Conflict resolution is an important skill both in the workplace as well as in one’s personal life. But it’s not an easy skill to master because our emotions get in the way.

One of the biggest challenges I’ve faced as a Team Leader and Manager was bringing the different members of my audit teams to work as one and not a group of individuals brought together for an assignment.

One had to manage the project close, the goals of each individuals and ensure they worked as a group while managing personality and working styles.

When professionals are from different disciplines, this is normal and it’s up to the leader to manage the clash of personalities and even egos sometimes.

Even then, there were times when conflicts arose and had to be handled with tact and understanding.

Sometimes the conflict can be with the boss as I narrate in my post Dealing with Ethical Dilemmas can be Easy and the steps to take if you’re in that situation.

Be honest, how do you feel about confrontation?

Have you ever had a difficult confrontation that made you wonder at the end of it, that you were going bonkers or wee bit mad?

Does the thought of confronting someone at home or work leave you feeling anxious or depressed?

Are you the kind of person who actively goes out of your way to avoid conflict, even when doing so makes your life more difficult?

Maybe you’re the kind of person who is ready to charge into the arena like a bull agitated by the Matador and take the conflict issue head on.

Or you make every effort to avoid conflict and bury your head in the sand like an ostrich.

Either way it’s an uncomfortable situation and the solution is nonviable in the long run.

For most of us, the idea of confronting someone about a problem we have is enough to trigger a flood of feelings.

And when you imagine yourself sitting across from that person, talking about something that has been bothering you or causing you pain, you can’t help but get emotional just thinking about it.

You don’t want to get emotional in front of them, but you can’t see a way to resolve your problem without confronting the situation.

The non-resolution of the conflict exacerbates into higher stress levels and ultimately your health and work performance.

Sadly, most of us were not given a great model for this or taught these skills in school. Many of us have learned to avoid conflict or become passive and hope it will go away.

Sometimes it becomes even more difficult because the other person is toxic and simply baiting you to bring out the worst in you.

So, what are you to do?

The good news is, confrontation and conflict don’t have to result in anguish or late nights wondering what YOU did wrong.

Whether your conflict is professional or personal, learning how to resolve these problems successfully is an important skill to have. You need to know how to apply emotional intelligence in the workplace.

When you can do it properly, you’ll feel good about the resolution, and you will finally stop tossing and turning at night. Here’s how.

3 Steps to resolve conflict without a headache

Get Mentally Prepared for the Conflict Situation

Before confronting someone, be sure you thoroughly evaluate what you believe the problem to be, how it makes you feel, and the specific issue you think needs to be addressed.

Be sure to focus on the problem at hand, NOT the emotions, concerns, or other factors that may be related but are not relevant to this discussion.

Prepare for your specific conversation, including how you will respond to their likely retorts or justifications.

The more prepared you are, the better you think and manage your emotions in the moment.

What is it that this person really cares about? What is their perspective on this issue?

Trying to understand their point of view using Perceptual Positions helps you be better prepared with your counterpoints.

What is your ideal solution, and how can you make that work for them?

Another suggestion is to do role play.

Role-playing with someone can help you prepare and figure out where your emotional triggers might be.

Get feedback from others about how to approach the situation or respond to their arguments.

Remember you are there to talk about the specific situation, not the other person.

This is about resolving the problem to protect your relationship, not to destroy them.

Create a Productive Engagement

I go into more detail in my course Detox Your Toxic Workplace but in essence, here’s how you create an ambiance where both parties can engage in constructive dialogue.

Talk with the other person in private or another safe environment rather than in front of other people.

Remember to focus on the positives so that you can build from there and stay firm on your need to address the problem you are having.

Speak in facts, not emotions, and then allow the other person to respond.

Allow them to express their point of view and genuinely listen to what they are saying.

Focus on your needs and feelings without bringing others into the mix.

If you bring up how others feel, it will make them feel attacked and judged, and it makes you look weak that you need their support to justify your claims.

Remain calm, focus on the real issue, and do your best to explore solutions and possibilities, even if they are different from your own.

Come prepared with support, facts, and data that back up your claim to what you believe you are entitled to from this outcome.

Be confident that you are asking for what you deserve or need.

Stay Focused on the Issue

Throughout your conversation, don’t take anything personally. It will be tough but stick to the agenda of the conversation – the issue.

You are there to resolve a problem, not to feel better about yourself. This is not about you. This is about addressing the issue.

Do not use inflammatory language, and use “I” statements to focus on how this situation is affecting you.

Avoid absolute language (never, always), as well. Assume that the other person has positive intentions and would like to see this situation resolved, as well, and you may find you get a better result.

It’s okay if the outcome that you agree upon is not your idea, as long as it is something you can live with.

Focus on finding solutions that give you both what you need and want and discuss the pros and cons of any resolution together before making an agreement.

Agree what each of you will do to resolve the problem and set a time to meet again soon to check in on your progress.

Be sure you follow through with your end of the deal, as well. You are one-half of this relationship, so do your part to solve this problem, too.

Bonus Tip: Confront and Banish Your Fears and Weaknesses

You may be scared of what outcome will emerge by taking the above approach to conflict resolution. Fear in dealing with such situations is normal. While you can’t control the outcome completely, you can control your Inner Feelings.

My suggestion, whether metaphysical or not is always to confront the fear or weakness by acknowledging it, analyzing it and then letting it go. The letting go part is the difficult one just as breaking a bad habit.

This Confrontation Technique will give you the confidence you need to do the right thing.

Final Words on Conflict Resolution

You do not have to choose between staying in control of your emotions or finding a resolution to your conflicts. You can have both.

You just need to learn to manage your feelings more effectively while asking for what you need.

I know I’m not alone in dealing with conflict and I chose to have both. Do you?

Imagine how knowing how to manage conflict will reduce your stress levels.

Setting clear boundaries and mutual expectations can help us avoid most conflict. It also helps us build relationships based on trust.

So many professionals have asked me about managing their emotions when dealing with conflicts.

And I’ve seen so many make the mistake of internalizing their feelings without addressing the issue at hand and then let it fester until there is an outburst. And that’s just backwards.

So I’ve put together a report for free that would help professionals like you, learn a few techniques to focus on the right things during conflict resolution so that you get what you need without losing your cool.

Conflict management skills are a lifetime practice.

It may still feel uncomfortable and stressful when conflict arises but using this short report will increase your confidence having tough conversations and respond well.

Any of the items in the report can provide valuable insights, even if you only do one.

Would this be of interest to you?

Click here or on the image below and get your copy now.

Do your activities support your major goals? Or do they add to a list of actions that are worthwhile in themselves but don’t provide a respectable Return on Investment (ROI) for the time, money and effort that you apply?

Perhaps it’s time to simplify your Life?

On Sunday evening, I hit the publish button on Amazon. An hour later, Cure Shiny Object Syndrome: The Quickest & Easiest Way to Reduce Spending became a reality.

I finally achieved one of many goals that I had set for myself last year and then Life happened. It forced me to step back and think about what I really wanted. Not only from Karmic Ally Coaching as a business, but also what was important for me as an individual.

It has been a Wakeup Call in many ways and honestly, the Adventure continues at many levels. But writing my 6^th Kindle book was a cherished goal.

That too on a topic that I know many of us suffer from that leads to clutter, wastage of time, effort and money.

80% of the content for this book had been ready way back in June 2017 when it was put on the back burner. I revisited it last week and found I had new insights to offer and took up the project again.

The final version has now seen the light of day and has done well on publication without any great launch or Kindle Promo.

If I’ve learned anything from this particular Wakeup Call, it’s the need to simplify one’s life and stop running after every shiny new deal or object that comes our way.

It’s about priorities and accepting that this too is a moving variable.

You don’t need another Productivity Hack – you need this

The truth is you probably don’t need another productivity hack.

In fact, I’m willing to go out on a limb and say your problem is not productivity related.

If you’re like many of the high achievers that I know, you’re probably incredibly productive.

But you’ve got so many ideas to share and tasks on your plate that you quickly run out of breathing room.

See, the key isn’t to find a way to squeeze more in, or to find “more hours in the day.”

Instead, what you need to do is focus on building a strategy that will allow you to maximize the effectiveness of the things you’re already doing. It means revisiting your tasks and checking if they are really helping you reach your end goal.

Are there any hidden Shiny Objects that need to be banished?

For example, when my recent Wakeup Call happened, I had a hard look at my activities, asking for each one of them if they were helping me reach my goals, whether business or personal or were they simply ‘nice to have’.

Did I really need to sign up for another Marketing or Visibility Challenge? Or any Challenge come to think of it.

Was I chasing the right metrics to determine the ROI on my activities? Or was I caught up in vanity metrics because somewhere I had adopted a herd mentality?

My website ranking dropped from 6,308,085 to 8,304,010. It didn’t bother me because I hadn’t been blogging and have changed my blogging strategy to be 1 or 2 epic well researched post a month.

I know I went MIA on the internet and wasn’t promoting my content. There were changes in search algorithms too which I needed to study.

I realized this was a vanity metric because during the same time, I had professionals join my mailing list and also take up some of my paid offers.

In other words, I was still reaching the right audience and building my tribe which is a better metric to measure.

It also means going back a step and doing some reverse planning and strategizing to figure out your end goal and results.

To quote Stephen Covey, Begin with the end in mind.

My end goal for my website and social outposts is to connect with the right audience where I can be of service and take the conversation to a more private setting like email or conversations.

This will help me identify their Bleeding Neck (better known as the 2 am butterflies in the stomach problem) and show them how to get rid of the painful problem and make progress towards their goals.

That’s exactly what’s happening now and I have lots of new ideas on how I can be of service by zeroing in on specific pain points.

I stopped hanging out so much on Facebook and spending time in Groups because the silent assassin FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) was on the scene.

In fact, I consider the new Facebook Algorithm change a blessing. I’m seeing more of what my friends who are scattered all over the world are doing. They are seeing my updates, especially those that feature the antics of my Furry Muse Miss Coco.

My Facebook Page reach has improved and guess what, so has engagement!

I mentioned priorities earlier and there is 1 more lesson that I learned.

It’s about simplifying life and focusing on what really works for you. Dodge the Guru bullets and give yourself some credit for knowing what’s best for you. Dump the rest of the stuff that clutters your schedule.

Take focused Action now for a simple stress-free Life

This week, I invite you to reassess where you are in term of simplifying your life. Take action with this 3-step approach.

You can watch my short video or if you prefer, read on for the steps.

List your top 4 priorities in your life right now. Are your activities in alignment with these priorities? Drop the ones that aren’t and replace them with ones that are.

List 10 things that are draining your energy in your life. Address one a week for the next 10 weeks. Notice the powerful shift in your energy just by doing this.

Ask yourself with each Activity “How can I make this easier and simpler?”  This in turn can lead to a new question – “Can this activity be eliminated completely?”

I’ve been doing this exercise since the beginning of the year and I’m seeing the results.

Are you game to try it? Remember to share your results with me.

PS. If Shiny Objects are playing havoc with your time and budget, get your copy of Cure Shiny Object Syndrome: The Quickest & Easiest Way to Reduce Unnecessary Spending with additional resources and start taking focused action today!

April is the time of year when we usually start our Spring Cleaning with a vengeance. The probability of clutter objects finding a way out of the house increases.

Why not make use of this opportunity to apply some basic Feng Shui tips to provide further stress relief without doing much other than work on our living space?

It is said that the state of our house is a reflection of the state of our mind.

So a cluttered messy home is quite reflective of our stress levels. Even if we deny it with phrases like ‘there’s method to our madness’ until a stage arrives when you need Stress Management Coaching. (Click the link to learn how I can help).

A decade ago, it was trendy in India to gift bamboo plants in beautiful containers. I remember back in my office, the Country Manager’s Executive Assistant received 4 of these plants one birthday.

Looks like we all had the same idea to wish her the Feng Shui way!

You may not know much about Feng Shui but you can learn a lot about it on the internet and the glossy section of newspapers. There are shops both offline and online selling Feng Shui products to help you with your career, marriage, health, relationships and even to protect your car!

What’s Feng Shui?

Feng Shui means ‘wind and water’ in Chinese. It’s a centuries old oriental art used to balance and harmonize surroundings, to bring good fortune, peace and health. The benefits are also felt by those around you.

Feng Shui is based on the belief that the world around us is filled with energy or Chi, similar to Prana in the Ayurvedic system. For the Chinese, wind and water are symbols of health and good fortune.

Following this premise that by boosting your Chi and by living in harmony with the world’s energy you can bring success and prosperity to your life as well as of those around you, it stands to reason that Feng Shui can also help alleviate stress.

Not everyone is into symbolism or feels comfortable carrying items in their pocket or person or having oriental objects in their home. So how do we work around that?

5 Practical Ideas for Stress Relief – the Feng Shui Way

This week, I’m sharing some ideas of how you can use Feng Shui to relieve stress without going out and buying objects or making it obvious to others what you are doing. I’ve tried all these tips myself over the years and know that they work.

These are all layman tips. If you really want to learn more about Feng Shui, please consult an expert or buy a good book to find out more.

I recommend 2 books. One is by Lillian Too which was published in 2006 but good called  365 Feng Shui Tips

The other is by Karen Kingston, Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui: Free Yourself from Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Clutter Forever 

Back to my own layman Feng Shui tips, you have 3 options here.

You can continue reading to learn the tips or if you prefer  slides, view the slideshare presentation.

As a bonus, I’ve also included one of the first videos I made way back in 2014  (but was too shy to upload) until I wrote this blog post. I was still experimenting and even if it isn’t world class, it’s a good video.

Here goes!

Feng Shui Suggestions for Stress Management

Adjust your lighting: Anyone who has ever had headaches and then gone to the optician only to discover that they need spectacles all because of bad lighting will appreciate this tip!

One of the most important elements Feng Shui involves the lighting of your room. All rooms in your home or office should be very well lit to benefit from a feeling of peace and comfort.

Banish Clutter: This one is easy. In my post Want to reduce Stress? You Need to clear Clutter, I’ve written about the indicators about one’s personality and state of life including stress simply by looking at the composition of the clutter and where it was appearing in one’s life.

In Feng Shui, in order to promote calmness, everything should be in its right place.

In other words, organize your space!

It’s really less stressful to be able to pick up your car keys from its allotted place on the front table in the morning rather than first rummaging through piles of newspaper. Or looking for it all over the place, isn’t it?

If clutter is an issue for you, reduce your stress levels by joining the Clutter Free Movement.

Arrange your furniture and fixtures to support your success: When I first learned about this tip, I wanted to jump up with glee because I knew how to do it.

During my school years, I participated in the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme. One of the skills that I had to accomplish was basic interior decoration.

Our guide, who was a well-known Interior Decorator in India, taught us the basics and the first step was how to plan a room. She used to keep talking about easy flow in the room and preventing blockage of movement in a room.

For example, if I walk into the living room, I should be able to reach the sofa without having to zig zag via tables and other impediments.

From a Feng Shui perspective, the arrangement of furniture and decorations is important. It influences your sense of security, productivity and ability to experience calmness.

Another tip my teacher taught us and I should have guessed that she knew about Feng Shui as she was also my Ikebana instructress was to avoid sharp objects and corners in our decorations. These represent harshness and can impede stress relief actions. I practice it to this day.

If possible, do remove any overhanging shelves and objects as these too affect our sense of security.

According to Feng Shui principles, these overhanging objects are like a cloud hanging over our heads. So banish the clouds and let the sunshine in!

Decorate with nature: You’d have guessed this one from the beginning of the post and yes, gifting someone a bamboo plant is a lovely gesture. It indicates that you wish them well. The gentle bamboo plant actually helps to absorb the negative energy in the house.

How do you know its working?

Despite your taking the best care of the plant, one by one, the leaves of the plant will wilt as they absorb the negative energy. All you have to do when the plant is completely wilted is to replace it with gratitude for plant having supported you.

Other nature-based Feng Shui items include keeping fresh flowers and plants in the home to create a soothing environment.

One point that I would like to mention is that wilted flowers and plants represent tension. If you like to keep dried flowers in the house, then please reconsider.

Use incense and aromatherapy as part of your stress management tool kit: In Eastern cultures, we use incense and joss sticks as part of our prayer rituals and regularly in our everyday life.

The belief is that our prayers are carried towards the Divine through the fragrance of the incense sticks. We use scent for Chakra balancing too.

The principle is the same for Aromatherapy and complements Feng Shui helping to enhance our mood or rid ourselves of a bad mood.

So, take out your aromatherapy book (if you have one) or just Google and find out which aroma can help with your objective. You can actually remove the negative energy from your presence or uplift your mood by using the right aroma.

I can write on forever about the various ways we can use Feng Shui to enhance peace and alleviate stress, but these 5 simple and practical ideas are a great place to start the Feng Shui way of life.

Did any of them appeal to you or are you using them already? Please do share your thoughts and experiences with me!

Many years ago, when I first returned to India, I wanted to buy a particular Avon cosmetic product. I contacted their head office and was put in touch with my area Avon lady to make the purchase.

Avon Lady had business development ideas/ Despite my pleas, she enrolled me as an agent with hard core persuasion to sell products with the lure of profits. I wasn’t really interested but I wanted to buy the product and keep her happy.

So, I signed up and used my agent status to help friends into Avon place their orders. There wasn’t much profit, but I got the product I wanted.  Avon Lady soon realized I was a useless recruit and stopped harassing me to make sales to meet her targets.

Frankly speaking, selling beauty products is not a skill everyone possesses. One of my friends who used to make a few purchases told me a story that made me count my blessings with Avon Lady.

A couple of her work colleagues who wanted to earn some fast money signed up for a competitor. Their terms and conditions included buying Rs 5,000/- of products up front and then selling them for profit.

They didn’t know the first thing about marketing and sales. Since the products were highly priced, selling was a challenge. Ultimately, they ended up using them themselves.

Sadder but wiser, they stopped falling for the work from home scheme that could lead to exotic holidays. That was an expensive way to avoid Shiny Objects but many times there’s no gain without pain. 

Is your inner clutter manifesting as Shiny Object Syndrome?

Open a new browser tab and do a Google search for Shiny Object Syndrome (SOS). You’ll notice tons of blog posts and experts talk about how to overcome SOS and give lots of action steps.

But what about the Why part?

Last week I wrote about Shiny Object Syndrome and how professionals fall into that trap in pursuit of professional development and enhancement of skills. I touched on how FOMO affects business owners too. Here’s the link to that post.

I have yet to see anyone talk about a core issue and relationship between SOS, clutter and stress. This topic needs to be addressed.

Here’s my personal view on aggravated Stress, SOS and Clutter

The way I see it, when we are stressed out, we tend to look for relief and short cuts to our problems. While looking for solutions if the hook of the marketing message for a product or service hits a raw nerve, we go and enroll for the service of buy the product.

But that doesn’t provide instant gratification. If you don’t use your purchase or free product, then you have acquired a shiny object which lies unused.

Frankly speaking this is nothing but clutter whether it is on your computer hard drive or worse, inside your head.

Let us focus on your core clutter issue with the learning objective of beginning to gain an understanding of the specifics of Inner Clutter.

Why We Have Clutter—INNER CLUTTER

Let me start by asking you a question.

Have you ever noticed that your TO DO list never gets to TO DONE?

And, worse yet, you

a) can’t find your list it when you need it,

b) it’s gotten so long you feel overwhelmed and not much is getting done, and

c) you’ve written the same notes a million times, they’re all over in piles and stagnant places but never completed.

6 Rational Reasons for Staying Disorganized

The reasons for being disorganized are many, but there are some that can be heard anywhere:

1. not enough time
2. not enough space
3. need help deciding or moving things
4. not enough skill (don’t know how)
5. need for the right systems with which to organize
6. not enough money (to buy the systems or pay for help)

And if these don’t keep people from getting organized, there are 3 other “Inner Clutter” reasons – unwillingness to do it, lack of motivation and energy.

We can take each one of these obstacles to task and choose to override it and get the job of organizing underway. This is where the converting intention into action comes in.

If we really want to do something, we’ll find the time, energy and if required, money to get the work done.

But instead of taking action, we decide to find a short cut. We add to our list of outside products or services without stopping to think if all that is required is action on our part.

Clutter is a symptom of stress

We often think of a person who is surrounded by clutter as being disorganized.

Did you know that this is a sign of stress? 

Left unattended it may also become the manifestation of more serious issues. Such as depression, overwhelm and complete lack of focus.

Stress is caused by many factors, but when it comes to being disorganized it’s caused by a few targeted things:

1. Lack of focus (letting yourself get distracted)
2. Not scheduling the time to deal with it
3. Not understanding how to organize
4. Not deciding what to do with it
5. Lack of action

A life without focus and clarity—Inner and Outer—is a life easily distracted and drawn off course and off center.

Stress is going to happen—that’s life! However, constant and ongoing chaos, indecision and disorder pull us off center and away from all that is truly important in our lives.

When “stuff” happens, and our emotions and thoughts start going wild, we need to detach and keep our inner-self—our mind and thoughts focused and clear under any and all kinds of stressful situations “no matter what.” Then we can more easily stay focused and connected to the important doing of the next step, and the next and the next.

This blog post is not focused on your stress management techniques or how to handle stress. It is a first step to getting yourself organized which in itself will reduce some of the stress. This will give you back control over your life and possessions.

An easy clutter and stress management technique 

When you see a neat and tidy room, broken things thrown away, items that you don’t need either sold or gifted to a charity, it raises your spirits.

That in itself is a stress management technique. The positive feeling will flow into other areas of your life too.

There is an emotional and psychological element in our tendency to acquire SOS and hoard them. Clutter and hoarding have been studied in great depth by clinical psychologists. Often what appears to be a simple mess may actually be an indication of more serious conditions.

To gain a better insight into our clutter and to take steps to prevent it from emerging, preventive steps are important. Sometimes we acquire stuff that may really serve no purpose.

This is where our emotions come into play. If you’re brave, ask yourself some hard questions before jumping into acquiring something which is otherwise useful but is a SOS adding to clutter for you.

Maybe its FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)?

Eating fish Shiny Object Syndrome

I saw this played out when I hosted a pilot of my 21 Day Clutter Challenge for free with the caveat that I wanted feedback to fine tune the program. Of the 25 sign ups, only 5 participants stuck to the full program and benefited. Their feedback was priceless.

Of the others, maybe 5 more stayed on track but didn’t complete the program.

15 never bothered to even open the mails with the modules! One of the participants was a member of a mutual Facebook Group. I wrote to her asking for feedback since I could see her activity and knew that she was downloading all the handouts. Presumably, she did the work.

I was stumped by the feedback. While she downloaded everything, she had signed up for quite a few free challenges and hadn’t done any of the work. So, she couldn’t give me the feedback I needed.

It goes without saying that this is, in my books a classic example of Shiny Object Syndrome!

What next?

I discuss more practical steps in my Kindle ebook Cure Shiny Object Syndrome.

The truth is that once we take the sting out of the decision, it is much easier to take the right action. Understanding ourselves helps us to understand why that item became clutter in the first place and how to prevent it in future.

So, what’s the state of your clutter and acquisition of shiny objects? Want to take charge of your situation and make the required changes?

If yes, then I recommend enrolling for my 21 Day Clutter Challenge where we address both your Inner and Outer Clutter. We’ll also take a look at Shiny Object Syndrome too.

Click the image below to enroll in the challenge if your answer is in the affirmative. 

Ever had one of those days when you’ve found yourself so wound up that a ringing phone or the ping of an incoming email brought on dread?

Or you got so anxious that even the simplest of tasks felt Herculean? How about an unexpected crisis that has you spinning in situational stress?

These things do happen. When stress builds up you might just have a melt-down moment. You exhibit behavior which is a complete aberration from your normal cool self who does every task with panache.

I sensed melt-down clouds looming on the horizon when my furry companion Coco developed an unexpected case of herniated disc and loss of hind leg movement. This was at a time when my calendar was full and left me stumped. How was I going to manage everything around the new and critical addition to my schedule?

Even as I write this post, the most important activity of the first half of the day is taking her to the vet to ensure her successful recovery and taking care of her to prevent any further damage to her back. (That’s Coco with her World Cup Ball back in 2014 in the photograph. By the way, she wa a Messi fan!)

The first thing I did was assess my schedule and task list for the coming week.

The approach I adopted was to look at each task and ask myself 3 important questions. Then, based on my assessment, defer activities, postpone or reschedule meetings and re-prioritize my time working only on those tasks that were critical to staying on top of my game.

The questions were:

Which tasks are critical to the success of my ongoing work and projects?

What tasks are important, but not critical and can be deferred or rescheduled?

Which tasks were optional and could be postponed?

Having done that, I was able to rework my schedule around the most important and critical task where success was non-negotiable.

Somehow these unexpected events put life and work in perspective, tasks are done in priority and commitment and everything that is not really that important gets deferred or shelved.

(Click here for more details)

Here’s what I did next.

I reached out to my support system of pet parent friends and family who kept my spirits going when I started to feel stressed out.

More often than not, there are people in my circle who have experiences similar to mine. They are able to provide insights into a challenging situation and lots of moral support. A problem shared is a problem halved.

If you sense the meltdown clouds looming on the horizon, then try one or all of these 3 easy strategies that I used for this crisis including 3 others that I suggested in my post 3 Easy Ideas to Prevent December Meltdown to get back your sense of perspective and keep shining.

Recite an anti-stress litany

This is one of my favorite strategies and I used to practice it a lot before my school exams without even realizing that it was an anti-stress litany!

Essentially, focus on choosing the right thoughts during stressful times to affect and alter your mind-set. For example:

My best is good enough

This too shall pass

There is no challenge that I cannot overcome

I’m doing better than it looks

Listen to soothing music

In one of my earlier posts, I wrote about de-stressing with music and selecting sounds that are unique to our constitution and humor that have a calming effect.

Music is indeed a great mood changer and the best part about music is that it also helps to relieve stress. So choose your favorite genre of music.

Listen to it while working or even driving and let the magic of those notes lift your mood. Here is the link to that post

https://karmicallycoaching.com/de-stressing-with-music/

Engage in movement

When I was in school, our History teacher used to tell us to take short walks in the evening to rid ourselves of what she referred to as ‘toxic chemicals’ in our system.

In fact engaging in physical activity, whether walking, exercising at the gym, sports or even housecleaning is good for stress relief and releasing tension.

One of my colleagues used to manage her stress levels during our Chartered Accountancy examinations by gardening.  May I add that she qualified in her exams in first attempts?

Engaging in physical activity does wonders in helping to release tension and distract the mind from worries. Choose an activity that engages you, including hobbies that involve creativity.

Knockout events create stress and can even at times result in situational disorganization. You can still stay on top of your game; you just need to know how to play it – fair and square.

Have you ever experienced potential melt-down moments that left you numb to action? What strategies did you use to get back to playing you’re A-Game? 

Image credits, including Coco’s photo: Vatsala Shukla

Does Stress Make You Into a Fire-breathing Dragon?

Be honest, don’t you get irritated when you’re stressed out, and a friend, parent or partner tells us to take a deep breath or count to ten?

Actually it does work, you know.

At some point of time each one of us has done the deep breathing or counting to ten or even twenty before blowing off steam like Fred Flintstone.

Unless one is having a bout of asthma or is wheezing after climbing 3 flights of stairs in poor health, and other breathless activities, we often don’t pay much attention to it.

Apart from keeping us alive, proper breathing is essential when exercising, doing yoga or preparing for meditation. Proper breathing provides adequate amounts of oxygen to the body reducing the fight or flight response when faced with stress or panic.

For any practitioner of meditation, the first step is to strengthen the connection between mind and body.

The first stage of meditation is to remove distractions and make your mind clear and calm. This can be accomplished by practicing a simple breathing exercise.

Simple breathing exercise to clear your mind of distractions

The nutshell version of the breath exercise:

The detailed version of the breathing exercise

First select a quiet place to meditate and sit in a comfortable position. You can sit in the traditional cross-legged posture or in any other position that is comfortable. If you wish, sit in a chair. The important thing is to be comfortable.

Make the experience more enjoyable by creating an atmosphere conducive for meditation by lighting incense or using an aroma burner with your favorite aroma oil.  

Sit with your eyes closed and focus your attention on your breathing. Breathe naturally, through the nostrils and out of the mouth.

Do not try to control your breath. Focus on the sensations you feel as the breath enters and leaves your body. This sensation is your object of meditation.

In the beginning you might find your mind wandering off in which case gently bring your focus back to your breathing. Repeat this as many times as necessary until the mind settles and focuses on the breath. Followed regularly, you will start to feel rejuvenated.

Don’t be surprised if you start to fall asleep after the meditation.

It is your body’s way of telling you that there has been too much stress and emotions bottled up and with the release comes relaxation.

You will notice that your thinking becomes clearer and more capable of handling stressors without resorting to the deep breath technique. This is something that I noticed in the early days of practicing Transcendental Meditation.

Even though breathing meditation is only a preliminary stage of meditation, it can be quite powerful.

Do you practice meditation or do breathing exercises? What difference has it made to your health and general well-being? 

To know more about meditation as a tool for stress management, please click on the Link to read my post titled Meditation as a Tool for Stress Management.

Looking for a robust self-solution to managing your stress levels? I’ve got you covered!

Written by: Vatsala Shukla

Chakra Balancing courtesy Karmic Ally Coaching

Long time Readers of the blog know that I love recommending meditation in some form or the other as a cure for most stress related problems, as an energy booster and for balancing Chakras. So what’s with this Handy Tools for Meditation?

Sitting in your chosen meditation position, what do you do with your hands? Some of us join the tips of the thumb and index finger of each hand keeping the other 3 fingers straight and place them on our lap; others may simply place their hands on their lap and focus on the meditation.

What both hand positions have in common is that they are Mudras – hand tools for meditation and have a deeper significance than may appear on first thought.

Mudras are important in yoga and meditation. The position of the hands affects the circulation of energy in the Chakras and Meridians within the human energy system.

In this blog post, I’m sharing some Mudras which can enhance your meditation experience and assist with Chakra Balancing, which I have affectionately termed Handy Tools for Meditation.

The Index Finger and Thumb Mudra is the most familiar hand & finger position and one that is used most often. This Mudra helps to stimulate the upper Chakras more than the lower Chakras and activates the flow of Divine Light upwards.

However, if you are practicing Chakra Balancing and are not sure of the state of your Chakra balance, I suggest the Chinmaya Mudra, which is the same as the above except that the other 3 fingers are folded in touching the palm for a more grounding meditation.

If you wish to stimulate your lower Chakras more than the upper Chakras and also awaken the lower sources of prana & Kundalini compared to the Divine Light, then touching the Middle Finger with the Thumb is the right Mudra for you. Since we are dealing with Chakra energy, one must be careful in using this Mudra, especially if one is of a materialistic nature as it further energizes those tendencies.

The Triple Finger Mudra provides a solution to the side-effects or possible adverse results of the above Mudras balancing both the upper and lower Chakras with a more grounding effect. Here the top of the Thumb, Index and Middle Fingers are joined while the Ring and Little Fingers are folded touching the palm.

Enhance the meditation experience with the Anjali Mudra – Heart Meditation Position. Here, the palms and fingers are connected and held together at the centre of the chest – the heart level. This Mudra activates the heart center and is good for practitioners who are on the more intellectual side and wish to develop their heart center. It assists in balancing the mental nature with the loving nature described in Bhakti Yoga – devotion to the Divine. It is the Mudra used by Hindus during prayers. A variation of this Mudra, also used in prayer is clasping the hands and tips of the fingers folded into the knuckle area.

If you are focusing on Chakra Balancing, try the Dhyan Mudra which helps to avoid energy congestion in the different Chakras. The left hand is placed on top of the right hand with the tips of the thumbs touching each other. The hands are placed at the navel level. Here the joined thumbs acts like a switch to circulate energy through the front and back meridians and in the different energy chakras during meditation. By changing the thumb direction, we can direct energy upwards or downwards as required.

In a situation where there is too much energy in your body and you wish to de-congest your stress energy, the right hand should be placed on top of the left with the tips of the thumbs joined. The same procedure as the Dhyan Mudra is followed with the exception that here, you are releasing excessive energy during the meditation.

So far, the Mudras that I have described also affect your Aura. If you desire a simple relaxing meditation without awakening the forces of the aura, you can place your right hand on top of the left hand on your lap or the left hand on top of the right hand and commence your relaxation meditation. This incidentally is my favorite Mudra when practicing Transcendental Meditation.

Do these Mudras actually work? Well, the only way you will find out is if you try them! So, the next time you meditate; do try the Mudra that you are attracted to intuitively. Maybe your body is telling you where you need balance and focus.

Please do come back and share your experiences in the comments box. I would love to know how it went!

Want to learn simple Chakra Balancing exercises that help with Stress Management? Click here to view Karmic Ally Coaching’s Stress Management with Chakra Balancing Exercises.

Written by: Vatsala Shukla

Burnout often happens without you’re even realizing it has happened!

There are times at work when you simply have to rev up the engine, pull out all the stops and work towards an impending deadline. You can get tired, stressed out, irritable and exhausted. Once the deadline has passed and the job is done, a bit of rest and all is back to normal.

But what if stress builds up over a period of time? Has nothing to do with deadlines but in fact, a changed attitude and perception towards our work?

It could be an indication of burnout.

Look back at the last 6-12 months and ask yourself if you can relate to any of these statements:

1. I dread going into work in the morning
2. I regularly take days off from work for no reason
3. I am experiencing low energy
4. I am having trouble sleeping
5. I have lost interest in my work
6. I have low energy
7. I feel my work does not have any meaning
8. I feel that my work is not appreciated, or nobody notices my work
9. I get easily irritated with my colleagues and clients
10. I keep thinking of quitting my job but am hanging on for economic reasons

If you only identified with statements 3, 4, 6 and 9, then perhaps it is stress which can be managed.

Identifying with at least 8 of these statements is a sign you might be suffering from burnout and need a different course of action.

Stress and burnout often get confused as they have many characteristics in common.

The key difference is that burnout often takes place over a longer period of time.

It affects professionals who were once fired up about their work enjoying the adrenalin rush with full engines on. Now, they find their attitude towards work has changed. They’re disillusioned with the workplace which in turn affects their performance.

One of the main reasons for burnout is the feeling that you do not have control over your work. Or that unreasonable demands are made on your time to complete projects and tasks without allowing you to plan your work.

Some triggers to keep in mind

Triggers for burnout include feeling that your work is not appreciated or that no one notices how hard you work.

Sometimes it is the organization or work-culture that can lead to burnout especially if your job expectations are not being met or job description and goals are not clear.  Working in a dysfunctional team, with an un-supportive boss and monotonous work that is not stimulating also contribute to burnout.

The consequences of burnout are not simply limited to your job or career but spill into your personal life. This affects your relationships with your family, loved ones and friends.

Burnout can also lead to depression if not identified and remedied in a timely manner.

Think about the indicators of burnout in relation to your work life.

If you suspect you might be experiencing burnout, then download The Karmic Ally Coaching Burnout Self Test below and help yourself help you. Better yet, schedule a time to talk to me using the Connect Form.

Feel you might be on course for burnout or just too stressed out?

I’d love to read more about your self-analysis in the comments box below.

Turning 30 was easy – birthday bash at my favourite pub in Warsaw, lots of friends, champagne, good grub and a party that shifted to Ground Zero (the then happening discotheque) for dancing followed by breakfast at the Warsaw Central Station.

Since my birthday that year fell around the Easter Holidays, many friends were out of town but the celebrations continued for a month as friends took me out on their return claiming it was Birthday Month.

There were big tick marks on my Bucket List – enter 30s in style, have true friends and party like it is going out of style.

Turning 31 was a contrast.  I looked at my Bucket List and realized that there were items on my To Do List which would never happen – I would not become the lead singer of a heavy metal band, I had not trained to participate in a desert rally, join a Biker Gang and ride a Harley Davidson through Scandinavia; I had not done a lot of things that I had wanted to do.

The question in front of me was what had I achieved in Life?  My inner child resurfaced and I felt stressed.

I give thanks to God that He created parents.  A frantic phone call to my parents got me back on track.  What they said to me changed my life completely.

My parents were proud of me. They felt I had done more in my 30 years than many did in a lifetime. They said all the things that only parents can say to motivate and reassure children – and the child will believe them.

I heard the life changing dialogue –

“You are looking at your Bucket List and focusing on what you did not do. Are these items really that important to you? There are items in there since you were 13 which don’t seem to fit your leanings anymore.

What about what you did do? What about your achievements and milestones?  Make yourself a cup of coffee, think about it and call us back. We’ll wait for your call.”

Now that is family considering that the phone call was between 2 countries with a 2-hour time difference and way past their bedtime.

I am grateful to this day. My Bucket List is important to me but so is keeping track of achievements that I want to feature in my obituary – my Milestone Statement.

By the time I made my next call, I had clarity.

1. Bucket Lists are not carved in stone, they change as we mature. Accept that some items are no longer important and move onto those that have value for you.
2. Bucket Lists are meant to inspire us, not turn into To Do Lists which create stress.
3. It is perfectly okay to review your Bucket List from time to time. Delete items that are redundant and add those that are more meaningful at the point of Life where you are presently.
4. Looking to the future is a great motivator but do not forget that your past is full of achievements too. Acknowledge them and your journey through Life.
5. Keep a Milestone Statement to record your achievements. Celebrate the fact that you are unique, one of a kind and there will NEVER be anyone like you.

If your Bucket List is creating stress, take a long hard look at it. Something is not working for you. Ask yourself, if you really have a good a Bucket List.

Maybe a Vision Statement supported by goals is a better option?

A Vision Statement is a good option if on a scale of 1 to 10 you really want to do something and are willing to invest the time, effort and commitment to achieve the goals that go into fulfilling the Vision Statement.

It’s good to have a Bucket List. It is even better to have a Milestone List which has items added to it using your Vision Statement.

Look again at the picture with this blog post, the beautiful white sheet of paper on the wood.

Ask yourself what goes there?

Things that you really want to do, things that you wanted to do years ago that no longer figure in your life and get you down or list the milestones and achievements that make You the person you are.

My tip, celebrate your achievements as evidence of your uniqueness and then create a vision of yourself to motivate you to become even better!

Your turn now. Do Bucket Lists work for you? Or are you better off using Milestone Lists and Vision Statements? 

And if you know you need to create a change, click here or on the image below and get the Change Quiz.

Written By: Vatsala Shukla

Dr Hens Salye, considered the father of stress awareness defined stress as the rate of wear and tear within the body. He identified two types of stress; Eustress (positive or healthy stress and Distress (negative stress).

Generally speaking, stress can be caused by our need to adapt physically, mentally and emotionally to a change. Media articles often talk about stress and the need to manage stress. The remedies suggested implicitly and often explicitly give stress a negative connotation.

Candle gazing meditation