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When Forgiving Helps To Heal

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When Forgiving Helps to Heal

When Forgiving Helps to Heal


Last week I mentioned that my website had been hacked and the nightmare that ensued. I also mentioned the support that I received and recognized the role of the Universe and Gratitude in my life.

What I did not mention was a tweet that caught my eye on Bucket Lists and my on the spur reply that my Bucket List included someday forgiving the Hacker who made a mess of things for me. I needed the power of forgiving to heal. My reply was favorited by the Tweep.

Since then, I have ticked off that item from my list and forgiven the hacker. I also pray that it does not happen again and affirm that All Is Well. I have taken control of my situation and am doing what is required to keep myself and restore the sanctity of my website/blog.

On a Good Friday afternoon, I started to reflect on what had happened and remembered a book I had read by Johann Christoph Arnold about a year ago titled ‘Why Forgive?’ which makes a lot more sense now, whether it is how I felt or how any reader who has ever found themselves in a place where they have to forgive a wrong done to them.


What Forgiving has taught me


By forgiving, I have opened the door to peace and can focus on things and people that matter more to me. I have time to be grateful for the friends and colleagues who helped me, the internet friends who shared their stories and gave me priceless tips.

In forgiving, we are not belittling the hurt and pain that has been inflicted on us, but rather, we are shielding ourselves from being drawn into the dark place where bitterness resides. It allows us to acknowledge and accept the fact that a wrong has been done to us without the need to retaliate or take out our frustrations on other people.  We rise above ourselves and from a place of objectivity, try to restore what is ours and if it cannot be restored, then accept and move on.  We also take the first step to healing. Such is the power of forgiving.

It is easy, so very easy to give in to bitterness. Maintain a calm countenance and then let a small unrelated incident make us erupt like a volcano. And if we get away with it because family and friends understand, we might fall into the false sense that we can get away with it as and when we please. It would not be too long before we would spiral into self-destructive behaviour instead of stopping to smell the flowers and count the things that are good in life.

There may also be moments when our anger turns inwards on ourselves with the mind- game of reruns of how we allowed ourselves to be hurt.  When these thoughts start to invade, forgive yourself. Use an affirmation that acknowledges that you have been hurt and proceed to forgive the perpetrator of the hurt and yourself. It does not have to be very complicated. Just a simple “In forgiving you, I forgive myself” can also work.

The book that I referred to has a passage where it quotes the Gospel and the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus Christ says to bless our enemies and those who persecute us.  Who does not remember the famous words– “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do”?

From a coaching perspective, my suggestion is to focus on those actions that are in your control. If it is anger or frustration at events or people, then acknowledge your hurt or pain and take the steps within your control to protect yourself. Use the powerful tool of forgiveness to retain your dignity and control of your life.


Have you ever needed to forgive someone you did not know but who had caused you pain? How did you cope with it?
Written by: Vatsala Shukla

Update 18 October 2015: The book ‘Why Forgive?‘ by the famous author Johann Christoph Arnold is available on Amazon in both paper back and Kindle form. The edition that I am referring to is 2009 which has since been updated in May 2014. I’m providing a link to the book. Please remember to view my Privacy Policy should you choose to purchase this book.




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6 Responses to “When Forgiving Helps To Heal”

  1. John Banks says:

    Hi Vatsala,Great post – I felt your pain when this happened to you. Your calm attitude and the fact that you are willing to forgive the hacker is simply amazing. What a way to be? I am a believer that good things happen to good people, so you should be on that path in life for sure.I am glad things are up and running and you are back to normal.Regards,John

    • Karmic Ally says:

      Hi John

      Welcome to my blog! It was a painful invasion of my sacred space, my website and blog. Thank you for the empathy. One reads about awful things that happen and I guess it is human nature to think it cannot happen to you – until it does. I practice what I coach and the only thing to do was not to panic, keep praying and systematically working through the problem with the help of my website host provider, my web designer and reaching out to friends, like yourself to show me the way back into the light.

      A big God Bless!


  2. Debra Jason says:

    I’m sure having your site hacked was a frustrating experience, but it sounds like you’ve bounced back stronger than ever.
    Good for you. When something happens that feels like it was out of control, it’s easy to say”why me?”
    Best to stay as optimistic as positive and as you suggested, focus on those actions you may control.

    • Karmic Ally says:

      Hi Debra

      Thanks for dropping by. Fortunately I discovered the hacking within 24 hours and we were able to jump into damage control action immediately. It could have been worse. Apart from praying for strength it helped to immediately chalk out a plan of action or a To Do Checklist for myself while the experts handled the back-end. It was a team effort.

      Regularly checking one’s website and putting in necessary plug-ins and controls is an essential part of any website-owners manual.


  3. Uday says:

    Hi Vatsala,
    It is wonderful to see how you draw learning from adversity! You are making giant steps to an elevated spiritual plane! God speed.


    • Karmic Ally says:

      Hi Uday

      Thank you! I finally learned what the quote ‘Fire Proves Gold; Adversity Proves Men’ means. The hard way!

      Wishing you a great first week of April!


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Meet your coach

I believe the world would be a better place if high achieving professionals accepted setbacks and challenges to their careers as Wake Up Calls to embark on a Journey where their empowered course correcting actions create a New World Order that encompasses achieving their career aspirations & potential with authentic life balance.

I work with driven, passionate, talented and ambitious professionals who’ve hit a speed breaker in their business or career create their desired breakthrough reclaiming control of their situation with customized strategies and tactics that deliver results.

When my clients first reach out to me, they are not in a very happy place, needing clarity about themselves, their desires, chosen vocation and what will give them peace of mind. They are drawn to me for the very reasons that I highlight in Who Is Karmic Ally Coaching.

Their professional problems are playing havoc with other areas of their life. They know they need to take radical steps to change the status quo but they also know they need support and accountability to get them their desired result.

I really get it, because I’ve experienced that dark night of the Soul. I know firsthand the outcome of getting lost in my work rationalizing decisions that were detrimental to other aspects of my life.

I’ve struggled with and won battles of stress management, corporate politics, life balance and career decisions to emerge in a place where I can confidently say that I live my desired life according to my personal Manifesto and have created a business that provides me with a platform for my desired lifestyle and self-expression for myself. I want that for you too!

I adhere to the Certified Coaches Alliance Code of Ethics and Standards. A copy is available on request.
1st place BCB 2012
Email: Vatsala(at)karmicallycoaching(dot)com Phone:91 9818517664
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