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My previous post on commanding presence in a room led to some interesting insights related to the use of silence to raise one’s presence. (You can read that post here)

For one, it was a favorite tactic and for another, I discovered what appears to be a universal phenomenon. Moms are good at using this particular form of communication!

Why is Silence so powerful?

Growing up, do you remember your parents or teachers telling you ‘Silence is golden’?

It’s actually part of a much older proverb, “Speech is silver, and silence is golden” and praises the value of silence over speech.

Digging a little deeper into this proverb or phrase, I discovered it probably originated in the Arabic culture. It was known and used as far back as the 9^th century.

In modern times, we all know the virtues of silence when one is lending a sympathetic ear to a distraught friend or colleague.

It’s one way of letting them know you’re fully attentive to their need and accept them as they are as of a given moment.

It’s also a useful tool to help calm and diffuse a situation instead of reacting when someone starts yelling at us.

It’s a technique that demonstrates Emotional Intelligence.

One caveat though, never use silence to avoid a conflict where your own feelings are ignored because it can lead to resentment and negative feelings.

It’s always good to talk to the yelling person once their anger or situation is under control. Then tell them how you felt without being confrontational. Not every situation needs to become a battlefield.

Which brings me to another benefit of silence.

It can help you with difficult conversations.

Silence can be uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s just what is required to enable the other person to process the information that is being given to them and a chance to react appropriately.

In my story about missing an important promotion there is one part that I left out. In between telling me why I was being overlooked for the promotion round, my Group Manager did offer moments of silence during which neither of us spoke.

In fact, he was ‘holding the space’ for me to understand what was being said and why. He then created a viable solution instead of a knee jerk reaction and conflict.

Wielded correctly, silence can be a powerful conflict management tool.

With all these powerful uses of silence, I wasn’t surprised when I discovered during my research that silence is a therapeutic tool in clinical psychology.

Silence as a powerful leadership skill

It’s the use of silence to demonstrate leadership that fascinates me.

Now that I think of it, there was a Managing Partner in one of the audit firms where I worked whom we had nicknamed Silent Assassin. He’d take a round of the entire office in silence during the afternoon stopping only to smile at an employee if the eyes met.

The best part was, he knew his nickname and loved it – definitely more than the Partner who was called Penguin! (I won’t articulate why :))

The key lesson I learned from observing this Managing Partner and other effective leader bosses is that they all knew the power of silence.

Being a leader means many things. One of the most important skills for anyone who is in charge of other people, is the ability to command a room and to gain attention.

You can be the best leader in the world in terms of your strategy and your people management – but if you can’t get anyone to listen to you, then you won’t be effective!

One of the greatest tools in your arsenal when it comes to getting over this obstacle & commanding that audience, is to use silence.

Many of us think that the best way to gain attention and to look in control, is to shout and make a lot of noise. The truth couldn’t be further from this, and I wouldn’t advise it.

Why is that? Because when you shout and make fuss, you look desperate for that attention. Most of us have been conditioned to learn that if someone is desperate for attention, then we probably shouldn’t give it to them!

Conversely, someone who is seemingly calm and indifferent to you, will instantly become more intriguing and dynamic. Because they are trying to impress you, the power dynamic shifts and you find yourself trying to impress them.

Silence combined with your Signature Voice -the right words and inflexion -provides powerful results.

When someone stands up to talk and starts with a moment of silence, this makes them seem extremely confident. That’s because most of us are constantly anxious that even a moment of silence will mean we lose our audience!

In fact, back in school when we had to prepare for debates and extempore, our teachers taught us to start our speech with silence for a good reason.

Starting a sentence or a speech with silence ensures everyone needs to lean in and listen to what you are saying. This will set the tone for what you’re about to say.

Watch an actor or a politician who is known for being charismatic. That could be Will Smith, Dwayne Johnson, Obama, Narendra Modi etc. What you will find, is they tell a lot of stories.

And when they do this, they leave moments of silence in between their statements in order to create suspense and drama.

This is one of the biggest differences between those confident and charismatic speakers, versus someone who comes across as nervous and anxious.

How can a story have a dynamic ebb and flow if you try to get it all out in moments?

And when someone uses silence in this way, they come across as supremely confident and in charge of the room.

Recognize the power of silence.

Don’t be afraid to ask a rhetorical question and then let it hang. Don’t be afraid to build some suspense for what you’re about to say next!

Too many of us feel a constant urge to rush everything we have to say out at once. In fact, though, it is often the silence between the individual statements that really has the most impact. It shows poise, control, patience, and confidence.

Try using more silence the next time you speak to someone and see just how powerful this can be!