Thanks Suzie. Reading the visitor comments for this post, I realize that many of us who might not have even met in the offline world have had this experience making the Art of Negative Inquiry even more important for people who are presently experiencing such situations but not sure how to handle it. A big thank you for sharing the message with your audience.

Thanks Kathleen for sharing the old adage, Kathleen. It holds true for any engagement between 2 people. Looks like we all followed the ‘do unto others as you would have others do unto you’ after receiving the weird verbal bashing. 🙂 When we address our staff or subordinates in a manner that we would have preferred ourselves at that stage of our career, then we are already a rung above in the manager/leader ladder.

We’re open to receiving feedback when delivered in a manner that we can listen to it, Sue, not when it is done in a manner that it goes over our head. Specifics and a neutral tone make for more effective communication between the 2 parties.

Oh God, Marquita, is it possible that our boss and your boss are long lost siblings? 🙂 It was an ordeal in those days waiting for our ritualistic verbal bashing and yes, in a way I’m grateful for the experience. It taught me what I wasn’t supposed to do either as a Manager or as a Leader. Thanks for sharing your experience. I fully relate to it.

The worst part was that she would wait days, sometimes weeks, to do this. So there you would sit in front of her, like a kid that’s been called to the principal’s office, trying to remember the incident she’s berating you for, but she always quickly dismissed us so it was over as suddenly as it started and then we’d be walking out of her office in a fog still trying to figure out what the heck just happened!

I have never taken such pleasure at quitting a job as I did that one, but the experience was valuable because I went on to manage a 40 staff unit and never once used the “sandwich” on them!

You are so right, Beverley. Open communications and understanding how to deliver feedback or constructive criticism in a manner that the receiving party actually listens is an important managerial and leadership skill. I guess I did manage this manager well after recovering from his style of shock and awe feedback though I assure you, the first time it happened, I wasn’t quite sure what had hit me. 🙂

One never knows what’s going on in another person’s mind, Natasha, and all we can do is handle the outward projection of their feelings to the best of our abilities. The competition between a teacher and and admin person is puzzling, unless she felt you were competent to do both her job and yours. The best way to protect oneself is to be assertive and ask for specifics – that usually gets the other person’s goat- big time as I learned from the Monday Morning Basher. 🙂