Continue the Conversation

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🎯 Learn:
Create a Confident Elevator Pitch
A practical, self-paced course to help you introduce yourself with clarity, confidence, and credibility in professional settings.

Prefer to read? Here’s the transcript

Small talk is often dismissed as superficial, but in professional settings, it quietly shapes first impressions, credibility, and connection.

Whether you’re at a networking event, a conference, or an informal professional gathering, knowing how to navigate these moments with ease can make all the difference.

If small talk ever feels especially awkward or disorienting, like you’re speaking a different language altogether, then you’ll enjoy reading about the lady who walked her cat on a leash and my deeper reflection on that experience.

You’ll find the link to that blog post just below this audio.

Hi, I’m Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching. In this audio, I’m sharing practical strategies to help you move beyond awkward exchanges and into conversations that feel natural, engaging, and purposeful, without forcing connection or performing confidence.

So, let’s begin.

When meeting someone new, small talk is almost unavoidable.

And while it may feel uncomfortable or even pointless at times, it serves an important purpose. It creates a bridge. The key is not to endure it, but to gently take charge of it.

One of the simplest ways to do this is to prepare in advance.

If you know who you’re going to be meeting, take a few minutes to learn something about them beforehand. A small detail—a role, an interest, a recent project—can open the door to a more engaging conversation.

For example, instead of a generic greeting, you might say, “I hear you enjoy playing golf. What’s your favourite course to play?” Questions like these invite people to speak more freely and shift the conversation out of autopilot.

Another overlooked skill is how you introduce people.

When you’re making introductions, say names slowly and clearly. Then add one meaningful detail about each person, something that gives them an immediate starting point for conversation. This small act of thoughtfulness signals presence and leadership, and it instantly elevates interaction.

In fact, in the days when I used to use it when we used to have functions at our house people actually thought that I was highly networked and, the introductions I made lasted for a long time. It improved my reputation to say the least.

A related skill, and one that many people underestimate, is remembering names.

In social situations, most people don’t make much of an effort here. Simply choosing to do so already sets you apart. Use the person’s name early in the conversation, and then once or twice again as you speak. And if you forget, ask. Doing so respectfully leaves a far better impression than avoiding the name altogether.

When you’re answering questions, resist the urge to keep things minimal.

If someone asks you something that could be answered with a yes or no, offer a slightly longer response. Not to dominate the conversation—but to give the other person something to work with.

For example, “Yes, I saw that movie—we watched it while we were on vacation in Goa.” These small additions create openings for natural follow-up.

Equally important is shifting the focus away from yourself.

People generally enjoy talking about their experiences. Thoughtful questions help them feel seen and heard, and they take the pressure off you to perform. Often, the most engaging conversationalists are simply excellent listeners.

And if the conversation begins to stall, don’t panic.

Lulls are normal. When they happen, gently restart the conversation with a prepared comment or question. Most awkward pauses occur when both people run out of safe small-talk territory. A well-placed question can reset the rhythm and move things forward with ease.

Finally, know how to exit gracefully.

If a conversation has run its course, it’s perfectly acceptable to excuse yourself. Simple statements like, “I need to speak with the host,” or “I need to step away for a moment,” work well. Before you leave, thank the person and mention something specific you appreciated about the conversation. This leaves a strong final impression and shows genuine attentiveness.

Small talk isn’t about being clever or charismatic. It’s about presence, preparation, and intention. When you approach it this way, even brief interactions can feel meaningful—and you’ll walk away feeling more confident and composed.

Small talk becomes easier when you know how to introduce yourself clearly and confidently. If first impressions or introductions are something you want to strengthen, I’ve linked my Elevator Pitch course just below this audio. It’s designed to help you communicate who you are and what you do with ease without sounding scripted.

Thank you for listening.

Listening is not just a powerful networking tool but one that is a non-negotiable for developing charisma and leadership presence, especially for women.

A few years ago, I coached a talented woman leader, whom we’ll call Priya. She was struggling to gain influence in her organization. Priya was brilliant and hardworking, yet she often felt overlooked in meetings.

One day, she said something that stuck with me:

“I speak, but it feels like no one hears me. And the louder I get, the worse it becomes.”

As we worked together, I discovered something surprising. Priya wasn’t struggling because she couldn’t express herself. She was struggling because she was trying so hard to be heard that she had stopped listening.

Priya was responding quickly, pushing to make her point and unintentionally missing the subtle nuances in conversations. The very cues, concerns, and subtext that would have allowed her to connect and influence more powerfully.

Once she shifted her focus to listening deeply, everything changed. People began to respond differently. They leaned in. They opened up and trusted her more.

That’s the power of listening.

In a world where women often have to work harder to be recognized, respected, or included, developing strong listening skills becomes a strategic advantage. Not just a communication nicety.

Communication isn’t just about Speaking, but about Connection

We often think of communication as talking, presenting, or explaining our point of view. But communication is far broader and richer. It happens through conversations, body language, tone, silence, curiosity, and even presence.

For women professionals, particularly those navigating leadership paths, communication is not just a tool but a differentiator. It influences how others perceive your executive presence, competence, and credibility.

Here’s the good news:

You don’t need a communications degree to master impactful communication. You only need awareness, intention, and practice.

And it all begins with one foundational skill.

The most underrated Leadership Skill: Listening

Let’s be honest. People are not natural great listeners as they are focused on themselves. We’re wired to prioritize our own needs and perspectives. Part of that is a survival mechanism.

As a result, we often enter conversations thinking about:

• What we want to say
• How we want to be perceived
• What we need to get done
• How quickly we can move on to the next task

But leadership, and networking, isn’t about speaking the most.

It’s about understanding the most.

For women, listening becomes even more powerful because:

• It softens resistance in high-pressure environments
• It helps you read the room more accurately
• Allows you to respond with precision rather than reaction
• It builds credibility and trust—2 things women are too often judged harshly on

Listening isn’t passive. It’s strategic.

To increase your ability to listen to others, the next time you are speaking with someone, repeat back everything they say. That may be a little unnerving to them, at first.

But, if they look at you with a bewildered look, explain that you are just making sure you understood what they said. Once they get past the awkwardness, they will welcome the exchange.

Being open to new information, alternate perspectives, and different solutions is what enables you to continue growing and reaching for new goals in life. And you cannot do that without learning to listen.

Practical Ways to strengthen your Listening Skills

1. Listen to learn, not to respond

When was the last time you listened so carefully to someone that you learned something new or saw things from a new viewpoint?

Most people “listen” with one ear while mentally preparing their reply.

Women often feel pressure to prove themselves in a conversation, which makes this even more common.

Instead of approaching a conversation with a mind set on your agenda, try asking yourself “What can this person teach me?”

It shifts your energy from defensiveness to curiosity—and that shift is felt.

Starting each day with a mindset focused on curiosity and learning can help you become a better listener.

2. Ask better, deeper Questions

Whether you are practicing curiosity or not, asking deeper and better questions can also help you become a better listener.

Asking questions gives the other person the space to provide you with their truth. When the spotlight is off you, you can focus on attending to their words and meaning.

Open-ended questions give others permission to share more, and they give you access to insights you wouldn’t get otherwise.

Try questions like:

• “What led you to that conclusion?”
• “Tell me more about what’s most important to you here.”
• “How can I support you better?”

Questions are one of a woman leader’s most powerful tools. They establish clarity, reduce assumptions, and strengthen rapport.

3. Pay attention to Non-Verbal Cues

Be aware of body language or you can miss essential information. Tone, posture, facial expressions or eye contact reveal far more than words. They tell you a great deal about their comfort level or mood.

Paying attention to body language provides you with much more information about the intent, context, and emotional content of the message being sent. Learn to carefully observe these non-verbal messages if you want to improve your listening skills.

Women are often naturally perceptive, but we rush through conversations and miss these cues.

Slow down and notice:

• Does the person look uncomfortable?
• Did their tone shift?
• Are they holding something back?

Reading the room is a leadership skill few people teach but every successful woman uses.

4. Embrace Pauses and Silence

Silence feels uncomfortable for many professionals. Especially women who’ve been conditioned to “fill the space” to prove competence.

If you want to become a better listener, learn to stop and think about what was just said before giving a response. Living with pauses and silence is becoming almost a lost art in today’s world

But silence is powerful.

It gives:

• You time to process
• The other person time to think
• The conversation a chance to deepen

Pausing before responding also signals confidence and thoughtfulness.

When you start responding more slowly, your conversation partner will notice, and they, in turn, may slow down their responses, too. This can change the entire conversation with one simple strategy.

5. Listen more than you Speak

A simple rule: Aim for a 2:1 listening-to-speaking ratio.

When you listen more:

• You gather richer information
• You respond with greater precision
• And you appear more composed and credible
• Others feel valued, leading them to value you in return

Listening is often the fastest way to strengthen your executive presence.

You must consider the feelings of the people with who you’re communicating.

Even if you are a manager, barking orders at people is one of the least effective ways. Consider everyone’s opinions and needs. Keep people engaged in the communication platform. This way they take ownership in the process. That is a massive benefit for excellent communication.

You will get more out of people when this happens than merely rattling off commands as if they are robots. There are some instances, such as the military, where shouting out orders is necessary. But these are the exception, not the rule.

Why Listening elevates your Network

Networking isn’t about impressing people. It’s about understanding them.
When you become a better listener:

• People trust you sooner
• They open up faster
• They remember how you made them feel
• And they see you as someone who “gets it”

This is what turns acquaintances into allies and allies into advocates.

Just like Priya, you don’t need to talk more to be heard.
You need to connect more to be influential.
And connection begins with listening.

Additional Resources

Setting Boundaries – Part 1

Setting Boundaries – Part 2

Developing Your Self-Awareness

Let’s Chat

Prefer to read? Here’s the transcript

Do you set healthy boundaries, or do you hand out permission slips to everyone to walk all over you?

Whether you answered yes or no or even with the phrase, ‘it depends’, let’s get clear about one thing.

Firm boundaries are fundamental for healthy relationships.

By relationships, I’m talking about ALL relationships. Not just romantic relationships. I’m talking about relationships with co-workers, clients, friends and family.

This includes your family pet. Anyone who has ever brought home a puppy and gone through the teething routine and training the puppy not to go into destructive mode when left alone will understand what I’m saying.

In other words, we’re considering everyone.

When you don’t set firm boundaries, your boundaries aren’t respected.

You then feel resentful. Things get messy very quickly.

I learned that lesson the hard way. Years ago, when I was working in Warsaw, my firm acquired an international client who needed support in setting up systems for his company.

The idea of tapping into an emerging market with his unique software was a good idea. The choice of finance manager wasn’t.

For reasons best known to him, he’d hired a lady to do the job but she knew nothing about finance. This lady’s field of specialization was fabric designing.

A colleague of mine who was in charge of the bookkeeping services went along with me to give this lady some basic training.

Things weren’t running smoothly though and before I knew it, I was getting daily calls from the client complaining about his finance manager. It revolved around her work and his inability to fire her because of her political connections.

There was no solution in sight that I could think of but these calls were eating into my chargeable hours. Our managing partner suggested I bill him for the wasted time. He too was getting complaint calls and was equally fed up.

So, I did it. I billed him!

The next call asked about this bill where he was firmly but politely told that I had no control over his finance manager or how he ran his set up. The daily calls weren’t business related and my boss had told me to charge for the therapy sessions.

Okay, I didn’t say therapy sessions but generally how it was causing a scope creep.

The client got the message and the calls stopped. Shortly after he found the courage to terminate the employment of this finance manager and we found him one who was qualified to do the job.

Hi, I’m Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching and today I’m going to take a closer look at what boundaries are and how can you set them.

So, what are personal boundaries?

In simple words, the Cambridge English Dictionary defines a boundary as:

“A real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something”.

It also gives the definition of boundary as

“the limit of what someone considers to be acceptable behaviour”

The principle behind personal boundaries embodies this same idea and applies it to our personal relationships.

For example, the phrase “to overstep a boundary” no doubt evokes the image of someone stepping over a physical line. Yet, it’s used to describe someone disregarding a personal boundary.

Just as people have boundaries, limits, and dividing lines in physical space, people have boundaries in our relationships. These are lines that demarcate what we’re ok with and what we’re not.

Much like literal physical boundaries though, personal boundaries have to be put in place. A fence doesn’t just materialize out of nowhere. Someone put it there to enforce a boundary.

It’s the same in your personal life. People won’t necessarily know what your specific personal boundaries are unless you set them yourself.

Sometime back I wrote a 2-part blog post on setting boundaries with guidance to create those boundaries.

The first step in boundary setting is to become self-aware. This is also the first domain if you want to improve your emotional intelligence.

I’ve got an excellent resource for that which I will share in the links.

Knowing what to do without knowing why to do it is often the issue with weak boundaries. These are the ones that you can’t sustain for a long time.

Take complete responsibility

Accept that nobody else is going to set boundaries for you. Embrace that if someone continually disrespects your boundaries, it’s your responsibility to make sure they know where your boundaries are. This brings me to the next necessity for boundary setting.

Get clear on what you’re OK with and what you’re not

It’s going to be impossible to set boundaries if you don’t actually know what your boundaries are.

So the idea here is to cultivate self-awareness and emotional intelligence. That way, you can be sure where your boundaries are in a given relationship at any time.

Over time, your boundaries will change because both you and your relationships will evolve. So daily reflection in some form, be it a journal or other method, is essential here.

Reflect on the boundaries in your life that already exist (or don’t exist)

There are some boundaries, or lack thereof, that result simply from the culture you live in. This doesn’t just mean the country where you live, but also what the culture is like at work, with friends, and at home.

This point is highlighted by Steven Jacob in his article about the complexities of navigating boundaries from a culturally sensitive perspective.

In Western culture, setting boundaries is often seen as a critical aspect of building and maintaining healthy relationships.

In contrast, for those from collectivist cultures, where family units are central to social life and decision-making, defining and maintaining boundaries can be particularly challenging.

Things get even more confusing when the nuclear unit family structure starts to develop in these previous collectivist cultures.

Boundaries also depend on who you are interacting with. For example, someone might decide that they have healthy boundaries with their romantic partner, but not with their friends and co-workers.

The point is to examine your environment and see what boundaries are already in place and which boundaries are lacking.

Which existing boundaries line up with your own and which one’s clash?

Don’t be afraid of conflict or confrontation

You can’t set boundaries without confrontation. You can try and be passive aggressive, but you really can’t expect people to know what you want unless you communicate it directly. I get it. It’s uncomfortable.

However, it’ll save you discomfort in the future. Plus, being bold enough to stick up for your boundaries will help you build more fulfilling relationships with deeper connections.

You’ll need to have tough personal confrontations which often mean conflict of one sort or another. It’s not always easy. In fact, it’s almost never easy.

But you need to be OK with having these hard conversations because they’re often unavoidable when it comes to setting boundaries.

Think of situations where your boundaries are routinely crossed and prepare for them.

You probably know certain people who constantly disrespect your boundaries.

Maybe it’s a friend, a relative, or a coworker. Either way, you’re probably quite familiar with the things they do that make you uncomfortable and resentful.

Finally, get clear on what boundary you need to set. Have a “script” ready for the next time they cross that boundary. This is important.

Oftentimes, people, especially those we care about, don’t know they’re overstepping boundaries because we never say anything about it. We say “yes” all the time because we want to be helpful and don’t want to upset anyone. And saying “no” feels too confrontational or rude.

Remember though, knowing when to say no is important for both parties.

It’s not just about you. A relationship suffers without strong, healthy boundaries.

It’s your turn now. Which boundaries are you going to assess first? Do they need to be strengthened or changed?

Do you need support to do the needful?

Reach out to me and let’s have a no-obligation chat about it.

This is Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching signing off. To your strong boundaries!

Additional Resources:

Effective Leaders know the need of Humour to lead Productive Teams

Developing Your Self -Awareness 

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Prefer to read? Here’s the transcript

Having a good sense of humour is often the best tool you can apply to resolve situations from getting out of hand.

It can avert a full-blown conflict where both sides stand to lose while the bystanders get free entertainment and fodder for gossip.

Let’s look at an example.

Imagine 2 coworkers are in a state of conflict over some issue. It doesn’t matter what the issue is but it’s clear to everyone that the conflict has been brewing all day.

The tension in the atmosphere is palpable. You could cut it in slices with a knife!

There’s lots of whispering going on about the situation.

The combatants are at crisis point, and it feels like the entire office is holding their collective breath waiting to see what happens next. It’s like they’ve become the audience to a TV reality show. At this point, they’re ready for bloodshed, or at the very least, some very strong words.

The last thing they expect is for one of the key players in the conflict to open their mouth and… make a joke?

Maybe it doesn’t feel like a resolution to the conflict, but actually, laughter goes far beyond being the clichéd ‘best medicine.’

How?

First of all, laughter takes the tension out of the situation.

This is exactly what’s needed to regain perspective, build stronger bonds, and yes, sometimes smooth over the differences.

Hi, I’m Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching. I believe humour, when used appropriately is a useful tool to diffuse tension. It creates space for both conflicting parties to take a breath and regain their clarity and composure.

Humour is a vital tool that can help us gain perspective even in the darkest of moments.

In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, neurologist, psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl said, “Humour more than anything else in the human make-up, can afford aloofness and an ability to rise above any situation, even if only for a few seconds.”

You’d have seen the role of humour in diffusing tense situations in dramatic or highly emotional stories where there are some comedic scenes.

This is called comic relief and is meant to alleviate some of the tension.

It provides the audience with a chance to breathe from the story drama or a moment to process the things that just occurred.

It’s similar to how we use jokes to ease the heaviness of a difficult or awkward situation.

A timeless example that comes to my mind is The Shakespearean Fool who appears in plenty of Shakespeare’s tragedies like Othello and King Lear.

In our imaginary example, a well-timed joke can lighten the situation and even subvert the expectations of the audience who are expecting a gladiator fight.

Humour helps to connect people, building rapport, alleviate tension and foster a positive culture. A Robert Half survey found that 91% of executives believe a sense of humour is important for career advancement; while 84% feel that people with a good sense of humour do a better job.

In a previous post, I highlighted how leaders with a sense of humour create better bonded teams.

If humour is that important, then how do you effectively use it to resolve conflicts?

Here are 3 tips on applying humour. I suggest you try them.

First, make sure that both parties are ‘in on the joke.’

By keeping humor wholesome – not at the expense of the other person, you’re focusing on inviting them to laugh with you, rather than laughing at them.

How can you tell if you’re doing it right? Humor is tricky, and so your best indicator of getting it right is to gauge the other person’s reactions. If they’re not laughing, chances are they don’t find it funny. Stop!

Second, check to make sure that you’re not using humor as a defensive weapon.

If you’re using humor to mask emotions that you’d rather not deal with right now, then stop immediately. Ask yourself what it is that you’re not dealing with and why.

Even though we know humour helps us stay resilient when facing challenges, there are times when humour isn’t healthy.

This happens when it is used as an avoidance technique rather than coping with, painful emotions. Laughter can be a disguise for feelings of hurt, fear, anger, and disappointment that you don’t want to feel or don’t know how to express.

Finding an amusing aspect to a situation is different to using it as a cover up for other emotions. Strong emotions need to be managed differently to avoid conflict or create confusion and mistrust in your relationships.

This requires self-awareness which is an important element of Emotional Intelligence and I’m sharing a link to a resource that will help you develop it.

Third, work on that sense of humor.

Every good comedian knows how to read their audience. The same goes for using humor with another person, especially in a situation that’s already a conflict. Watch the nonverbal cues. What language are you using? Keep the tone positive and light and mean it.

That means don’t use jokes as a means of cruelty. Lastly, consider what you might use as an inside joke. Inside jokes not only keep the situation light but create a deeper intimacy with whom you conflict.

Need more ideas? Explore humor in other ways so that you always have a repertoire to fall back on. Watch things you find funny on TV or in movies. Listen to jokes. Read the funnies. Find that side of you that likes to play and encourage it with creativity and fun.

And no matter what, cut yourself some slack. It takes practice to be funny. Keep at it, and you’ll find your natural sense of humor, and be able to tap into it when you need to. That conflict won’t know what hit it!

I’ve included some more resources in the description including how to use humour as a leader. Have a look at them. Apply them. This is Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching signing off. Bye for now.

Networking, whether for business or career goals, isn’t rocket science. It’s a skill you really need to develop.

Used appropriately, it will enable you to achieve your goals while facilitating others to achieve theirs. And yet, we often get it all wrong!

Take LinkedIn for example. It’s a great place to expand one’s online network and provide space for new career moves and business opportunities.

Yet I find many professionals use it more to build a database of people rather than actually nurture and keep in touch with their existing network.

You know, like the guy or gal who goes to a networking event and hands out their business card to everyone but doesn’t stop to actually start a conversation.

It baffles me as to why anyone would want to connect with strangers to further their career goals when an existing network that knows them would be better suited for assistance.

In my post How to make your One-on-One Networking effective blog post, I referred to a highly experienced professional who was reluctant to approach his existing network for help in finding a job, The resistance came from his having been out of touch with his contacts.

One of those contacts was in talent management services and was the right person to approach for help. Instead, he wanted to try out other professionals before turning to his existing network that he had not been in touch with.

I can understand that reluctance but there is a way to reach out to valuable cold contacts.

But why not first reach out to people who can make an immediate difference in moving the needle towards our goals first?

Your workplace is ALSO a place to network.

There’s another venue where we can use our networking to boost our job satisfaction and advance our career – our workplace. This gets ignored because it is in front of us, but we don’t consider it to be networking.

I’m talking about the colleagues who work by your side each day. These are people who can provide some of your best opportunities for developing close friendships and gathering constructive feedback.

Take it a step further and develop connections with colleagues in different departments that you might have to deal with in the course of your job.

While lateral transfers and new openings might be advertised in your company’s intranet, these are the people who can tell you more about opportunities that you might find interesting.

They’re the ones who can also tell you more about their department and provide information giving you the edge over others who might be applying for the same position.

It’s called Internal Networking and it’s easy. In fact, so easy that done right, you wouldn’t even realize you’re networking!

One easy tip is to take advantage of lunchtime and join colleagues both from your department and others in the office canteen for informal conversations.

You can get tips on how to make this work in my post about Networkers who Lunch and the book Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi.

I’ve got 7 more that work well for everyday situations and help you develop the skill of social intelligence as a bonus.

Internal Networking for Everyday Work

One thing you’ll notice with the below tips is that they also help you to demonstrate emotional intelligence which is a much-required skill and trait IF you are aiming at a leadership position.

1. Be helpful. Being generous will help you develop strong relationships around the office. Volunteer your services when a colleague is trying to meet a tight deadline. Share your expertise on how to close a sale.

2. Take initiative. Cultivate a reputation for going the extra mile. Earn trust by being a top performer.

3. Speak up. Conflicts rarely resolve themselves. Talk issues over promptly and tactfully before they grow into more serious clashes that can undermine goodwill.
4. Communicate face to face. While it’s quicker to text or send an email, face-to-face discussions have many advantages. Let others know you value them enough to spend time with them. A personal touch increases engagement.

5. Listen closely. Give others your full attention. They’ll appreciate your interest, and you’ll learn more about them. That knowledge will help you ask relevant questions and avoid misunderstandings.

6. Share a laugh. Lighten up. A joke or funny comment can relieve stress and make your boss look forward to having you drop by.

7. Show you care. Simple gestures can show your coworkers that they matter to you. Remember their children’s names. Tell them that you hope they’re feeling better when they return from a sick day.

But internal networking isn’t just for daily interactions. It can advance your career and position you as a people’s person and leadership when you demonstrate this skill on the one-off occasions or those that role around a few times during the year.

Internal Networking for those One-off Occasions

1. Mingle at office parties. Maybe you have a position where your interactions are limited to the same few people each day. Use birthday parties and summer picnics to extend your circle. Chat with a peer in another department.
2. Bond at retreats. Corporate retreats provide an opportunity for profound discussion and silly games. See your coworkers from a new angle.
3. Participate in staff meetings. Staff meetings will fly by more quickly when you take an active part in the proceedings. Thank the accounting department for explaining the new timesheets. Share what you learned at a business roundtable.

4. Ace your orientation. If you’re new on the job, ask your supervisor to point out a stellar employee you can emulate. Make them a top priority for your internal networking.

5. Welcome new hires. If you’ve been on the team for a while, go out of your way to welcome the newcomers. Your extra efforts will stand out when they’re trying to memorize a ton of new names and faces. Plus, teaching is a great way of learning, so you may pick up a few pointers as you guide them around.

6. Transition gracefully. While you’ll probably move on to another organization eventually, your last days can be a productive period when you adapt your relationships to changing circumstances. Exchange contact information and make specific plans to stay in touch instead of counting on having lunch someday.

In other words, there’s much more to networking than handing out business cards.

Connecting with colleagues inside your company can be just as important as participating in any trade show or creating a database of contacts on social media platforms.

Building genuine relationships with your office co-workers will strengthen your network and make your work more meaningful because you will have the support to do your best.

Want to be seen as an authority, a subject matter expert or the go to person for a topic on Linkedin?

Did you answer yes?

Then you simply have to have a robust and strategic content plan for this platform.

The advice to ‘Give Value’ is being repeated almost every day by different influencers and Linkedin experts.

There’s a reason for this.

The content you share on Linkedin builds your reputation. If it’s quality, relevant information and entertaining, your reputation excels. If it’s not relevant, is inconsistent and poorly constructed your reputation takes a hit.

And if you think you can scrape images off Google or copy someone’s blog post and try to pass it off as your own, then you risk damaging your credibility as well.

Especially if the other person finds out, issues you a takedown notice and reports it to Linkedin.

The Emotional Intelligence Post that made me use my own Anger Management Advice

This incident happened to me a few weeks back.

A trainer in Emotional Intelligence used the Hero Image from my blog post on Anger Management and Emotional Intelligence.

WITHOUT my permission to promote her own Leadership and Emotional Intelligence training!

She didn’t know me and had never visited my website or viewed my profile on Linkedin.

She simply scraped the image off Google images ignoring the caveat that the image may be subject to copyright. Had she taken the time to visit my website, she’d have seen my own copyright statements.

It takes time to find the right images for my blog posts and to create them the way I want.

Naturally I was not amused.

I called her out on this and lodged take down notices to her as well as reported it to Linkedin. I got an apology.

Her explanation was not satisfactory. She thought cropping off my website name and logo but giving credit to my business for the image (without a backlink) covered her.

I ended up giving her free advice on copyright and how I could take legal action.

The entire post was removed but the damage to her reputation was done.

There are ways to use other people’s content in an ethical manner which I will share later.

What type of content makes you stand out as an authority or expert?

Your reasons for wanting to raise your visibility on Linkedin may vary.

Maybe you’re a professional looking to raise your visibility for career opportunities or widen your network. You could be a business trying to bring in new clients using content.

Either way keeping consistent with your content in social media can be difficult.

It’s often hard to determine what to post, what type of content you should be using and what will get the most engagement for you.

Moreover, since the Linkedin Algorithm changes from time to time and what worked once might not now.

At one-point images were the rage. But it went too far when the images started resembling Facebook posts. Lots of people started screaming their online lungs out against it with name and shame comments or reposts.

I don’t think they realized they were giving the original content creator some visibility juice! A simpler option would have been simply editing their feed.

They are still popular, but engagement depends on how big a following you have. Posting updates to links to your website or to third party sites got good reach.

Nowadays Linkedin wants to keep people on their site and your reach gets impacted.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Make sure you add your insights or perspectives with the post.

Polls were popular until everyone was using them. The reach fell depending on how many responses you got in the initial hours of posting & your perceived authority.

They can still be used for engagement and market research provided they are crafted well.

Influencers will always get eyeballs. For us professionals who have to limited time to create content, it’s not feasible to launch into full-time content creation.

One way of staying in line with trends is to be an early user of the new content tools Linkedin provides.

Right now, videos get traction but only when done strategically.

In this post, we’ll briefly look at different styles of content and the best uses for each to showcase your authority and expertise.

Should you be posting videos of your employees or videos of products?

Are presentations allowed on Linkedin?

What is Pulse and how do you use it?

Should I use Polls for engagement?

Then we’ll look at choosing the right content. You’ll also learn what types of content you shouldn’t post on Linkedin.

Finally, I’ll share tips on how to use content curation and other rebranded content to make it easier to stay consistent.

One point I’d like to draw your attention to is to always play to your strengths. Think in terms of showcasing your authority or expertise while creating content and posting.

Styles of Content to demonstrate Your Knowledge

The content you share on Linkedin doesn’t have to solely be written posts. Use content that will be the most engaging to your audience and distribute your brand message across the platform.

Please note, brand here refers to both your professional brand as well as that of your employer or business.

Here are the main types of content recommended on Linkedin and their different uses:

Videos – Videos are one of the easiest ways to grab attention. You can share stand-out content that others will find compelling by sharing your professional tips or demo, lectures, and conversations. Use video to engage viewers by asking a question. Video is also great for sharing everyday work moments to give Linkedin network a backend view.

Image Posts – Images are one of the most effective types of content when it comes to time and cost. Images help you stand out by attracting like-minded customers who relate to your brand. Images can be used in both posts and articles. Images can be easily repurposed in other content.

The types of images you can present are unlimited:

• Lifestyle featuring your product or service
• Events
• Company atmosphere and culture
• Cartoons
• Memes
• Gifs
• Behind the scenes images
• Product creation images

Bonus Tip –Making visuals that get noticed on Linkedin

Text Posts – Posts are short, quick bursts of text to stay connected to your community. Sharing posts on Linkedin will spark engagement, increase your brand reach, and build your relationships. It can contain emojis and hashtags.

People who want to discuss specific topics and concentrate more on their content in words can go with this post. The character limit for text posts is up to 1300 characters. But, in 2022, the character limit was 2973.

I however recommend adding an image for visual effect. There was a trend of pure text posts a few years back in a bid to drive engagement. But it doesn’t really work now unless you’re in a group or pod and everyone is engaging with each other’s posts. Pods as a hack for engagement doesn’t really work anymore.

Document Posts– If you want to convey your product to your target audience, but not in article form, you can try this document post. This can be in either PDF, Word, or PowerPoint format. Prepare the document based on what you want to convey to your target audience.

Pulse – Pulse is Linkedin’s publishing platform. This is mainly the place for publishing full length articles to share your knowledge and expertise. It can include links, videos, and images as well. You can write in-depth about your challenges, opportunities, professional expertise, trends happening in your industry and anything relevant to your company. Articles have no word count limit.

Is your Content Engaging?

Providing content that engages your audience is the key to building your network. Engagement is one of the main goals of social media marketing. In fact, according to Linkedin Marketing Solutions, 50% of Linkedin members will buy from companies they have engaged with.

Content plays an important role in attracting your audience. You can do this in many ways.

1. Tell a story. Storytelling can and should be a part of every piece of content you produce. You can incorporate how you came to the solution, your process along the way or some story that leads well with the article.
2. Use awe-inspiring images or images that tell a story. Don’t just show your product on a plain white background. Instead show images of customers using your product.
3. Create compelling headlines and engaging first sentences. The first line should grip your attention: interesting, unusual, emotional, shocking are all human emotional needs that grab out attention.
4. Personalize it. People still want to connect or do business with real people. Let your personality and your brand’s personality come through in all your content.

You still need to make friends with Uncle Algorithm on Linkedin

It’s not enough to post content on Linkedin. It’s equally important to get eyeballs on that content.

For that, you need to understand how the Linkedin algorithm works as well when creating engaging content. It’s designed to make your homepage feeds inviting.

The Linkedin feed has a spam filter that determines whether your content will show in the feed, how far an audience it reaches or if you are a spam user.

Here’s my understanding of how the algorithm works:

Stage 1: A computerized bot evaluates your content as spam, low-quality or clear. You want to have clear content to move to the next stage.

Stage 2: The algorithm then measures the initial user engagement such as likes, comments and shares. This signals that your content is good enough to move to the next stage. If you are flagged for some reason as spam by users or hide it from their feeds, Linkedin’s algorithm believes it as negative content.  Make sure your content is relevant to other’s professional lives. Is it offensive? Are you over-posting? Is your post unique and insightful?

Stage 3: The algorithm further checks for spam and credibility and quality based on your account and network to determine if the content is spam. The algorithm determines the usefulness and relevance of the post. Engagement is very important at this stage.

Stage 4: In this stage, human editors review the content. They determine whether it should be displayed, boosted, or demoted.

Create engaging content that passes the Linkedin algorithm is necessary for people to see your updates.

Learning how Linkedin’s algorithm works helps you create content that will be seen over and over.

Looking for a great way to build authority and influence in your industry without getting into content creation?

Then it’s time to tap into the power of content curation.

By sharing high-quality content from other experts in your field, you position yourself as a go-to source for information and insights.

Curation also helps develop relationships with people you admire! By sharing their content, you’re saying, “I value your work and I want to help promote it.”

This opens doors to further communication and collaboration down the road.

Content Curation and Automation

Now that you know why you need to create engaging content and the algorithm for Linkedin, it’s time to learn about ways to automate your content creation.

Content curation and automation tools make being consistent easier. There are many types of content that can be used for all your content needs.

Content curation is gathering a collection of content and adding value and your voice to it. The content comes from a variety of sources, around a specific topic which you share with your followers. You sift through articles on the internet, collect those that are the most interesting and relevant to your industry and share them in blog posts and on Linkedin.

Content curation allows you to create posts quickly using other peoples content the right way. You’re sharing resources and rare content that isn’t the same article found on a million other feeds.

3 Benefits of Content Curation:

• Saves you time and energy
• Elevates your brand visibility
• Establishes your authority and thought leadership

Next you want to automate as much as you can to keep content consistently in your Linkedin feed. Use a social media calendar to determine what you’re going to post.

Then use tools and programs to schedule your posts. This way the work is done once and then can be posted hands off.

Automation tools are great for scheduling any batch writing you do as well. By creating and scheduling posts in bulk, you free up time that can be used in better ways.

Use one of these suggested programs

1. Hootsuite offers a bulk composer feature to make it easy to schedule post across different social networks at once, including Linkedin.
2. Pocket is an app that let’s you gather content in one place from your browser or from apps like Pulse.
3. Feedly is the most popular RSS and blog reader online. It allows you to subscribe to your favorite websites, blogs, publications, and YouTube channels, getting the content to read, save or share it.
4. DrumUp is an app that goes through tons of web content to bring you the freshest and most relevant stories.
5. Buzzsumo is packed with helpful features. You can search for the most shared content using keywords, domains, or specific types of content like guest post or videos.
6. Quuu offers a free plan. This content curation program is the only tool where each and every piece is hand-reviewed by humans. Quuu sends the content directly to your Hubspot or Buffer schedule.

8. Curationsoft is a desktop-based curation software that allows you to find, evaluate and curate content into a drag and drop HTML editor. It can be used to create a blog post that you share on Linkedin or used as an article on Linkedin.

Content curation is a time and money saver and should be a part of your social media strategy. Using one of the many tools available to curate the content for you makes it even easier to share quickly.

A word of caution about using automation on Linkedin

Use the automation tools only for content curation. Please don’t use it for connecting with people or sending them bot messages. This is not allowed on Linkedin and you risk getting your account closed.

For more information on what tools can make you lose your Linkedin account, please read this article by Mic Adam. It’s worth bookmarking.

Types of Content

Now that you know why you need to curate content and how to do it easily, you might be wondering what types of content to post. The type of content can be anything, well, almost anything.

It can be things like …

• Everyday stuff (related to the business and not related). This can be as simple as what or where you had dinner with your amazing team or the fishing trip you made with your family. Take on a spicy (and tactful) point of view on a trending non-business topic.
• Industry information. Linkedin is a business-to-business platform so it’s only logical to share content related to your industry. You can share reports, whitepapers, long-form content, videos.
• Post Results. Did your company participate in a competition recently? Post the results of how you did. Post results of how a new marketing campaign or product launch fared.
• Case Studies. Show your audience how others have used your product and services through a case study.
• Share articles you like. Don’t just talk about you and your company. Share articles from your competitors and others in your industry that are trending and interesting.
• Post industry statistics. People love statistics so share industry and company stats as part of your marketing campaign.
• Share client testimonials. Gather testimonials and endorsements from your satisfied clients to boost your authority and leadership.
• Share how to videos and articles. Share videos along with articles on how to use your products or services for the best results. Use list-style posts as well. Marketing guru Neil Patel has built a following using this style of posts on Linkedin.
• Product launches and feature updates. Keep your audience aware of the latest products or services you have.
• Offer quick tips. These simple and short posts include leadership tips and tricks that encourage productivity, leadership, and professional success. Or offer simple text quotes relevant to your followers.
• Share company updates. Find interesting and visual ways to share company updates on what’s happening in your company. It’s a great way for your audience to get to know you and your company better.
• Share photos of your company, your employees, and the activities they do daily. Share photos taken at business events you attend.
• Humanize your company. Highlight your best employees as thought leaders.
• Use Showcase pages to drive registration to events your company is hosting or sponsoring.
• Share lessons learned. It doesn’t matter what your age or industry is, you have learned important lessons that others can benefit from. Share them with others.
• Make predictions. It doesn’t matter whether you are right or wrong, predictions are a way to get a discussion going.

Final Words on building authority and expert status on Linkedin using Content

Content is the key to building your following on Linkedin. You want to dominate with your content through consistency, quality, and variety.

To do this you need to use tools for automating the process, use other people’s content correctly and post a variety of types of content.

The styles of content you use depends on your topic as much as how you want to present it. A video might be the right fit for certain topics while a SlideShare presentation would fit better for others. Sometimes a quick funny image is all you need to share.

Whichever style of content you choose; the key is making it quality and relevant. One way to do that is to curate content about your industry.

Curated content can save you time and money. And with automation tools you can put together a curated piece in a fraction of the time of doing it yourself.

The type of content you present is as wide as you want it. Post updates on your company or products, show research you’ve done, or share videos about your employees or brand.

Keep your followers up to date on what’s happening in your business, the industry, and upcoming trends. Finally, humanize your brand by posting about non-business events occasionally.

What content will you post on Linkedin today?

Sexual Harassment in the Workplace is a serious issue. It simply can’t be brushed under the corporate carpet. In fact, it’s a global challenge.

The Australian Financial Review detailed complaints against bullying and sexual harassment in the Big Four and catalogued the number of cases at KPMG during the period 2014 to 2019. However, most employees contacted by the paper declined to detail their cases.

The article believes this might have been due to the use of non-disclosure agreements after workplace. Other Big Four firms were also mentioned in that article.

It reminds me of a case closer to home known as the KPMG case.  A lady Chartered Accountant joined the firm in 2005 and was subjected to indecent and embarrassing acts by KPMG’s senior employees. Her employment was also terminated post her complaint.

Long story short, the perpetrators were arrested in 2007 but later released on bail and even got promoted!

It was quite sensational in the Indian financial services industry. My employers immediately set up a 3-person committee for any complaints we might have had in our firm. They went on to create policies for such complaints as well.

I’ve often wondered if the incidents I’d narrated in my post on Workplace Bullying and Harassment would have had a committee set up too. One thing is for sure, the firm acted with Emotional Intelligence.

Sexual Harassment Laws in India have come a long way since the Super Cop incident.

This is the story of an inspiring woman who decided to fight against a society where violation of dignity of women was still considered casual.

Way back in 1985 Rupan Deol Bajaj, a senior IAS officer, took Super Cop the late KPS Gill to court over a case of sexual harassment and won it. She was the first woman to do so.

The incident happened at a party when KPS Gill, came to Ms Bajaj’s seat and put up a finger on her face ordering her to come along. She told him that he was misbehaving and got up to leave at which point he slapped her posterior. Ms Bajaj was traumatized and the guests at the party were shocked.

More shocking at the time was the concerned High Court quashing her complaint which they considered a trivial offence under Section 95 of the Indian Penal Code not worthy of any prosecution.

The court found the offence unnatural and improbable. Undeterred, Ms Bajaj took the matter all the way to the Supreme Court which overturned the decision of the lower Court.

It came down to the definition of modesty. The Apex Court referred to various dictionaries. Modesty was defined as ‘womanly propriety of behaviour; scrupulous chastity of thought, speech and conduct’ and ‘decorous in manner and conduct; not forward or lewd; shamefast’.

The Supreme Court ruled that the offence of outraging the modesty of women was committed under Sections 354 and 509 of the Indian Penal Code.

This isn’t the only instance of high-profile sexual harassment cases

An article in the Business Today has curated a collection of high-profile cases which shocked the nation. India has its fair share of #MeToo cases. Fortunately, action has been taken in each case but I doubt the trauma experienced can really be compensated for.

In the years that have followed, The Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace (Prevention, Prohibition and Redressal) Act 2013 (“POSH Act”) addresses the issue of workplace sexual harassment faced by women.

The POSH Act is a must read for any professional in any industry to understand what constitutes sexual harassment in the workplace.

If you’re a manager in another country, then make yourself aware of the relevant law and your company policies dealing with such complaints.

What is sexual harassment?

It occurs whenever an employee makes a continued, unwelcome sexual advance, requests sexual favors, or uses inappropriate sexual remarks to another employee against their wishes.

Examples of sexual harassment may include:

• Unwanted jokes, gestures, offensive writing on clothing, or comments of a sexual nature
• Any kind of unwanted physical contact between employees, including scratching, hugging, or kissing
• Repeatedly asking for dates
• Sending emails that contain sexual imagery
• Watching pornography at work
• Putting sexually suggestive objects or pictures on display
• Playing sexually suggestive music

What can you, the Manager, do to prevent sexual harassment at your company?

If you’re a manager at your workplace, it’s important for you to be aware of sexual harassment and how it can affect the company’s work environment.

Here are some questions to consider.

Does your company have a sexual harassment policy in place?

 If yes, does this policy, set out what is acceptable and what is not?

It is important that all employees make themselves familiar with this policy, including how to report any sexual harassment encountered.

 Does the company have clear procedures in place to report harassment?

All employees should be comfortable to report any behavior they feel is inappropriate and makes them uncomfortable. Staff should feel safe at work and not left to feel alone while dealing with inappropriate colleagues.

In other words, don’t leave it to the company to implement the relevant policies and procedures. Your input is valuable.

Even more valuable is adopting strategies to ensure that you are part of the solution and not ignoring the problem. That’s what a manager with high emotional intelligence does.

7 Strategies an Emotionally Intelligent Manager uses

Incorporate harassment training in your workplace. Have regular training with annual refresher courses. There are online courses available that can help deal with harassment in the workplace.

Raise awareness of sexual harassment. One of the most effective ways to prevent harassment from occurring in the first place is to make people aware of it. Once people understand what can be interpreted as harassment, they’ll be able to avoid it.

Incorporate staff welfare into review meetings. These are usually used to review an employee’s performance, but they can also be an opportunity to review the company. Allow your colleagues to voice any concerns that they may have, either with the company as a whole or with one particular colleague.

Deal with allegations of sexual harassment immediately. Failure to act could allow the problem to get worse. This toxic environment will make your employees uncomfortable.

Use the tips in the free report Having Tough Conversations to come across firm but genuine.

Have a person in place dedicated to dealing with harassment. This can be difficult in smaller companies with employees having to juggle numerous roles. In larger companies, a dedicated HR person who deals with sexual harassment issues can make the employees feel more secure.

Have a zero-tolerance policy towards sexual harassment. Make it clear to all employees and colleagues that any form of sexual harassment will not be tolerated. It does not matter what role the person performing the sexual harassment has in the company, any cases will be dealt with immediately.

Do not laugh at or encourage inappropriate jokes. While it’s important that we all enjoy ourselves at work, it’s also important that we all understand that not everyone has the same sense of humor. Sometimes things said can be offensive rather than funny to some. Keep this point in mind, even in jokes.

Since sexual harassment can happen at any level of the organization, you need to look out for yourself too.

If you believe that you’re being sexually harassed at work, it’s important that you complain to someone in authority there.

By doing this, you will ensure that your employer is able to take action and you can go back to work without having to deal with disrespectful colleagues.

Have you ever experienced sexual or other kinds of harassment in the workplace? What steps did you take to stop the perpetrator from hurting you or others?

Resources Mentioned in video:

Developing Self Awareness Bundle 

Emotional Intelligence: you need to apply authentic kind of Empathy

The Effects of Emotional Intelligence on Productivity

References:

Holtz, O. (2020). Virtual Team Functioning: Modeling the Affective and Cognitive Effects of an Emotional Management Intervention. Group Dynamics, 24(3), 153–167.

Gabriel, K. (2020). Are Coworkers Getting Into the Act? An Examination of Emotion Regulation in Coworker Exchanges. Journal of Applied Psychology, 105(8), 907–929.

Prefer to Read? Here’s the full transcript

As more studies show Emotional Intelligence improves employee productivity and job performance, it becomes a more coveted skill in the office and one that every serious professional needs to develop.

So, first things first, let us quickly recap.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

A quick definition is that Emotional intelligence is when you can understand the emotions of yourself and others and manage your own feelings well. It shows a balance between intelligence and self-awareness.

I go into great depth in this in one of my blog posts on emotional intelligence and being able to apply authentic kind of empathy.

But in a nutshell, these are the four categories where your emotional intelligence will be assessed.

So let us quickly go through this before we get into the tips.

4 categories of Emotional Intelligence

First one is Self-Management where you are able to think clearly in situations where you feel stressed, anxious, or angry. And Self-Management indicates being able to separate yourself and how you should act from your emotions.

In other words, for example, even if you are really irritated by a co-worker, you somehow manage to count to ten if necessary, and you give a calm response rather than screaming and shouting even if that is what you want to do.

Self-Awareness. This is going to help you to change negative habits, thoughts, or behavior. And when you have a high level of self-awareness, you can recognize how your beliefs and emotions affect your thoughts and behavior.

Then we have Social Awareness. Now this, one way of looking at this is your ability to “read the room.” You can understand what others need to feel comfortable, as well as see social dynamics at play.

Social Awareness indicates how well you pick up on social cues or needs. One way of looking at it is, when you walk into a room can you pick up the ambiance over there? Is it stressed or tense?

Many people say that is having empathy or even psychic abilities at some point, but the thing is, you’re aware enough to understand what’s going on even if nothing is being said.

And then there is Relationship Management where you manage conflict well, you work well with others, and you develop positive relationships overall. And, the best part is, relational management indicates good interpersonal skills and that is something you really do need if you wish to climb the corporate ladder.

Emotional Management Affects Productivity

So, before we get into the tips, let’s also look at some of the evidence about how Emotional Management is affecting productivity.

The Effects of Emotional Intelligence on Productivity (2018)

There is a thesis paper called The Effects of Emotional Intelligence on Productivity and I’ll share a link to see the study later.

But essentials of that study were that emotional intelligence is becoming an essential area of study to determine a person’s potential for overall success as well as success in the workplace.

And it also pointed out that although non cognitive skills are not always a factor that leaders use in determining workplace efficiency, but those skills can impact productivity.

Now this was a study done, it was a single case study in order to explore the impact of these non-cognitive skills and the perception administrators and employees have regarding skills that are critical to their jobs and work performance.

The conceptual framework that was used for this study was that of emotional intelligence theory authored by Daniel Goleman in 1995, which studied personality qualities.

The focus of this study comprised of 6 skills: communication, self-confidence, teamwork, work ethics, problem-solving ability, and leadership.

Several patterns and themes emerged relating to the effects of emotional intelligence on job performance and productivity. In fact, the findings from this study can impact future of non-cognitive skills in the work environment and could positively impact social change.

Organizational leaders could use the results to develop strategies that would enhance their decision-making process and develop tools to promote employee production and productivity.

Increases team cohesion

From there, there was another study done by the University of Valencia in Spain which demonstrated that increased team cohesion happened when there is emotional intelligence amongst the participants because of the synergy effect. This produces enhanced team task performance and has a positive effect on the motivational processes within the team, thus leading to more team engagement. In other words, a team can do better than as expected.

Improves co-worker relationships

It also improves co-worker relationships. Now there is another study which was done in 2020 which focused on the role of emotional regulation in exchanges between co-workers. And there, of course where deep actors refer to employees who “are driven to regulate their emotions with co-workers for pro social reasons”.

And the employees who were able to do that have the ability to build strong relationships with their co-workers and that in effect demonstrates benefits in productivity.

Conclusions from studies on workplace Emotional Intelligence

So the conclusions that I’d like to quickly sum up from these studies is that firstly,

Emotional intelligence is an asset.

The studies have shown that emotional intelligence training improved employee productivity. And that people who are emotionally intelligent can come up with solutions from a holistic perspective.

So now, are you interested in improving your emotional intelligence so that you can excel at work?

Good. Here are my tips.

Tips to build your Emotional Intelligence

The first one is Practice Self-Awareness and here are four ideas that you can use.

You can do reflections in journals. You can also notice when you react to something on autopilot. Think about the feedback you receive and practice seeing things from other people’s point of view too, not just your own.

Following from the self-awareness, learn to receive criticism with grace and use criticism as an opportunity to learn and grow.

You should also likewise see conflict as an opportunity to learn and understand more about others because conflict is going to happen, whether you like it or not. Whenever you have two people there will be, many times differences of opinion and it all comes down to who is able to handle it better and stay in control.

And then of course, learning to “read the room.”

Now here’s some tips for you.

How well do you pick up on the feelings of people around you? It’s the same thing I said when you walk into the room can you pick up a sense of what’s going on and from there do you know who to go to when you need a solution?

And what “unwritten rules” do people follow at your workplace?

Being able to read the room positions you as a change maker. So, it’s in your interest to start observing people and also assessing how they react so that you can come across better.

And then, learn to listen to others. Don’t do all the talking yourself. Make space for others as well. And in meetings many times people think that oh you know, if they hog all the talk time they are going to come across as you know being very intelligent. That’s not quite true.

You should try to listen in meetings and make an effort to ask people what they think. That’s what emotional intelligence is about – you also care about others.

But that of course doesn’t mean that you don’t speak up and express yourself. Do not be afraid to pitch your out-of-the-box ideas or make sure your opinions get heard!

We’re not saying just listen and keep quiet. We’re saying listen and also speak up.

And work to people’s strengths. Now you will have lots of people with different strengths and different kinds of talents. They may also have shortcomings. You have to learn to be flexible to the different types of people who make up your team.

And, to position yourself as a really good candidate for a further leadership role learn to create an environment for each person to thrive, be engaged and innovative. Because in today’s modern times, a leader is as good as his people are.

And the first step of course is to develop your self-awareness and I’ve got a simple self-study bundle where there’s an eBook with developing your self-awareness guide as well as the workbook where you can note down your findings and I encourage you to download it.

Final Words

So, my final words on the topic are that people with higher emotional intelligence have an easier time managing their stress levels, building better relationships, and reading the room.

Prowess in managing your own stress levels means that you can calmly lead a team through high-stress situations. That’s what influential leaders do. When you build better relationships it can help keep your team members engaged and motivated. And when they are motivated, they work better. They are more productive.

And being able to read the room means that you can know the right person to approach when you’re tackling a problem, or you learn to take action when you notice that a colleague feeling stressed. You know exactly when to step in before things spiral out of control.

So, I suggest that you try these suggestions for size and then let me know. And as a parting question, wouldn’t life be great with effortless stress management, better relationships, and being able to “read the room”?

Especially if it helps you improve your productivity as well as that of others in your workplace.

Charisma is a learnable skill and one that is important to master to achieve your leadership and influencer goals. It also enables you to demonstrate Executive Presence and especially Gravitas.

In the first part of this two-part series, we covered 3 of the 5 ways anyone can develop charisma.

In this post we continue on our quest to be perceived as charismatic with the last 2 tips. We’ll take a closer look at what gives an instant boost to your charisma and when charisma may not be useful for you.

Likeability is the X Factor for Charisma

Who doesn’t want to have a more magnetic personality?

The kind of personality where you’re noticed when you enter a room, and everyone wants to be near you. Or when your company is looking to promote someone, you’re top of mind? In other words, to put it bluntly, be considered likeable?

This is an important point because without likeability your efforts to be perceived as possessing charisma will fall flat.

You’d be familiar with the Know, Like and Trust factor in developing business and personal relationships.

It doesn’t matter how competent you are or even how passionate you are about your work or causes that you support. If people don’t like you, they won’t trust you or believe in your credibility. They won’t want to be around you either.

People like to work with those with whom they can build a rapport and a connection based on common ground.

You may think your decision-making is based on facts and evidence but there is always an emotional element. When it comes to services, you’ll usually go with someone whom you like and hence trust.

Research supports this. One study showed that likability was more important than job experience, education, and qualifications when it came to hiring decisions.

Tom Hanks: A Case Study in Likability

Full disclosure, I am a Tom Hanks fan. I like him as do many other people worldwide. It isn’t surprising as he was once voted the Most Trusted Person in America in a Reader’s Digest poll.  And then the “Most Likeable Man in Hollywood,” according to an iHeartRadio poll in 2013.

This makes him the perfect case study for the likability factor.

When Tom Hanks announced that he and his wife had contracted the COVID-19 virus in Australia while shooting during the first wave, it was worrisome. It felt like someone close to us was unwell.

It wasn’t the Oscars and other awards that he has won but his nature which draws us to him.

He is polite and courteous with both fans and reporters. He is down to earth and we’re able to relate to him.

If you need a role model to develop the skill of likeability, Tom Hanks is your guide.

You will never be charismatic if you can’t get people to like you. But you can increase your magnetism by being more likeable.

Use the tool of Visualization to boost your Magnetism

One of the best ways to start is to visualize yourself with qualities that you associate with magnetism.

Studies show that people can become more likable and in turn, increase magnetism. This requires your re-engineering your thinking.

Close your eyes and try to see what it would be like if you were able to become more magnetic with your personality.

Would you be someone who smiles more often? Perhaps you take a genuine interest in others and always refer to them by name? What changes do you see in yourself when talking to people? Can you read the signals that people are giving you?

After you have your visualization profile completed, the next step is to focus on others who you find have magnetic personalities.

Match what you have come up with in your profile to what you observe from those people. How close did you come?

The next step is to find information through books, magazines, and seminars that are related to the subject of magnetism.

What kinds of traits are suggested from those mediums?

How closely do they match with what you have come up with in your visualization profile?

After matching up as many of the resources described with what you have come up with in your profiles, and have taken notes of the differences, see if you can use this information to implement a course of action.

This will become your road map to successfully increasing your personal magnetism. Don’t try to make all the changes in one shot. Spread it out over the course of several months but be consistent.

Put what you come up with into practice. You will be amazed at the changes that occur over time and how people become more drawn to you.

Who knows, you could even create your own book or seminar in the process and help others achieve their goal of being seen as charismatic.

Use Storytelling to Be More Charismatic

People love good stories and gather around good storytellers. This isn’t a new phenomenon, ancient drawings from caves show our storytelling went as far back as about 40,000 years ago.

Some people are better at telling stories than others. There is always one person in your circle who can narrate a story better than others and is always asked to share stories at social gatherings.

While they have a natural ability, this is a skill that can be learned and practiced.

There are plenty of books available on the subject and you could even find courses or coaching for it.

The takeaway here is that if you learn how to become a good storyteller, you have the tools necessary to be more charismatic. At least, you have one of the bigger aspects of charisma.

The skill of storytelling is also used by influential leaders to create change.

How do you become a better storyteller, or even start as one?

It all has to do with setting the scene and the characters. Even if the characters are people you know, try to animate their actions or elevate their status. You want to try and avoid embarrassing people unless that is part of the story. It still has to be done in a respectful, but playful way. If it is hurtful, you want to avoid it altogether.

The more you involve the people who you are telling the story to, the better. If you can incorporate each person as part of the story, that will go a lot further with them.

You also want to employ the concept of “show, don’t tell” as much as you possibly can. Try to describe the situation as vividly as possible but avoid rambling.

Start small by testing out your skills on friends and family. If they were engaged by the stories you tell, then you can move onto your colleagues.

Stories can also help you appear charismatic online. If you have a blog, or you create videos on YouTube, try incorporating stories into the mix. It will captivate people much easier than simply creating fact-filled content that no one wants to see.

Even if you need to incorporate facts, try to weave them into a story. It will be much easier to get your point across than listing out tables filled with numbers. To do this, use story-based examples while interpreting the data.

Important Caveats about wanting to be more charismatic

This discussion will not be complete unless one becomes aware of the pitfalls of being charismatic. It can also be a double-edged sword.

Beware of the dark side of Charisma

What examples come to mind when you hear the word, Charisma?

Most probably it would be HRH Queen Elizabeth II, leaders like Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and John F. Kennedy etc.

But charisma also has a dark side. Several dictators including Adolf Hitler seduced people using charisma.

Charisma can often mask reasonable thinking. When someone is considered charismatic, they can usually get away with anything.

They are the perceived leaders so if they ask you to do something, you are likely to do it even if it’s not the right thing to do or isn’t right for the situation. That’s the strength of their influence.

In other words, negative charisma can be downright dangerous like it was with Jim Jones.

He was a charismatic leader who led his group of followers to kill themselves by drinking cyanide-laced Kool-Aid.

Leaders can often become addicted to power and when the charisma wears off, they revert to force. According to a documentary on the Jim Jones story, several members wanted to get out and he kept them there by force.

Charisma can be good when it is moderated and not used for overt manipulation.

People should try to recognize the limits of charisma and work within those limits.

If someone is trying to get you to do something that doesn’t seem right, it’s okay to speak up and say why.

Political leaders often rely on charisma to carry them through their terms. But this can backfire when the charisma wears off. People often see the true colors of those leaders. This makes it difficult for them to manage the remaining term. It may make successive runs for office difficult, as well.

Steve Jobs is a great example of a person who was able to balance charisma without abusing it. He successfully brought Apple out of bankruptcy when he returned to manage it and went on to make it the powerhouse it is today.

Whether future leaders of the company can repeat this remains to be seen. As an example, do you even know the name of the current leader of Apple?

This is not to say Tim Cook doesn’t have charisma. It’s just he doesn’t stand out, in the same way Jobs did.

Charisma isn’t going anywhere and people who have it will be around for a while. But it’s important for people to be alert to the possibility of it getting out of hand and to use common sense above all else.

Finding the balance of work-life balance and time management

Charisma is a learned skill, so anyone has the capability of making it happen. But when it does, will you be ready for it?

If you notice people who are charismatic, they are constantly surrounded by others. That is the nature of charisma. Many enjoy the attention.

However, if people are always coming to you at work, for instance, how are you going to get your work done? Some may think it’s a good problem to have, but it can become a nuisance if it happens too much.

People also spread the word about charismatic people. They will tell their friends and colleagues what great people they are. Those friends and colleagues will also try to get some time in with the charismatic people. These new people will also end up telling their friend and colleagues as well.

If you are charismatic, people are going to come to you for advice. They will rely on any advice you give. That may be okay if you are an expert in the subject that they asked about.

But if you give the wrong advice and they take it, you could be helping them get into a situation that may not be good for them. While people are responsible for their own actions, it doesn’t help when someone with charisma gives advice. The advice is likely going to be acted upon.

The charismatic person sometimes revels in the title of advice giver, even if the advice is not useful.

Your home life may be affected by your increased charisma.

You may find that more people are calling on you to join them in various activities, like joining the softball league or coaching kids’ soccer games. These may all be activities you wanted to get involved with, but they will be ever increasing opportunities. Those days of relaxing on Sundays are gone!

Be ready for the changes that happen and try to keep grounded in what it’s going to mean for others as well as the impact it may have on you and your family.

For the most part, being charismatic is a good quality and one that most people would love to incorporate into their life. It may even put you into a leadership role along with a promotion.

Sometime back, there was a panel discussion about Executive Presence on LinkedIn that got me thinking about charisma. It inspired this 2-part blog post where you’ll learn how to improve your charisma skill.

One of the panelists, a senior female executive spoke about the role of charisma in being perceived as having Executive Presence.

Excellent point, but, if we find it tough to define Gravitas, then how easy would it be to define Charisma which is part of Gravitas? The Wow Factor?

If you asked 100 people to define charisma without looking it up online, they’d most probably say charisma is that special something – the magnetism or charm that draws others in.

However, almost all of those 100 people would struggle to define charisma or to explain what makes one person charismatic and another one not.

If someone asked you to define charisma without looking it up online, what would you say?

Would it be that it is an innate quality that only a few possess? Is it something people are born with?

Would it be some kind of magical aura that someone obtains at birth?

Many people would use one or more of these qualities to describe charisma.

In other words, even if we struggle to define it, we can always point it out when it is present.

We need a working definition in order to learn how to be charismatic.

Here are 3 for you to consider.

A special charm or appeal that causes people to feel attracted and excited by someone (such as a politician) – Britannica Dictionary

A special power that some people have naturally that makes them able to influence other people and attract their attention and admiration. – Cambridge Dictionary

Charisma is an individual’s ability to attract and influence other people. While it is often described as a mysterious quality that one either has or doesn’t have, some experts argue that the skills of charismatic people can be learned and cultivated. – Psychology Today

Notice the common themes of something being special, attraction and influence.

I personally prefer the Psychology Today definition. It indicates charisma isn’t handed down by the heavens but is a skill and hence learnable.

Can You Learn Charisma?

For sure there are people that have a natural ability to be charismatic.

These people are drawn to leadership because that is a byproduct of having charisma. But it doesn’t mean the rest of us will never get a chance at being charismatic.

The good news is that you can take steps to have charisma yourself.

Obviously you start by shedding as many of the qualities that don’t make you charismatic and replace them with ones that do.

Think of Eliza Doolittle who was transformed into a lady by Dr Henry Higgins in George Bernard Shaw’s play Pygmalion. Her new charisma was evident at the ball when one of the guests declared she was a fraud and then stated she was a Princess!

In the real world, it works differently.

The first step is to learn to make eye contact, even if you hate doing it.

Eye contact is the first step people use to size up others on the first contact. It’s also a signal of trust between people. If someone is untrustworthy, they will likely look away from people, even when they are talking.

The next step is to be more engaging with those you come in contact with.

Be genuinely interested in others. Make it about them. Use their self-centered instincts to your favor and play off of it.

People like themselves. They like it more when others talk about them in a favorable way.

If you are that person to pump up others’ self-esteem, those people are going to be drawn to you. Think about how you feel when others tell positive stories about you.

Exude confidence and that will help seal the deal when it comes to being more charismatic. Confidence is something most people admire, as long as it doesn’t come across as being overly arrogant.

When you are confident, people will feel like you have the situation under control. They will concede to that control which puts you in a leadership role from their perspective.

These are just some of the traits that charismatic people develop to draw others to them. They are not innate magical qualities that are chiseled into one’s DNA.

Although some people learn charisma quicker than others, it is never too late to take steps to learn these traits yourself. Get ready to be much more liked by the people you know and those you meet.

Let’s look at 5 ways to develop our charisma. We’ll cover 3 of them here and the other 2 in Part 2 of this series.

Start being an Active Listener

Listening is an important skill. Sadly people do hear but not really listen.

Do you want to know how to be more charismatic? Try listening more.

People tend to be self-absorbed and are constantly thinking about themselves. While you need to think about yourself, it’s also important to be mindful of others. The biggest way you can do that is to learn to be a better listener.

Listening requires concentration, at least, if you are not used to doing it. It also takes practice. When you are having a conversation with someone, do you find yourself thinking about what you’re going to say next?

If so, it’s very difficult to listen under that circumstance. You need to clear your mind and focus on what the person is saying.

One can understand why people get distracted. There is always lots  going on in our lives and our lives aren’t compartmentalized.

For example, we have workplace situations that can create issues requiring damage control. Orders can go wrong, and irate customers have to be placated.

The server may hang just when you need to send out an important report. Sometimes you might just spill coffee on your computer and pray the hard drive is safe while the IT guy tries to fix it

Then, you go home and have another set of situations that you may have to worry about. The tv conks out or the class teacher wants you to come in to discuss your child’s lack of performance in a class test.

You are waiting to exhale and listening to others is probably the last thing you concern yourself with.

But here’s the deal.

The benefits of listening will make it worth it to you as people will know (at least subconsciously) when you are doing it and appreciate it.

They will feel the connection and want to spend more time with you. They will sense that you are taking notice of what they have to say. It all starts with listening.

Listening doesn’t mean you have to respond. Sometimes all people need is to get something off their chests.

Giving advice is not always a good idea, especially if you are not familiar with the situation or don’t have the expertise. Again, it’s all about hearing what others are talking about and showing empathy when needed.

It also doesn’t require you to unconditionally agree with what is being said. But it’s important to at least hear the message.

When you feel you are in the right and can offer your opinion on whatever the subject may be, then you should do so but in a tactful and respectful manner.

Listening is a skill that can be mastered. It takes time and a commitment. What you will find when you put forth the effort is that people may start approaching you more often because you have taken the first steps to being more charismatic.

Check your Physical Appearance isn’t deflecting Magnetism

Here’s the perfect example to explain this point.

If you have ever seen the comic strip, Peanuts by Charles Schultz, you’d be familiar with the character called Pig Pen.

He got this nickname because he is dirty, and no one wants to be around him. His appearance and hygiene are keeping people away. His physical appearance is deflecting his magnetism.

Although the Shultz comic is an extreme example, people who don’t pay attention to their physical appearance can be shutting people out, even at a subconscious level.

The idea behind it is if you don’t care about how you look, why should others pay any attention to you?

This is not the same as creating a certain look where you are trying to express yourself. Young people love to be nonconforming with their wardrobe and style. It can work for them for a little while.

Of course, as they get older, they make a choice as to whether to keep that going or to adopt more traditional styles. Older people are often not taken as seriously if they are trying to keep the same look they had when they were young.

There are those that would say nonconformity is good and that people should have the right to dress as they please. There is some truth to this.

However, on the subject of deflecting magnetism, people will need to choose whether they want to conform to some degree so that they can be more accepted. This will be difficult to do if a person is constantly at odds with acceptable norms.

This doesn’t mean people have to dress to the nines and spend a lot on a new wardrobe or look. There are plenty of inexpensive choices where people can look quite good and it can help them when trying to increase their magnetism.

The idea is to stay away from clothes that don’t fit well, either too tight or too loose. It’s important to maintain a good personal hygiene as well.

If you are giving off bad odors, or even if your appearance subjects you to the Pig Pen nickname, you are going to find that you too are deflecting your magnetism away from others.

Pay Attention to Your Body Language to increase your Personal Magnetism

Gravitas is often explained with the example of people stopping to look at you when you enter the room. It’s also the skill of being able to command the room.

Now let’s look at what you would do when you enter a room full of people that you don’t know and see some people with their arms crossed.

Do you approach those people? How about people that look your way and smile?

If you said no to the first question and yes to the second, it’s because of a subconscious force at play: body language.

It’s the same body language that makes people perceive you have Gravitas.

Paying attention to your body language is a crucial aspect of increasing your personal magnetism.

People inherently pick up on those signals without much of a thought. They don’t think “this guy has his arms crossed so I am not going to approach him.” They simply move on.

You can always learn more about body language from books, workshops and seminars. But some of the basics have already been covered.

Don’t cross your arms if you want people to approach you, make eye contact as often as possible and be sure to smile.

These are three of the major ways to improve your body language to make yourself more approachable.

More body language advice

Another way to learn how to use body language to your advantage is to observe people who you are naturally drawn to. Pay attention to the kinds of movements they use as they speak to you.

Are they crossing their arms or are they using their hands to express themselves? Perhaps they give you the occasional touch on the shoulder when making a certain statement.

Are they focusing their eyes on you and giving you their undivided attention?

These are all traits of charismatic people and can be used to increase your magnetism.

Look at how others are reacting when you speak. Are they distracted or are they hanging on your every word?

If they’re checking their smartphones every couple of minutes, you may have some work to do. If they ask you to repeat what you said often, this too is a sign that you should correct your body language signals.

Start with small changes.

Continue to observe others you find charismatic and try to incorporate the actions that they use when talking to people.

If you are consistent with your changes, they will become second nature. Over time and people will definitely start being more drawn to you.