel discussion about Executive Presence on LinkedIn that got me thinking about charisma. It inspired this 2-part blog post where you’ll learn how to improve your charisma skill.

One of the panelists, a senior female executive spoke about the role of charisma in being perceived as having Executive Presence.

Excellent point, but, if we find it tough to define Gravitas, then how easy would it be to define Charisma which is part of Gravitas? The Wow Factor?

If you asked 100 people to define charisma without looking it up online, they’d most probably say charisma is that special something – the magnetism or charm that draws others in.

However, almost all of those 100 people would struggle to define charisma or to explain what makes one person charismatic and another one not.

If someone asked you to define charisma without looking it up online, what would you say?

Would it be that it is an innate quality that only a few possess? Is it something people are born with?

Would it be some kind of magical aura that someone obtains at birth?

Many people would use one or more of these qualities to describe charisma.

In other words, even if we struggle to define it, we can always point it out when it is present.

We need a working definition in order to learn how to be charismatic.

Here are 3 for you to consider.

A special charm or appeal that causes people to feel attracted and excited by someone (such as a politician) – Britannica Dictionary

A special power that some people have naturally that makes them able to influence other people and attract their attention and admiration. – Cambridge Dictionary

Charisma is an individual’s ability to attract and influence other people. While it is often described as a mysterious quality that one either has or doesn’t have, some experts argue that the skills of charismatic people can be learned and cultivated. – Psychology Today

Notice the common themes of something being special, attraction and influence.

I personally prefer the Psychology Today definition. It indicates charisma isn’t handed down by the heavens but is a skill and hence learnable.

Can You Learn Charisma?

For sure there are people that have a natural ability to be charismatic.

These people are drawn to leadership because that is a byproduct of having charisma. But it doesn’t mean the rest of us will never get a chance at being charismatic.

The good news is that you can take steps to have charisma yourself.

Obviously you start by shedding as many of the qualities that don’t make you charismatic and replace them with ones that do.

Think of Eliza Doolittle who was transformed into a lady by Dr Henry Higgins in George Bernard Shaw’s play Pygmalion. Her new charisma was evident at the ball when one of the guests declared she was a fraud and then stated she was a Princess!

In the real world, it works differently.

The first step is to learn to make eye contact, even if you hate doing it.

Eye contact is the first step people use to size up others on the first contact. It’s also a signal of trust between people. If someone is untrustworthy, they will likely look away from people, even when they are talking.

The next step is to be more engaging with those you come in contact with.

Be genuinely interested in others. Make it about them. Use their self-centered instincts to your favor and play off of it.

People like themselves. They like it more when others talk about them in a favorable way.

If you are that person to pump up others’ self-esteem, those people are going to be drawn to you. Think about how you feel when others tell positive stories about you.

Exude confidence and that will help seal the deal when it comes to being more charismatic. Confidence is something most people admire, as long as it doesn’t come across as being overly arrogant.

When you are confident, people will feel like you have the situation under control. They will concede to that control which puts you in a leadership role from their perspective.

These are just some of the traits that charismatic people develop to draw others to them. They are not innate magical qualities that are chiseled into one’s DNA.

Although some people learn charisma quicker than others, it is never too late to take steps to learn these traits yourself. Get ready to be much more liked by the people you know and those you meet.

Let’s look at 5 ways to develop our charisma. We’ll cover 3 of them here and the other 2 in Part 2 of this series.

Start being an Active Listener

Listening is an important skill. Sadly people do hear but not really listen.

Do you want to know how to be more charismatic? Try listening more.

People tend to be self-absorbed and are constantly thinking about themselves. While you need to think about yourself, it’s also important to be mindful of others. The biggest way you can do that is to learn to be a better listener.

Listening requires concentration, at least, if you are not used to doing it. It also takes practice. When you are having a conversation with someone, do you find yourself thinking about what you’re going to say next?

If so, it’s very difficult to listen under that circumstance. You need to clear your mind and focus on what the person is saying.

One can understand why people get distracted. There is always lots  going on in our lives and our lives aren’t compartmentalized.

For example, we have workplace situations that can create issues requiring damage control. Orders can go wrong, and irate customers have to be placated.

The server may hang just when you need to send out an important report. Sometimes you might just spill coffee on your computer and pray the hard drive is safe while the IT guy tries to fix it

Then, you go home and have another set of situations that you may have to worry about. The tv conks out or the class teacher wants you to come in to discuss your child’s lack of performance in a class test.

You are waiting to exhale and listening to others is probably the last thing you concern yourself with.

But here’s the deal.

The benefits of listening will make it worth it to you as people will know (at least subconsciously) when you are doing it and appreciate it.

They will feel the connection and want to spend more time with you. They will sense that you are taking notice of what they have to say. It all starts with listening.

Listening doesn’t mean you have to respond. Sometimes all people need is to get something off their chests.

Giving advice is not always a good idea, especially if you are not familiar with the situation or don’t have the expertise. Again, it’s all about hearing what others are talking about and showing empathy when needed.

It also doesn’t require you to unconditionally agree with what is being said. But it’s important to at least hear the message.

When you feel you are in the right and can offer your opinion on whatever the subject may be, then you should do so but in a tactful and respectful manner.

Listening is a skill that can be mastered. It takes time and a commitment. What you will find when you put forth the effort is that people may start approaching you more often because you have taken the first steps to being more charismatic.

Check your Physical Appearance isn’t deflecting Magnetism

Here’s the perfect example to explain this point.

If you have ever seen the comic strip, Peanuts by Charles Schultz, you’d be familiar with the character called Pig Pen.

He got this nickname because he is dirty, and no one wants to be around him. His appearance and hygiene are keeping people away. His physical appearance is deflecting his magnetism.

Although the Shultz comic is an extreme example, people who don’t pay attention to their physical appearance can be shutting people out, even at a subconscious level.

The idea behind it is if you don’t care about how you look, why should others pay any attention to you?

This is not the same as creating a certain look where you are trying to express yourself. Young people love to be nonconforming with their wardrobe and style. It can work for them for a little while.

Of course, as they get older, they make a choice as to whether to keep that going or to adopt more traditional styles. Older people are often not taken as seriously if they are trying to keep the same look they had when they were young.

There are those that would say nonconformity is good and that people should have the right to dress as they please. There is some truth to this.

However, on the subject of deflecting magnetism, people will need to choose whether they want to conform to some degree so that they can be more accepted. This will be difficult to do if a person is constantly at odds with acceptable norms.

This doesn’t mean people have to dress to the nines and spend a lot on a new wardrobe or look. There are plenty of inexpensive choices where people can look quite good and it can help them when trying to increase their magnetism.

The idea is to stay away from clothes that don’t fit well, either too tight or too loose. It’s important to maintain a good personal hygiene as well.

If you are giving off bad odors, or even if your appearance subjects you to the Pig Pen nickname, you are going to find that you too are deflecting your magnetism away from others.

Pay Attention to Your Body Language to increase your Personal Magnetism

Gravitas is often explained with the example of people stopping to look at you when you enter the room. It’s also the skill of being able to command the room.

Now let’s look at what you would do when you enter a room full of people that you don’t know and see some people with their arms crossed.

Do you approach those people? How about people that look your way and smile?

If you said no to the first question and yes to the second, it’s because of a subconscious force at play: body language.

It’s the same body language that makes people perceive you have Gravitas.

Paying attention to your body language is a crucial aspect of increasing your personal magnetism.

People inherently pick up on those signals without much of a thought. They don’t think “this guy has his arms crossed so I am not going to approach him.” They simply move on.

You can always learn more about body language from books, workshops and seminars. But some of the basics have already been covered.

Don’t cross your arms if you want people to approach you, make eye contact as often as possible and be sure to smile.

These are three of the major ways to improve your body language to make yourself more approachable.

More body language advice

Another way to learn how to use body language to your advantage is to observe people who you are naturally drawn to. Pay attention to the kinds of movements they use as they speak to you.

Are they crossing their arms or are they using their hands to express themselves? Perhaps they give you the occasional touch on the shoulder when making a certain statement.

Are they focusing their eyes on you and giving you their undivided attention?

These are all traits of charismatic people and can be used to increase your magnetism.

Look at how others are reacting when you speak. Are they distracted or are they hanging on your every word?

If they’re checking their smartphones every couple of minutes, you may have some work to do. If they ask you to repeat what you said often, this too is a sign that you should correct your body language signals.

Start with small changes.

Continue to observe others you find charismatic and try to incorporate the actions that they use when talking to people.

If you are consistent with your changes, they will become second nature. Over time and people will definitely start being more drawn to you.