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Charisma is a learnable skill and one that is important to master to achieve your leadership and influencer goals. It also enables you to demonstrate Executive Presence and especially Gravitas.

In the first part of this two-part series, we covered 3 of the 5 ways anyone can develop charisma.

In this post we continue on our quest to be perceived as charismatic with the last 2 tips. We’ll take a closer look at what gives an instant boost to your charisma and when charisma may not be useful for you.

Likeability is the X Factor for Charisma

Who doesn’t want to have a more magnetic personality?

The kind of personality where you’re noticed when you enter a room, and everyone wants to be near you. Or when your company is looking to promote someone, you’re top of mind? In other words, to put it bluntly, be considered likeable?

This is an important point because without likeability your efforts to be perceived as possessing charisma will fall flat.

You’d be familiar with the Know, Like and Trust factor in developing business and personal relationships.

It doesn’t matter how competent you are or even how passionate you are about your work or causes that you support. If people don’t like you, they won’t trust you or believe in your credibility. They won’t want to be around you either.

People like to work with those with whom they can build a rapport and a connection based on common ground.

You may think your decision-making is based on facts and evidence but there is always an emotional element. When it comes to services, you’ll usually go with someone whom you like and hence trust.

Research supports this. One study showed that likability was more important than job experience, education, and qualifications when it came to hiring decisions.

Tom Hanks: A Case Study in Likability

Full disclosure, I am a Tom Hanks fan. I like him as do many other people worldwide. It isn’t surprising as he was once voted the Most Trusted Person in America in a Reader’s Digest poll.  And then the “Most Likeable Man in Hollywood,” according to an iHeartRadio poll in 2013.

This makes him the perfect case study for the likability factor.

When Tom Hanks announced that he and his wife had contracted the COVID-19 virus in Australia while shooting during the first wave, it was worrisome. It felt like someone close to us was unwell.

It wasn’t the Oscars and other awards that he has won but his nature which draws us to him.

He is polite and courteous with both fans and reporters. He is down to earth and we’re able to relate to him.

If you need a role model to develop the skill of likeability, Tom Hanks is your guide.

You will never be charismatic if you can’t get people to like you. But you can increase your magnetism by being more likeable.

Use the tool of Visualization to boost your Magnetism

One of the best ways to start is to visualize yourself with qualities that you associate with magnetism.

Studies show that people can become more likable and in turn, increase magnetism. This requires your re-engineering your thinking.

Close your eyes and try to see what it would be like if you were able to become more magnetic with your personality.

Would you be someone who smiles more often? Perhaps you take a genuine interest in others and always refer to them by name? What changes do you see in yourself when talking to people? Can you read the signals that people are giving you?

After you have your visualization profile completed, the next step is to focus on others who you find have magnetic personalities.

Match what you have come up with in your profile to what you observe from those people. How close did you come?

The next step is to find information through books, magazines, and seminars that are related to the subject of magnetism.

What kinds of traits are suggested from those mediums?

How closely do they match with what you have come up with in your visualization profile?

After matching up as many of the resources described with what you have come up with in your profiles, and have taken notes of the differences, see if you can use this information to implement a course of action.

This will become your road map to successfully increasing your personal magnetism. Don’t try to make all the changes in one shot. Spread it out over the course of several months but be consistent.

Put what you come up with into practice. You will be amazed at the changes that occur over time and how people become more drawn to you.

Who knows, you could even create your own book or seminar in the process and help others achieve their goal of being seen as charismatic.

Use Storytelling to Be More Charismatic

People love good stories and gather around good storytellers. This isn’t a new phenomenon, ancient drawings from caves show our storytelling went as far back as about 40,000 years ago.

Some people are better at telling stories than others. There is always one person in your circle who can narrate a story better than others and is always asked to share stories at social gatherings.

While they have a natural ability, this is a skill that can be learned and practiced.

There are plenty of books available on the subject and you could even find courses or coaching for it.

The takeaway here is that if you learn how to become a good storyteller, you have the tools necessary to be more charismatic. At least, you have one of the bigger aspects of charisma.

The skill of storytelling is also used by influential leaders to create change.

How do you become a better storyteller, or even start as one?

It all has to do with setting the scene and the characters. Even if the characters are people you know, try to animate their actions or elevate their status. You want to try and avoid embarrassing people unless that is part of the story. It still has to be done in a respectful, but playful way. If it is hurtful, you want to avoid it altogether.

The more you involve the people who you are telling the story to, the better. If you can incorporate each person as part of the story, that will go a lot further with them.

You also want to employ the concept of “show, don’t tell” as much as you possibly can. Try to describe the situation as vividly as possible but avoid rambling.

Start small by testing out your skills on friends and family. If they were engaged by the stories you tell, then you can move onto your colleagues.

Stories can also help you appear charismatic online. If you have a blog, or you create videos on YouTube, try incorporating stories into the mix. It will captivate people much easier than simply creating fact-filled content that no one wants to see.

Even if you need to incorporate facts, try to weave them into a story. It will be much easier to get your point across than listing out tables filled with numbers. To do this, use story-based examples while interpreting the data.

Important Caveats about wanting to be more charismatic

This discussion will not be complete unless one becomes aware of the pitfalls of being charismatic. It can also be a double-edged sword.

Beware of the dark side of Charisma

What examples come to mind when you hear the word, Charisma?

Most probably it would be HRH Queen Elizabeth II, leaders like Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and John F. Kennedy etc.

But charisma also has a dark side. Several dictators including Adolf Hitler seduced people using charisma.

Charisma can often mask reasonable thinking. When someone is considered charismatic, they can usually get away with anything.

They are the perceived leaders so if they ask you to do something, you are likely to do it even if it’s not the right thing to do or isn’t right for the situation. That’s the strength of their influence.

In other words, negative charisma can be downright dangerous like it was with Jim Jones.

He was a charismatic leader who led his group of followers to kill themselves by drinking cyanide-laced Kool-Aid.

Leaders can often become addicted to power and when the charisma wears off, they revert to force. According to a documentary on the Jim Jones story, several members wanted to get out and he kept them there by force.

Charisma can be good when it is moderated and not used for overt manipulation.

People should try to recognize the limits of charisma and work within those limits.

If someone is trying to get you to do something that doesn’t seem right, it’s okay to speak up and say why.

Political leaders often rely on charisma to carry them through their terms. But this can backfire when the charisma wears off. People often see the true colors of those leaders. This makes it difficult for them to manage the remaining term. It may make successive runs for office difficult, as well.

Steve Jobs is a great example of a person who was able to balance charisma without abusing it. He successfully brought Apple out of bankruptcy when he returned to manage it and went on to make it the powerhouse it is today.

Whether future leaders of the company can repeat this remains to be seen. As an example, do you even know the name of the current leader of Apple?

This is not to say Tim Cook doesn’t have charisma. It’s just he doesn’t stand out, in the same way Jobs did.

Charisma isn’t going anywhere and people who have it will be around for a while. But it’s important for people to be alert to the possibility of it getting out of hand and to use common sense above all else.

Finding the balance of work-life balance and time management

Charisma is a learned skill, so anyone has the capability of making it happen. But when it does, will you be ready for it?

If you notice people who are charismatic, they are constantly surrounded by others. That is the nature of charisma. Many enjoy the attention.

However, if people are always coming to you at work, for instance, how are you going to get your work done? Some may think it’s a good problem to have, but it can become a nuisance if it happens too much.

People also spread the word about charismatic people. They will tell their friends and colleagues what great people they are. Those friends and colleagues will also try to get some time in with the charismatic people. These new people will also end up telling their friend and colleagues as well.

If you are charismatic, people are going to come to you for advice. They will rely on any advice you give. That may be okay if you are an expert in the subject that they asked about.

But if you give the wrong advice and they take it, you could be helping them get into a situation that may not be good for them. While people are responsible for their own actions, it doesn’t help when someone with charisma gives advice. The advice is likely going to be acted upon.

The charismatic person sometimes revels in the title of advice giver, even if the advice is not useful.

Your home life may be affected by your increased charisma.

You may find that more people are calling on you to join them in various activities, like joining the softball league or coaching kids’ soccer games. These may all be activities you wanted to get involved with, but they will be ever increasing opportunities. Those days of relaxing on Sundays are gone!

Be ready for the changes that happen and try to keep grounded in what it’s going to mean for others as well as the impact it may have on you and your family.

For the most part, being charismatic is a good quality and one that most people would love to incorporate into their life. It may even put you into a leadership role along with a promotion.