Prefer to read? Here’s the transcript with resources.

Even if we don’t realize it, right from childhood, we’ve all been taught the value and practice of gratitude.

It’s the thank you we said when we got a gift and it’s the grace we said before our meals. Sometimes if we were being difficult or throwing tantrums, our parents might have even yelled out the command to be grateful!

Hi. I’m Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching and today, I’m going to delve deeper into the role of gratitude in strengthening our emotional intelligence with some tips to cultivate gratitude.

In recent years, giving gratitude has been seen as a practice associated with visualizations, law of attraction and as part of manifestation rituals.

It’s actually a lot more than that. We think of gratitude as a simple emotion but it’s a gift that we can give others. It can also strengthen our skill of emotional intelligence.

Allow me to elaborate on both points.

Giving the Gift of Gratitude

Now, when was the last time you were on the receiving end of someone’s gratitude? Not just a casual, “Thanks!” but an honest, heartfelt, deeply appreciative, “Thank you for ______________.”

It felt good, didn’t it?

If it was someone who really knows how to say thank you, you were probably acknowledged for some sacrifice you’d made, and the way your gift or action made them feel…and your heart warmed, and your face smiled.

Gratitude is such a simple gift to give, so powerful, and yet so easy to forget.

In a world where everything has to be done 5 minutes ago, and rapid forward movement is the only way to not get left behind gratitude and appreciation all too often fall by the wayside.

Yet, as you know, saying thank you is one of the easiest ways to bless others and lift them up. Gratitude makes the receiver feel seen, recognized and appreciated…and it can all be done well in less than 30 seconds.

30 seconds. That’s only 0.05% of your total waking hours.

It takes longer than that to brush your teeth!

When we feel seen and appreciated, we perform better at work. We get less angry. We share our gifts more easily. We love stronger. When you’re seen and appreciated for who you are and what you do, it makes you strive to be a better human.

If you were to spend 30 seconds sharing your gratitude every day, you would be investing .05% of your waking life to make someone else’s day at least 30% better.

Now talk about return on investment, right?

Plus, when you take the time to offer others a sincere thank you, you also become a model for others. You become an inspiration, quietly encouraging others to express their gratitude.

In short, by simply giving the gift of your appreciation, you instantly become a respected leader at home, at work, and everywhere else…all while making the world a better place.

And that feels good, doesn’t it?

Now about Gratitude as a way to develop Emotional Intelligence

During the pandemic, I discovered that my morning gratitude ritual provided me with resilience to face the uncertainty of the days ahead.

Being grateful for the gift of a new day, the safety and health of my loved ones or even gratitude that I had not run out of pet food during lockdown made it easier to cope with the stress of a situation for which my mind did not have any prior experience to refer back to. It was uncharted territory for all of us.

Practicing gratitude didn’t mean I was denying the reports of record infections or becoming immune to the negative reports of deaths among our circle of friends, loss of jobs or worrying when I could get a vaccine.

It simply meant shifting my focus from negative and painful experiences and finding hope. It provided my brain with support to process the difficult experience and was a protective response to support my well-being during that challenging time.

That’s when I started to wonder if there was more to gratitude than I had previously realized.

Apparently, I wasn’t alone in my thoughts and there has been research on the role of gratitude in building emotional resilience and strengthening emotional intelligence.

Research indicates that there are 2 parts to gratitude. Firstly, it is an affirmation of goodness and acknowledging that there are good things in the world. This is what we practice in our gratitude ritual.

In the second part of gratitude, we recognize that the sources of this goodness are outside of ourselves, and we acknowledge that other people give us many gifts to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.

To demonstrate high emotional intelligence, we need to develop our emotional resilience first. Gratitude enables us to strengthen our skills in the domains of self-awareness and self-management as well as social awareness and social management.

Ongoing research in gratitude shows evidence in building positive relationships and increasing empathy.

Practicing gratitude creates a heightened awareness of your emotions, values, strengths, and a greater understanding of others. Heightening your emotional intelligence through gratitude allows for reflecting on your feelings, emotions and motivators, and perceiving those of others.

Cultivating a grateful mindset also allows us to recognize unhealthy emotions and reframe our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This deepens our emotional intelligence capacity. With greater emotional intelligence awareness, you have a choice – a choice in how you interact with and join in the experiences of others.

You don’t need to take a course on learning how to be grateful. You can integrate it into your life until it becomes second nature. I’ve got some recommendations to develop your attitude to gratitude.

And here are the 5 Ways You Can Cultivate Your Gratitude

It’s a fact that most of us lead busy lives these days. It might feel like a waste of time to think about the things in your life that you can be grateful for. But doing this is essential, as you will derive some incredible benefits from being grateful for what you have in your life right now. Try these simple yet powerful actions to cultivate your gratitude every day.

The first one is to stop what you are doing and take a look around you

Make a commitment to pause at different times during the day and ask yourself the question “what can I be truly grateful for in my life?” You can also ask yourself “who are the most important people in my life and why am I grateful to them?”

When you ask yourself these questions your mind or rather your subconscious mind will come up with a number of answers for you. Take these answers and assess why the people or things are so important for you and you express your gratitude for having them in your life. This won’t take you long to do each day and will get you into the habit of looking for things to be grateful for.

Have a good look at the qualities you possess

Being grateful for the qualities you possess is a very powerful way to cultivate your gratitude and increase your self-esteem. Think about what you have achieved recently and the problems that you had to overcome. You can go back into your past for some good examples of this as well.

You can look beyond the things that you have achieved as well.

What other traits do you possess that you are proud of?

Do you provide acts of kindness to others? Do you have good empathy skills? Do you have a lot of love for your partner, your family and your friends? Or your pet?

There are always lots of things that you can come up with about yourself.

Also, what things do you take for granted?

When people are starting out on their attitude of gratitude journey, they will usually think about the bigger things in their life to be grateful for but don’t limit yourself to this. The smaller things in your life are just as important to you.

Just open your eyes and take a look around you. If you are at home, then notice the wonderful things that surround you to make your life easier and more enjoyable. Take a walk outside and notice the beauty of nature as well.

A fifth way is to Have a Morning and Evening ritual

I touched upon this earlier when I spoke about my gratitude ritual during the pandemic.

It is easy to forget about expressing your gratitude in modern life. I highly recommend you create a new routine where you will think about things to be grateful for in the morning when you wake up and before you go to bed at night.

Think about 3 things that you can be grateful for at these times. It does not matter if they are big or small things. In the morning it could be the simple fact that you are grateful for a new day ahead.

Write down the 3 things in the morning and evening in a gratitude journal so that you can reflect on these later on.

Final Words – Show your Gratitude to others

Cultivating the attitude or habit of gratitude isn’t difficult and worth the effort because it also strengthens our emotional intelligence. This skill is important if you are aspiring for a leadership position.

So, take every opportunity that you can to express your gratitude to others. When you do this the recipient will be very appreciative and this will give you a warm glow inside. In turn this will make you feel a lot happier to see the smiles on their faces and hear their words of appreciation. And if you need more help, I’ve got a couple of resources listed here. Have a look and take what works for you.

This is Vatsala Shukla for Karmic Ally Coaching signing off. Bye for now.

Additional Resources for developing Gratitude

Are You Practicing the Power of Appreciation?

Do you dare to cherish Everyone?

How to Develop Emotional Intelligence with Ease

Emotional Intelligence Traits Checklist

Gratitude Mastery Bundle – a simple yet unique Way to raise your vibrations every day.

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For those visitors who are new to Karmic Ally Coaching’s blog, Miss Coco is my beloved fur baby who passed away on 5^th January 2021. She continues to motivate and inspire me.

This post is a little different from my normal posting how to, educational and professional development posts.

Yet, Miss Coco is integral to my business blog. She was my Muse for my early blog posts and has appeared from time to time in different posts including one on empathy.

Losing her 18 days after a contractor used a drill meant only for demolishing buildings or roads inside our apartment building creating noise at high decibel levels that led to the first of many seizures and later loss of life will always be a personal tragedy for me.

Despite my efforts, I couldn’t get her justice and that has been painful.

That’s when close friends and well-wishers suggested I write about her and when I was ready to put pen to paper, the words started to flow.

When I found it difficult to write, I recorded my memories and edited the transcripts.

7 months later, I published Miss Coco: The story of a Princess Pup who changed my life forever on Amazon.

This Kindle ebook is a labour of love with no plans to commercialize it and no marketing plan.

I was thrilled to find it started to rank in the Hot New Releases category both in Amazon USA and Amazon India.

Click here to visit Amazon India

Background to Miss Coco’s Kindle ebook

This is the story of my beloved Miss Coco Chanel Shukla, who was my friend, companion, pet kid and a lot more than I can articulate.

She was, as my mother lovingly called her, a Princess Pup.

Miss Coco was a gift to my mother when the last of our miniature brown dachshunds, Bruno passed away 5 months short of his 18^th birthday leaving a void that was unbearable.

It’s another thing that Miss Coco and I forged a deep bond quite similar to that of a mother and her child. My mother became more of a grandmother to this delightful little dog whose passion for life, strong willpower, headstrong in the most lovable way.

Her deep compassion for humans and animals alike has left an indelible mark on my soul.

We were lucky Bruno lived as long as he did because he was our emotional support system after we lost my father. When he died after an aneurysm, it was a double loss for us.

He had buffered my father’s death for us and suddenly it was just Mummy and me and no Bruno.

The arrival of Miss Coco was a blessing and she carved her own special place in our home and our hearts.

If Bruno had helped us cope with our grief, then Coco was the furry pet child who showed us how to move forward.

Losing her the way we did hurts. All I ever wanted was for her to have a happy old age.

That didn’t happen as this book will tell you. I want the world to know what a special dog she was . Especially how she reached out from beyond the veil to help me in my grieving process.

This book is my humble tribute to a furry family member who gave me many happy memories before becoming a memory.

The Princess Pup becomes a Celebrity Pup!

Miss Coco was already a celebrity having appeared in Dogs & Pups magazine numerous times including an article.

Her celebrity status was given the final stamp when Cindy Kochis of Pen to Paper Press invited me to do a podcast interview. We spoke about Miss Coco, the book and a lot more about writing a book.

I am grateful to Cindy for giving me this opportunity.

I invite you to listen in to Episode #043 titled The Best-Selling Author and the Princess Pup below or at the Pen to Paper Press website.

You’ve definitely heard about viewing life as a half full or half empty glass but how deeply have you thought about it?

It’s not only about being an optimist or pessimist; it also reflects the difference between an abundance or scarcity mindset and how we live our lives.

It’s our mindset that makes the biggest difference when a coveted assignment that we’ve worked hard to land goes to another colleague.

Do we start bitching about that colleague and think the person must have used other tactics or feel happy for them and then aim for another juicier assignment that is guaranteed to demonstrate our worth and take us up the next rung of the corporate ladder?

Take another scenario that often plays out in the corporate world.  A new hire is made at a senior level that throws others at the same level into a tizzy.

Everything is done to make the new person’s settling into their job as difficult as possible or even complaining about the new person’s work habits and other things instead of focusing on their own work and demonstrating they deserve to take the next step up the corporate ladder.

It’s called dirty politics and those who play this game are certified practitioners of the Scarcity Mindset.

Let’s be honest. Living a life of abundance is not a simple task by any means.

It’s not a case of simply staking our claim to an abundant life and then chanting and doing affirmations (although it does help in a different way) and expecting the Universe to shower us with benefice.

It takes grit, challenging activities, and personal growth. People who are able to achieve abundance within their lives find themselves reaping the benefits of a relaxing and rewarding lifestyle.

Then what’s really stopping us?

3 Ways People Struggle in Attracting True Abundance

I can think of a number of reasons that depend on the situation but the biggest one by far is our belief system that often restricts us and prevents us from taking the very actions that can liberate us.

Facing these limitations is the first step to overcoming them.

Having Low Self-Worth

Does that internal voice encourage you to do what is best for you or does it constantly seek to break you down? Something might have happened in the past and while you might not recall the exact event, it has affected you adversely and you now second guess your own abilities and experience low self-worth.

The sub-conscious defense mechanism that earlier protected you is now creating a problem because it is now stopping you from taking chances and risks and questions your ability to handle your life.

It can come up when your boss gives you a task that is outside your comfort zone or new to you like doing a new client presentation and you start wondering if you can really do it.

If you think of it clearly, your boss wouldn’t give it to you if he or she didn’t think you could do it. Then why are you second guessing your ability?

You’re emotional well-being is dependent on others

In other words, you’re unable to take responsibility for your own feelings or separate your own feelings of happiness or unhappiness from those of a significant other, parent, sibling, or even a friend.

If your emotional well-being is dependent on another human being, then you may never achieve true happiness. The truth is that we are capable of being empathetic without sacrificing our own happiness because of another person’s discord.

The same can be said for yourself. Take responsibility for your emotional well-being so that you do not drag others down with you.

People who are intertwined with others struggle to have their own identity. This goes hand in hand with low self-esteem and you are not likely to improve one without improving the other.

You’re overly anxious about Change and Challenge

If you struggle to embrace change or challenge, then you’re not likely to adopt an abundant lifestyle. Adopting the abundant lifestyle involves a great deal of personal growth. Through personal growth, a lot of change will come about in your life.

The same can be said about the challenges you may face in achieving abundance. If you let your anxieties keep you from trying new things, applying for a great job, or experiencing something new, then you are holding yourself back from achieving abundance.

People who resist change are adept at talking themselves out of seeking new opportunities. They shy away from opportunities where they may find a challenge or a struggle in favor of seeking less challenging situations.

However, this is a serious issue in personal growth as refusing to see the value in a challenging situation can hold you back in a major way.

On the other hand, people who embrace these new situations are faced with abundant situations frequently. They are able to fill themselves with accomplishments which in turn builds up their willingness to embrace another challenge in the future.

How to use positive Thoughts to attract Abundance into your life

Our thoughts essentially create our reality. The best way to attract abundance into your life is to alter your mindset to commit to specific goals and opening up your mind to endless possibilities.

There are many ways to shift your mind to be more positive and willing. Changing our thoughts will change your perspective on your potential and success.

Here are some specific examples of thoughts to add plenty of abundance into your daily life. Try one to start with and build more positive abundant thoughts as you go along.

“I am grateful for…”

This one is a personal favourite. Start the day by writing down 3 things you are grateful for each day to complete the sentence. Find that difficult? How about starting with 1 and then working your way up?

This will jumpstart positivity for the rest of the day and allow your mind to shift into a constant feeling of gratitude by recognizing the small things that make you happy.

Then end the day with at least 1 thing you are grateful for to come full circle.

Gratitude is one of the best ways to attract abundance into your life and naturally improve your mental health.

By focusing on positive thoughts that will lift you and allow you to prosper, you will save yourself the effort that goes into negative thinking. You will feel more confident and joyful which is why gratitude impacts your success.

“I can…”

This one can be tricky if you’re used to copping out the minute you feel uncomfortable or hesitant and are eager to avoid certain situations that can allow you to go further and prosper.

Public speaking, cold calling or even following up with interviewers and clients are examples of seemingly daunting tasks that we try to escape.

Replacing negative thoughts that make you feel like you aren’t enough with thoughts that assure you of your capabilities makes you attract the abundance that you may be holding back from.

This allows you to increase your confidence and step out of your comfort zone, which are crucial aspects to achieving abundance.

“I learn from my mistakes”

One of the best ways to realize your full potential and achieve abundance is to never stop because of failure. In fact, sometimes failure can be good for you.

According to a Forbes article Why Failure is Essential to Success by William Arruda, failure is a crucial ingredient for success and nearly every successful person has gone through some sort of failure. The article argues that failing is the way to get to success, which is why it is important to make mistakes and even have ‘routine failing’.

Rather than stopping and giving up as soon as you are approached with some type of mistake, learning from them and improving based on them is the best way to achieve abundance.

You will no longer feel stuck in your comfort zone and realize that your possibilities are endless.

“I possess the qualities I need to succeed”

This one is a mantra to be chanted every time you feel fear in doing what you know needs to be done.

By convincing yourself of your capabilities, you will no longer doubt yourself or hesitate in important situations. Many times, our minds are what stops us from reaching our success and aspirations, so we must train our minds to be filled with confidence.

When you are confident in your qualities and abilities, you will feel more inclined to step out of your comfort zone and take risks that will lead you to abundance in all aspects of your life. You will feel self-assured in any situation, regardless of the people you are around, allowing you to accomplish your goals and be more productive.

Attracting true abundance becomes easier when we change our thoughts and thus our mindset.

By repeating these thoughts every day and replacing negative thoughts with killer thoughts like these, you will be empowered to take on daunting tasks.

The tasks that used to seem fearful and impossible will be a lot easier than you think and you will be assured that you have the capabilities you need. The more confidence you possess, the more abundance you will attract throughout every aspect of your life.

Let go of your fear and scarcity mindset and embrace one of abundance that will give you the courage to step out and stake your claim to true success.

Additional Resource to groom your Abundance Mindset

Developing your Abundance Mindset requires support, guidance and a road map.

You can access this through Karmic Ally Coaching’s The Abundance Mindset Bundle that has everything you need to shift your mindset and experience true success. Click here or on the below image to learn more.

Update 1 October 2023 – When I wrote this post back in 2013, my focus was on sharing my experience with the reader and how forgiving others benefits us mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The tools I shared were of a metaphysical nature.

There is another benefit of learning to forgive – improving our Emotional Intelligence and raising our Emotional Quotient (EQ). I address this further in the post.

The journey of forgiving unknown people.

In my post How to break free of limiting beliefs created by others without cutting off relationships, I mentioned the nightmare that ensued after my website had been hacked. I also mentioned receiving support and recognized the role of the Universe and Gratitude in my life.

What I did not mention was a tweet that caught my eye on Bucket Lists.

Or my on the spur reply that my Bucket List included someday forgiving the Hacker who made a mess of things for me. I needed the power of forgiving to heal. My reply was favourited by the Tweep.

Since then, I have ticked off that item from my list and forgiven the hacker. I also pray that it does not happen again and affirm that All Is Well.

I have taken control of my situation and am doing what is required to keep myself and restore the sanctity of my website/blog.

On a Good Friday afternoon, I started to reflect on what had happened and remembered a book I had read by Johann Christoph Arnold about a year ago titled ‘Why Forgive?’.

The book makes a lot more sense now. Whether it is how I felt or how any reader who has ever found themselves in a place where they have to forgive a wrong done to them.

What Forgiving has taught me

By forgiving, I have opened the door to peace and can focus on things and people that matter more to me. I have time to be grateful for the friends and colleagues who helped me, the internet friends who shared their stories and gave me priceless tips.

In forgiving, we are not belittling the hurt and pain that has been inflicted on us. Rather, we are shielding ourselves from being drawn into the dark place where bitterness resides.

It allows us to acknowledge and accept the fact that a wrong has been done to us without the need to retaliate or take out our frustrations on other people.

We rise above ourselves and from a place of objectivity, try to restore what is ours and if it cannot be restored, then accept and move on.

We also take the first step to healing.

Such is the power of forgiving.

It is easy, so very easy to give in to bitterness. Maintain a calm countenance and then let a small unrelated incident make us erupt like a volcano.

If we get away with it because family and friends understand, we might fall into the false sense that we can get away with it as and when we please.

It would not be too long before we would spiral into self-destructive behavior instead of stopping to smell the flowers and count the things that are good in life.

There may also be moments when our anger turns inwards on ourselves with the mind- game of reruns of how we allowed ourselves to be hurt.  When these thoughts start to invade, forgive yourself.

Use an affirmation that acknowledges that you have been hurt and proceed to forgive the perpetrator of the hurt and yourself. It does not have to be very complicated. Just a simple “In forgiving you, I forgive myself” can also work.

The book I referred to has a passage where it quotes the Gospel and the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus Christ says to bless our enemies and those who persecute us.  Who does not remember the famous words– “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do”?

From a coaching perspective, my suggestion is to focus on those actions that are in your control. If it is anger or frustration at events or people, then acknowledge your hurt or pain and take the steps within your control to protect yourself. Use the powerful tool of forgiveness to retain your dignity and control of your life.

Emotional Intelligence and Forgiving

Nowadays Emotional Intelligence is being valued as much if not higher than knowledge, skills or even IQ.  People with high Emotional Intelligence have certain traits and skills.

One’s social skills are important and the level of competence in this affects our level of Emotional Intelligence.

Forgiveness is one such social skill the lack of which, as pointed out by psychologists is an indication of low Emotional Intelligence.

Forgiveness is not only good for your health but it also helps us to avoid release frustration, anger and resentment. Internalize these and I can guarantee your blood pressure will shoot up which is definitely not good for your heart.

The way I see it, having high Emotional Intelligence helps us to forgive easily BUT, when we learn to forgive, we raise our EI too!

It comes down to the first quadrant of Daniel Coleman’s Emotional Intelligence Model – Self Awareness that I showed in my post on empathy and EI.

Self-Awareness starts with knowing yourself and the triggers that lead to an action or reaction.

Coming back to my story, it meant I accepted and acknowledged that I had been hurt. I even gave myself permission to cry and feel my pain and shock at the sight of a messed-up website.

Once the emotions were out of the way, I accepted the situation and explored how I wanted to deal with it.

I knew I had a choice. I could have shut down the website and wallowed in misery. Or I could choose to clear myself of resentment and anger at an unknown person or persons by forgiving them. And do what was required to bring my website back in order.

The deed was done and even though I chose the latter course of action, it was not easy working once again with my website developer to fix things and then employing another expert to check for back-doors and plug potential loopholes while also servicing clients and a workshop that I was running at the time.

It wasn’t just the unnecessary expenditure but the time crunch and having to wear a hat that I need not have but for this event that.

I later learned it was part of a brute force attack at the time and I wasn’t the only person who got affected.

Yet something good came out of this harrowing experience.

I developed empathy for other business owners who in later years have had similar experiences. The experience put me in a position to help them cope with the indignation and outrage they were experiencing. Nobody likes the desecration of their online home where visitors are welcome but not intruders who mess up the home.

Forgiving helps lessen the impact of the action that has hurt us enabling us to move ahead.

We never forget what happened, but we remember it as a simple chapter in our life as we write new and better chapters.

Have you ever needed to forgive someone you did not know but who had caused you pain?

How did you cope with it? Did you demonstrate emotionally intelligent traits?

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The book ‘Why Forgive?‘ by the famous author Johann Christoph Arnold is available on Amazon in both paper back and Kindle form. The edition that I am referring to is 2009 which has since been updated in May 2014. I’m providing a preview below of this must read book. Please remember to view my Privacy Policy should you choose to purchase this book.

Written by: Vatsala Shukla

Update: This post was originally written in March 2013 and had a link referring to an article submitted by Vatsala Shukla to Ezine Articles. The original article received 3 prestigious citations and more resources on Forgiveness.

I’m a member of quite a few groups on both Facebook and LinkedIn where every now and then an empowered lady member refers to her own battle to overcome emotions and feelings of inadequacy created by loved and trusted ones and how she emerged to see the light of her own beautiful self.

It would not be presumptuous on my part to guess that each and every one of us has at some point of time had to face the pain and impact on our psyche caused by others where we had to deal with the gremlin without cutting off relationships or breaking ties with the pain giver.  This week, I’m bringing out an old post from my archives and sharing resources for readers who may be facing this situation in an attempt to help them move forward.

Background to my need to Forgive – big time

The early part of March 2013 was a nightmare.

My website joined the elite group of hacked websites and blogs. This hacking was extremely personal as the hacker went and changed wordings and links that had to do with me as a person. The hacker knew about Life Coaching. I ended up self-coaching myself with affirmations and stress management techniques that I usually teach to my clients!

But it was also a week where I found support and encouragement when I needed it.  My Gratitude Diary is filled up.

Colleagues whom I admire and who are also friends shared the fact that their websites too had been hacked at some point and understood my plight.

The bottom line?

I asked the Universe for help and guidance and the Universe provided tenfold. Gratitude and visualization do work!

It was also a week where a dream came true. I stepped out of my comfort zone and took a leap of faith which worked. My article was published in Ezine Articles and I share the article with you.

Do you need to forgive your loved ones for hurts that affect you in your adult life?

More often than not, there is a session in my Intuition Workshops where one of the participants will talk about the behavior of a relative or friend that brings out the worst in them and enforces the limiting belief of inadequacy or incompetence. This is usually followed by nodding heads across the room and more stories are shared.

We all have beliefs and thought patterns inside of us that our conscious thinking minds are even aware of. Some of these are inherent in our DNA while others are acquired and lie dormant in our sub-conscious mind yet affecting our behavior and reactions in many ways.

One of the most common sources of beliefs and patterns that we are conditioned to, start right in our childhood when parents, teachers or other adults teach us about right and wrong, good or bad. When it results in a positive attitude and a healthy approach to life, it is great but quite often the ones that we remember are the negative reinforcements and criticisms.

Some beliefs and thought patterns are taught to us directly by our parents and other adults by their repeatedly saying things to us like “That is not good enough” or comparing us with others and bringing out the fact that others are better than us. They may mean well, but that is not what happens!

The comparisons and hurtful words may have been spoken at a particular point in time and in a particular context which has long been forgotten but the sense of inferiority remains. In other cases, there has been emotional and other abuse which acts as a gremlin in our adult life and paralyzes us from moving forward.

Children are sensitive and do pick up the vibrations and unspoken body language. I would venture further and say that they absorb the energy in the auras of those who are stronger than them and the effects stay for a much longer time.

The same applies when we are dealing with people who are stronger than us and are able to influence us whether it is through domination or otherwise, until one fine day, as adults, we realize that we are hurting ourselves and feel the need to take back control of our lives and destiny.

Do Affirmations help to resolve self-doubt?

One can use affirmations and creative visualization to overcome self-doubt and find the inner resources to achieve goals but what if these affirmations do not work?

Affirmations are wonderful tools to instill confidence but if the root of the problem is deep and related to someone who is close to you or with whom you have regular and direct contact, whether a parent, sibling, teacher, boss, friend or someone who has influence over you, then no matter how many affirmations you may say, they will not work until you are able to silence that inner voice that says something to the contrary.

Your buttons will still be pushed and you will react rather than act. At the very best, you will be installing a counter belief but the limiting belief will still exist; you will achieve a neutral state but still find yourself swimming in a mental soup.

So, what should you do in such a case?

There is a technique that you can try without worrying about any side-effects which involves affirmations, forgiveness and your taking control of the situation.

The first step is to decide which limiting belief you wish to release yourself from and the perpetrator of that limiting belief.

Next, drink a glass of water visualizing that with each sip, you are cleansing yourself and preparing to take the required steps in a state of complete emotional calmness.

Then ground yourself using the technique of visualization. Perform this exercise seated on a chair with your back straight and feet flat on the floor or sit cross-legged on the floor with your back straight. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing.

Breathe in a normal fashion for a few seconds and then start your visualization breathing as follows:

Inhale deeply and visualize that you are inhaling white light smoke which is cleansing you of your negative feelings and beliefs. Visualize that it is going to the bottom of your stomach.

Then with every exhalation, visualize that this white light smoke has turned black and is carrying with it all the negative feelings that are inside your body.

Repeat this exercise for about a minute. Return slowly to consciousness by counting backwards from 10 to 1 and slowly open your eyes. You will feel balanced, rejuvenated and refreshed.

Once you feel that you are ready, say the following affirmation in a clear and strong voice:

“I accept that ______(name of person) has hurt me and I accept that I have allowed myself to be hurt. I forgive _________(name of person) and in the process I forgive myself. I now cut any and all psychic ties between ________(name of person) and myself. These ties are lovingly released, healed and sent into the Light and SO IT IS.”

Acknowledging that you have allowed the other person to hurt you returns control of the situation to you. By forgiving the person, you are letting go of the grudge and allowing yourself to be forgiven. In the open and sacred place created, you let go of any remaining remnants to be neutralized by Love and Light. While one cannot erase memories, one can remember them with neutrality, or at least take the sting out of them.

The best part about this technique is that you can do it on a daily basis as well as to heal past hurts. From experience I have noticed that something amazing does happen and interactions with the people for whom we use this technique actually improve.

Is it releasing Love into the Universe or releasing ourselves from our limiting beliefs and fears? It could be both. What I do know is that it works.

When we take back control, it reflects in our self-esteem, attitudes and perceptions and that is all that is needed to change the world for ourselves. It can take time, but the first step begins within us.

Have you ever had to apply the art of forgiveness to move forward? I’d love to read about your experience and tips that you can share with other readers who may need to know that forgiveness is possible.

Additional Resources on Forgiveness:

This post would be incomplete if I did not share additional resources that I have written or shared in the past on the topic of Forgiveness.

 When Forgiving Helps to Heal and Improves Emotional Intelligence

Instead of Stoking the Flames of Resentment, Forgive by Vatsala Shukla

     Why Forgive? By Johann Christoph Arnold

PS. The book Why Forgive is suggested reading because I enjoyed and benefited from it. Please read my Privacy Policy (link in the footer of the website page) before considering your decision to read or purchase this book.

Good Old Bruno

Anyone who has ever experienced the unconditional love and support of a pet knows the true meaning of a Blessing.

Pets are family members with benefits – they stand by us and unless there is something really important, they keep their opinions to themselves indulgently looking out for their human parents and giving them a priceless loyalty.

They can teach us a number of skills that are useful both in our corporate world jobs as well as in our personal lives as I shared in my post about 7 Inspiring Advice from Dogs to Promote Your Career.  

My Christmas post returns to a favorite area –how our pet’s teach us Life Lessons.

Miss Coco has given me many a new perspective about Life and those of you who knew Bruno would agree that he was the embodiment of Yudhishthira’s Dog.

Bruno, the epitome of Love and Compassion

Bruno was born in Doha the day I qualified as a Chartered Accountant in London. When I first met him, there was a bonding that cannot be described.

For the next 18 years, he saw me through the defining moments of my life, celebrated the highs and stuck by me through the lows.

When I faced my first redundancy thanks to the downsizing of my firm post the Gulf War, my world collapsed.

It was my first job and with a world-wide recession going on, I wondered who would hire a newbie 20 something redundant professional?

I jokingly told Bruno that he would have to join the circus to support me if I did not get a job. He learned to sit on his hind legs.

When rejection letters arrived, Bruno would put his little paw on my foot and look at me with an expression that said, ‘Keep the faith’.

If my parents gave me financial and verbal moral support, Bruno gave me spiritual and empathetic support. I did get another job within 3 months and moved ahead.

Bruno left for his Heavenly Abode on 12^th June 2008 after bravely fighting a second stroke.

You can understand the depth of that friendship from the fact that it took me another 9 years after his demise to download photos I had taken of him in 2008 from my mobile and finally open them without feeling a sense of pain.

It would be 9 years before I would create the below collage for what would have been his 27th birthday and post it on Facebook for friends who knew him and those who have known him through my stories.

That day was also Ganga Dushehra, a most holy day to transition as the Hindu faith guarantees Moksha (freedom from birth and death) for oneself and one’s family.

People who had been touched by Bruno’s love and compassion started referring to him as Yudhishthira’s Dog.

The story of Yudhishthira and his dog

In the Hindu epic Mahabharata,  Yudhishthira’s Dog appears during the final journey of the 5 Pandavas & their wife Draupadi.

Following the battle of Kurukshetra ,  Dhritarashtra anointed Yudhishthira as his successor. 36 years pass peacefully when he gets news that his friend Krishna had left his mortal body.

The King and his 4 brothers feel  their time to go has also come and after placing Arjuna’s grandson Parikshit on the throne of Hastinapur, retire to the Himalayas with their wife Draupadi on the Great Journey to reach Mount Meru, the abode of the Gods, Heaven (see History note below).

On the way, they are followed by a dog. On and on they go, until they can see Mount Meru in front of them. Silently they walk on in the snow, dropping dead until only Yudhishthira and the dog are left.

This dog continues to walk with the aged King. They reach Mount Meru and can hear the sounds of Heaven. It is said the Gods showered celestial flowers on this virtuous King.

At the gates of Heaven, Indra, the King of Gods arrives in his chariot to take Yudhishthira to heaven. Due to the virtues of this King, he alone among mortals is allowed into Heaven in his mortal body.

At first Yudhishthira hesitates as he is concerned about his brothers and wife. When assured that they have already reached Heaven, he instructs his dog to climb into the chariot.

At this point Lord Indra informs him that there is no place for a dog in Heaven and that he must be left behind.

Yudhishthira refuses and declares that he will not go to Heaven without his dog who has been his devoted companion through snow and ice, who did not leave him when his brothers and wife were dead.

He declares he will forsake the pleasures of Heaven and stay on the path of righteousness and be with the dog who has taken refuge with him until his own life is at an end.

He agrees to accept Hell so that the dog can go to Heaven. It is told that at this point, the dog transforms into Dharma, Yudhishthira’s celestial father.

In fact the dog was none other than Yama, the Lord of Death, Dharma and Justice who is pleased that his son has passed the test of being unselfish enough to disclaim all his virtues and be willing to go to Hell for a  dog.

He has displayed compassion for all creatures – the virtue of a true King. Yudhishthira ascends to Heaven.

We may not be Kings or Queens but we can imbibe the virtue of compassion and as mere mortals the virtue of Gratitude for our pets who are embodiment of Yudhishthira’s dog. This is beautifully expressed by Debra Jason in her 2012 poem about Ike, her beloved companion.

Grateful for Ike

Debra Jason’s Ike

Ike, the beach and ocean were your playground.

Every person in your path, your friend.

Your eyes lit up with a joy for living.

Your spirit shined, your heart soared.

You loved without question.

And, you shared your gift of love with all.

A ball, a leaf, a coconut – all your toys.

A scratch, a belly rub – your simple pleasures.

I see you running across the sand, diving in the water, fetching with endless enthusiasm.

You were a gift, a gift of boundless love, a beautiful boy

A healer, a companion, a golden – the golden retriever of the north shore.

The champion who will never be forgotten.

I was lucky that Ike touched so many souls. He touched so many people, not just on Kaua`i, but around the country and around the world.

I can see the smile on so many people’s faces and my heart fills with joy knowing that my dog was so loved. He will always be “my puppy” and for that I will always be grateful.

Go gently into the night my beautiful boy. Know I love you and am SO grateful to have had you in my life. You were my true companion, a savior and a shining light that brightened each day.

– Debra Jason http://www.writedirection.com/social-networker-dog

The Story of a Princess Pup Update 23^rd November 2021

This update is very personal and more to share my happiness and to ask for your support for a project that is near to my heart.

Monday, 15^th November would have been the 31^st birthday of Bruno, the dachshund Hero of this blog post, and to whom I’d prayed on his 18^th birthday asking for a pet, specifically a girl dog because it was difficult for us in a no pet home.

The rest is history because within 48 hours, Miss Coco joined us!

I think both Bruno and Miss Coco were working together in the background because while I published the Kindle ebook, I didn’t expect it to go live within an hour and a half of my hitting the publish button.

That is definitely a miracle.

What’s even a bigger miracle is that I wasn’t monitoring the ranking because this is a personal project but discovered it was doing well and ranked for Hot New Releases too, peaking at #1 in India for Hot Releases in the Animal Pets & Care ebooks category and #3 in the Animal Care & Pet Essays on Amazon.com

Now for the big ask, will you help me share my little girl’s story?

Maybe purchase it and leave a review too?

If you look inside the preview section, Amazon has shared almost 3 full chapters and there are a few photos of her too.

There is a serious element in the story too in a later chapter where I talk about the lack of animal rights in India for domestic pets. Other than that, it is a story of love, companionship and the spiritual connection beyond the veil.

Imagine its ranking without my doing any promo work and imagine what I can achieve with your support.

Here are the links for Amazon USA and Amazon India.

Amazon USA

Amazon India

Even if you’re not into pets, please share the link with friends who might like the story.

Thanks in advance!

I know there are other embodiment of compassion and loyalty out there in the world.

Would you like to acknowledge their role in your Life? Please do tell us about them in the Comments Box below.

History note: In ancient India, when men, including Kings became very old, they would renounce everything and become ascetics. If they did not wish to live anymore, then they went towards the Himalayas, without eating and drinking and walked towards the Himalayas focusing on God until their frail bodies gave way. Read more at http://www.ramakrishnavivekananda.info/vivekananda/volume_4/lectures_and_discourses/the_mahabharata.htm

Written By: Vatsala Shukla 

Believers in the Law of Attraction know the value and role of Gratitude in achieving their goals and desires.

But did you know that Gratitude also helps to heal the mind and body and align the Soul with the Universe bringing good abundance and prosperity?

Like attracts Like.  If you really believe in good, then even when things are not going the way you want them to, the Universe responds by sending you help.

Being genuinely grateful helps to raise your vibrations and attract that which is good for you.

Doing any activity that makes you feel positive assists in taking your game to the next level.

Part of feeling sincere gratitude for what you do have is acknowledging and recognizing the true value of what is available to you and not, what is not.

I often ask my clients in their kick-off session to list what is working for them, the positives and then later, what is not working.

The results of this exercise always lead to a breakthrough and clarity for action. The changes in one’s attitude, particularly towards other people is amazing.

Simple yet unique Way to raise your vibrations every day

Here is a simple way to raise your vibrations and supplement your Gratitude Journal. I read about it years ago and find from experience that it works.

This simple spiritual practice which I understand was first shared by His Holiness, The Dalai Lama. It’s a wonderful way to start the day and sets the tone for much happiness. It also helps to teach the Soul the important attribute of Compassion.

Spend five minutes at the beginning of each day remembering that we all want the same things, (to be happy and loved) and that we are all connected to one another.

Spend 5 minutes breathing in – cherishing yourself, then breathing out – cherishing others.

An important point here is to include those people whom you find difficult to deal with. I find that if I do that sincerely enough, a change does come about in my relations and interactions with them.

Continue this practice during the day with everyone you meet, no matter how important or not important they are, whether you like them or not.

There is no hard and fast rule about expression; try a simple Good Morning, a smile or even a wave of the hand.

Continue this practice no matter what happens during the day and what anyone does to you.

You will notice that at the end of the day, you will have more items to put in your Gratitude Journal – guaranteed!

Try it and do come back to share how your day went.

Payment details:

You will be directed to PayPal and the entire transaction will be done over a secure line. Be assured that we don’t store credit card information – everything is handled by PayPal.

After you place your order and confirm payment you will be redirected to a “thank you” page where you can immediately download this Gratitude Offer.

If for some reason you’re not redirected, please send me an email at vatsala(at)karmicallycoaching(dot)com with details of your purchase. I’ll get a link to you asap.

Since Karmic Ally Coaching is offering non-tangible irrevocable goods, we don’t issue refunds once the order is accomplished & access is granted to the product. As a customer, you are responsible for understanding this upon purchasing any item from this website.  If you have any questions or concerns, please ask in advance of purchase at vatsala(at)karmicallycoaching(dot)com.

During the Aura session of one of my Creative Visualization Programs, we had a discussion on negative vibrations that some people emit which can bring down our vibration level and affect our ability to attract good abundance into our lives.

One participant spoke about a dear friend whose phone calls meant discussing issues that left the listener drained and low while the friend felt much better- a clear case of low and negative energy being transferred.

Avoiding the friend was not an option although the participant had started to limit the calls. The Group worked on solutions which were effective and today I am going to share one that had consensus and does not require a belief in Law of Attraction or Creative Visualization.

It is a simple way to find and exude happiness around you – The Power of Appreciation.

Focusing on the small things that make Life beautiful

In simple words, practice appreciating all that is good in your life and all that is going well. Appreciate your family, your friends, your job and anything that you know makes your life better because there are many that do not have what you do.

For example, when you receive your pay-slip and notice that there is a higher deduction for tax; appreciate the fact that you have the job and are earning an amount that has moved you to a higher tax bracket. It will put a spring in your step whether you believe that it will attract more money and more tax!

Now think about making your environment more conducive to happiness. When was the last time you said something nice to a family member, a friend or a colleague and really meant it? If you cannot remember, then it is time to do some sincere, genuine appreciation. If you cannot think of anything to say; how about a Thank You? It works too, you know.

The other person feels appreciated and may reciprocate with appreciation or may not. So what? You will feel good for doing well without expecting anything back in return.

If the thought of vocalizing appreciation makes you uncomfortable, then use the Gratitude List to assist in reframing your thoughts.

Some of us, including myself do it last thing at night while reviewing the day. It is interesting how an otherwise bad day could have had something good in it. Positivity reigns supreme and a good night’s rest is assured.

Alternatively, start your day by thinking of 3 things that you are grateful for or which you appreciate.

How about appreciating the fact that you will be driving to work in your car rather than using public transport or appreciating that you got up early enough to read the newspaper or sip the morning tea in peace?

Starting your day with appreciation shifts your mindset into positivity and abundance mode which means you are a happier person and attract more happiness through the course of the day.

Besides, whatever may happen during the day, you can handle it since you got off to a good start.

Better still, take the late Wayne Dyer’s advice:

“Give yourself a gift of five minutes of contemplation in awe of everything you see around you. Go outside and turn your attention to the many miracles around you. This five-minute-a-day regimen of appreciation and gratitude will help you to focus your life in awe.”

Try it for size and remember to come back to this post and share your experience!

Changing a habit or attitude can be daunting at times. How good are you with change management?

Start your journey with The Karmic Ally Coaching Experience  Change Management Quiz by  clicking here or on the image below. It’s on the house!

Written by: Vatsala Shukla

Nice Flower by George Hodan

I am feeling very positive today.

Perhaps watching the Republic Day parade on television and going back in time when as an eight-year-old, my parents took me and my sister to Raj Path to watch the parade live has something to do with it. I still remember the fly past and flower petals.

Lucky me, I caught one. I wonder if it still the same and some little child today shared my childhood glee. Happy memories lead to happy thoughts and then to positive thoughts – all karmically connected!

SO, I am feeling very positive today and challenge you to accept my 7 Day Positivity Challenge.

In essence, the challenge requires you to stay positive for 7 consecutive days and banish all negative thoughts.

If you are thinking along the WIIFM track (What’s In It For Me), then read on!

It will assist you in overcoming your limiting beliefs that are holding you back and help get rid of your Gremlins for once and for all.

Self-help yourself by letting your mind find empowering alternatives and imprint them in your memory.

Make your life truly exceptional by focusing on the positive solutions rather than on the constraints that challenge you.

Replace old worn-out habits and fears with new empowering habits and expectations that will help change your life- for the better.

This challenge is based on a pamphlet written by Dr Emmet Fox (1886-1951) called “The Seven-Day Mental Diet” and is mentioned in Anthony Robbins must-read book “Awaken The Giant Within“.

If you are ready to let go of limiting and destructive thought patterns and replace them with regenerating ones, then here are the rules:

• For 7 consecutive days you must not allow yourself to dwell for a single moment on any kind of negative thought. Think of it as a mental diet where you re refraining from partaking any negativity.
•  If you break any of the other rules, you must start the 7 days all over from the beginning.

• You cannot focus on a negative thought or remain in a negative emotional state for more than five minutes. Ideally, the time should be much shorter but until you become mindful of the negative thought creeping up on you, five minutes will do.  This gives you enough time to recognize what’s going on and put a stop to it. Remember, even one instance of lingering for more than five minutes means starting over.
•  You must focus on solutions. When the negative thoughts start, the idea is to immediately start contemplating possible solutions. Spend your time solving your challenges instead of focusing on them.

Perhaps you feel that worrying is helping you in some way? The Seven Day Positivity Challenge will help you differentiate between the woods and the trees.

Easy as it sounds, it is often difficult to give up negativity.

Dr. Dennis Gersten. Dr. Gersten, a diplomate of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology mentioned in a radio interview in 1998 that his research indicated that the average person runs about 15,000 thoughts per day in which at least half of those are negative – 7,500 negative thoughts in a day!

Imagine the impact on our health and ability to function since we know that our thoughts turn into our emotions and our emotions turn into physical and mental health problems!

In more recent times, world renowned researcher Dr. Barbara Fredrickson discovered that experiencing positive emotions in a 3-to-1 ratio with negative ones helped people to become more resilient to adversity and success in achieving what they wanted from life.

Positivity was the key.

80% of Americans fell short of the ideal 3-to-1 positivity ratio and I am sure that the story is repeated elsewhere too where people are unable to think positively. You can learn more in her book Positivity.

When you’re faced with a negative thought (and there will be many!), the best response is to think to yourself, “How can I solve or improve this challenge?”

The point is to immediately begin focusing on solutions. When you ask a good question, you’ll receive good answers.

If you still find it difficult to keep negative thoughts at bay, consciously ask yourself the following positive questions to refocus your attention:

•  What’s great about today?
• What do I like the most about this?
• What am I most proud of?
• What am I most looking forward to?

Over the coming 7 days you will get into the habit of immediately recognizing a negative mental state and then focusing on solutions for what you feel negatively about.

If you continue the process after the 7 days are completed, you’ll develop a permanent habit that will only require a minimal amount of maintenance.

The challenge sounds easy, but you might need several attempts to complete the full 7 days. It is normal to have slip ups; after all you are changing old habits and replacing them with new ones.

Refrain from being hard on yourself and remember to keep your focus on solutions.

Karmic Ally Coaching Recommended Tools to practice a Positive Mindset

There are 4 tools that can help you win the 7 Day Positivity Challenge.

The first is keeping a Gratitude Journal to assist with your challenge. Note down at least 3 things that went right during the day and for which you are grateful. Putting it in writing acknowledges the good in your life and helps with the sub-conscious change in attitude.

The second is measuring your Positivity Ratio.  Click here to take Dr. Fredrickson’s 2-minute on-line quiz and see how you score.

The third is using the exercise Step out of your comfort zone by examining your beliefs available in my free eBook Self Improvement Strategies – the Karmic Ally Way.  (Click to claim the eBook and it will be delivered in your inbox – pronto).

The fourth is to work on your mindset for growth and success.

Update November 2023 We’ve added Positive Thinking Secrets to our list of tools!

Click here or on the image below to get it.

When your 7 Day Positivity adventure is completed, DO come back and share your results with us!

PS. The one book that I recommend everyone read at some point in their personal development journey is Awaken The Giant.

Written By: Vatsala Shukla

Last Year in December I wrote about Releasing Negative Trends – A New Year Resolution.  I touched upon the differences in the perspectives of positive and negative thinkers with a strategy for positive thought patterns.

The strategy works but eliminating negative thoughts can be challenging at times. That’s because they are charged with emotions which may be missing with positive thoughts.

A prescription diet of thinking more positive thoughts might not necessarily work although they are effective through the programming route suggested in the above blog post.

How does one work out how many positive thoughts need to be thought to neutralize one negative thought?

The next time you find a negative thought creeping up behind you, try one of these tips and banish the thought from your mind for good.

Your turn now. How do you keep negative thoughts at bay? Or use them for a positive purpose? 

Additional Resource: Mind Mastery for Professional Women

Light Of Grace (B.G.R) by Anonymous User

Written By: Vatsala Shukla