Have you ever had the experience that an incident is long gone and forgotten by everyone but you are unable to get it out of your mind?
It can happen to the best of us not once but often in different areas of our life – the office, the home and even with friends. It might have been something important that has now been clarified or some action which might not be a big deal for the other party but is for you. Apologies have been given and accepted, and YET……
I often see this issue come up with coaching clients who tell me that although the situation has been contained, they cannot get it off their minds.
My suggestion, whether it is in your career or personal life, is to look at the facts and then look within. If something is bothering you, find a quiet moment for yourself, self-analyze, introspect and ask yourself, “What is really bothering me about this?”
If you are able to locate the issue, then find the emotion or feeling that comes up with the issue. Next, try to see if there is something in your past, whether in relationships or a previous job where a similar incident may have taken place or a similar behavior shown towards you.
If it hits a button, then quite possibly you have sub-consciously formed a judgement towards the behaviour and anyone who reminds you of it gets judged by your Inner Self even if you have outwardly clarified matters and settled them.
What if you internalized the initial incident and have made it all about you and feel that it is your fault? Do you feel guilty? You cannot change others but you can change yourself.
A simple but effective way to check is to ask yourself, if you have made a judgement about the issue. If you receive an affirmative answer from your Inner Voice, then release the judgement by simply saying aloud or to yourself with strong determination
I release the judgement that I am at fault because ______________(whatever you feel personally about the incident, your thoughts or actions)
If you have sub-consciously passed judgement on yourself that you have a negative quality, it helps to address the quality and your thoughts towards it. You can try telling yourself
I release the judgment that I am in fact ____ or
I release the judgement that ________________is bad or wrong
In short, release your thoughts and feelings that are pulling you down or keeping you from moving on. You can do this any number of times for as many judgement that you believe you have made about yourself.
What if you have made a judgement about someone else? The subordinate who took initiative to get a job done while you were too busy to guide him and you now feel that there is an agenda in place to take credit and make you look bad? (It happens a lot in the corporate world!)
Well, instead of projecting your guilt onto the subordinate or any other person and blaming them, release your judgement and put the incident in the correct perspective.
If it is a case of showing you one up, then you know what you need to do. Otherwise, follow the same procedure with the exception that you are releasing the judgement about the other person and their action.
I release the judgement that (other person’s name) is bad because………….
Releasing a judgement based on guilt or blame do take time and you may need to practice a lot but the beauty of releasing is that you free up energy to do more constructive tasks. Your perspective changes and a lot of thinking time used up earlier in propagating negative thoughts and accompanying depression is suddenly available for creativity and productivity.
The sun comes out from behind the dark clouds and it’s a great day to start something new!
This week, I’d like you to try out the Releasing exercise for size and see what comes up. Do remember to come back and share your experience!
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