Growing up, when things were not going the way I wanted them to, cribbing to my mother that I was not happy did not yield the desired sympathetic response. Instead, she would refer to the Bhagavad Gita and remind me that happiness came from within.

I was too young and inexperienced to understand the depth and meaning of those words. But I did understand that while I could not, beyond a point, control the externals I most certainly could do something where I had control. That became my attitude and reaction to situations and life in general.

This thought was further validated and reinforced in the form of a book that my father gifted me to back up my mother’s sage views – Bertrand Russell’s The Conquest of Happiness.

Russell believed that happiness could only be achieved through thought and effort. The book of essays is guide on living a happy life. If I may dare add a true self-help classic from a time when the concept of self-help didn’t exist. It’s one of many books that I recommend reading. While the cover of the book that is available is not as pretty as the one I got as a teenager, the essence is more important than the look.

In my post Self-Help Tip for Happiness, I’ve addressed the art of happiness from the metaphysical aspect and teachings of the Bhagavad Gita. In this post, I’m addressing happiness from a practical habit-forming perspective.

5 Habits of Happy People

With the book I was gifted, I found new insights and information presented in a logical form (not surprising as Russell is considered to be one of the 20th century’s premier logicians!).

From there the happiness habit began to form which I find does help. While one size does not fit all, there are 5 habits that one can start with and then make new habits once you get the hang of it.

Be grateful for the good in your life

Understandably, when things are going wrong, it is difficult to be grateful for anything. Our experiences make us who we are and there is always something to be found even in a bad situation which helps you to avoid mistakes further on. Being grateful for all the good things already present in your life will make the tough times easier to handle.

Believe that hope floats

No matter what is going wrong in your life, make positivity and optimism your secret ally. Focus on your actions and detach yourself from the results and the things that are outside of your control. Treat each experience as a challenge and an opportunity to learn and grow. Make optimism a habit and you will see the same world from a different perspective.

Develop your coping strategies

You know yourself better than anyone else will. Analyse and understand how you react to situations. Are your actions always the best for coping or do they aggravate the situation? Knowing your reaction triggers and working out a strategy in advance helps you to cope better with whatever situation you find yourself in. Different strategies may work for different situations. The strategies don’t have to be very complex, sometimes calling a good friend or going for a walk might just work.

You can also consider the tools in this book as part of your coping strategies. These exercises plus tips have worked for my clients and participants in my Creative Visualization workshops. Click the image or here to learn more.

Develop meaningful social relationships

Happy people are surrounded by meaningful relationships whether they are with family, friends, colleagues or personal relationships. These are people whom you may not talk to or even meet very often but are there for you when you need them and vice versa. It may be cool to have hundreds of cyber friends on Facebook but they don’t have the same impact as genuine social interaction where you can chat and share your life experiences.

Do little acts of kindness without any reciprocity expectations

This is my favorite habit. The feel-good buzz from helping a senior citizen at the post office or even helping out a friend in distress without any reciprocity expectations cannot be described. It has to be experienced. Ironically, the more you selflessly do little things for others, for some reason, the Universe does respond and send you helpers and guides when you need them the most.

Need help forming habits or breaking bad habits? Try the tips in the following chart.

Tips to Break and Form Habits from Karmic Ally Coaching

At the end of the day, it all comes down to the lens with which you view the world. A happy person will always find something to be happy about, the silver lining while an unhappy person will find fault with everyone and everything.

Given a choice, I would much prefer being Sunshine than Whinny.

Practice these 5 habits for 21 days and see how it raises your happiness and positivity level. You’ll notice you start attracting opportunities for further happiness and success without any effort on your part because your vibration level will attract more happiness.

As a parting motivator, I’m sharing a favorite quote from Kevyn Aucoin. I feel it sums up all our choices – including the one of forming a lifetime habit of being happy.

What about you? Is happiness a habit you strive to perfect? How do you manage to stay upbeat and cheerful when the chips are down? I’d love to read your tips.

Do you really know what makes you happy?

We all want to be happy. In fact, even if we don’t admit it, most of the time we are happy until we find ourselves craving for something that others have or get the feeling that we are missing out on something.

That takes us to the state of un-happiness until we are able to get back in balance.

Is Happiness an elusive concept that you are chasing?

Last week I received a call from a lady who found me via Google, reached my website and decided that she wanted to take me up on a consultation.

It appeared that she wanted to become a coach and also wanted coaching.

Our conversation soon indicated that she really did not know what she wanted as she dropped the desire to become a coach and decided to be coached all within a matter of two minutes.

We then spent the next half an hour doing a consultation to understand what her goals were and if we could work together to achieve her desired transformations. The lady had gone through a tough time and was seeking direction. So I suggested we take up a key issue.

A recurring theme during the consultation was her lack of happiness even though as a detached observer, I could fathom that she had ridden out the storm in her life and landed on her feet and had much to be proud of.

She had made the best of her situation and yes, at the end of the consultation she discovered a direction worth exploring on her own that would fit in with her lifestyle although as she herself realized, she was not coachable at present and needed to first identify what was making her unhappy.

In other words, she had to first master the first pillar of Emotional Intelligence – Self-Awareness.

Sadly, Happiness is not a coachable goal although one can offer guidance to the seeker and suggest some techniques to enable the seeker to find their equilibrium state of happiness.

This post is dedicated to self-help for happiness.

The Art of Happiness

The art of happiness has been discussed in discourses by the Dalai Lama. It is also found in the Bhagavad Gita. Both references echo the ultimate truth that happiness lies within us and is a state of mind.

From my own life experience, I know that being happy attracts more happiness.

Especially when I am able to bring a smile to another’s face from my behavior which is cheerful because I am happy from within and practice compassion for other beings by treating them with respect and understanding.

The other person in turn reaches out to assist me in whatever way I require at that moment and happiness multiplies all around.

Happiness and unhappiness are relative experiences or dualities.

To achieve true happiness, it is important to rise above the dualities and accept that as we grow, the concept of happiness too changes as with the changing purpose within the soul. Hence it is essential to be sensitive to one’s spiritual nature.

Bhagavad Gita stance on Happiness

“He who is unattached to the external world and its objects, and is attached to the Inner Self, will attain supreme happiness, which is everlasting.”

In other words, real happiness or ‘anand’ as it is called in Sanskrit is the goal for all sentient beings and until then, all that we are passing through is different states of mind.

All sentient beings crave real happiness and strive to achieve it, some ignorantly and some with the help of knowledge.

Meditation helps open the intuitive channels to gain knowledge of one’s True Self and to determine where our actual happiness is to be found.

In touch with our soul, we know what gives us permanent happiness and what changes are required within us to achieve happiness.

At the same time, to achieve this state of mind, it is important to have an attitude of gratitude for the level of happiness that already exists within our lives to God. It is equally important to acknowledge the acts of kindness that others do for us.

By doing both, we start living in an environment which is positive and vibrates with happiness. This attracts further happiness of the type required at that particular moment of time for us.

Programming the mind to accept that the God within us is the source of happiness for us not only raises our positive vibrations but also helps us to achieve all that we want because we begin to believe that happiness can be ours.

This in turn makes it a reality in our mind with the subsequent materialization of our want.

Often, where such materialization of perception of what would make us happy does not happen, we start to despair and lose faith.

That is the time to analyze the circumstances and engage in self-introspection. Sooner or later, you’ll discover it wouldn’t have been in your best interest and something better and more suited to your wants manifests.

Another post you might like to read is Make Happiness a Habit with more tips that you can easily implement and get results.

What is your view about being in the state of happiness? Have you ever felt out of sync and had to work on your mind to be happy or reach out for help?

I’d love to know more about your self-help tips for being happy.

Additional Resources for Happiness and Emotional Intelligence

I have 2 resources to supplement this happiness post. I invite you to check out one or both.

Karmic Ally Coaching Self-Awareness Bundle

Download the Self-Awareness resource here.

Stress management with Chakra Balancing exercises & 1 Minute Stress Management Tips

Click the image to learn more.

Updated December 2022

During the Aura session of one of my Creative Visualization Programs, we had a discussion on negative vibrations that some people emit which can bring down our vibration level and affect our ability to attract good abundance into our lives.

One participant spoke about a dear friend whose phone calls meant discussing issues that left the listener drained and low while the friend felt much better- a clear case of low and negative energy being transferred.

Avoiding the friend was not an option although the participant had started to limit the calls. The Group worked on solutions which were effective and today I am going to share one that had consensus and does not require a belief in Law of Attraction or Creative Visualization.

It is a simple way to find and exude happiness around you – The Power of Appreciation.

Focusing on the small things that make Life beautiful

In simple words, practice appreciating all that is good in your life and all that is going well. Appreciate your family, your friends, your job and anything that you know makes your life better because there are many that do not have what you do.

For example, when you receive your pay-slip and notice that there is a higher deduction for tax; appreciate the fact that you have the job and are earning an amount that has moved you to a higher tax bracket. It will put a spring in your step whether you believe that it will attract more money and more tax!

Now think about making your environment more conducive to happiness. When was the last time you said something nice to a family member, a friend or a colleague and really meant it? If you cannot remember, then it is time to do some sincere, genuine appreciation. If you cannot think of anything to say; how about a Thank You? It works too, you know.

The other person feels appreciated and may reciprocate with appreciation or may not. So what? You will feel good for doing well without expecting anything back in return.

If the thought of vocalizing appreciation makes you uncomfortable, then use the Gratitude List to assist in reframing your thoughts.

Some of us, including myself do it last thing at night while reviewing the day. It is interesting how an otherwise bad day could have had something good in it. Positivity reigns supreme and a good night’s rest is assured.

Alternatively, start your day by thinking of 3 things that you are grateful for or which you appreciate.

How about appreciating the fact that you will be driving to work in your car rather than using public transport or appreciating that you got up early enough to read the newspaper or sip the morning tea in peace?

Starting your day with appreciation shifts your mindset into positivity and abundance mode which means you are a happier person and attract more happiness through the course of the day.

Besides, whatever may happen during the day, you can handle it since you got off to a good start.

Better still, take the late Wayne Dyer’s advice:

“Give yourself a gift of five minutes of contemplation in awe of everything you see around you. Go outside and turn your attention to the many miracles around you. This five-minute-a-day regimen of appreciation and gratitude will help you to focus your life in awe.”

Try it for size and remember to come back to this post and share your experience!

Changing a habit or attitude can be daunting at times. How good are you with change management?

Start your journey with The Karmic Ally Coaching Experience  Change Management Quiz by  clicking here or on the image below. It’s on the house!

Written by: Vatsala Shukla

Nice Flower by George Hodan