Growing up, when things were not going the way I wanted them to, cribbing to my mother that I was not happy did not yield the desired sympathetic response. Instead, she would refer to the Bhagavad Gita and remind me that happiness came from within.

I was too young and inexperienced to understand the depth and meaning of those words. But I did understand that while I could not, beyond a point, control the externals I most certainly could do something where I had control. That became my attitude and reaction to situations and life in general.

This thought was further validated and reinforced in the form of a book that my father gifted me to back up my mother’s sage views – Bertrand Russell’s The Conquest of Happiness.

Russell believed that happiness could only be achieved through thought and effort. The book of essays is guide on living a happy life. If I may dare add a true self-help classic from a time when the concept of self-help didn’t exist. It’s one of many books that I recommend reading. While the cover of the book that is available is not as pretty as the one I got as a teenager, the essence is more important than the look.

In my post Self-Help Tip for Happiness, I’ve addressed the art of happiness from the metaphysical aspect and teachings of the Bhagavad Gita. In this post, I’m addressing happiness from a practical habit-forming perspective.

5 Habits of Happy People

With the book I was gifted, I found new insights and information presented in a logical form (not surprising as Russell is considered to be one of the 20th century’s premier logicians!).

From there the happiness habit began to form which I find does help. While one size does not fit all, there are 5 habits that one can start with and then make new habits once you get the hang of it.

Be grateful for the good in your life

Understandably, when things are going wrong, it is difficult to be grateful for anything. Our experiences make us who we are and there is always something to be found even in a bad situation which helps you to avoid mistakes further on. Being grateful for all the good things already present in your life will make the tough times easier to handle.

Believe that hope floats

No matter what is going wrong in your life, make positivity and optimism your secret ally. Focus on your actions and detach yourself from the results and the things that are outside of your control. Treat each experience as a challenge and an opportunity to learn and grow. Make optimism a habit and you will see the same world from a different perspective.

Develop your coping strategies

You know yourself better than anyone else will. Analyse and understand how you react to situations. Are your actions always the best for coping or do they aggravate the situation? Knowing your reaction triggers and working out a strategy in advance helps you to cope better with whatever situation you find yourself in. Different strategies may work for different situations. The strategies don’t have to be very complex, sometimes calling a good friend or going for a walk might just work.

You can also consider the tools in this book as part of your coping strategies. These exercises plus tips have worked for my clients and participants in my Creative Visualization workshops. Click the image or here to learn more.

Develop meaningful social relationships

Happy people are surrounded by meaningful relationships whether they are with family, friends, colleagues or personal relationships. These are people whom you may not talk to or even meet very often but are there for you when you need them and vice versa. It may be cool to have hundreds of cyber friends on Facebook but they don’t have the same impact as genuine social interaction where you can chat and share your life experiences.

Do little acts of kindness without any reciprocity expectations

This is my favorite habit. The feel-good buzz from helping a senior citizen at the post office or even helping out a friend in distress without any reciprocity expectations cannot be described. It has to be experienced. Ironically, the more you selflessly do little things for others, for some reason, the Universe does respond and send you helpers and guides when you need them the most.

Need help forming habits or breaking bad habits? Try the tips in the following chart.

Tips to Break and Form Habits from Karmic Ally Coaching

At the end of the day, it all comes down to the lens with which you view the world. A happy person will always find something to be happy about, the silver lining while an unhappy person will find fault with everyone and everything.

Given a choice, I would much prefer being Sunshine than Whinny.

Practice these 5 habits for 21 days and see how it raises your happiness and positivity level. You’ll notice you start attracting opportunities for further happiness and success without any effort on your part because your vibration level will attract more happiness.

As a parting motivator, I’m sharing a favorite quote from Kevyn Aucoin. I feel it sums up all our choices – including the one of forming a lifetime habit of being happy.

What about you? Is happiness a habit you strive to perfect? How do you manage to stay upbeat and cheerful when the chips are down? I’d love to read your tips.

Building one’s professional reputation and credibility can be seriously damaged if you’re in the habit of acting or rather reacting without examining facts or causes. Knee-jerk reactions undermine your position, especially if you’re in a leadership role.

Many years ago, I worked simultaneously for 2 bosses – one Direct Reporting (DR) Boss and the other, a Subject Matter Expertise (SME) Boss.

The latter had the habit of challenging anything and everything that was written and marked to his attention.

To make it worse, SME Boss would copy everyone and anyone on his emails. Jokingly, DR Boss and our team coined it the Knee Jerk Reaction emails because a simple email would turn into a dialogue which would only come to an end when Top Boss (who was blind copied by SME boss and us) would read, or rather email the Riot Act to all involved.

In all fairness, SME boss was responsible if anything went wrong and he must have been pretty stressed out. There was however consensus that the writing style, the copies and blind copies could have been more discreet.

No Vice President wants to be written down to in front of his subordinates. He alienated all of us. If there was any good that came out of this, then it must have been the creation of a strong group bond that years later, we are all still in touch and any meet-up includes war stories of Knee Jerk Boss which was our nick-name for him.

Since then, I have had clients with the same Knee Jerk issue which creates problems for them, not to mention many a sleepless night.

Reasons that have been volunteered after much introspection include trying to correct wrong information crucial to the decision-makers, wanting to be pro-active (I don’t for a minute think Covey had that in mind) or the feeling that by giving suggestions, their careers would advance since all the important people were reading their input and would notice their calibre.

There are better strategies that also raise your Executive Presence.

When I ask what the client was feeling at the moment of writing the email that creates a nightmare, 8 times out of 10, they admit that it was written when they were under pressure working towards a deadline or pre-occupied with another task.

A short while later; they themselves realized that they had started the unproductive game of ping-pong emails.

Did the email recall work? Not necessarily as the email was already read by the person now readying to hit the ball back.

Was it a one-off event? No; quite regularly in fact.

Was it accepted that a Knee Jerk reaction had taken place? An emphatic yes!

Unfortunately, once you get into the habit of Knee Jerk reaction, it becomes second nature to you.

Fortunately, Knee Jerk Reaction is a habit, not a disease and habits can be changed. If you practice something 15 times consecutively, you improve the chances of creating a new habit.

If you can abstain from doing a particular habitual action for 30 days, you can break the habit. Caveat – keep at it.

Impulsive Reactions shows low Emotional Intelligence

But here’s the thing. Most people who are prone to taking action or talking without thinking twice aren’t even aware of what they’re doing. It’s only when the fact is brought to their attention after they’ve damaged their standing or reputation that they realize they’ve made a blunder. Sometimes they don’t realize it until they’ve burned a couple of bridges. But the signs are there quite early on.

If you’re career aspirations include a leadership role, then you have to master your Emotional Intelligence and that starts with improving your Self-Awareness.

Get the Developing Your Self-Awareness Bundle here.

A solution for Knee Jerk Reactions

Please note this solution applies to any incident of knee jerk reactions, not just emails.

The first and most difficult step is to accept that you are actively Knee Jerking at the sight of particular emails.

The next step is to do a spot of introspection and ask yourself, what prompts you go into this unhelpful mode. What is your goal, motive or agenda, if any?

Identify the triggers and note them down if necessary.

Think of the consequences that can happen if you send out the Knee Jerk Reaction email. Will it affect your career, your working relationship with your boss, colleagues or subordinates?

Is it worth spending nights agonizing over that 1 email that you then had to spend time clarifying and explaining yourself? Is the self-induced stress really, really worth it?

If your answer is No More Agonizing for me, then here is a method to overcome this habit and it works.

You know you have a tendency to hit the reply button when you see certain emails. You have identified the triggers and how you react.

The secret is to break the cycle.

Stop before your Email Knee Jerk Reaction stops your career.

To do that, here are some ideas. Choose one or all, the important thing is that it works for you.

The minute you see that email, understand that the trigger has been activated.

Remove yourself from the vicinity of your computer for at least 10 minutes. Take a short walk to the water fountain, go to the loo, hit the print button and saunter off to collect the print-out. Step outside of the office if necessary.

In other words, distance yourself from the potentially explosive situation.

Turn away from the computer screen and do some breathing exercises or even chant a mantra or recite affirmations under your breath until the urge to hit the Reply All button subsides.

Go and chat with a colleague about any other work matter that is productive for both of you. Call your Mom, anybody who has your confidence really.

Consider muting your Inbox if that is at all possible.

Once you know that the urge to write a Knee Jerk email has passed, think carefully about how you need to proceed.

Does the email really have to be sent? Do you need to do a Reply All or just a direct reply to the sender of the email? Is it something that you can actually go up to the sender or call on the phone and discuss? Do you need to set up a meeting or teleconference to discuss your input?

You might actually have some important input to contribute but if your style alienates others, then that contribution is seen as a nuisance and you reduce the value of your words and affect your career development. Think about it.

Do you suffer or know someone who suffers from the Knee Jerk Reaction? How do you manage it? Please do share your tips with us.

PS. The starting point for any professional who wishes to improve their Emotional Intelligence level is Self-Awareness and I have the perfect solution to get you started.

Click here for Karmic Ally Coaching’s Developing Self Awareness Guide and Workbook!