Did you know several research studies have found that touching is influential and persuasive?

In other words, when you touch other people, they are more likely to agree to your request.

When I wrote about how my furry pet Miss Coco is an effective communicator, I forgot to mention she also uses her left paw to touch me to get her message across.

Tactile pet apart, I got interested in this touchy-feely tactic to persuade when I saw it in action recently at a furniture shop.

The Mission Sofa Shopping Story

I’d taken my mother to a special mall that specializes only in furniture and household goods. As soon as we entered, we were met by a smiling furniture salesman at the very first shop.

He was good at his job. We finalized a new custom made 5-seater set within 90 minutes including a 10% cash down payment.

What attracted my attention was his gently looking into my Mom’s eyes. During the first 10-15 minutes of the conversation, he had lightly touched her arm at least twice.

Considering we don’t buy heavy duty furniture every day, I got curious about whether the touch had in any way influenced or persuaded my Mom to make an expensive customized purchase from that shop without bothering to shop around?

I found the answer in an article in Psychology Today by Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D. where he shares evidence of how touch can influence and persuade people to do what we ask or follow us.

The example that caught my eye was a 1991 study by Hornik who organized student experimenters to randomly touch shoppers as they entered a bookstore (a light touch on the upper arm).

Shoppers who were touched browsed longer in the store, did more shopping, and had a higher overall evaluation of the store!

Touch is definitely more persuasive, but it isn’t the only thing that can influence others.

Persuasion is a multi-purpose skill

Influence is a trending topic and everybody either wants to be an influencer or hob nob with influencers. You’ll find numerous webinars and courses on influencer marketing but in reality, according to Wikipedia, Persuasion is an umbrella term of influence.

Persuasion can attempt to influence a person’s beliefs, attitudes, intentions, motivations, or behaviors.

In business, persuasion is a process aimed at changing a person’s (or a group’s) attitude or behaviour toward some event, idea, object, or other person(s), by using written, spoken words or visual tools to convey information, feelings, or reasoning, or a combination thereof.

Professionals who exude Gravitas and demonstrate Executive Presence are good at influencing and persuading others. Here’s a great tool you can use to achieve your goals – use your Signature Voice!

Persuasion is also an often-used tool in the pursuit of personal gain, such as election campaigning (remember all the handshaking politicians do?), giving a sales pitch, or in trial advocacy.

Persuasion can also be interpreted as using one’s personal or positional resources to change people’s behaviors or attitudes and is useful for problem-solving.

Systematic persuasion is the process through which attitudes or beliefs are leveraged by appeals to logic and reason.

Heuristic persuasion on the other hand is the process through which attitudes or beliefs are leveraged by appeals to habit or emotion.

What Persuasive People do differently for Success

Everyone can be persuasive but there are some people who are more persuasive than others.

What gives them this ability?

When you look at leaders, whether in the corporate or international political arena, you’ll notice it’s their charisma, strong communication skills and self-confidence.

But this is just part of the persuasion formula.

The truth is that persuasion requires all of these skills and many others. With practice, you can become more persuasive and learn to get your message across in the most effective way possible.

You don’t have to be a leader to be considered one. All you need to do is learn to be persuasive with authenticity and integrity.

Let’s a take a look at the five things persuasive people do:

They Listen

A good persuader will always try to determine what the other person is looking for and that requires active listening.

It’s important to know what your audience needs and wants so you can tailor your message accordingly and make suggestions that will fulfill your audience’s needs.

Let’s return to the furniture shop salesman for a moment. He definitely listened to my mom.

The bulk of time was spent understanding her specific needs in the new sofa set and recommending the design and fabric that would meet her requirements.

Lesson? The better you know your audience, the more likely you are to persuade them to take action.

They Have a Purpose

Persuasive people are fully aware of their power over others. Therefore, they know how to use it to get what they want.

Unless you have a clear goal in mind, don’t try to convince people to do this or that just for the sake of it. Establish your objectives and then adjust your message for the target audience.

One of the best examples of this I can think of are the telemarketers. Their sole purpose is to get people watching television to get on the phone and place orders for products that they might not even need!

They Connect

As you’ve seen earlier, knowing what your audience wants is crucial. One way to do that is to connect with the people you’re looking to persuade.

Take the time to talk with them and listen to their needs. Give them a reason to trust you. Be genuine and open.

Show that you care about their concerns and help them whenever possible.

Our salesman had seen my Mom’s walking stick and immediately made recommendations on the height of the seats. He even asked her to try some of the sample furniture to see which height was best for her knees.

They Exude Confidence

Persuasive people exude confidence. Sure, they may not feel confident all the time, but they have learned to hide their insecurities.

According to research, people prefer advice from a confident source. They are more likely to do what you want if they sense that you truly believe what you’re saying.

They Are Clear and Concise

Good persuaders possess strong communication skills and know how to make themselves heard without overwhelming the audience. They are clear and concise rather than talking for hours.

As Juliet Erickson points out in her book, The Art of Persuasion: How to Influence People and Get What You Want, being able to communicate in the way we want in order to achieve our goals is our biggest challenge and provides the greatest opportunity for success.

Persuasive communication is not the only skill that will help us achieve our goal. But it is definitely a major contributing factor for successful goal achievement.

But before you try to persuade someone, make sure you know your subject inside out. This way, you’ll find it easier to explain it to someone who doesn’t understand.

These are just a few of the things that persuasive people do.

They’re also consistent and patient, leave a strong first impression, and use body language wisely. They are masters at reading and responding to other people.

Learn these skills yourself so you can become more persuasive in your career and personal life.

After all, if my furry friend Miss Coco and the furniture salesman can achieve their goals with panache, what’s stopping you?

Picture yourself on a Friday afternoon at the office during reporting season. Your colleagues and you are working hard towards a reporting deadline. The progress signal has already turned from Green to Amber.

If you guys don’t pull out all the stops and go for broke, it will go Red.

So will the management of the company where you work when they try to explain the delay to stakeholders.

Along comes the auditor who has to review the work and sign-off. Although for this particular report, he won’t be auditing the numbers, he comes up with a piece of information which on first look is not relevant to the current report.

You believe it can be put in as a note for the future. It will not impact the report but not humoring the auditor may result in a delay in the sign-off.

Leave management alone for the moment, you and your colleagues, worn out from late night working are seeing red. You’re ready to gore the auditor who is simply managing his risk. He’s trying to “add value” to justify his fees at what I would describe is a most inopportune time.

The auditor with his new information becomes a problem.

It is up to you to decide the magnitude of the problem as well as how to solve it.

Since the auditor interacts with higher management, it would not be a good time to launch into criticism and shoot him down as a problem-solving option.

Besides, the auditor may have inadvertently brought up a point which may require some attention and more than just a line in your report.

Perhaps an acknowledgement that an issue is developing but that the outcome can only be determined when more information is available. Or that the outcome cannot be quantified will be enough?

One of you is delegated to have a quick look at the issue and you confirm that it is not relevant right now. A one-liner or two in the report suffices and you can proceed with the task at hand.

But what about Mr Auditor, who having alerted management to the issue will now require justification to prove him wrong and is going hammer and tongs with his emails to your team and management?

Do you shoot off emails left, right and center criticizing him?

Not a good idea.

For one, you still have to work with the auditor this year. For another, most people respond defensively when receiving criticism.  You don’t want Mr Auditor seeing red!

You also don’t have the time to launch into the finer aspects of constructive criticism which would anyhow be out of place in this scenario since the auditor is not your subordinate or reporting to you.

Still, a message has to be conveyed to Mr Auditor and management has to receive justification for not changing the decided action plan.

At this point, you need to kill two birds with one stone without upsetting anyone.

You could still go with the problem-solving approach wherein a meeting would be held with the auditor and minutes forwarded to management.

The emphasis here would be on solving the problem by getting the team members and auditor involved, listening to their views, and depersonalizing the criticism.

There goes the rest of Friday too…….

Apply the 4 Step Persuasion Approach for Problem Solving

A better way out in this scenario would be to use the persuasion approach, where the team leader does more talking than listening and appeals to the person’s interest or desire.

Using this approach shows understanding of the person’s concerns and issues and stresses the potential positive outcomes.

Assuming that you now have the information you need to confirm your viewpoint, instead of talking, compose a memo to be sent to the team’s reporting manager. He will then take the initiative of forwarding it to the auditor and any other relevant stakeholder. Proceed with your work to make Amber go back to Green instead.

My suggested approach before writing your memo would be:

Step 1
Plan your persuasion approach by jotting down notes on all the points to be covered. In this case, double check for accuracy of facts with the team member who took time out to do the extra research.

Step 2
Start writing your memo and discuss only the specifics, which would include any future actions or outcomes (or both).

Step 3
Write down some things that you can say to show understanding to the auditor or other party. Make sure that you do write something positive for the other person.

Step 4
Indicate what steps you have taken and also those that you intend to take including an action plan to be tabled for a meeting in the future with all parties, if necessary.

The problem may not disappear immediately but having made a written business case based on facts, you can use the art of persuasion to bring others around to your viewpoint.

Send off the memo to your reporting manager and get back to work!

If you need to work on your persuasive skills check out my post, How to Influence People with Authentic Persuasion.

And if you want to lead others with influence, here are the 6 top qualities you need to develop!

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Are you having similar problems at work and need to learn how to handle them? Share in the comments area and let me see how I can assist.

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