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Difficult colleagues or co-workers whose moods and behavior spoil the workplace ambiance – every office has at least one of these. These guys don’t understand the meaning of team work or play political games for one-upmanship.

This issue isn’t one to be taken lightly. The Randstad Employer Brand Research (REBR) revealed that more than 1 in 5 employees had considered leaving their jobs in just the first six months of 2021.

Employees had stayed put during the pandemic for stability but would move out to meet their new needs in the post-pandemic world.

One of the reasons in the article that covered this research was incompatibility with manager or team.

These people can have a negative impact on your mood and performance.

While there may be many reasons for your colleague’s discontent like personal problems on the home front that are spilling into the workplace or even feeling that they’re not getting the right amount of recognition and reward for their work, this should not affect your emotional health.

You can’t control the behavior and conduct of your colleague but you can take measures to ensure you don’t contribute to conflict.

Your skills competence will take your career far but when it comes to leadership roles, your emotional intelligence and people skills will play a major role.

One way of preparing yourself before talking to a difficult colleague or any person is to decide your desired outcome and how you intend to achieve it. It requires using Emotional Intelligence.

Follow these 4 steps and you’ll definitely come up with some creative out of the box ideas to deal with the difficult person.

1. Stop thinking of them as ‘difficult’. In other words, drop the label you’ve given them and proceed with an open mid.
2. Ask yourself ‘What do I want them to do differently?’ Be specific in what you’d like them to do differently. Your job isn’t to counsel them or tell them to change their ways, just what you need from them.
3. Ask yourself ‘What’s in it for them to do what I want?’ People respond better to requests if they feel there’s some benefit for them. Think of how your request can help them too.
4. Tell them exactly what you want them to do differently, including what’s in it for them.

Preparing to deal with the difficult co-worker without losing your mind

It’s never easy to take on someone who is being difficult without knowing what’s actually triggering them and definitely hard if the person isn’t aware of the impact of their conduct.

If I were you, I’d do the following: 

Put yourself in your co-worker’s place and remember their good qualities. It will be easier to maintain a pleasant work relationship with co-workers if you try to understand their point of view. Keep their strengths in mind to balance any tendencies that you find irritating.

Beware: Empathy doesn’t mean you start making excuses for their behavior.

Encourage constructive exchanges while avoiding griping. Keep up daily pleasantries for an amiable environment.

Maintain your sense of humor. Any situation is easier if you can laugh about it. You may be able to find some entertainment value in your colleagues’ bellyaching.

Develop a strong support network. If you still sense negativity at the office, keep yourself strong with a good support network. Get the support that works for you from family, friends, or your faith tradition.

Now that you know what you want and how to appeal to the other person, let’s look at some strategies to put it to work.

Strategies for more peaceful communications with difficult colleagues:

#1 Talk with your colleague first. For any workplace dispute, supervisors appreciate employees who demonstrate the maturity to resolve their own conflicts. Start by speaking directly with the individual.

So if you have a colleague who loves to escalate matters and you find yourself wasting time explaining things to your direct boss, have a chat and get on the same page with them.

Tell them how it comes across and how you’re made to feel.

Most of the time, the other person doesn’t even realize how their behavior is affecting others or damaging their reputation.

It’s easier for colleagues to develop trust in each other and work as a team if everyone is committed to being respectful and straightforward even when there are disagreements.

#2 Know when to consult your supervisor or the human resources department. If you and your colleague can’t resolve the situation privately, you may need to escalate.

Follow your company’s grievance policy or ensure your colleague is aware of the appropriate avenue to express their concerns.

#3 Focus on inappropriate behaviors. When speaking with your co-worker, be specific about the conduct that you think is inappropriate. If necessary, explain how it’s disruptive.

For example, if negative statements were made in front of clients, describe how that could hurt the company’s reputation. Consider applying an effective feedback technique that would work to get the message across without making the other person feel humiliated.

Likewise, be open to any feedback about your own conduct that could be contributing to the situation and guide the discussion towards finding solutions.

#4 Help the perfectionist to be more realistic. Some people complain because they have high expectations that are difficult to meet with the time and resources available. Try to reach a consensus about what is feasible.

Encourage your co-worker when they do a good job and congratulate them on their successes. Let them know you recognize their talents – from strong presentation skills to knowing how to make newcomers to the team feel welcome.

#5 Introduce change gradually. Some are resistant to change and find it unsettling. If you anticipate that upcoming events are likely to create conflict, try to give notice or hold a staff meeting to discuss the situation.

People may accept unwelcome changes more gracefully if they’re notified in advance and understand the reasoning behind them.

#6 Avoid personal criticism. Making fun of others is often a sign of insecurity. If you’re working with a co-worker who makes disparaging remarks about others, the situation can sometimes be improved by helping them to feel more secure and confident in their own abilities.

Another option is to simply change the conversation to something positive. In any case, avoid participating in the mockery.

#7 Follow up. Once you make progress towards a more positive workplace, maintain the momentum with constructive follow up.

Inquire if your co-worker’s legitimate complaints have been resolved to their satisfaction and thank people for all their efforts.

Difficult co-workers can make getting through your day and completing your work hard for you.

But a proactive approach to create a more positive workplace can help eliminate tension and boost your own morale.

Additional Resource for dealing with difficult colleagues and co-workers

Check out this book on using Emotional Intelligence when dealing with difficult people.

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