Quite possibly the title of this post would have caught your attention. We all know about networking. We do it all the time, whether with the clients that we meet and contacts that we make at seminars/workshops/cocktail parties.

Even when we strike up a conversation at the pet shop with a stranger and find mutual interests that lead to an exchange of phone numbers or Facebook/LinkedIn connection requests.

One aim of networking is to identify and connect with people who can help us to further our goals and ambitions or even assist us when required.

The big question in our minds is very often, “how can this person help us” or even a unilateral, “what can I get out of this person”.  

The agenda of the latter is clearly one-sided.

Personally, I prefer to think the other way around. I ask myself, ‘what can I do for this person” or “how can I contribute and add value to my network”.

In other words, I think of netweaving. It’s more gratifying.

Think about the times that you have been down or in trouble and a friend or acquaintance have stepped in and bailed you out or helped find a solution to your problem. Think a bit about how you have felt to receive timely help and have waited to return the favor or pay it forward. 

What the other person has done has netweaved. They have established credibility and standing in your eyes. You perceive they are resourceful. Good ingredients for creating social and professional standing among one’s peers.

In addition, net weaving helps to build the foundation for a longer-term association. This doesn’t mean that you cannot do networking. I suggest you do both.

Networking and netweaving both require seeking opportunities to work together. The difference lies in the context of the connection and the balance being sought.

My most successful friends and colleagues who have survived recessions, redundancies and bad patches have been net weavers. Their credibility and credentials being established as impeccable. People take their calls even when they have nothing tangible to offer or are in the wilderness. No wonder they bounce back magnificently!

How effective Netweavers create value for their network

Next time you have a networking opportunity, try connecting with others based on what you think you or your network can do for them.

Think along the lines of how the person can be beneficial to others in your network and create an introduction at an appropriate time. Consider areas where you and your new contact can collaborate to create a win-win situation all around. 

Tip: Consider how you can create an all-round win-win over lunch or a meal like I did in my post Networkers who Lunch.

There is nothing worse than having a card book, or a social profile full of names without substance.

Think about your most recent networking interactions, whether in business, work, personal life or social media.

Would you say you were networking or netweaving?

Is there any area where you can add value to your network? Do share your views in the comments box below, I’d love to read them.

PS. Do you use LinkedIn for expanding your network? Want to try out your new skill of netweaving? It all begins with knowing what you shouldn’t do. Click here to download my short guide 5 Mistakes Professionals Make on LinkedIn or on the image below and become the contact everyone wants in their circle!

This post originally titled ‘Do You Network or Netweave?’ was written in March 2012 and has been updated for relevance and new content.

Written By: Vatsala Shukla

Establishing contact with recruiters, HR personnel and potential rainmakers for job hunting has become easier through LinkedIn because you can connect with the target professional through your 2^nd degree connections, Groups and even boiler template invites via the People You May Know section with 3^rd degree connections.

The latter are often accepted if the other person’s agenda is to build a wider network or they see merit in your profile.

But (and I mean a really big but), if the invitation isn’t done properly, it also raises the possibility and danger of inadvertently insulting those very professionals who you need to be in your corner to achieve your end goal – an introduction and a chance to get your resume on the right desk and  job interview invite.

I’ve written tons of posts about LinkedIn etiquette, as well as a free downloadable ebook 5 Mistakes Professionals Make on LinkedIn that addresses professional conduct when connecting with people whom you don’t know in real life. The same etiquette and good manners that you demonstrate in the offline world is required in online networks.

I’m observing a break in code of conduct especially among the millennial generation. I wish someone would tell them that just because a professional is on LinkedIn doesn’t mean they are open to accepting your invitation or giving you access to their network unless they feel the connection is mutually beneficial.

There’s a Haitian proverb

Don’t insult the alligator until you’ve crossed the river.

I think this proverb applies to the situation.

You don’t behave obnoxiously with people who can be rainmakers or help further your career aspiration.

Here’s a real life example.

Way back in 2009 when I first joined LinkedIn, I received an invite from a young professional whose profile was incomplete, no profile photo and who didn’t respond to my inquiry about how we knew each other. It was a polite request on my part because I meet a lot of people and simply wanted to be reminded. I had no reason to remember him until he resurfaced in a shocking manner.

He started trolling me in an IFRS Group where I had numerous 1^st degree connections from the offline professional world.

This person started abusing me instead of providing value to the technical questions that were the topics of discussion.

Then he made the mistake of mentioning my former employer and something very nasty which wasn’t true and  provided grounds for defamation and slander against the Troll as well as my former employer for their staff’s conduct.

I did 2 things – reported him to the LinkedIn Group Manager who blocked him and issued a warning to the Group to maintain propriety and secondly, contacted the HR Manager at my previous employers to discuss this person and his so-called connect at the firm.

Imagine my surprise when the Manager told me that there was no such manager in the firm (I had left in 2007 and attrition is high in that company). He took it seriously though and asked me for details of this young professional.

A few months later, the Manager called me to tell me that the person had applied for a job at the company and he had issued a notice that the person was blacklisted and wasn’t to be interviewed because ‘he wasn’t fit to be employed’.

A couple of Group Members including my connections wrote to me personally about how they admired my handling the situation and their own sense of disgust.  I emerged a stronger and respected member of the Group.

The difference between Troll and the others is the former didn’t recognize the alligator while the others did.

He made another mistake which can be summed in this Creole Proverb:

Don’t call the alligator “big-mouth” till you have crossed the river

Had the Troll played his cards right, the story would have been different. 1 phone call from me or my forwarding the resume would have helped him at least get noticed in a pile resumes because I had left on good terms to follow my dream.

Troll had caught my eye for all the wrong reasons. A Google search indicated that the same conduct had led him to be debarred by the professional body whose qualification was important for him.

This shouldn’t put you off from making introductions when you can or request introductions but be aware that when you make a request, the other person may do more research on you and an uncomplimentary Google search might mean a dead end to your request.

This brings me to the second tip for effective job hunting.

6 Degrees of Separation: networking with influential alligators

Six degrees of separation is the theory that everyone on Earth is 6 or fewer steps away, by way of introduction, from any other person on Earth, so that a chain of “a friend of a friend” statements can be made to connect any two people in a maximum of six steps.

In fact, it’s the same concept behind the parlor game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon where a group of players to try to connect any such individual to Kevin Bacon as quickly as possible and in as few links as possible. (Kevin Bacon Trivia: In 2007, Bacon started a charitable organization named SixDegrees.org).

The concept is well explained in this video by Veritasium and I encourage you to watch it in full.

The point is, it can work in your favor or even against you like it did for the Troll where there was a second degree of connection which went terribly wrong in his job search.

5 ways to stay in the Alligator’s good books

The adage “it’s not what you know; it’s who you know” applies to both job hunters and   self-employed professionals.

Having the right connections that are able and willing to recommend you is as important as a resume that makes you stand out above the crowd. Make sure you are adhering to the following 5 pointers to make your network viable:

Courtesy is not old fashioned – Manners still Matter

Assume everyone you meet whether in the offline or online world is either an alligator or has the potential to be one for you and needs to be treated with courtesy & respect. You don’t know who they know who might be someone you need to know (remember The Troll).

Even when you are leaving a job that you hated, make sure you part on an amiable note. Potential employers often do reference and background checks or if it is a closed industry, they know each other. You certainly don’t want to be given a verbal reference that is in conflict with a written one.

On the alligator note, here’s another Haitian proverb worth remembering

Only when you have crossed the river, can you say the crocodile has a lump on his snout.

Build your Network before you need it

Make networking a part of your regular professional activity and not something you do when you suddenly need a job. Start building your network of professionals with whom you share common interests, industry and professional backgrounds.

This will not only keep you abreast of industry developments but quite often provide you with an inside tip-off for a potential job.

Many companies offer incentives to their staff for recruitment referrals. You want to top of mind if your contact is in a position to recommend you.

Know Like Trust Factor

Make sure your network really knows you. People like to help out those whom they know, like and trust. If you make a new connection, whether it is offline or on social media, cultivate that connection with useful information and generally get to know them better. That way, if you need help the alligator who is in a position to recommend you would be able to do it with confidence and you’ll avoid the disappointment of a no response.

Exercise your Gratitude Muscle

Remember to always thank your connection for leads whether they work out or not. Acknowledgement of their stepping out to help you ensures they will do it again if required.

Become the Alligator!

Networking is a 2 way street. Just as you may need an alligator to help you achieve your goals, avail every opportunity to be a rainmaker alligator to someone who needs your assistance or recommendation.

It demonstrates your prowess as a well-connected professional. Helping others often results in help when we need it. The Universe always makes sure that assistance given is returned even if it isn’t by the same person.

Have you ever experienced the 6 degrees of separation in your job hunt or in setting up your business?  What about the alligators? Ever experienced the wrath of an angry alligator?

PS.  Do you understand the dynamics and purpose of this professional networking platform?

I invite you to check out 5 Mistakes Professionals make on LinkedIn. In this short guide, I’m sharing 5 key mistakes and potential areas where you need to be careful. If you’re making any of these mistakes, you’ll find doable tips to course correct.

Click on the image of the ebook to get download directions and start creating meaningful connections with alligators on LinkedIn.

As a newbie to LinkedIn back in 2008, I learned something from a L.I.O.N in disguise.

I promised myself, I was not going to be a chimp and decided to set up my first LinkedIn policy long before I knew that there was something called a social media policy.

This week, I’m taking out another real story from my life on social media and sharing precious lessons learned.

The story about connecting with the Missing Link

A few years back, when I was still deeply into my IFRS consulting practice, a trusted friend introduced me to a gentleman whom he knew through his family. Since the gentleman and I had a similar profile, his intention was that perhaps we could work together on projects. Preliminaries went well.

It was decided that we would get in touch when the right opportunities arose, and I happily accepted an invitation to connect on LinkedIn.  At that point, the new contact had about 25 connections.

A month later, I saw his name on my news feed bouncing with contacts, many of whom were personally known to me. These were not the ones you see in the People You May Know section and blindly click to connect with, but people who I had actually worked with.

So out of curiosity I checked his LinkedIn Profile.

In 2 weeks, he had jumped to over 250 out of which at least 12 were former colleagues of mine.

I thought to myself, this is great; I can get more references about his professional style from my colleagues.  What happened next left me gob smacked.

My colleagues said they did not know him from Adam and connected for 1 reason – they saw my name and that was good enough for them.

I went back to my friend and told him what was happening.  Seems the same had happened with him and he was angry. I remember him saying something to the effect that if street dogs had LinkedIn profiles, this guy would connect there too!

In subsequent chats he was jokingly referred to as the Missing Link.

We both disconnected from him as did many others.

The last I heard of him, he had managed to get himself featured as a LinkedIn Power Profile for the 5 most viewed profiles in his niche that same year and he actually has that as an accomplishment on his profile.

My friend and I know how he did it and I admire him for his strategy. No harm in giving the Devil his due, but even now, I cannot help but wonder – does he have a strong connection with his contacts or is it a numbers game for him?

How do you ensure you don’t end up being called a Missing Link? Or much worse by people behind your back when you try to connect?

Here are 10 pointers:

1. Understand that LinkedIn is a professional social media platform. People want to connect to further professional or business interests, not win popularity contests. They want to know you professionally and not learn about your private life. Keep it professional.

2. If you are trying to connect with someone who is outside of your circle, find a reason to connect. Make it worthwhile for the other person to accept your invitation. Is it an author whose books influenced you years ago? Mention it. Is it someone who posted on a Group Page and caught your attention? Mention it. Do you think that connecting would be beneficial to the other person? In that case, why not mention it? People like to know that there is a common thread that ties you together. Not just an open networker playing a numbers game.

3. Following from the above point, when you send out your invitation to connect, don’t use the generic

“I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.”

Instead, introduce yourself telling them how you found them and why you would like to connect.

4. Alternatively, if they are a Group Member, send them a mail asking to connect. Let them take the call. Some of my best and most meaningful connections to date have started that way.

5. If you are inviting someone to connect whom you have met at a networking event or at a seminar, mention it in your invitation. The same applies if you are connecting with someone after many years. Remind them of who you are. Not everyone uses LinkedIn like Outlook Express. Some log on once or twice a week. Unless they are able to remember you, they might just put you in Spam or report that they do not know you, which is embarrassing.

5 important tips once you’ve created the LinkedIn network connection 

6. Once your invitation is accepted, send an acknowledgement. If you have not already mentioned how you could benefit the new contact at the invitation stage, now is a good time to bring it up. (Refer to my blog post Do You Network or Netweave?)

7. By this point, you are ready to start creating a meaningful and mutually beneficial network connection. You need to nurture it and the best way is to pay attention to them. By this, I mean, look at your activity feed. Have they shared a post? Have they had a promotion? Communicate and connect. Hit the Like button or write a few words. Maybe send them a private message?

8. Keep your interactions professional and do not spam them. Refrain from getting personal in front of everyone. If they share a post make sure your comments lead to further professional interactions which enable others to join in and keeps the conversation flowing.

9. Don’t assume that if the other person has accepted your LinkedIn invitation, he will also accept your Facebook request. It can give the impression that you are trying to stalk them or worse.

10. Mind your manners at all times. If the new contact can accept your invitation to connect they can easily disconnect and even block you without your knowledge which I feel can be quite embarrassing.

There are so many other rules of engagement – don’t make these mistakes

What’s your experience of networking on LinkedIn? I’d love to read them. Share your LinkedIn experiences with me in the comments box below! 

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Written By: Vatsala Shukla originally in February 2013 and updated for content.

Face The Monster

Sometime back I ran into a photographer friend and his 2 young guests at an art show. They were introduced as models. One of them was an outright exhibitionist who insisted on showing his bare- chest photographs to every lady present whether she wanted to see it or not. Ladies were running in every direction to avoid him.

The other was an aspiring model with a day job at a multinational firm and for all intents and purposes appeared decent.

So, when I was invited to become friends on Facebook, I accepted.

The beginning of my first and last Facebook Wall invasion

The young executive started to post his ‘model’ pictures on my Wall. He was posting faster than I could delete. A chat with my friend revealed the wannabe model had tagged along with the exhibitionist. He did not know him from Adam.

My time is a valued commodity and I spend only 15 minutes on Facebook in a day.

I started having concerns about the impression that a semi-nude guy with chains and whips would make on friends. Some of these friends go back to elementary school and they know me offline as well.

Tired of hitting the delete button, I Unfriended him in what had to be the shortest friendship ever. Friend had turned into Fiend. I was not having my Wall subjected to a narcissist invasion.

Thank God Facebook allows such safety measures!

Now Facebook does not inform people when they have been Unfriended.

I guess Fiend in the disguise of Friend found out when he tried to load the next batch of portfolio photographs. There were a few sheepish text messages which I ignored. I was furious and counting to 100 did not help.

One’s social network page is similar to your living room; it is your sacred space. Visitors are allowed in only by invitation. I was not taking on stress when I had power to control and be rid of the ill-mannered guest!

I thought I was a one-off case but recently learned of much worse invasions of Facebook Walls of friends with posts that really should not have been there, third party friends passing rude comments on their Walls and even marketing their products without the friend’s permission.

In some cases, people were being added to Groups that they didn’t even know about, and which were not relevant to them.

We are all in control mode now and reviewing and revising our privacy settings as a precautionary measure. There is enough going on in the world to create stress and social networking is meant to make us happy, not create angst.

There is something called Internet Etiquette and while one might forgive spammers, one does not forgive friends or connections.

For Facebook, in addition to the privacy, terms and conditions sections, I highly recommend going through the details in their Help Center. There used to be an Official Facebook Etiquette page which has now been changed.

It is quite easy to block people and forget about the nuisance but here are 2 tips that can help avoid getting to the point, where blocking and reporting SPAM become the only way out.

First things first, remember that it is your Wall

The bottom line is that your Facebook Wall is YOUR WALL which means that you control the content.

It means that you have the right to delete messages, pictures and anything else that you find inappropriate or offensive.  It is your sacred space, keep it that way.

Try simple deletes and a private message/phone call to the poster explaining your position. If the poster does not understand what you are saying, go ahead and block them or at least put in controls where your approval is required before a post is loaded on your Wall. Check your account settings and establish necessary controls.

You may not want to go to the extreme of Unfriend someone or blocking the Fiend invasion but yet want to control the content on your Wall.

In this case, you can block the person from posting on your Wall. Here is a great how –to –do-it link:

http://smallbusiness.chron.com/block-person-posting-facebook-wall-unfriending-28404.html.

Think twice before accepting Friend Requests from strangers

The second tip is a no-brainer but yes, it happens and then what?

You might have inappropriate photographs on your Wall, you may find posts that are really not you and again, what would your friends think?

It is a sad fact that there are people out there that have the idea that their status and popularity depend upon how many friends they have on Facebook.  They may not necessarily know many of their friends in real life. That is their self-esteem issue, not yours.

While it is possible to make new friends on Facebook especially if you belong to a group, try to find some common ground.  I have done that with great success and yes, we all took time to get to know each other and learn about our new friend’s boundaries.  We use the Inbox when required and do not air private matters on Walls.

Some people have this idea that the number of ‘friends’ you have in Facebook is a status indicator of your popularity in real-life. That may be true if these ‘friends’ are people whom one knows offline, and not strangers whom one randomly adds while browsing through the Facebook network.

Treat Facebook for what it is

It’s a social networking site with a purpose, not a mail order catalog where if you like a photograph, you befriend.

You can also accept requests through introductions from existing and real friends.

The Facebook experience should be fun and engaging but not in a manner that can upset or embarrass others.

Be aware at all times of the public nature of Facebook, take appropriate measures to protect your privacy and engage with friends to be a valuable part of their Facebook experience and yours too!

Which means, you too should not engage in any activity that can lead to being unfriended.

Instead use Facebook as a platform to network in a more casual environment.

Remember, if you take the ‘r’ out of Friend, you get a Fiend.

Do you have a Facebook Invasion story that you would like to share?

Do tell us about it and how you solved the problem.

Written By: Vatsala Shukla