Sometime back I read an article in the newspaper that said that youngsters spent too much time in the virtual world and especially on social media sites which made it difficult to interact with others in the real world.

I even read about a young girl who took her own life because her parents banned her from spending time on Facebook. It got me thinking about how much social media has become a part of our lives and possibly control of us.

Way back in 2008 when 3 of my closest friends invited me to join them on Facebook, I discovered a tool that helped me to keep in touch with friends despite my hectic work schedule. I also found old school friends right from my primary school days and it was great. I felt reconnected.

Then one of my friend’s posted that she was going into Facebook hibernation. Another said she was closing her account, which she ultimately didn’t because we all raised a hue and cry. Their reason was that they were spending too much time on Facebook and it was affecting their productivity and life balance.

Some of my friends had become so obsessed with Facebook that they were updating it by the minute and expecting comments. I wasn’t seeing them anymore in person but seemed to know everything about them, the minutest detail about their mood swings and in one case even when they were entering the building or leaving it thanks to mobile application.

Of course I was online. I commented, I viewed and sometimes didn’t comment. But I was online. After all, I didn’t want to miss anything. If there was a group called Facebook Anonymous, quite a few of us most probably could have been sponsored!

Was it Fear of Missing Out or Facebook Addiction? 

It was not just Facebook. If I got a message that I had a new follower, I felt the compulsion to log in and say thank you. Was I being tweeted or retweeted? One message and I was running to Twitter to engage. Ditto for LinkedIn.

The number of times I felt the need to check on Facebook, LinkedIn discussions and Twitter for that matter was unbelievable; such was the lure of social media. My moment of clarity was the turning point for me.

I realized that if I didn’t do something fast, Social Media would take control of my life.

In all fairness, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Zoom and Skype have made it possible for us to have discussions and online interactions with dozens or even more people every day.

Used wisely, social media can be a tool which helps us to connect on both professional network sites like LinkedIn and social sites like Facebook. If you are blogging, it facilitates reaching out to a wider audience.

How to fit Social Media into your real-world Life

The dark side is that social media can also take up a lot of your time. In time management lingo, I would classify it as busy time or wasted time depending upon how one uses social media.

From a time management and balance perspective to ensure focus and time for high priority matters, I suggest allocating specific time to social media on a daily or weekly basis. It goes without saying that the time allocation should be when you are actually relaxing or non-productive.

If the self-discipline is a problem, then consider going cold turkey. You will experience withdrawal symptoms depending upon the level of your addiction but you will live.  In either case, it would be good to disable features in your social sites so that notices and messages do not land up in your email inbox prompting a mad scramble to log in and checkout news or post comments.

If you are managing a Facebook or LinkedIn Page or Group, then perhaps timing may be a challenge. Work out a system that will ensure that you are present to engage but not an excuse to loiter around.

A few timely actions and you might find yourself having more phone chats, writing emails and letters or even meeting up with friends a lot more. In any case, real-life relationships are always better than real time ones.

What about you? Have you ever felt that the internet and social media in particular had taken control over your time and life? How did you get out of it? Please do share!

Habits can be hard to change. Are you geared to win this challenge? Find out with Karmic Ally Coaching’s Change Quiz by clicking here or on the image below. You’ll also receive some of my best tips and yes, your email is safe with me!

Written By: Vatsala Shukla

Face The Monster

Sometime back I ran into a photographer friend and his 2 young guests at an art show. They were introduced as models. One of them was an outright exhibitionist who insisted on showing his bare- chest photographs to every lady present whether she wanted to see it or not. Ladies were running in every direction to avoid him.

The other was an aspiring model with a day job at a multinational firm and for all intents and purposes appeared decent.

So, when I was invited to become friends on Facebook, I accepted.

The beginning of my first and last Facebook Wall invasion

The young executive started to post his ‘model’ pictures on my Wall. He was posting faster than I could delete. A chat with my friend revealed the wannabe model had tagged along with the exhibitionist. He did not know him from Adam.

My time is a valued commodity and I spend only 15 minutes on Facebook in a day.

I started having concerns about the impression that a semi-nude guy with chains and whips would make on friends. Some of these friends go back to elementary school and they know me offline as well.

Tired of hitting the delete button, I Unfriended him in what had to be the shortest friendship ever. Friend had turned into Fiend. I was not having my Wall subjected to a narcissist invasion.

Thank God Facebook allows such safety measures!

Now Facebook does not inform people when they have been Unfriended.

I guess Fiend in the disguise of Friend found out when he tried to load the next batch of portfolio photographs. There were a few sheepish text messages which I ignored. I was furious and counting to 100 did not help.

One’s social network page is similar to your living room; it is your sacred space. Visitors are allowed in only by invitation. I was not taking on stress when I had power to control and be rid of the ill-mannered guest!

I thought I was a one-off case but recently learned of much worse invasions of Facebook Walls of friends with posts that really should not have been there, third party friends passing rude comments on their Walls and even marketing their products without the friend’s permission.

In some cases, people were being added to Groups that they didn’t even know about, and which were not relevant to them.

We are all in control mode now and reviewing and revising our privacy settings as a precautionary measure. There is enough going on in the world to create stress and social networking is meant to make us happy, not create angst.

There is something called Internet Etiquette and while one might forgive spammers, one does not forgive friends or connections.

For Facebook, in addition to the privacy, terms and conditions sections, I highly recommend going through the details in their Help Center. There used to be an Official Facebook Etiquette page which has now been changed.

It is quite easy to block people and forget about the nuisance but here are 2 tips that can help avoid getting to the point, where blocking and reporting SPAM become the only way out.

First things first, remember that it is your Wall

The bottom line is that your Facebook Wall is YOUR WALL which means that you control the content.

It means that you have the right to delete messages, pictures and anything else that you find inappropriate or offensive.  It is your sacred space, keep it that way.

Try simple deletes and a private message/phone call to the poster explaining your position. If the poster does not understand what you are saying, go ahead and block them or at least put in controls where your approval is required before a post is loaded on your Wall. Check your account settings and establish necessary controls.

You may not want to go to the extreme of Unfriend someone or blocking the Fiend invasion but yet want to control the content on your Wall.

In this case, you can block the person from posting on your Wall. Here is a great how –to –do-it link:

http://smallbusiness.chron.com/block-person-posting-facebook-wall-unfriending-28404.html.

Think twice before accepting Friend Requests from strangers

The second tip is a no-brainer but yes, it happens and then what?

You might have inappropriate photographs on your Wall, you may find posts that are really not you and again, what would your friends think?

It is a sad fact that there are people out there that have the idea that their status and popularity depend upon how many friends they have on Facebook.  They may not necessarily know many of their friends in real life. That is their self-esteem issue, not yours.

While it is possible to make new friends on Facebook especially if you belong to a group, try to find some common ground.  I have done that with great success and yes, we all took time to get to know each other and learn about our new friend’s boundaries.  We use the Inbox when required and do not air private matters on Walls.

Some people have this idea that the number of ‘friends’ you have in Facebook is a status indicator of your popularity in real-life. That may be true if these ‘friends’ are people whom one knows offline, and not strangers whom one randomly adds while browsing through the Facebook network.

Treat Facebook for what it is

It’s a social networking site with a purpose, not a mail order catalog where if you like a photograph, you befriend.

You can also accept requests through introductions from existing and real friends.

The Facebook experience should be fun and engaging but not in a manner that can upset or embarrass others.

Be aware at all times of the public nature of Facebook, take appropriate measures to protect your privacy and engage with friends to be a valuable part of their Facebook experience and yours too!

Which means, you too should not engage in any activity that can lead to being unfriended.

Instead use Facebook as a platform to network in a more casual environment.

Remember, if you take the ‘r’ out of Friend, you get a Fiend.

Do you have a Facebook Invasion story that you would like to share?

Do tell us about it and how you solved the problem.

Written By: Vatsala Shukla