Every professional worth his or her salt knows that demonstrating Executive Presence is important for their career, especially if they are aiming at a Leadership position.

But what about toxic behaviour? Did you know that toxic behaviour can actually ruin your efforts to show Executive Presence?

Resources mentioned in video blog

Blog Post: How to Peacefully Handle Toxic People with Grace

Free Emotional Intelligence Traits Checklist

Course: Detox Your Toxic Workplace (click here or on the image below for details)

Update April 2024: This course is now available at Karmic Ally Coaching’s Success Solutions

Prefer reading about how Toxic behaviour ruins our Executive Presence? Transcript below:

Hi, I’m Vatsala Shukla, Chief Encouragement Officer at Karmic Ally Coaching and in this presentation, I want to discuss toxic behaviour and its impact on Executive Presence.

The topic came about while I was preparing my micro course on handling toxic workplace culture. And then it struck me that, what if, we ourselves are the toxic person in question.

But first things first, let’s have a look at something else.

And that is, a question about, what does executive presence mean to you?

Now the reason I’m asking this is I’m not looking for a textbook explanation or something you may have read in an article, but what does it actually mean to you?

And that it can mean different things to different people and it is quite a difficult concept to explain at times.

When I asked a couple of people what Executive Presence meant to them, I came up with a couple of answers and the 5 main ones were that they wanted to walk into a room and command attention.

In other words, command the place.

They wanted to be charming enough compared to others to compete with others for a prestigious promotion.

They wanted to demonstrate gravitas and wow people even if they didn’t know how to make it work. Or they wanted to impress with their expertise.

But most of them felt the following two. And that is, they wanted, desired more respect and they wanted to have their voice, recommendations and ideas heard and to be taken more seriously.

So that is fine. They understood what Executive Presence is.

But where do we go wrong in understanding Executive Presence?

It’s all about how you come across to others & present yourself.

Basically, Executive Presence is a soft skillset, it’s a behaviour or competency that a professional can develop provided they’re willing to put in consistent practice.

In other words, it’s not just for a presentation or for a meeting, but it has to be done consistently throughout.

And most importantly, it’s not about you!

It is about how those who you are presenting before or working with experience you. So, I also noticed there are certain behaviours which show that you do not have Executive Presence or that you are lacking in it which are also quite similar to toxic behaviour.

The 3 that I have identified are, that you speak too much and you dominate the conversation. Now it could be that you are eager to impress and you don’t realize that your behaviour may be seen as lacking Executive Presence.

You struggle to moderate your emotions or struggle to adjust to others’ emotions. In other words, your emotional intelligence is low.

And much worse, you are prone to outbursts and emotional outbursts will definitely make sure that nobody considers you for the next position.

Now here’s a short case study of my own

If you remember, in my blog post on How to Peacefully Handle Toxic People with Grace, I spoke about a new boss who had come in, who wanted his own team and he set about making sure that those of us who were still there had a hard time.

He wasn’t in the mood to fire but he definitely wanted us out.

And, apart from being a bully, his actions actually ruined the ambiance in the department and all of us who had been working quite well with each other suddenly became backstabbers and because our team actually interacted with people outside of the department, their activities were noticed by everyone.

Suddenly all of us started to lose what we had as Executive Presence.

The question is, how did we become so toxic?

The truth is we became fixated with the wishes of the boss.

We were under psychological distress and our organization didn’t bother to either acknowledge or address the powerful communicator and we continued that way.

Instead of focusing on the mission of the organization we started focusing on what the boss wanted so that we wouldn’t get targeted by this boss, who made sure that the targeting was done in open space.

Everything became urgent. In other words, we stopped looking at tasks or prioritizing them, looking at urgent and not urgent.

The Covey quadrant went out of the window, everything was urgent and our patience threshold started to decrease which meant we were all snappy at each other and cranky.

And we drove each other to exhaustion but we didn’t reach out for help because by that time we were completely intimidated by the behaviour of the boss.

The truth is, that, no one is born toxic. But toxicity not only hurts the other person but it also takes away a lot from us.

According to experts, stress and undue pressure inculcates this toxic side in people, who more often than not are not even aware of their toxic behaviours.

Maybe that was the situation with our boss also who had been brought in to achieve a certain goal and he needed to deliver. So toxic behaviour could be situational.

Now, coming back to you, do you think you’re toxic?

Here are 9 signs that I’d like you to consider and see if any of them resonates with you.

Firstly, you criticize others for no rhyme or reason and you blame them for delays or lapses.

You squeal about others to your boss in order to earn brownie points.

And this is something that happened to me with that same toxic boss because one of my assistants was so scared of losing his job he started speaking ill about me to the boss who was more than happy to get notes on what all I was upto whether it was true or false.

You start to look for the negative in every situation or proposal and beat down people if they come up with an idea.

You talk more than using the skill of active listening and you end up micro-managing your team and keeping checks on them. In other words, you don’t really let them function.

You’re so scared, you’re so stressed out that you don’t want a mistake so you don’t let them do their work.

You tend to react aggressively when someone confronts you and you insult others in public instead of having private conversations behind closed doors. In other words, you hit at the other person’s self-respect and self-esteem.

And you simply need to have the last word in any conversation or disagreement. That is the power of being or becoming toxic. So my question to you is

Considering what I’ve spoken about earlier, are you lacking Executive Presence or are you toxic?

And if you feel you have become toxic,

Here are the 3 steps that I can suggest to reclaim your Executive Presence and reduce that toxic behaviour.

Firstly, start with reviewing your behaviour and making the changes required.

You’ve already got 9 signs of toxic behaviour. You’ve got 3 places where people lack Executive Presence and show toxicity. Make the required changes.

Secondly, stop handing out permission slips to others who provoke your toxic reactions because it could be that you’re responding to them in the wrong way.

And thirdly, use the guidance and actions that I’ve put in my new course Detox Your Toxic Workplace.

This course will show you exactly what is toxic behaviour. It will help you identify and manage toxic relationships, a toxic boss and also toxic colleagues.

On top of it, I’ve also included certain other resources that will help you to build your resilience so that you stop being toxic and start focusing more on demonstrating true Executive Presence. As a final word,

I’d like to leave you with this beautiful quote from Osho which I think sums up what you really need to do and that is  to remain in the world, act in the world, do whatsoever is needful, and yet remain transcendental, aloof, detached, a lotus flower in the pond.

That’s all from me. This is Vatsala Shukla signing off. See you next time.

Toxic people are bad enough but what if it is your boss?

It’s amazing how little things bring back memories one thought were long forgotten. Earlier this month a connection back at LinkedIn asked a question related to feelings when a boss demeans us.

I shared my experience and how I made sure I was never that kind of a boss. Sometimes a negative role model helps us define our leadership style by providing a stark contrast.

Fortunately I never suffered from sexual harassment in my corporate world days but I did have a boss who harassed me enough to bring me to the verge of a heart attack.

I have since learned that a bad boss can be bad for your heart as per Gallup.

Not because I wasn’t good at my job but a new boss often wants to bring in their own people and will go to no end to achieve their goal.

That’s a normal occurrence in the corporate world and I was lucky that my employer wanted to keep me so transferred me to another division.

They also had policies on harassment and whistle blowing that were applied in all their global offices.

When I look back at the incident I realize that the boss was actually bullying me.

In future employments I always checked the employer’s policies. It was an important factor in my accepting a job offer.

Coming back to demonic boss, I was assertive and remember asking him the 3 questions that flustered him.  I guess the shock of having his power questioned must have caused it. 🙂

You can use the same technique that I’ve shared in my blog post How to Handle a Bully? You Need to Stun Gun the Meanie 

Then a few days back, I was having a conversation with a friend about toxic bosses and work environment and our war stories from the corporate world. We joked that we must have had stickers on our foreheads giving permission to be harassed.

I remembered demonic boss and realized that in addition to being a bully, his actions ruined the ambiance in the department with a team that had otherwise worked well with each other turning into a bunch of backstabbers.

Since the team interacted with people outside the department, their activities were noticed by everyone.

Fortunately, my division was independent and when I had to interact with my old team, they were decent enough to give me the required respect and refrain from involving me in the new games that were being played.

Toxic bosses can do more damage and it isn’t surprising that professionals often leave their jobs due to them – a finding confirmed by Gallup.

The truth is, toxic people are just a part of life. We’ve all been faced with them and it’s likely that every one of us has allowed a toxic person to get the better of us.

Unfortunately, these toxic people seem to attach themselves to reasonable people or those who they feel are weak or emotionally vulnerable.

We all have at least one of them in our social (or professional) circle. In a perfect world, you could simply cut them out and walk away. Unfortunately, not every situation is as simple as ghosting someone or cutting them out.

Apart from October being the Prevention of Bullying Month, it is also Mental Health Awareness Month.

What I want to share with you today is relevant to both.

The damage that toxic people can do isn’t always obvious.

In fact, the damage is subtle. You start to question yourself, believing that perhaps you’re over-sensitive or reacting poorly. You question your own feelings and opinions.

It’s important that you recognize harmful behavior and know how to minimize its impact.

It’s just as important to understand that you cannot change their behavior, you can’t change toxic people.

The first step to managing toxic people is understanding what it is that makes them view you as a soft target or prey.

Please remember that this doesn’t mean you are to blame. However, there is something about you that has caused this person to latch on.

Perhaps it’s because you’re too nice to put your foot down, it could be fear or something else. So, think about what it is about you that could potentially invite toxic people to try and take advantage of you.

Now, let’s take a look at some common tactics of toxic people and how you can manage them.

Toxic People know how to play Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde with panache

In other words, they keep you guessing by blowing hot and cold.

You never know which version of this person will appear. One day they are the nicest person on the planet and the next, they act as though you have stolen a prized possession.

There is no obvious explanation as to why their attitude has changed, you just recognize that it has. You can ask what’s wrong, but they’ll tell you there’s nothing wrong. You might even make excuses for their behavior.

My 2 cents? Don’t try to please toxic people. They know exactly what they’re doing and will have you jumping through hoops. Leave them alone and approach them if their mood changes.

You don’t control their feelings, nor are you responsible for them. If you have genuinely done something to hurt someone, then you can apologize and talk about it. A toxic person will keep you guessing, and that’s not helpful.

Toxic People are Masters in the Art of Manipulation

Do you feel like you’re the only person who is actively contributing to a relationship? Then, you might be right.

Toxic people are adept at manipulating people into making others into believing that you owe them. They’re also incredibly good at doing things that hurt you but selling it as an attempt to help.

This is something that often occurs in a professional environment. The toxic person makes out as though they are doing you a massive favor, but what they’re really doing is putting you in an impossible situation and acting as though it’s to your benefit.

Trying to use logic with a toxic person is like trying to win a boxing match with a kangaroo who’s bent the rules. You’re going to get knocked out because the referee won’t even know rules are being subtly broken.

Don’t fall for this, you don’t owe anyone and if someone acts like they’re doing you a favor, but it doesn’t feel like one… then, it isn’t.

Toxic People don’t own their own Feelings

Instead of taking ownership of their own feelings, these guys are great at projecting their thoughts and feelings onto others. In this situation, it’s you.

They feel angry, but instead of owning that they accuse you of being the angry one. They will force you to prove yourself.

Just remember this, you don’t need to justify or deal with an accusation that is clear projection. You’ll know when it’s happening because you will find yourself constantly defending yourself against accusations that make no sense.

Developing your self-awareness plays an important role in self-protection.

While tactics and strategies to deal with toxic people and bullies can be dished out by the barrel, these are responses to triggers.

There’s a better way to handle this.

An emotionally intelligent person will pick up the vibes faster and take preventive action. They don’t wait for unpleasant things to happen. They have a high degree of self-awareness and take control of the situation to prevent it from affecting them adversely.

If this is an area that you are aware needs improvement, then my digital resource How to Develop Emotional Intelligence with Ease will help.

I believe you deserve to lead a happy successful life and the guide has 3 awesome bonus resources. You’re getting the entire package at an unbelievable price of $37. Check out my special offer here.

Update 18 April 2022 and 2024:

If you need more specific guidance, then check out my course Detox your Toxic Workplace that looks at both toxic bosses, colleagues and gives resilience building exercises here or by clicking the image below. This course has moved to Karmic Ally Coaching Success Solutions in April 2024 and links have been updated.

Have you or anyone you know ever missed out on a well-deserved promotion at work?   Quite possibly there could be a business economics case in it or worse, you’ve lost out to office politics. In either case, you need to have your finger on the pulse of what’s going on in the background.

Here’s how it goes.

You work hard the whole year round and more than meet your agreed Key Performance Objectives. You get an inflation indexed pay increment but that is about all you get. Other colleagues at work who may not have your caliber get promoted up the corporate ladder while you slip into the cracks of the corporate floor.

That dear reader is when Promotion Plateau happens.

If you aren’t careful this will continue to happen unless you take active measures to ensure you can’t be ignored. Later, having exhausted all options you cop out and head for greener pastures with better career progression opportunities.

Quite possibly, you have reached the highest level that you can go for your grade, or the company has gone into freeze mode due to the economics of the organization. They are only promoting junior staff with the view to avoid attrition because they believe more senior staff won’t jump ship.

The promotion may be one of title with no new fringe benefits and an increment that isn’t worth thinking about post taxes. It hurts because you’ve done the hard work and justifiably expect a commensurate reward.

Or it could be the result of a mean, manipulative and powerful manager promoting his flunkies, a sad but often seen reality in the cutthroat corporate world.

That’s the one that hurts to the core of the heart. Especially when we aren’t inclined to engage in dirty politics and aren’t willing to barter our Soul for the prize. Mud wrestling isn’t everyone’s preferred style of getting promotions and only the aggressor enjoys it.

There are ways that you can help yourself if you find you’ve become a pawn in the political chess game of promotions while staying in integrity with your core values.

Why it’s important to have a champion when politics plays a key role in your promotion

Many of us prefer to steer clear of office politics but unless you have a Godfather or influential supporter who can right the wrongs, you need to know some of the basics.

A true story about how I accidentally found myself in the Champion role

Many years ago, I had the opportunity to assist in course correcting the career of a very competent professional who had run afoul of his immediate reporting Manager who had the ‘ear of the Boss’.

He worked hard, he delivered on time and he took initiative. Yet the rewards were not given and for 4 years, he was bypassed for promotion at the annual Managers Meeting because his reporting Manager had labeled him as having an attitude problem. Since no one else had worked with him no one challenged the Manager.

That changed when he was loaned out for a project to me, a new Manager at the time, who did not know about the politics or this young man’s situation. The young professional’s work spoke for him. Yes, there was an attitude problem which started to disappear as the professional realized that this manager had her own way of working and supported her team.

When the annual Managers Meeting came around, this young man’s name was about to be bypassed again until I spoke up and gave instances of this person’s work. Championing a worthy candidate is the least one can do to prevent miscarriage of promotion.

The other Managers had to rethink it and the matter was finally referred to the top management and Head of Human Resources. There was a happy ending after all.

The professional got his long overdue promotion and was made a Manager himself within 18 months. I’ve followed his career since then and presently he has his own company and is flourishing while the Manager who had the ear of the boss,  from what my former colleagues tell me, didn’t make Partner  for which he had made everyone’s life miserable finally quit the company.

How to get promoted from Pawn to King with Integrity

There is always some level of politics in any organization that one works in. It may not be as toxic or extreme as the incident in this post, yet there are tips and techniques that can help you keep your finger on the promotion pulse. If you are in a similar situation, I suggest that you try them before updating your Curriculum Vitae and searching for new pastures.  You can also talk to me.

Tip 1: Nurture good and cordial relations

The first and most important action that can affect your promotion is to maintain good relations with your superiors. If possible, maintain this relation up to 2-3 levels upward.

Maintain good relations with your peers and juniors. They count too. When engaging in reputation management, receiving good or neutral feedback from them can negate any spoiler that your immediate boss or others might be playing. Cordial relations also help in dealing with backstabbers in the office.

Tip 2: Make sure you don’t fall behind in your professional development

An often overlooked area is updating one’s professional knowledge. We live in a fast moving world. Ensure that you remain in the promotion race, by keeping track of your professional development needs and taking up the necessary courses and training to close the gap. If the company won’t sponsor it, pay for it yourself.

Tip 3: Don’t just do what you are told to do but do what needs to be done

Make yourself a valued team player and driver of efficiency and effectiveness. Your performance must be above reproach. When your work is good and you deliver as required or more than required on time, it becomes difficult to ignore the work and the worker. If a task that has been delegated to you requires more work, do it.

Make a record of the additional steps you took to get the job done and let your supervisor know that you thought beyond the actual instructions to make it work. In short, be proactive, take initiative. Remember to make notes of what and how you took actions beyond the call of duty and the results achieved. These notes will come in handy during your Performance Reviews and Annual Appraisals.

This brings me back to my post Step up to the plate if you really want your career to go places.

I also recommend reading Bob Nelson’s book

Please Don’t Just Do What I Tell You! : Do What Needs to be Done 

which is also available on Kindle

Tip 4: Take measures to raise your Executive Presence

Not only do you need to do good work, you also need to get noticed for your work. This means taking the necessary steps to raise your Executive Presence and strategically positioning yourself for that promotion.

You and you alone can make a difference to your career. When it comes to raising your Executive Presence, help is on hand.

I’ve covered many useful tips that have worked for me and my clients in this Kindle ebook. All you have to do is acquire my book Get Noticed!. Select those tips that will work in your situation.

Tip 5: Play positive politics

Just as one can play dirty politics, one can also play positive politics. The 4 tips that I shared above will help you with this. Be appreciative of your colleagues and help them when you know you can. Thank them when they help you out. Remember the secretaries and executive assistants who can help you get important meetings if the need arises with the people who matter.

For example, if there is Tea Lady or Office Boy who does deliveries, be as courteous to them as any other office worker. Help a colleague out with their work if you have spare time and can give tips or knowledge to get the work done faster.

Feedback about you can reach the people who matter in the most extraordinary ways, as I learned to my amusement when one of the Partners to whom I reported casually mentioned that the security guard in my office in Jamaica had nicknamed me Sunshine because I smiled and said good morning to him in the mornings.

How do I mitigate the dirty politics and keep my finger on the pulse of what’s happening?

Unless you’re a psychic or have hidden cameras all over the place, you really wouldn’t know what’s going on.  Yet you can be alert.

That’s why you need to be heavily networked within your organization and make it a point to nurture relationships with colleagues both within and outside your department. One good way of doing this is strike up conversations, smile and meet up in the office canteen over lunch. Share information when required and be alert to nuggets that you hear for future reference.

Quite often, your colleagues may not want to play dirty politics or backstab you. Know that if they are vying for the same plum job or promotion, human nature kicks in.

One way of finding out which way the wind is turning is to observe changes in the behavior of the colleague or the person on whose recommendation your promotion is hinged.

Here are some pointers:

Has the boss stopped inviting you to important meetings?

Are you finding yourself restricted with the resources you need to complete your work?

Are you in the loop when it comes to information distribution?

When you speak at meetings or ask for information are you being cut short?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then don’t jump to conclusions immediately. Quite possibly the other person is going through their own tough time and can’t share it with you.

But if the behavior continues and you find more supporting evidence of weirdness and get your finger on that pulse,

Consider casually mentioning the change in behavior to a trusted colleague who may know more couched in terms of concern.

You could also gently have a chat with the person and ask if you’ve done something wrong and clear the air. That would get any backstabber to back off because they know you are onto them.

You could also follow the tips that I share in my post on Dealing with Backstabbers at Work.

If despite all your efforts, you find you can’t compete and the company culture and environment isn’t supporting you, then perhaps you should consider moving. But not before you’ve exhausted all options to stay.

As always, do let me know how it is going.

Have you ever lost out to a promotion because someone’s favorite was obliged? How did you handle it? Have you ever been a victim of corporate politics? What did you do?

Please do leave a comment below and share your experience with me. If you prefer, drop me a line via the connect form. I’m waiting to hear from you!

Written by : Vatsala Shukla

Image Credit: Upward by Erin Childs