Birthdays and year ends seem to be the time when we begin to feel something is missing in our lives. It’s like you’ve ventured into the forest in search of a pot of honey but got your foot stuck in a vicious bear trap.

Its normal (not the bear trap part of course) for us to start focusing on what we still need to achieve.

The not so normal part is when we go into doom and gloom and think of what’s wrong without considering what we got right and spiral further into a self-defeating frame of mind.

What thoughts are occupying your mind right now?

Do you feel like there is something holding you back in your life, but you aren’t quite sure what it is?

Do you go to bed some nights and wonder why you did that thing or said those words and wonder how you can change some bad habits you have?

Do you have a big dream, but are finding it hard to make progress toward it?

Your attitude and mindset may be what is holding you back in life.

A mindset is the mental attitude you adopt which dictates how you will or will not perceive, react and respond to situations.

Why is it important?

Your mindset can and will determine your life from academics to career and beyond.

Your mindset controls your behaviors and choices, and the wrong mentality can leave you feeling frustrated, worried, and like you always need to prove yourself to the world.

One way to understand the impact of your mindset on your life, career and chances of achieving your goals is to see how you compare yourself with others.

While it’s not advisable to engage in Comparisonitis, it’s true that this comparison can give us a benchmark to gauge our success or failure and hence a measure of where we can improve and achieve more.

It’s what we do with the data and knowledge gained from the comparison that makes the difference.

A person with a fixed mindset will indulge in a reverse method of thinking and apply this information to reaffirm their belief that they aren’t as good as the other person, highlight their own failures and feel they are not good at all.

Our mind is capable of finding information that will support a belief rather than look at information that proves the contrary. That is where the danger lies.

The Pitfalls of a Fixed Mindset

There are many dangers or drawbacks to applying this type of thinking, and this section will explore these in more detail to help you see how this way of thinking influences your beliefs, behaviours, and choices in life.

Your Mindset makes you avoid taking Risks

When it comes to attaining lofty goals or reaching the pinnacle of your field, you must take risks from time to time.

Risks are what stretch your comfort zone and force you to dare to be different, and very little in life can ever be achieved without taking at least some chances now and then.

But many people do not like to take risks because they are too afraid that the consequences will not be favorable. They fear failure.

This fear of things not working out as you planned is born from a fixed mindset.

You choose to not make yourself vulnerable to setbacks because you do not want to be seen as lacking. And because your fixed mindset says that you are born with certain talents and can’t learn and develop new skills, failure represents nothing but adverse outcomes.

The lack of risk-taking behaviors will severely limit your life. You will miss out on new experiences and perspectives, and you will limit your opportunities to achieve your goals and realize your true potential.

Imagine if Thomas Edison had given up his goal of creating an electric bulb or telephone after the first few failures. We’d still be using wax candles and using letters to communicate!

A number of the modern utilities and gadgets that we take for granted are the products of people who were not scared of failure but used it to find the perfect solution.

Get the Karmic Ally Coaching Change Quiz here to see how you respond to risk and change

You feel the need to prove yourself constantly

Those with a fixed way of viewing themselves and the world believe that their abilities, intelligence, character, and other traits are already in place from birth.

If we can’t change in any meaningful way in our lives, then we better have everything we need in place when it comes time to show others who we are and what we can do.

This leads to a need to maintain your image, to project your competence to others, and to always prove your worth and capabilities to those around you.

When you think you can’t change, then it becomes imperative that you continuously demonstrate that you are enough, that you know enough, that you have enough. Otherwise, you would be admitting failure, which is, again, one of the greatest fears of those who think this way.

You restrict your ability to succeed

Research into attitude and mindset has consistently demonstrated that what you believe about yourself will have the most influence on how you lead your life.

Your mindset determines your choices, your beliefs, and your actions.

It is the foundation for everything you do from the time you wake up each day until you go to bed at night. So, when you believe that you are already everything that you can possibly be, why would you get up each day and try hard to succeed?

Your motivation to set lofty goals and work hard to achieve them will be profoundly influenced. Your desire to stick with challenges and push through adversity will also be limited. When you face obstacles, you are more likely to allow these to define you permanently, which will limit your future success.

And because we all experience setbacks from time to time, this means that, at some point, your mindset will stop you in your tracks toward realizing your dream, and you will be unable to progress any further.

You limit your ability to know Yourself

Those who adopt a fixed mindset receive their rewards in life from validation from others and external rewards, which are evidence of their innate talents.

They don’t take the time to understand their motivations or intrinsic reward system, and they lack the ability to self-reflect, which is integral to personal growth.

But it is only through self-awareness and knowledge that you can lead an authentic life and be truly yourself, so without this, you limit your potential and self-actualization.

Those with a fixed mindset depend on others to help determine their self-worth, which can lead to actions that are meant to deceive others or even one’s self from who they are or what they need in life.

Over time, this leads to a lack of fulfillment and a realization that something is missing from your happiness.

It’s one of the reasons I always advise clients and even consults who are not ready to hire a coach to at least practice Louise Hay’s Mirror Work Exercises.

A Fixed Mindset Means You Can’t Become a Different Person

At some point in your life, you are going to wake up and realize that you are ready for a change, that you want to try something new, or become a different version of yourself.

This is the nature of being human. You get tired of your job, your feelings for your spouse change, you want to have children, you decide to go back to school.

This is part of getting older, aging, and changing. But those with a fixed mindset have a tough time seeing a new version of themselves, of taking the chances necessary to make these substantial changes happen. You end up living the same life every day for the rest of your life.

Without the ability to imagine growth and development, you will struggle to consider alternative paths and new goals for yourself.

You will stagnate in your reality and possibly wake up feeling discontented but lack the ability to make the changes necessary to address this.

Without the ability to change your mindset, you cannot change your life.

It creates the need for competition which can turn unhealthy

When you believe that you are born with all the talent and ability you will ever have in life, you tie your identity and your self-worth to your accomplishments. “See, here is evidence of my intelligence or skill. Look at how smart/good I am.”

That means that life becomes about winning and avoiding losing. And when you focus so much on whether or not you are on top, you can end up making some poor decisions related to your desire to win at any cost.

Those who focus solely on proving their abilities to others can end up engaging in destructive, dishonest, and even illegal behaviors in an effort to prove themselves to the world.

You will never experience the level of success you are capable of and truly deserve unless you follow an approach that is on the other side of the spectrum of mindset – a growth mindset.

This mindset reframes the other person’s success as a motivator that enables you to strive harder, do more, and work harder, you re-train your brain to view this not as an excuse to stay status quo, but as a reason to thrive.

When you embrace a growth mindset, you will find that your world is actually full of possibilities, not closed doors.

What is a Growth Mindset?

The term growth mindset was first used by Carol Dweck in her groundbreaking book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success in 2006.

As a researcher of personality, motivation, and development, Dweck has studied the role of one’s outlook on success and happiness for many years, and she has determined that we all have a mindset that lies somewhere between two extremes on a continuum.

The growth mindset, as defined by Dweck and embraced by others since its introduction, is when you believe that your talents and strengths can be developed as you age.

This development occurs through work, learning from others, explicit effort, and engaging in practice.

The growth mindset is contrasted with a fixed mindset, in which one believes that your talents are innate to you when you are born and do not evolve much throughout your life.

This understanding of a growth mindset challenges long-held beliefs that you are either born smart or you aren’t, and that gifts and talents are pretty much fixed from birth.

Being growth-oriented is a way to help you identify ways of strengthening your weaknesses, closing gaps in your achievement through intentional effort and overall enabling you to grow as a person in various ways.

Today, the idea of cultivating a growth mindset has been embraced by companies, schools, personal development coaches, and many others as a way to empower people to feel that they have control over their lives and can achieve the goals they set for themselves.

9 Easy Ways to start developing a Growth Mindset

Developing a growth mindset doesn’t happen overnight and requires patience and practice.

Focus on being realistic about how much time and effort it will take to change your mindset. Your beliefs are well ingrained and probably date back from your earliest experiences.

It takes a long time and lots of work to transform these types of beliefs. It IS possible, but it does take time, so be realistic with yourself about what you can accomplish in shorter periods.

Here are my recommended ones to get you started.

#1. Start seeing challenges and obstacles as opportunities. When something difficult or unexpected happens in your life, look for what you can learn from the situation and how it can help you grow as a person. In other words, build your positive reflex.

#2. Stop seeking the approval of other people. When you are always worried about what other people are thinking about you, you are placing their priorities above your own. It does not matter what they believe. Only you must live with the consequences of your choices.

#3. Celebrate the learning and growth of other people. When you look for ways that other people are improving their lives, you start to notice more opportunities within your own. Be happy for people you love who are enhancing their experience, and soon, you will be happy for yourself, as well.

#4. Focus on being your most authentic self. Those who are fixated on proving themselves to others often pretend to be something they are not. When you do this, it diminishes your ability to be you. Focus on living as yourself and allowing others to see the real you. Once you are your authentic self, you can focus on what matters most to you.

#5. Stop fearing failure. Instead of thinking of it as a setback or failure, embrace what you can learn from the experience. Focus on the lessons and the opportunities failure provides instead of what you are missing out on.

#6. Strengthen your self-awareness. The better you know yourself, the more you can use your talents and strengthen your weaknesses. When you are not sure, ask for feedback from those you trust. People have a different perspective than you, and they can help you identify crucial areas for your development and learning.

#7. Watch your language. Pay attention to the words you use with others as well as with yourself. Your vocabulary tells you a lot about your underlying beliefs. Are you using positive, growth-oriented words, or do you still hear negative language? Changing your vocabulary can help improve your mindset, so be sure to really listen to the words you are choosing.

#8. Focus on your purpose. Those with a growth mindset are purpose-driven, so if you don’t’ really know what your purpose is, that’s a wonderful place to start with your personal growth journey. What excites you? What interests you most? What talents do you want to share with the world? The more you focus on what your driving passion is, the easier it will be to stay motivated to learn and grow.

#9. Take more risks. Those who fear failure will avoid taking risks. If you find that you shy away from chance, then, think of small ways you can take risks in your daily life. Try something you have never done before. Make yourself vulnerable to someone. Go somewhere new. The more you push your comfort zone, the easier it will be the next time you want to take a risk.

Changing your mindset takes time and patience, but with consistent practice, you can change how you view yourself and the world, which can lead to more success and happiness for you.

Now is a good time to focus on developing your growth mindset and preparing for success.

Additional Success Resource

Karmic Ally Coaching’s Success Mindset Bundle provides you with the tool to do this. This eBook explores the ins and outs of the growth mindset and how it can enhance your personal development.

It offers strategies and tips for how you can transform your mindset into a more positive, learning-oriented one that expands your possibilities with a planner to record your actions and progress through the year.

I recently asked my subscribers this very question.

That email got one of the highest open rates and clicks to a resource mentioned in the email. I knew it had hit a chord.

I personally prefer to engage in positive thinking, often doing the 7 Day Positivity Challenge when my energy levels are low, and I need a boost. Besides, negative thoughts are so enervating.

Yet I am aware that it is not always possible. Not every situation in Life can be one of those ‘turn lemons into lemonade’. Or at least not in the foreseeable future.

For example, try telling the sole breadwinner of the family to think positively when they’ve been made redundant and have to look after their family as well as meet home loan repayments in a tight job market.

Tell them to remember the good times and the loads of work experience and exposure they got in the job. I guarantee you, as sure as the morning follows the night, you will get your head bitten off by a very angry if not upset person.

What’s more important is having a positive mental attitude and resilience to weather the shocks that life may give us from time to time.

This is done by building a positive reflex and knowing how to use those negative thoughts to your advantage.

It requires knowing your priorities and what’s really important to you and which you need to achieve no matter what.

Let’s turn our attention to what you really should care about – You and what matters to You.

I recently finished reading a brilliant book by Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life.

Don’t let the 4-letter word bother you.

His message is actually quite simple: We give a “F” about so many things that don’t really matter, but don’t give a “F” about the most important things in our lives.

His book is a load of fun to read. You have to get past his liberal use of the F word, but you start to get that he’s using it to really get attention for ideas that are not very popular and can be hard to live by if you don’t take life seriously.

Here’s a review that sums it up well.

“An in-your-face guide to living with integrity and finding happiness in sometimes-painful places… This book, full of counter-intuitive suggestions that often make great sense, is a pleasure to read and worthy of rereading. A good yardstick by which self-improvement books should be measured.” (Kirkus Reviews)

What I’m loving about this book is Manson’s turning all that think positive advice on its head and his view that we’d be better off handling adversity well – which is something I coach and mentor my clients on.

Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties—once we stop running from and avoiding and start confronting painful truths—we can begin to find the courage and confidence we desperately seek.

It boils down to having a growth mindset and the willingness to accept change and adapt if required. (Learn more about your change management style here or by clicking the image below for free)

Life is short and there are only so many things we can really care or bother about, so it makes sense to focus on that which is more important to us.

2 Case Studies on Lemons, Life and Mindset

Manson proves it with the contrasting examples of 2 musicians who were unceremoniously dropped just before their groups were signing a record deal and how each dealt with it.

Both musicians went on to do well but one of them was still competing against the band that dropped him and feeling like a failure even though he made millions of dollars.

The other went into depression and almost killed himself. Fortunately, he saw the dumping as a good thing. He soon after met his wife and had a good family, which he would not have had otherwise given the dysfunctional nature of music bands.

Did I mention he made money too?

I’m talking of Dave Mustaine who was dropped by Metallica and then founded Megadeth and Pete Best, the original Beatles drummer who was replaced by Ringo Starr.

My biggest takeaway from the case studies?

One’s mindset plays a big role in overcoming difficult situations and circumstance. Having a positive mental attitude is an important key to living a happy and fulfilling life.

Yet most people do not naturally have a positive mental attitude and need to work on it.

A positive mental attitude is really a state of mind and it’s usually a deliberate choice made by the individual.

In other words, a person living with a positive mental attitude has at some point in time probably made the decision to live that way. It’s quite normal that the person with the positive mental attitude wasn’t always positive.

Both were initially driven to show the group who had dumped them that they could achieve the same kind of success. One had a positive mental attitude while the other wallowed in a negative one.

Can you guess which was which?

I highly recommend you get the book and give it a read. You can thank me later!

Taking ownership for our happiness

It also got me thinking about discovering our life purpose and whether what we’re doing is honoring us as talented professionals.

Are you happy with what you’re doing?

Or do you feel something is missing?

What could possibly be keeping you stuck?

You might be feeling frustrated, even depressed at your lack of progress.

There is an important step you can take to get you out of that rut.

You can decide to take control now and identify what it is that is stopping you moving forward.

One way I suggest which is also mentioned by Manson is to re-examine your values. These change over time and perhaps what gave you satisfaction is not working any more.

For example, when I started my career as an auditor, my burning desire was to root out every fraud in the world.

In those days forensic auditing was unheard of. So, I focused on specializing in risk management and systems. I did projects where I unearthed frauds that were in millions of dollars.

Along with it came the danger of being bumped off by the mafia. I changed track and took on another safer specialization.

In my later years my values changed, and the end result has been the creation of Karmic Ally Coaching.

If you’re finding it challenging to think positively, I suggest you look at what you’re doing and your values and check to see if they still aligned.

Back to my original question, what’s your take on positive thinking? Share your perspective with me in the comments box.

Since we’re talking about mindset, growth and positive mental attitudes, here’s a resource to help you develop a positive mental attitude and growth mindset. Check it out at this link or click the image to download it.

Update November 2023 – Positive Thinking Secrets Bundle 

I’ve mentioned the importance of demonstrating Executive Presence to climb the corporate ladder before in numerous posts. The requirement of demonstrating self-confidence is important for this.

It’s also important for Emotional Intelligence, a required set of traits that enhances your presence in the right manner.

Low Confidence is akin to the cat catching your tongue

Sometime back a young lady professional told me about her problem of not finding her voice in Group Meetings.

She had some great ideas that could help improve team performance and client management. She prepared for these meetings. Yet, once in the meeting, she found herself keeping quiet while more assertive colleagues stole the show.

What made it worse was that she knew many of her colleagues’ ideas would not be viable.

It isn’t unusual that colleagues who are active in conversations get noticed. They create an impact, get recognition and with it, career opportunities.

Keeping quiet is not the solution if you want to get ahead in your career.

Yet she keeps quiet.

It’s this lack of confidence to speak up which is clearly holding her back and moving ahead in her career.

Does this scenario sound familiar to you?

It certainly does to me but not from my corporate world experience. I learned my lesson back when I was a young girl in a residential school.

I had good ideas too but unlike my classmates, I wouldn’t speak unless the teacher asked me for my view.

No wonder when our class’s turn came to be Captains and Leaders, I was nowhere in the running to get a badge with position and prestige.

It wasn’t until I was leaving school that one of my teachers told me that she knew I had what it took to be successful. I was told to raise my visibility and demonstrate more confidence.

I took note of her parting advice and the rest, as they say, is history.

Self-confidence is an important facet of Emotional Intelligence

Think about the people you admire the most.

More often than not, you’ll notice they are of pleasant disposition, down to earth and have healthy self-esteem. In common lingo, one could say they “have their act together.”

Research affirms the importance of self-confidence for career success, job satisfaction, career status, and salary.

According to the book, ‘The Confidence Code,’ confidence is more predictive of career success than competence!

That doesn’t surprise me because professionals with healthy self-confidence have a more optimistic and positive view of the world and are more likely to be willing to step out of their comfort zone to rise above challenges, stay focused on their goals because they believe they can achieve whatever they set out to.

For them, a challenge is a learning opportunity that will enable them to sharpen their skills that in turn will make them viable candidates for more opportunities.

Moreover, they choose occupations that support their interests leading to greater job satisfaction.

Arrogance is not a sign of Confidence

While low self-confidence can lead to lost opportunities, there is another problem with confidence – over confidence or arrogance.

Overconfidence or pseudo-confidence is destructive. Domineering behaviour might work at the lower rungs of the corporate ladder, if at all but the higher you go up, the more your people skills begin to matter.

How your team members and peers perceive you is as important as the boss’s perception of you.

But if we are to develop high Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient and become successful, this is exactly what we must do!

Confidence and Personal Competencies of Emotional Intelligence

In my post on the skill of empathy and emotional intelligence, I refer to the personal competency of Self Awareness demonstrated by emotionally intelligent people.

Competency in this domain requires mastery of emotion and a healthy self-perception is vital.

Self-perception allows you to recognize a feeling while it happens. The key competencies under self-perception are self-awareness and having self-confidence.

I go into greater detail with exercises in my course Emotional Intelligence – The Basics but for the purpose of this post, here is a slide from the Self Awareness Module of the course.

Being aware of one’s emotions and accurately reading them is a basic aspect of emotional intelligence and helps guide your decision-making process.

It underlies all other processing of emotional information. Your own emotions include areas of beliefs and core values, as well as preferences, goals, strengths, weaknesses, and intuition.

Self-confidence comes from an accurate sense of your worth and abilities. This leads to a belief in yourself and the ability to be a better decision maker.

I provide a full course on building one’s confidence in my book Self-Confidence in 8 Steps which will help you master it.

Do you have a confidence problem?

To determine if you have a confidence problem, think about your behavior in different situations and ask yourself:

In a conflict situation, are fingers pointed at me?

Do I frequently take a very strong stand on issues?

Am I the first to speak up with an opinion?

Do I often cut off further discussion in favour of my position?

Am I spending more time talking than I do listening?

Do I hold my stand to unreasonable lengths? Or do I cave in at the first sign of aggression from others?

Am I able to share my point of view?

Depending on your answer, you might be low on confidence or over confident which needs to be addressed.

A truly confident person knows how to balance their needs with those of other people. This leads to more success when it comes to social management.

One tip that I can give you to improve your confidence and score in emotional intelligence is to learn to accept your mistakes.

We all goof up at times and admitting that we are wrong can often stop a situation from escalating into a full blown crisis.

Remember, even people with high levels of confidence are apt to make mistakes. I mean, they are human, right?

But an emotionally intelligent person will not make it into a prestige issue sticking to their guns when they know they are in the wrong.

Instead, they understand that this is a learning opportunity to do things differently. They are not afraid to admit they got it wrong.

I remember the time when one of my mentors who is mentioned in my book Get Noticed!  told me how a simple apology when we are in the wrong goes a long way to maintain goodwill.

How a simple sorry prevented a blame game war

The incident was a minor one with a clash between my department and the co-insurance one over the system crashing while we were moving into a new insurance and accounting interface software in our company.

The crash was caused by a fault in the program and really it was not our fault but that of the vendor who had over-promised on major software but was developing it as we went along.

An entire week’s worth of accounting and insurance information was lost and there was lots of arguing and blame throwing – not good for productivity.

I understood what my mentor boss was saying and went to the head of Co-insurance to apologize for my team’s outburst. I was surprised to receive an apology in return. Looks like the boss had counselled both of us!

After that we set up a disaster management plan and backups were taken on the hour instead of the routine twice a day.

That was an emotionally intelligent boss guiding his people to demonstrate the same competency that I want for you.

Does your confidence come in the way of being perceived as emotionally intelligent by others?

Additional Resources to Boost your Self Confidence and Emotional Intelligence

Here is a selection of resources that you will find useful on the topic of self confidence and emotional intelligence.

The Confidence Code

Self Confidence in 8 Steps

Emotional Intelligence – The Basics for Professional Success

Get Noticed!

To press the button or not to press the button…… that is the question.

Nope, I haven’t gotten my Hamlet wrong. Yet I certainly had a Hamlet moment discovering a secondary gain to a habit which I am now changing.

The other day I did something quite out of character for me both as a person as well as a businessperson. I’m glad I did because I found out something new about myself which a lot of business owners who maintain an online presence and email list have also experienced.

Experiencing a secondary gain moment

Here’s what happened.

I was launching a new course on Emotional Intelligence and inviting participants for the beta run first. So, I was out promoting this course to friends, colleagues and my email subscribers.

Like any good business owner and professional, I invest in courses whenever I feel I need to develop a particular skill or gain new knowledge to pass on to my clients.

And I’ve invested and completed some really good courses on creating courses. But the promotion and marketing part was a toughie because of the way I am.

Each of these courses talked about sending emails. This included cart closing emails for people who leave things for the last minute. That felt weird for me, and I refrained.

This time I decided I really should step out of my comfort zone, and I did. The second email wasn’t so bad – I’ve done that before.

It was the 3^rd email that got me in Hamlet mode.

I hummed and I hawed. Even found an excuse to take my pet friend Miss Coco for an extra walk while I waited for the course enrollment deadline.

Walking The Furry One actually helped because I got a chance to think about my resistance to sending the 3^rd email. It was all drafted and just needed a gentle press on the Send Button.

I asked myself in all honesty, what do I get to not feel, not do, not experience by staying stuck?

Some good answers came up as well as some counter answers from my Intuition whom I’ll call The Voice.

I was concerned I would have tons of folk unsubscribe if they saw 3 emails because my subscribers weren’t used to it. The thought they wouldn’t enroll had not crossed my mind.

The Voice inside me told me that given the open rates (mine are actually better than industry standard) if someone missed the first or the second email, they would still see the 3^rd one.

The Voice reminded me of opens and clicks that I’ve gotten whenever I’ve sent a reminder. The fact that the Biggies in the business coaching industry send emails out right till the last minute.

I’ve got those emails in my Inbox. Thanks to time differences, I often wake up to find 5, yes 5 emails telling me about how a cart is closing for these thousand-dollar programs with all the bonuses I can get with 1 click of a button and payment details.

The Voice finally told me if someone unsubscribes, bless them and let them go.

Actually, nobody unsubscribed!

Later that morning, there was a post in one of the Facebook Groups where the owner was talking about doing things that stretched us.

I mentioned getting out of my comfort zone to send that 3^rd email and received encouragement. It seems I’m not the only one who finds this challenging.

I understand why I was experiencing resistance and I’ll share more about it later in this post but first, I have a question for you.

How many times have you had a habit or behavior which you knew was bad for your health, self-esteem or general well-being and you have taken active steps to break it only to fall off the wagon?

Changing ourselves can be tricky sometimes.

Handling change is not easy for everyone.

The truth about Secondary Gains

Just when we think we have successfully adopted a new, more empowering habit or behavior, the old one creeps back in.

This could quite possibly be due to the existence of a sub-conscious underlying reason, which can be called a Secondary Gain or a Pay-Off.

This underlying reason is why we continue with a certain habit or behavior even though we are consciously aware that the activity is not beneficial to us.

These habits and behaviors could include smoking, excessive shopping on your credit card, blaming others for your problems, being non-assertive or a yes person.

They all have an underlying Pay-Off Factor.

A smoker who finds it difficult to quit or manages to for a while and then goes back to the habit may make the excuse that stressful situations cause the lapse in the effort to quit the habit.  Perhaps we feel more part of a peer group or accepted by others. The excuses are numerous.

Whether it is low self-esteem, lack of confidence or motivation, continual negative thinking, peer pressure – they will all have an underlying payoff factor – which may or may not be positive.

Empowering habits or behavior are only possible when one gets to the root of the limiting belief or fear.

For example, an individual who stays on in a job despite growing job dissatisfaction may believe that this is important to provide for his family.

In truth he may actually be scared of stepping out of his comfort zone and challenging himself.

Supposing he doesn’t get another job or a lower paying one?

What if he follows his desire to go into business and it fails?

We can often restrict ourselves without even realizing it.

Recognizing this limiting belief or fear, the individual could consider baby steps towards stepping out of his comfort zone.

He could ask for more challenging work or seek avenues for further learning and development in his organization. Thus, contributing to both his and the organization’s success in the long run.

He may also begin to explore and research a new career or even a business if he is so inclined.

What if there is a positive underlying factor for the individual?

For example, a person who has self-assertion issues might keep failing in his quest to become self-assertive.

He may have learnt early in life that to maintain the peace he needed to draw away attention from himself. Perhaps, it was beneficial to keep quiet when there is conflict.

This might have served the purpose of keeping away the fear of being unpopular or even being bullied. In adult life, this habit or behavior might not serve the person.

Instead, the person might do well to understand what benefit they were getting from this behavior.

See if there is a positive behavior to replace the undermining one and yet give the same results. Such as asserting neutrality in conflicts where the person is a third party. Or learning to express oneself while willing to listen to the other’s point of view openly and objectively.

By doing this, one will have made a good start at gaining a higher order of change. The more changes one makes that still satisfy the Secondary Gain, the easier it will be to change habits and behaviours.

A deeper analysis and final words on Secondary Gains

Returning to my story, a deeper analysis post pressing the button led to an amazing realization.

During my corporate world days, I had worked in the Audit and Assurance Industry. We were taught not to openly ask for the business. In those days, the governing body did not allow us to advertise explicitly.

Even when the firms did advertise, there were caveats in the advertisement. We were encouraged to invite inquiries but not blatantly say we wanted the business.

When it came to follow ups, there were those that one could do. Like following up for invoice payments. Or extra information required to complete an audit or project. And those that we could not.

I realized I was looking at that 3^rd email as being unprofessional. My secondary gain was not breaking the rules of follow up. But these rules were now redundant for me!

I’ve already started practicing new habits for launches. This includes reaching out to my network like I did this time. I’m keeping up the practice of informing my list that I will remind them again. And if someone unsubscribes, so be it.

In fact, one subscriber was kind enough to write and tell me that the course was not of interest to her.

Hey, I got some engagement from a subscriber who felt she needed to let me know why she wasn’t signing up.

What about you?

Have you ever found a habit, good or bad that you wouldn’t let go off because there was a secondary gain involved?

PS: If you need more help in letting go of those awful limiting fears, then the 3 step process outlined in this post will definitely help.

Want to know a secret?

I cannot for the life of me stick to New Year Resolutions – even if my life depended on it.

Over the years I’ve devised different techniques and adopted new tools to get the job done.

One of the tools I use each year to guide me on my Hero Journey is choosing my Word for the Year.

It supports me as the year unfolds and life starts happening with events that have the potential to take me off course.

It’s a transformation exercise that works if you stick to the plan.

I used The Word first in 2016 when I needed a push to get back into action.

The year 2015 was a complete mess.

In all fairness, January of that year was one of the best I had both on the professional and personal front but in February, my little dog had hind-leg paralysis. As the weeks wore on, the chances of her walking were down to 30:70.

We were talking wheels for the pet and it was a nightmare situation.

I wrote about it in my blog and how I kept both Miss Coco and myself going since I was housebound.

That year I wrote 4 of my 8 bestselling Kindle books (2 are collaborations that achieved International Bestseller status) and ventured into doing teleclasses.

I survived the emotional roller coaster and Miss Coco walked again without support 6 months later. Just in time to curate and manage my Mom’s 22^nd Solo Show and was grateful the year was ending.

The Word supports my journey.

I knew I needed a better year and chose the word Phoenix to symbolize getting back into my groove in 2016.

It worked splendidly.

As 2017 approached, I knew I had to consolidate my work and business. It was time to get ready for the new direction my Hero Journey was taking me.

My word for the year was Integrate and my vision was Abundance & Prosperity with Creative Magic.

That’s exactly what’s happened!

I streamlined my content, let go of services that were no longer aligned with my vision of Karmic Ally Coaching. That year, I finally established my online teaching school.

By the time we approached the last quarter of 2017, there were changes in my personal life that needed to be addressed. This included a health issue that needed surgery and which honestly, scared me.

Stepping forward with Faith

My Word for 2018 was Faith to keep me bolstered for everything and anything that came up with support from the Divine and my ability to bounce back when times would get tough.

You know something? It did!

Throughout 2018 I felt as if my Guardian Angels were supporting me. Whenever I felt I couldn’t do more, my Higher Self showed me where I could be more effective and efficient.

2019 saw me working with clients who made my heart fill up with pride as they made strides in their career progression and achieved their cherished dreams.

My Word for 2020 was Completion. It was meant to motivate me to complete different projects and tie up loose ends both in my business and personal life.

While I hadn’t (nobody had in fact) bargained for the way the year turned out, it marked the completion of many projects.

I closed the doors on activities and even people who I realized were never really part of my circle.

This in turn created space for friends who shared my values. I experienced a happier environment even though the world had gone wonky.

There’s power in our chosen words.

My Word for 2021 took into account all that I have discovered about myself in 2020 and what really gets me motivated. I was divided between choosing Optimism or Sanguinity – they mean the same thing.

After working out which one vibrated better for me, I went with Optimism. Our chosen word is a good way to acknowledge the person we’ve become and nurture that person for the better.

The year started on a horrible note with the demise of Miss Coco but the same month the COVID-19 vaccine was made available and there was definitely a reason for optimism.

It’s been a weird year and for many of us the loss of the second wave is indescribable.

Optimism kept me going and I released my tribute to Miss Coco on 14 November this year.

The Kindle book, Miss Coco: The story of a Princess Pup who changed my life forever was well received. I’m optimistic her story will warm many hearts in the years to come.

If this year has made you into a grumpy grouchy person, then perhaps your Word would be a motivator to change into a happy contented one. The possibilities are endless.

It’s a simple 3 step process but requires some reflection and contemplation.

Step 1 is the difficult part because it will make you look back in time but after that, it’s easy.

Any change or goal that you want to achieve is possible. All you require is the right level of motivation, clarity about your desire and focus to create that change.

From experience, I know that most resolutions don’t last beyond the first 21 days of January. That’s because we focus on not doing something or forcing ourselves to do things.

But if we summarize what we want in 1 word or maybe even a phrase, we have the entire year to make the change. We can set mini goals to take us through the journey for the year.

Your goal in this exercise is to choose just one word to be your focus for the next twelve months. It is meant to help you keep your attention fixed on your word.

When you choose a single word, you have a clarity and focus enabling you to move forward in positive motion.

How do you go about picking a word?

I’ve listed out a few steps to help you get started! You’ll want to journal this exercise or at least pen it down on a piece of paper.

Step 1: Decide what you want to achieve in the coming year or the person you want to become

This is a reflective step as well as a looking forward one and sets the stage for choosing your word.

Start by looking at the year that has gone by and without any judgement, answer  2 simple questions.

— What do I need more of?

— What do I need less of?

Write down any thoughts that come to your mind. There’s no judgement involved and its acknowledging what’s going on in your mind.

Circle any keywords that stood out in this exercise.

Step 2: What would the new year look like for you if you could have it all?

Spend some time thinking about what would be a perfect day for you in the coming year.

Visualize living that perfect day and note down how it would look for you. This is similar to the exercise we do in Life Focus in 7 Days.

Then answer the following questions that would make your perfect day a reality

— What dreams would you like to nurture in the new year?

— What area(s) of your life is/are asking to be supported in the new year?

— What qualities do you want to develop in yourself?

Write down all the words that come to your mind that are aligned with your vision of the perfect day and the 3 questions. Then put it aside for now.

For example, if the year that has gone by was stressful, consider words like Resilient, Nurture or any word that resonates with what you want more of.

If you know you need to step out of your comfort zone and make changes, choose words like Adventure, Brave, Confident, Poise.

Step 3: Pick a word

Now take a fresh piece of paper and note down all the words you found in Step 1 and 2 and pick a word.

You may have 15-20 words. The temptation to choose more than one will be there, but you are choosing a word. In fact, The Word to guide you in the New Year.

This Word provides you with a lens to see the changes you need to make as well as a way to determine if you really are making the changes to create the perfect year.

Check in with this word every quarter to see if your activities are aligned with your Word.

I’d love to know your Word once you’ve decided on it so do let me know!

PS. Supplement your Word exercise with some self-improvement work! Download my Self-Improvement Strategies Workbook Gift and make the new year your year. Click the image below and we’ll take it from there!

Do you find it difficult to overcome obstacles to your life-goals?

The reason I’m asking this question is because quite often when I speak to people about what stopped them from achieving a goal that was important for them, whether it’s one related to their career, business or life, I’m told about all the obstacles that they found along the way that made them give up.

For sure we hit roadblocks and hurdles but that doesn’t grant us a permission slip to drop the goal unless the goal that we set fulfills 2 criteria

First, it was the wrong goal for us at that moment of time.

For example deciding to go on a diet when we know it’s the peak season at work and deadlines have to be met at the peril of losing our job. That’s the time when our eating and exercising habits can go haywire and we might not be in a position to cope. Timing matters.

Secondly, if our motivation level isn’t high enough; in other words, on a scale of 1 to 10, you aren’t on at least and 8.

What if motivation is high and the time is right and yet, we’re struggling?

Based on my observations (including my own habits) there’s usually an issue of mindset, strategy and tactics that need to be addressed.

I have covered that in my Kindle ebook Goal Achievement Simplified: When Your Actions Give Results and this week, my post is an extract from that ebook to give the reader insights of areas that they might need to address first in order to get their goal in the box.

Here 10 tips that can give you the power to overcome the road blocks that keep you from reaching for the stars.

1. Identify Your Rationale. In order for your goal to be backed up with motivation, you must take to heart its significance to you. Identify the purpose of your goal. Point out its benefits and its would-be results in your life.

2. Make SMART Goals. Following from identifying the rationale, make sure that the goals are SMART – specific, measurable, action oriented, realistic and time bound. Goal achievement requires accountability to yourself and being clear about what you want, how much you want, what you are willing to do, how realistic your goal is and by when do you want to achieve the goal. Otherwise your goal will be nothing less than wishful thinking.

3. Do a personal SWOT analysis. Before moving ahead with your goal planning, do a personal SWOT analysis. Have an honest look at what internal and external factors can affect the success or failure of your goal success. Internal factors would include strengths and weaknesses while external factors would include opportunities and threats. For example, a person trying to lose weight analyses the following factors – strength: willpower, weakness: finds chocolates tempting, opportunities: a new aerobics class is starting which one can enroll in for exercise to burn calories and threats: weekly office outing to a restaurant where one can eat all one can.   

4. Plan Your Goals. One of the main reasons why goals fail is that there is no detailed plan to accomplish the goal. Set a plan for each step that you will take in accomplishing your goal. As you progress through each step, if there is a need to, modify your plan by adding or deleting details. Consider making two plans, if one proves to be impractical; there is another plan to fall back on.

5. Maintain your Focus. Stick to your plan to the letter. Be consistent in the path that you take. Keep your energy flowing towards that direction. Be aware if plan A is failing and move into plan B to continue forward movement.

6. Avoid losing momentum. Whatever happens, do not stop working on your plan. As much as possible, do not be contented with what you currently have. Start with what you have at hand and work from there.

7. Monitor yourself. Always ask yourself if there is something else you can do. Find out if there are still alternatives you can think of. Ask yourself if there is something else you need to know. Look at your plan in different angles. Keep a weekly chart or diary of your mini achievements to keep up your motivation. Note the setbacks and think, how they can be avoided in future.  

8. Keep in mind that no idea is insignificant. Good ideas suddenly pop up then just burst like bubbles. Jot them down as soon as they come to mind. Have a notebook handy to write down these details when they pop up. This is a good way to prevent these details from being lost.

9. Always think positive. Be conscious about what you say and think. Lay aside your doubts. Despite the obstacles you encounter, believe that your goal is attainable. Affirm yourself at all times, with words of positivity and hope. A positive mindset is very important in the attainment of your goals. Visualize the achievement of the goal and how you would feel at that point to spur you into continuing action.

10. Fuel your Goals with Gratitude. To keep your spirits high, be thankful for having these goals. Goals give direction and guidelines by which you live your life. Goals nourish one’s being. Being appreciative of your goals strengthens your foresight and keeps you humble and open-minded. It empowers your motivation and willpower and makes even the smallest task meaningful. In all your undertakings, learn to practice gratitude.

Following these empowerment tips push you on your way to achieving your goals. Take these to heart, and jump start your journey to goal-getting today! Remember to celebrate each and every step of the journey!

What strategies, tactics or mindset management activities do you utilize to achieve your goals?

2020 wasn’t just the nightmare year of the COVID-19 pandemic, it was also the year when hundreds of thousands of lives were lost. Some were celebrities with obituaries that documented their lives and achievements. There were many more of loved ones who mattered and who definitely left a legacy for their families and community.

I remember my Google search after hearing about the demise of Debbie Reynolds, Carrie Fischer and George Michael within a short span of time.

Even back then, the list of luminaries I found made me sit back and think about the names, their lives and their legacy as they took their place in History.

Different people from different walks of life, nationalities, musicians, athletes, politicians and more who shared one common denominator – a life that will inspire future generations. That’s their true legacy and it shows in their obituaries.

People may not know them immediately but future events will make references to their stories and in this day and age of technology, we can learn more about their Life Story and contribution to History with a quick Google or Wikipedia search.

I’ve noticed a trend which might be a coincidence but Leap Years are always eventful and it showed in 2020.

I remember 2004 when we lost many world personalities and the Tsunami on Boxing Day, the effects of which are still felt in certain parts of the world 16 years on.

I’m carried back in time to November 2012 when I was watching the news coverage of Bal Thackeray’s funeral procession and last rites on television.

Live coverage was aired on all the major channels with commentators discussing his life and achievements. The funeral cortege was escorted through the streets of Mumbai in a sea of human beings with 50,000 policemen on duty.

Tributes flowing in, shops, cinemas and hotels closed as a mark of respect. Taxis and autos off the roads, Mumbai the commercial capital of India shut down for the day.

A legend had crossed over to take his place in History.

While many of us would not get such a wonderful send off, we would be remembered by those for whom we count and perhaps, for those whom we do not count as well!

This post is not about death. It is about life.

To be precise, our life and what we want to achieve to create our legacy for future generations.

We don’t have to be celebrities, you know.

I’m sharing an example which is very close to my heart. I knew my father had a distinguished career, but I truly understood his legacy after his death. Condolences flowed in from people I had never met grateful for his help at difficult times in their lives.

A true Karma Yogi, he never mentioned all his good deeds to us but his legacy is quite clear to his family and we’ve tried to live up to the standard he set.

I’ve shared this in my contribution to Creating Your Legacy, a joint venture with 105 authors, which urges readers to find power and inspiration and courage within themselves to dream, create, build, nurture and grow their memorable legacies.

The global pandemic continues to affect everyone. It has called on each of us to reevaluate how we are living and what our role in the world is. When we fulfill our life purpose by sharing our natural gifts, we leave a wonderful legacy in this world.

You can get a copy to start your journaling here  or in the Amazon India market here.

Now is a good time to start working on your obituary

Year-ends are a time of remembering events of the year, some good and some bad but each event, even the minutest creates the You that you are today and the legacy you will leave behind at some distant date in the future.

It sets the scene for the person you’re going to become in the future with further refinements as Life events happen, choices are made and experiences experienced.

But you don’t have to wait for year-ends. You can start today.

With end in mind, how would You like to be remembered?

Take time out today to create your own obituary and reflect on who you are, where you are with your life and what you really want to be.

Sounds morbid? Yes.

Is it useful as a tool for goal setting and getting your life balance back? An emphatic Yes!

Would you prefer to reframe it to create your Legacy? Why not!

Let’s do it.

Find yourself a quiet place and for 15 minutes, visualize that you have led a long and fulfilling life. You are an invisible guest at your own memorial service and your family, close friends, colleagues have gathered to celebrate your life.

People representing the different aspects of your life have been chosen to share their thoughts about you. 5 of them have been allotted 1 minute each to speak about you.

Jot down what you would like to hear them say about you as you are today.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Is it complete? Are you content? Is there more that can be achieved?

Download your free Change Quiz here  or clicking on the above image. Fill up the form so I know I have your permission to send it to you. 

PS. Your email is safe with me – Professionals don’t spam or do horrid things.

Tombstone And Trees by john kovacich

Written by: Vatsala Shukla

 

Mid-December is usually the time when many of us go into a contemplative mood about the year that is about to come to a close.  This activity can make or break our sense of self-esteem and confidence.

Wins are remembered with a smile.

Sometimes there is a shudder remembering goof ups that couldn’t be converted into later wins. It really is okay, you know. As my Scottish boss back in my British Gas days used to tell me to take it on the chin and move on.

Best piece of advice I can offer to you too.

What about you?

Have you started reflecting yet or will you get to it post-Christmas?

Here’s my own example.

I took stock of the achievements (e.g. achieving my dream goal of 3 bestseller books with my 5^th Kindle book without using any of the guru tactics at launch and finally setting up my online course school).

The hits and misses. Including participating in giveaways that weren’t aligned with my business WHY or fit my tribe’s interests, though they were really good ones. After chalking it up to experience, prepared to move on in positive motion.

I let go of that which hasn’t worked. My survey revealed my subscribers aren’t into webinars and teleclasses even though the *gurus* claim it’s the next best thing since sliced bread for educating your audience.

Instead I concentrated on improving those activities and tasks that can get me closer to my goals. Like knowing  now what my audience wants for a free 5 day challenge!

I took courses to learn skills that I needed for the next stage of my journey. I’m focused on improving my professional and personal life.

It’s preferable to look forward, accepting that time that has passed won’t come back.

Then look toward the New Year as a time to achieve all that we couldn’t.  We now have the benefit of hindsight and lots of new knowledge that wasn’t there at the beginning of the year.

This strategy needs practice and there is no iron cast time limit. The point is to start your journey.

You’d be surprised how much analysis and planning can be completed provided you have self-confidence, self-belief that you have what it takes and this is 1 step in your journey to success.

That’s where healthy self-esteem and appreciating our uniqueness of Self comes into the picture.

3 Indicators of good Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Self-esteem is totally personal and is a learned behavior. It is not something you have but something you do.

In a world that is constantly changing, your interactions with the world do impact your self- esteem which can be defined as self-image, self-worth, and self-confidence.

The point to remember is that you have control and influence over your self-esteem.

What are the signs of a healthy self-esteem?

Here are 3 indicators based on my observations:

Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is important because until you acknowledge your uniqueness, nobody else will. When we embrace ourselves with love, we raise our energy frequency and transmit a message to others that this person is confident in their own skin. They command our respect. We become attractive. We exude presence and gravitas.

I’ve seen it in action with friends and colleagues who on the face of it weren’t best looking, most successful or even most knowledgeable in our group. Yet they commanded respect and their opinion and perspective counted in any setting. That in fact is presence, or gravitas.

I still remember during my first job as a trainee auditor, there was a gentleman, Rajesh, in our office who, despite numerous attempts, never passed the final accountancy exams to qualify as a Chartered Accountant but he was highly respected and in charge of some of the most prestigious engagements of the firm.

The fact that despite his knowledge he couldn’t ace the exams didn’t stop him from living to his potential. He had accepted his weaknesses, identified his strengths and played on the latter.

We all turned to him for guidance on audit issues and he was considered a walking encyclopedia. When he died of a heart attack a few years ago, the entire group of trainees from that time felt the loss at a personal level. The thought that he never qualified and we had didn’t enter our minds!

Bravely face challenges

Self-acceptance means that you aren’t afraid of facing challenges that will take you outside your comfort zone.

Accept that you might make a few mistakes while navigating uncharted waters. You know you aren’t perfect.  Who is?

Instead use the experience to learn more about yourself and any weakness that needs to be overcome. Failure can teach us a lot about ourselves.

A person with low self-esteem on the contrary would blame others or put himself down continuously for the mistakes that he commits.

Not feeling the need to prove one-self to others

Continuing with Rajesh’s example, he had a high sense of self-worth and didn’t feel the need to prove himself to others or prove others wrong.

For sure, we were admonished if we made mistakes but we knew when we had goofed up. A person with low self-esteem would have used the opportunity to put the other person down to look better. Not in this case. In fact, as each one of us qualified in our exams, he was always the first to congratulate us.

People with healthy self-esteem and confidence don’t feel the need to shine – they are already the beacon for others!

Good self-esteem means you don’t compare yourself to others or see only their strengths and then let the gremlins put you down further. Like good old Dr. Seuss points out, You are You.

7 Ways to top up your Self-Esteem Bucket

A beautiful concept that I read a long time back and want to share with you involves the self- esteem bucket.

The idea is that we are all born with a perfect bucket and throughout life from the moment that we are born; we keep filling up this bucket with all the good things that together make up our healthy self-esteem.

All negative inputs act like holes being pierced in the bucket. If the inputs never catch up with the leakages, the end result is low self- esteem.

There are many ways to ensure that your inputs keep your self- esteem bucket filled up, prevent negativity from making holes in the bucket and repair the holes that have already been made.

Self-esteem and self-confidence can be improved in many ways:

Work on your mind set. One way is through daily affirmations that program the mind towards being positive.  Combine the affirmation with creative visualization of what you would like to feel or in meditation to make it more effective.

Here’s a video on visualization that I’d made some time back to help you with the process.

Use your strengths and acknowledge areas for improvement and work on them. (Suggested reading: My post Successful Birds Set Goals Differently)

Focus on things that are under your control and stop fretting about things where you can’t intervene.

Practice detachment. Sometimes situations arise where we can’t do much but we can control how our mind thinks. That’s where your mindset is important.

Don’t take things too seriously. Learn to laugh at yourself.

Doing the necessary Inner Work to break down roadblocks to achieving your true potential. I cover this in my book Self-Confidence in 8 Steps where you’ll take the necessary actions to do the inner and outer work for building healthy self-esteem and self-confidence.

Focus more on positive moments and interactions

In other words, start focusing on praise rather than criticism. Retrain your mind to appreciate what’s going right rather than complaining about what’s wrong.

Be mindful in your interactions and consider how your words impact others and trigger a response that puts you down rather than up.

At the same time, there can be situations where in the course of our interactions with others, even brief ones, their words or actions can create leaks in our Self-Esteem Bucket.

The interaction causes a ‘dip from our bucket’ leaving us with negative emotions rather than fill our bucket with positive emotions.

An example that comes to mind is the boss who criticizes your work. It wasn’t because you did a bad job. Just that  the timing coincided with the boss being pre-occupied with something else. The boss may not be in a perpetual crabby state of mind but in the moment, you’ve received the dip.

If you are experiencing this situation, I highly recommend reading How Full Is Your Bucket? .

This #1 New York Times and #1 BusinessWeek bestseller is organized around a simple metaphor of a dipper and a bucket, will show you how to greatly increase the positive moments in your work and your life – while reducing the negative.

Having healthy self-esteem is important. It gives us a positive outlook in life that cascades into everything we do, whether in our personal or professional lives, our relationships guarantees our journey to success is smoother.

Have you ever faced issues with your self-confidence or self-esteem? How full is your bucket?

Procrastination is a complex personal challenge. For many, it’s an enigma associated with time management and our inclination to stall important actions ultimately adversely impacting our personal and professional lives.

In my Procrastination Quiz, we looked at different activities to ascertain whether a person was a habitual procrastinator along the deferment spectrum.

The good news is procrastination is a habit and habits can be changed with the right approach and attitude. We have a choice.

Procrastination is an equal opportunity habit that interferes with the productivity of people from every economic level, profession, age, or other demographic category.

That’s what I discovered for myself at Quora where I often answer questions on self-development. This time, there were 2 different people with different demographic profiles who wanted to get rid of their procrastination habit.

One was a student who admitted that he got easily distracted whenever he tried to read or study. His concentration level was less than a few minutes even when he was studying. He wanted tips to overcome this dilemma and find an efficient way to overcome procrastination.

The other person wanted to be a top performer at work. He was aware of the fact that when work got too hard, he’d cop out and enjoyed procrastinating. He wanted to change this time wasting behavior.

Practically everyone has at least 1 or more serious procrastination challenge to meet, especially workplace procrastination.

Procrastination is multifaceted

It’s more than a delay tactic. The concept isn’t as simple as you might think. There are 3 elements that make up procrastination and both readers who had asked for advice demonstrated these elements.

I mentioned earlier that procrastination was a habit. To be clearer, procrastination is an automatic problem habit; where we put off an important and timely activity until another time. It’s a process that has probable consequences.

We procrastinate because we have a negative perception about an anticipated activity.

This creates an urge to diverge by substituting something less relevant, and our procrastination is more often than not accompanied with thinking of justifications to delay action.

The decision to delay action brings immediate relief and hope but also reinforce the procrastination decision, making other procrastination decisions more likely in the future.

Have you ever had to do an important task and thought, “I’ll do this later when I feel ready.”? Or suddenly realized you have to take the dog for a walk, wash dishes or start cleaning the desk?

You’ve procrastinated and avoided the task. You can justify the urgency of the substituted tasks till the cows come home but the truth is, you’ve postponed the more important task.

More than a simple act of avoidance, procrastination involves a process of interconnected perceptions and thoughts, emotions and sensations and actions.

Choice comes into play when you recognize that you can either take corrective action or do nothing and hope for the best.

What’s an efficient way to overcome procrastination?

Procrastination is often a sign of deeper problems and useful in avoiding things that we know we need to do but want to justify not doing them. I don’t know anyone who chooses to develop a procrastination habit. If you are unsure try this Procrastination Quiz

Recognizing the tendency to procrastinate, for whatever reason, is half the battle.

Then it’s time to analyze the specific situations where you procrastinate and ask yourself some hard questions. What is the trigger for the procrastination?

It certainly isn’t a challenging task but some underlying reason. Is it fear of failure, perfectionism or a secondary benefit or pay-off? We procrastinate to put off things that make us uncomfortable.

Once you know the true underlying cause for procrastination and the key area where your exhibit this behavior, you can move forward and turn yourself into a top performer.

Perhaps better planning and chunking down tasks to acceptable bytes and building in some relaxation time might help as a starting point.

Think along those lines and then create a doable action plan to overcome your procrastinating tendencies.

I’ve found the Pomodoro technique to be useful when work feels like a huge mountain in front of me. You can learn more in my post Can a Tomato improve your Time Management?

Ultimately change is a choice, and it is our responsibility to take corrective action.

However change is also a process and is a habit that keeps us in our comfort zone. Would you like to change this inefficient and productivity reducing habit?

I suggest you take the How to Stop Procrastinating right now micro-course. Click here for the details or on the image below. The course is housed on my Karmic Ally Coaching Training website.

Do you know why you procrastinate on some actions and breeze through others? How do you keep this habit in check?

Do share your tips and experience in the comments section below.

This month we celebrated Financial Literacy Month at The Karmic Ally Coaching Experience Blog. The topic for the April teleclass focused on 3 actions that we need to take before we start thinking of managing our money.

As a Finance professional, my intention was to give the reader and the listener enough tips, tools and strategies to help them find a solution to their pressing money issues as well as help going forward.

This is my 3^rd post in the Financial Literacy Trilogy (I just HAD to use this word; you know what I mean) where I’m sharing one of the tips from my teleclass. It is important to anyone who wants to make decisions about their spending that are aligned with their goals and needs.

A new conscious approach to spending

This mindset tool will hold you at your authentic self and keep those money eating impulse spending gremlins at bay. Besides, it is easy to implement.

Always remember, if you are finding it difficult to implement this exercise, defer spending for a day or two and then try again

Step 1: Choose the top 2 financial goals for the year, whether they are in your personal or professional life. Don’t spend too much time on this; let your intuition guide you. Choose 2 that immediately come to mind and write them down.

Consider any money that you spend to be an investment.

An investment has 3 core qualities.

1. You expect a Return on Investment (ROI)
2. It is clear HOW this ROI will happen
3. You have a date by which you want to start seeing this ROI happen

Step 2: When you are tempted to spend money, ask yourself these 2 Money Coaching Questions:

1. Is this an investment or fulfilling an important need or am I just spending money?
2. Is this investment in alignment with my financial goals and values?

Yes to investment and Yes to goals and values means you are making an investment decision from a conscious frame of mind

Try this exercise for size. You’ll notice the shift in your money spending and more money savings for the things you really need and even want!

Round up: money and finance actions!

I wanted to say ‘round up the posse’ but then, decided otherwise in case Google sent horse owners to me looking for tips on horses.

Jokes apart, this post is a roundup of all the posts I have written on Money and Finance and worthy of bookmarking in case you need to refer to it again.

You can click on the image or on the title of the post and a new window will open to the content.

A new conscious approach to spending (that’s this post)

Want to know how to create pots of money? (that’s where I shared how to start allocating money using a jars approach)

Money matters: Are you really on top of your finance game? (dare to try the self-assessment and learn if your money management practices are up to the mark?)

Top Secret: Your Little Habits create Big Savings

3 ways for steering runaway money horses back to stable -big ticket items

Money Management and Lifestyle Maintenance

3 important actions you need to manage your money – our featured teleclass. Sign up for the replay by clicking the image above or on this link and pick up some more tips before you create a budget.

Final Words:

This is just the tip of the iceberg on information and knowledge about money and finance. The posts were written with the intention of helping the reader make informed decisions and guidance to enable them to understand the areas where they do have control over their money.

If you want to really want to raise the energy of money in your life, then Money Success Secret: The Alchemy of Mindset and Magic is for you. Learn more here.

Which post was your favorite?

Tell me which tip you really liked or how you benefited in the comments box below

Please do share this post.

You never know who needs to read this information from within your circle.