If your career ambitions include reaching the top rung of the corporate ladder, then you need to develop your emotional coping skills.

You may be or think you’re the smartest person in the room at work.

You might be better at delivering quality work than your co-workers or even hold more qualifications and certifications than your colleagues but you might not be getting the kind of raises and promotions you feel you deserve.

If any of this resonates with you, then you want to look at your emotional coping skills.

Your boss and HR might not tell you in clear words what’s missing during performance appraisals or counselling although you will find yourself labelled as ‘difficult’ or ‘too emotional’.

You might also be put on a performance improvement plan with the real issue masked by an easier topic.

You need to understand that a high IQ and other hard core skills aren’t enough to get you promoted or considered for a leadership position in the modern corporate world.

Of course you’ll get the pay rise and a bonus but after a point, that’s not enough on the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs and you’ll want more.

I’m not speaking from the top of my head – I’ve seen it happen.

Many years ago when I was a Finance Manager for a global energy sector company, I used to interact with a highly knowledgeable and competent Senior Manager from a Big 4 firm for the personal taxes of our expat employees.

This lady professional knew her area of expertise in comparison with one of her team members who I personally felt was over-confident and cocky at times.

Besides he’d make mistakes which included misspelling the Country Manager’s name on documents that needed to be signed before submitting to the authorities.

Imagine my surprise when I learned he had been promoted and then 2 years later made Partnership.

By chance there was another firm dealing with our corporate tax and company returns who had worked before with this lady in another company and he revealed her prospects were limited because of her outbursts and alleged lack of people skills when working under pressure.

She must have undertaken training to express her emotions in a manner that was not perceived negatively or maybe she became aware of her self-sabotaging behaviour because years later, she made partnership which honestly should have come earlier.

If you’ve worked even a day in the corporate world, you’d know it’s not unusual for people who are obviously less intellectually-gifted than you to get promoted not just once, twice, but all the way to the top.

What’s going on?

Part of it will be intelligence scores. In fact, in study after study, IQs have been correlated to life success. IQ tests are almost universally accepted as a good indicator of overall life success.

But this begs the question, “how come people with high IQs don’t always become successful?”

In fact, if we’re talking about really spectacular levels of success, I’m talking about corner office CEO type of success, when factoring an IQ, is not always the case.

There can be a number of factors including being the favourite of the boss, being part of the right group or even being at the right place at the right time.

But if we were to account for all of that, there is one other factor that shines forth. It cannot be ignored.

This is called emotional intelligence.

One key part of your emotional intelligence is your skill in coping emotionally with certain social situations. This might be holding you back.

If you have tough time dealing with task completion and you tend to say the wrong things to the wrong people at the wrong time, don’t be surprised if this all blows up in your face when promotion time comes around.

If you find yourself always locked into some sort of negative emotional feedback loop with certain types of personalities in your office, don’t be surprised if this has a negative effect on your career trajectory.

These situations are impacted by your emotional coping skills or lack of it.

How do you deal with difficult people?

How do you interact with people who seem to oppose you at every turn?

How do you manage people who have negative attitudes or a corrosive personality?

These problems are not going away nor can they be explained away.

Your high IQ might help you engage in battle with these difficult types of people but you can’t wish them away.

This is where emotional intelligence comes into the picture and you need to develop this skill.

Besides, a deficiency in your emotional coping skills maybe preventing you from going up the corporate ladder as fast as you wish.

Before developing Emotional Intelligence, consider your Emotional Coping Skills

The pandemic years have brought focus back on our emotional coping skills and our mental health during times of an uncertain future.

Coping has been defined in Wikipedia as the conscious or unconscious strategies used to reduce unpleasant emotions.

The article goes on to explain that coping strategies can be cognitions or behaviours and can be individual or social and shares the different outcomes of research.

While the classification of these strategies into a broader architecture has not been agreed upon, highly regarded researchers have tried to group coping responses rationally, empirically by factor analysis, or through a blend of both techniques.

For example, Susan Folkman and Richard S Lazarus identified 4 groups of coping strategies – problem-focused, emotion-focused, support-seeking, and meaning-making coping.

Weiten has identified four types of coping strategies – appraisal-focused (adaptive cognitive), problem-focused (adaptive behavioral), emotion-focused, and occupation-focused coping.

Billings and Moos added avoidance coping as one of the emotion-focused coping.

Despite the various groupings, one thing is certain, people can used multiple coping strategies or even apply different strategies to deal with the situation at hand.

When we use emotion-focused coping strategies, we try to manage the emotions that accompany the perception of stress.

The five emotion-focused coping strategies identified by Folkman and Richard Lazarus are:

• disclaiming
• escape-avoidance
• accepting responsibility or blame
• exercising self-control
• & positive reappraisal.

There are a number of ways we can try to minimize or even reduce the emotional components of the stress creating trigger, namely, seeking social support, reappraising the stressor in a positive light, accepting responsibility, using avoidance, exercising self-control and even distancing ourselves from the stress creating situation.

When choosing an emotional coping mechanism, one has to consider whether we need it for a specific incident or if the need is a long term one.

For example distancing ourselves when the boss is in a crabby mood is a short term strategy but if you’ve had a job loss or bereavement, having a robust social support system to see you through the life altering event is better.

While some mechanisms require using sources or actions external to us, longer term strategies require us to introduce changes within ourselves.

That’s where activities such as breath work, meditation, yoga, chakra balancing, aromatherapy, exercise or acquiring a hobby like art and pottery help us refocus from the stressor by using physical or mental distractions.

Emotional Coping Skills and Emotional Intelligence –Concluding Thoughts

Accepting we need to develop coping skills of any kind takes a lot of courage and honesty because most people don’t want to accept that there might be something wrong with them or that they are part of the problem.

But if you want to make progress, you need to look at your emotional coping skills with clear eyes.

Be honest with yourself and when you find yourself handling a situation in less than the best manner possible, ask yourself

Am I handling this situations in the best way I am capable of?

Do I really need to react?

Do I have to always pull rank?

Can I come up with a sort of win-win situation?

Asking yourself these questions will lead to your mastering the first component of Emotional Intelligence – Self-Awareness and if you get that right, then you will make progress in understanding and applying Social Awareness.

Unfortunately, most people are ill-equipped to handle these questions and that’s why we achieve success on a fairly random basis. Sometimes we do well, sometimes we don’t.

As with every behaviour modification and change, this takes time.

The question then is, are you willing to do it?

If you want a little bit more predictability in managing your day to day success by honing your emotional coping skills check the resources below by clicking on the images (the recommended reading are affiliate links).

Karmic Ally Coaching’s How to Develop Emotional Intelligence with Ease

There’s no shadow of a doubt in my mind that we’re going to remember 2020 as the year of global adversity. All because of a virus that originated from Wuhan.

It’s a year of job losses and businesses, small and large downing their shutters leading to more unemployment.

Yet I believe this year will also be remembered as the one when we’d have discovered what really matters to us and the value of life and living.

Pivots are possible or even going in a different direction with our careers and business. We’ll finally embrace the change we knew we had to make. We made excuses because we were too comfortable and complacent to do what we knew we had to.

It is a year where ingenuity, strategy and the will to survive will guarantee a good year, even if things feel difficult and bleak right now.

One of my favorite stories is the one from Finland of the small bakery that decided to bake nourishing cakes in the form of – guess what – a toilet roll!

They made international headlines. Their strategy clearly indicated thinking outside the box to find new ideas. The toilet roll cake tactic paid off, the bakery is still running and the employees still have job.

Clearly, they flipped adversity and obstacles into an opportunity for success which is now being followed by others.

Don’t believe me? Watch this delightful video.

Key takeaway from the toilet roll cake story

It’s not what happens in life that defines you but how you deal with your situations.

You’ve heard the phrase ‘when life gives you lemons make lemonade‘.

This is as true today as it was when it was coined by Christian anarchist writer Elbert Hubbard in a 1915 obituary for dwarf actor Marshall Pinckney Wilder.

Although the expression was coined by Hubbard, many modern authors attribute the expression to Dale Carnegie who used it in his 1948 book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Carnegie’s version reads: “If You Have a Lemon, Make a Lemonade.”

Things are difficult right now for all of us. We are facing uncertainty on a daily basis worried if we will contract the COVID-19 virus if the person next to us is asymptomatic or if we will infect others.

There are economic and financial worries about a future where the return to normal or even a newer normal is possible.

Our experiences from which we can draw relevant guidance to cope isn’t fully available because frankly, the last time there was this kind of an epidemic was back in 1920 with the Spanish Flu and none of us or even our parents in some cases were born back then. There is no first hand experience.

Riding through the storm and coming out on top of adversity

What this means for us is to focus on mindset and strategies because we know how to do that from experience.

If you’re facing a career or life challenge, it can be hard to remember that it’s normal to have obstacles crop up from time to time. Everyone has setbacks, disappointments, and tough times.

But going through a rough patch doesn’t have to spoil your life.

The key to thriving in the face of adversity is how you respond to the obstacles in your path.

Here are four strategies to help you ride through and come out on top.

Make a conscious decision to acknowledge the obstacle or adversity

If you’re having a tough time, it can be easy to feel helpless and fall into a victim mode of thinking.

But it’s up to you to rise to the challenge and decide that you won’t be overwhelmed.

I go into detail about the time when a successful buy out of a project indicated our jobs were safe but the following year top management took a business decision to close the department leading to job losses and uncertainty in a recessionary economy in my post Can Moving Cheese Positively improve Career Life Balance.

The outcome for each team member depended on how well they embraced the obstacle and adapted to change.

Choosing to take control and embrace your challenge is the first step in overcoming it. Look your obstacle square in the face and resolve to meet it.

Use your discomfort to find a new status quo

The proof that you’re embracing your obstacle is acknowledging that it doesn’t feel good. It can feel uncomfortable, heavy, even painful.

There are lots of life experiences that hurt at the time but end up being for your best and highest good.

Discomfort is actually good because it compels you to find a new level of comfort. It’s what comes out of your Wake Up Call and the beginning of a Hero Journey to a better destination.

Of course, it can be fearful to step out of our comfort zone or you’re worried you will fail but you will feel so much better once you’ve faced the worst.

Remember it won’t last forever. Don’t shrink from the bad feelings. You can ride them out and emerge victorious!

Make sure you have the right support team to cheer you on

Sometimes, when you face adverse situations, others can help you to turn your situation around. It’s rare that anyone faces something unique.

Others have been through what you are going through. Reach out to them. It’s better to get the help you need than to needlessly struggle with your situation.

You don’t have to face your obstacles alone.

It can make all the difference to have people around you who are supportive, who’ll stick by you and cheer you on when you want to give up.

Many times, the only thing stopping you from getting support is the hesitation to ask for help or support. Some people avoid reaching out because they are embarrassed.

Remember, those people once went through it, too. They know what you are dealing with.

One of the reasons I love scrolling through my newsfeed on Facebook or engaging in Groups is because I see of people reaching out when a friend or group member is having a rough time. They lovingly offer words of support or even giving advice because they have had similar experiences.

If you have a cheer squad, you’ll find that extra level of energy to help get you through. And you’ll be there for your friends and colleagues when they’re facing their challenges.

Once you’re part of a team who have each other’s backs, none of you will have to face life’s ups and downs alone. You’ll fight together and celebrate success together.

Be grateful for the opportunities adversity presents you

Feeling gratitude for the challenges in life might sound counter intuitive. But think about it.

Accepting the challenge, resolving to meet it head-on, and overcoming it makes you a better, stronger person.

Think of how good it feels to deal with a problem and solve it. To face fear and overcome it.

If you ask any successful person how they got that way, they will most likely tell you it’s due to overcoming failures. They learned from those failures and tried something different.

Each iteration, they learned something new from their failures. They continued until there were no failures.

One of my favorite stories is how Willis Carrier, the founder of modern air conditioning found a solution that helped his company make $15,000 additional income (a princely amount at the time) because he adopted the right mindset and didn’t let failure get him down.

Final words of encouragement

Without obstacles in your life, you would not grow and learn and become a better person. Obstacles are a natural, normal part of living an authentic life.

But you have to believe in yourself and what you’re doing.

Everyone has heard the classic tale how Thomas Edison continued 10,000 times before getting the light bulb to the way he wanted it. It’s hard to say if that number became exaggerated over the years, but he likely tried several thousand times at least.

The point is, he believed in what he was doing. When you try something that is untested, you need to take a leap of faith. Otherwise, it’s too easy to give up on your venture.

That is a truth that will always hold true. Even when the pandemic is over and we step into the post COVID-19 world.

I knew it was a question the corporate world and employees would have to face at some point of time.

Going into a lockdown to save lives and contain the spread of COVID-19 was important. It was equally important to reopen the business world if economies were to survive. We needed to prevent the kind of global meltdown we experienced in 2008.

While essential services like banking, telecom, energy, medical and essential food supplies required a minimum number of employees to report to the workplace, many experienced the work from home scenario for the first time.

I know this firsthand because my contact person for my internet and mobile services was fielding complaints and providing solutions from home.

I salute the COVID Warriors who stepped up to the plate and showed up each day to make the lives of the rest of us easier.

From the questions I was being asked on Quora and other forums, I was also aware of the loss of jobs and threat of job loss if people didn’t come into work.

Many were not aware of the advisories issued by the government or their legal rights because redundancies are relatively uncommon in India.

It’s still considered by many to be a blue-collar labor problem for which trade unions exist to protect the worker rights. Not many knew that it could happen to a white collar professional.

There were tacit hints of fear about the future of their jobs and what would happen.

How prepared were businesses to operate in the new scenario?

Governments around the world are not insensitive to the needs of the economy. Stimulus packages have been created to meet the need of jumpstarting the economy in the days after lockdowns were lifted or eased even as cases continue to be reported.

But was the corporate world ready with the right infrastructure to enable remote working?

Were they prepared for the time when workers would return to the workplace or factory?

The Economic Times surveyed both India headquartered companies as well as multinationals not headquartered in India, covering sectors including auto, banking and financial services, consulting, engineering design, education, FMCG, healthcare, technology, IT-enabled services, manufacturing, pharma among others between April 21 to April 23.

The survey revealed that more than 60% of companies were in advanced stages of planning for business operations post the ending of lockdown 2.0 on May 3^rd and the commencement of Lockdown 3.0 when certain relaxations were allowed.

Of the companies surveyed more than 40% were proactively looking at containment measures to insulate their business. Roughly 12 per cent were still trying to figure out how to operate in the post-lockdown environment.

In the meantime, India Inc learned to work from home with remote teams, remote engagement and the necessary safeguards at the workplace to protect employees and customers.

While not all companies were at the same page in terms of their preparations, they all understood the need for agility. A new set of guidelines for both corporations and individuals started to emerge.

But being technologically prepared is just one part of the problem, companies have to be psychologically prepared too.

Organizations need to be alert and empathetic to the needs of employees working from home.

(Source: Coronavirus: Health scare forces work from home, but is India Inc ready?)

Then there is the issue of requiring employees to return to the workplace and dealing with their fear of risking infection.

The IBM Study: COVID-19 Is Significantly Altering U.S. Consumer Behavior and Plans Post-Crisis,  polled more than 25,000 U.S. adults in the month of April to understand how COVID-19 has affected their perspectives on a number of issues. This included retail spending, transportation, future attendance at events in large venues, and returning to work.

The results revealed Americans didn’t want to go back to the office.

In particular:

• 54% want remote work to be their primary way of working
• Over 75% said they would like to continue to work remotely at least occasionally
• Almost 40% indicated they feel strongly that their employer should provide employee opt-in remote work options when returning to normal operations

It isn’t just India or the USA, my international clients tell me about how their organizations are dealing with the situation.  They are giving options to employees to come into the workplace or wait till the second wave of return to the office while continuing to work from home.

The fear and anxiety are universal. I’ve seen the sentiments of the IBM survey voiced by professionals in other parts of the world too.

How to deal with returning to the workplace anxiety

Besides the normal day to day hustle and immense stress of daily living in the modern world, we now have a pandemic to contend with. We have to deliver in our jobs in the perpetual shadow of a possible COVID-19 infection.

Unfortunately, dealing with anxiety has become somewhat of a normal part of life for many individuals in the world today.

Although this problem is not necessarily a new phenomenon, there are certain aspects of our current situation that have served to exacerbate the issue.

Furthermore, we are expected to juggle more responsibilities at one time, all while being as productive as possible.

Although anxiety certain varies in intensity and frequency from person to person, there are a few ways to deal with the problem that are beneficial for anyone experiencing this issue.

Let’s look at a few techniques in order to alleviate some of your anxiety and prove you’re a good responsible professional.

Control What You Can Control

The truth is, many of the issues causing anxiety in your life right now are beyond your control.

This includes global and community issues as well as problems in your personal life.

What you need to realize is that the weight of the world is NOT on your shoulders, even though it can certainly seem like it at times.

Anxiety tells you that you should be worried about solving problems that are way out of your hands.

In reality, focusing on the issues that you actually have the ability to resolve is a much healthier response to a problem-filled world.

Coming back to the workplace and fear of returning to work, remember that the employer has the obligation to provide a safe place to work. They need to follow reasonable safety standards for their industry as well as government mandates and advisories that are in effect at this time.

The cost to company for employing you isn’t just the salary you earn; they also have responsibilities for you during the working hours.

Companies would thus set parameters and hours for employees, whether they come into the workplace or choose to work from home because without those parameters, they might become liable for overtime.

More importantly they need this for employee insurance purposes where the insurer needs to know about the employees who are working from home in case of an accident and whether the employee is covered.

So, trust they will do the right thing by their employees and set up the right protocols to protect everyone.

It’s Okay to Not Feel Okay

Another side effect of anxiety is a feeling of isolation. People experiencing anxiety on a routine basis tend to feel like they are the only ones dealing with this issue.

Because of this perspective, we often feel like everyone else is much happier than we are, like we won’t be accepted if anyone else knew the extent of our anxiety. It is so important to realize that this is far from the truth.

Everyone around you is experiencing some degree of anxiety or mental hang up. You are far from alone. Don’t feel like you have to go through life acting as if everything is okay when it isn’t.

When it comes to going back to work, it is natural for you to not feel completely comfortable with the situation.

There could be a number of reasons for that.

One important reason would be if you’re not feeling safe returning to work because you’re a high-risk employee (i.e. you have a higher risk of contracting COVID-19 or your age is 65 or over).

In such a situation, if HR is not already aware of your situation, you need to communicate it to your employer in writing and let them work around the challenge rather than put yourself at risk and get stressed out about it.

Even if you’re not in a high-risk category and your employer has taken adequate precautions to protect you, it is normal to have concerns.

Talk to your boss or to HR about it and communicate your anxiety and concern and request if you could be brought back in the second wave of reopening especially if there are other employees who could be brought back first.

Good companies don’t like to lose valuable employees. You might even be able to negotiate using any accrued leave to compensate for the delayed return if your job responsibilities cannot be performed from home.

Reach out for Help If You Need It

Finally, if your anxiety is something you are having trouble dealing with on your own, then ask for help.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking professional help for this issue. Ironically, our society welcomes getting help for even minor physical ailments. Yet they act as if doing the same for a serious mental issue is taboo.

Consider this, if you had a toothache, you would most certainly seek a dentist to take care of it.

Why would you not seek a doctor that is medically trained in alleviating mental health issues if you are dealing with anxiety?

There is help out there, get it if you need it!

Finally, learn to take things one day at a time and practicing stress management techniques to lesson anxiety and build resilience.

Live in the moment. This means focusing all of your physical and mental energy on what is going on right now. Not only does this simplify life, it also allows you to get the most out of your limited time.

That’s how I’ve been dealing with the Lockdown and it has made things less stressful than they needed to be.

If you want to understand how your mind is processing the situation and find your own unique solution, remember to download the worksheet How to Overcome Trying Situations By Changing Your Mind here or by clicking the below image.

When women professionals reach out to me for help, it’s usually along the lines of wanting to stand out and get recognized for their contribution to the workplace.

More importantly they want to know how to position themselves in the messy middle management tier where the route to promotions up the ladder seem hazy. HR or their boss isn’t able to articulate why another colleague who is not as competent got the plum job, assignment or promotion.

My simple answer? They need to hone their Executive Presence in order to raise their visibility and attract the right attention if they really want to rise up the corporate ladder.

They have to be seen as strong confident professionals possessing mental toughness or fortitude because the rules of the game change as we go up the ladder.

I know this from experience.

Mental toughness helped me get the upper hand during negotiations of a Golden Handshake severance package when my employer was downsizing and handed me the notice.

They insisted I continue to work at a seconded client location as long as they needed me!

This put me in a state of limbo as far as my employment was concerned as well as my residence status as I was on a work permit.

I also got this unfair employment condition removed with the help of a lawyer who pointed out the violation of labor laws. The client where I was seconded offered me a permanent position.

In my view, mental toughness is an inner strength that we can cultivate and learn. It means we have confidence and resilience to face challenges and adversities coming out winners by focusing on our end goal.

In my case, it was to leave with dignity and get a good reference which happened once the Managing Partner found out what my boss had done.

No firm or company worth its salt wants bad publicity and certainly not with a woman employee whose performance has been good. Definitely not one who was under notice while bringing in 7 times her daily cost to company from an important client.

Sadly, I still see more counselling than coaching at junior and middle management level. Even when there is coaching, it’s the employer’s agenda. It’s not that of the woman professional whose assertiveness might be seen as aggression thus commencing a spiral of self-confidence and esteem issues.

And it’s the same for any woman (or male) professional who wants to get ahead especially considering the trend towards a new business need for mental toughness, an area of strength identified by psychologists who believes that it is no longer enough for business leaders to be merely resilient.

People tend to think of mental toughness as being displays of aggression, bullying and general bad behavior. Perhaps if we were to refer to it as mental fortitude or mindset, mental toughness would get its dues as a critical developmental skill.

Mental toughness helps individuals focus on making things happen, without being distracted by their own or other peoples’ emotions.

These individuals are generally more engaged, more positive and exhibit a “can do” attitude. Mental toughness can be measured using the MTQ48, a reliable psychometric tool which is quick and easy to complete and provides a profile of overall mental toughness, as well as providing scores for a number of other characteristics.

When you have mental toughness, you don’t allow obstacles or excuses to block your way. Instead, you battle through regardless of any circumstance.

Derek Redmond’s Inspirational Story

One example that immediately came to mind when I started to write is the story of Derek Redmond and the semi-finals of the 400-meter race at the 1992 Barcelona Olympics.

Derek was a hot favorite for the gold medal and was already a champion having broken the British record in 1985 for the 400-meter race and the 4×400 meters relay gold medal at both the European Championships and Commonwealth Games in 1986.

The importance of his wins takes on a completely different meaning when one considers how many times his career was interrupted by injury and surgeries.

And yet, perseverance and mental strength brought him back each time.

Derek’s goal at Barcelona was to get that Gold Medal but fate had something else in store for him.

He tore his hamstring mid-track and fell to the ground in agony and THEN got up hopping to at least complete the race. The tears still well up in my eyes when I remember how his father ran to the tracks and helped his son finish the race.

That dear reader is what mental toughness and determination is all about. Derek is now a motivational speaker who encourages others to achieve their potential.

I was fortunate to find a clipping of that race courtesy the International Olympics Committee. I dare you to watch it without feeling a lump in your throat.

Your Habits affect Your Mental Toughness

Do you know that the level of your mental toughness is directly related to your habits?

A habit is a routine that you follow each day, almost without thinking. No one has to tell you to brush your teeth each morning, it is a habit.

How high would you say your mental toughness is? Answer the following:

• Do you give up on exercise when it gets tough?
• Do you find excuses for everything?
• Are you are stuck losing weight regardless of what you do?

If you answered yes to any of these then your mental toughness needs working on. When you allow excuses to stop you, you are only hurting yourself. It is not really your lack of motivation or willpower it is your lack of mental toughness.

The easiest way to improve your mental toughness is by developing your habits. Pick one thing that you want to become a habit and work on it. It only takes about three weeks for a habit to become ingrained in your mind. That really isn’t that long now is it?

If your doctor tells you your cholesterol levels are too high, opting for tablets to regulate it might sound like an easy solution but guess what? You’ll be on those tablets for the rest of your life.

Get tough mentally and stop eating junk food at your office desk. Instead get into the habit of walking for 5 minutes on the hour and eat a healthy salad or fruit. It’ll take longer to lower the cholesterol level but you have a better and more permanent solution.

It comes down to how determined you are. To succeed all you need is the perseverance to keep on going. In this example it means scheduling breaks and planning the quality of food intake. Then put tools into place which can include an accountability partner so that you succeed.

To become a mentally tough person you need to be willing to stay true to yourself. This entails not going off track and be willing to find a way to get things done without finding excuses for changing the habit.

Mental Toughness Trait can be developed

Here’s the good news. Mental toughness is not an inherited trait. Anyone can improve their mental toughness if they are prepared to take action. I share some tips on it in my post on handling life’s curve balls.

An example close to home is that of the Accountancy qualification that I studied towards back in London.

At the very beginning of our training, we were told that the firm hired 200 trainees each year but given the toughness of the exams, by the time the trainees complete the 3-year article period, there are usually only 20 left. In other words, 10% of the original intake.

It was even more daunting to know that the annual success rate for qualifying in the Institute was barely 2%.

Of course as youngsters out of college each one of us was confident we’d be the last 20 and part of the 2% who would qualify. That didn’t happen.

There were drop outs and those examinations where we competed at a national level made a root canal procedure feel easier. The prophecy was fulfilled.

As I reflect back on the original group and those of us who qualified, I realize the reason we succeeded while other more intelligent colleagues failed and had to say goodbye to their dreams had a lot to do with our mental toughness.

We were the ones who for one reason or another, had the right attitude and level of passion towards our goal – to be able to put the initials of ACA after our name.

If you are truly passionate about something then your mindset automatically changes. You have the drive and motivation to make it to all of your practices.

You are the one who stay up late at night studying for the exams after a full day’s work at the office or get up early in the morning when the mind is fresh to learn new knowledge.

Those exams involved testing us for our ability to handle pressure and our tutor had warned us to time our answers based on the marks which were visible in the answer sheet and as soon as time was up, we had to drop the answer and move to the next.

If we still had time left over then return to the question and complete the answer. No question was to be left unanswered in the 4 papers we were sitting. It was the difference between achieving our goal and being defeated by another candidate who had his exam strategy planned out.

In those 3 hours, our being brilliant didn’t matter as much as our ability to show we knew our stuff.

Our tutor even told us about diet and self-care regimes and I think I ate the most jacket potatoes with cheese and chamomile tea in my entire life during those exams. I was also at my healthiest and energetic self.

Those of us who cleared the exams in the first attempt had demonstrated the traits that are normally displayed by people with mental toughness.

These include:

• Motivation
• Positive mindset
• Self-control
• Good at handling pressure
• Being energetic

These are the type of people who can turn on a dime and change direction. If things don’t go their way they don’t get disappointed. They simply go with the flow and change course and adapt.

So if you have a goal or a dream that you want to reach you need to start making plans and taking action so you can achieve it. Map out a plan of attack and don’t let anything stand in your way.

Be flexible and ready to take action at any time. If something comes up and you miss your training time, don’t let it pass. Just reschedule it so that you get your session in.

When you can do these things, you are well on your way to showing that you do have what it takes to achieve your goals and dreams.

Do you have Mental Toughness?

People who are mentally tough are usually surrounded by successful people. They show traits such as being consistent, adhering to schedules and always approach things with a positive and professional mindset.

In other words, they know what their responsibilities are, and they carry them out.

If you currently don’t feel that tough, fret not because you can work on developing this trait and increasing your mental toughness.

Your first step is to define what the words “mental toughness” mean for you the way I did at the beginning of this post.

There is no one definition that suits everyone. So write down things that you could do that would imply you had mental toughness.

Here are a few examples:

• Not missing your workouts for the next 2 weeks
• Finishing your next project ahead of schedule
• Quit smoking
• Doing that extra rep before quitting
• Not missing family night with your kids

The only way to demonstrate that you have mental toughness is by taking action and by proving it to yourself!

Changing your mindset is one of the first steps to increasing your toughness. You need to have a positive mindset and be committed to following through with things.

Say you have decided to commit to a new exercise regimen for a month. You have to always think about this in a positive way and not allow yourself any excuses for missing your workouts.

It can help to view your mental toughness as one large muscle group. Just like any of your other muscles, it needs to be exercised and developed to keep working effectively.

When you are confident that you can now tackle things head on, your mental toughness muscle is growing nicely. Always keep that positive mindset about you and your mental toughness will not shrink or shirk when it comes to time to face any circumstance.

Click the above image and take the quiz!

I recently asked my subscribers this very question.

That email got one of the highest open rates and clicks to a resource mentioned in the email. I knew it had hit a chord.

I personally prefer to engage in positive thinking, often doing the 7 Day Positivity Challenge when my energy levels are low, and I need a boost. Besides, negative thoughts are so enervating.

Yet I am aware that it is not always possible. Not every situation in Life can be one of those ‘turn lemons into lemonade’. Or at least not in the foreseeable future.

For example, try telling the sole breadwinner of the family to think positively when they’ve been made redundant and have to look after their family as well as meet home loan repayments in a tight job market.

Tell them to remember the good times and the loads of work experience and exposure they got in the job. I guarantee you, as sure as the morning follows the night, you will get your head bitten off by a very angry if not upset person.

What’s more important is having a positive mental attitude and resilience to weather the shocks that life may give us from time to time.

This is done by building a positive reflex and knowing how to use those negative thoughts to your advantage.

It requires knowing your priorities and what’s really important to you and which you need to achieve no matter what.

Let’s turn our attention to what you really should care about – You and what matters to You.

I recently finished reading a brilliant book by Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life.

Don’t let the 4-letter word bother you.

His message is actually quite simple: We give a “F” about so many things that don’t really matter, but don’t give a “F” about the most important things in our lives.

His book is a load of fun to read. You have to get past his liberal use of the F word, but you start to get that he’s using it to really get attention for ideas that are not very popular and can be hard to live by if you don’t take life seriously.

Here’s a review that sums it up well.

“An in-your-face guide to living with integrity and finding happiness in sometimes-painful places… This book, full of counter-intuitive suggestions that often make great sense, is a pleasure to read and worthy of rereading. A good yardstick by which self-improvement books should be measured.” (Kirkus Reviews)

What I’m loving about this book is Manson’s turning all that think positive advice on its head and his view that we’d be better off handling adversity well – which is something I coach and mentor my clients on.

Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties—once we stop running from and avoiding and start confronting painful truths—we can begin to find the courage and confidence we desperately seek.

It boils down to having a growth mindset and the willingness to accept change and adapt if required. (Learn more about your change management style here or by clicking the image below for free)

Life is short and there are only so many things we can really care or bother about, so it makes sense to focus on that which is more important to us.

2 Case Studies on Lemons, Life and Mindset

Manson proves it with the contrasting examples of 2 musicians who were unceremoniously dropped just before their groups were signing a record deal and how each dealt with it.

Both musicians went on to do well but one of them was still competing against the band that dropped him and feeling like a failure even though he made millions of dollars.

The other went into depression and almost killed himself. Fortunately, he saw the dumping as a good thing. He soon after met his wife and had a good family, which he would not have had otherwise given the dysfunctional nature of music bands.

Did I mention he made money too?

I’m talking of Dave Mustaine who was dropped by Metallica and then founded Megadeth and Pete Best, the original Beatles drummer who was replaced by Ringo Starr.

My biggest takeaway from the case studies?

One’s mindset plays a big role in overcoming difficult situations and circumstance. Having a positive mental attitude is an important key to living a happy and fulfilling life.

Yet most people do not naturally have a positive mental attitude and need to work on it.

A positive mental attitude is really a state of mind and it’s usually a deliberate choice made by the individual.

In other words, a person living with a positive mental attitude has at some point in time probably made the decision to live that way. It’s quite normal that the person with the positive mental attitude wasn’t always positive.

Both were initially driven to show the group who had dumped them that they could achieve the same kind of success. One had a positive mental attitude while the other wallowed in a negative one.

Can you guess which was which?

I highly recommend you get the book and give it a read. You can thank me later!

Taking ownership for our happiness

It also got me thinking about discovering our life purpose and whether what we’re doing is honoring us as talented professionals.

Are you happy with what you’re doing?

Or do you feel something is missing?

What could possibly be keeping you stuck?

You might be feeling frustrated, even depressed at your lack of progress.

There is an important step you can take to get you out of that rut.

You can decide to take control now and identify what it is that is stopping you moving forward.

One way I suggest which is also mentioned by Manson is to re-examine your values. These change over time and perhaps what gave you satisfaction is not working any more.

For example, when I started my career as an auditor, my burning desire was to root out every fraud in the world.

In those days forensic auditing was unheard of. So, I focused on specializing in risk management and systems. I did projects where I unearthed frauds that were in millions of dollars.

Along with it came the danger of being bumped off by the mafia. I changed track and took on another safer specialization.

In my later years my values changed, and the end result has been the creation of Karmic Ally Coaching.

If you’re finding it challenging to think positively, I suggest you look at what you’re doing and your values and check to see if they still aligned.

Back to my original question, what’s your take on positive thinking? Share your perspective with me in the comments box.

Since we’re talking about mindset, growth and positive mental attitudes, here’s a resource to help you develop a positive mental attitude and growth mindset. Check it out at this link or click the image to download it.

Update November 2023 – Positive Thinking Secrets Bundle 

Growing up, when things were not going the way I wanted them to, cribbing to my mother that I was not happy did not yield the desired sympathetic response. Instead, she would refer to the Bhagavad Gita and remind me that happiness came from within.

I was too young and inexperienced to understand the depth and meaning of those words. But I did understand that while I could not, beyond a point, control the externals I most certainly could do something where I had control. That became my attitude and reaction to situations and life in general.

This thought was further validated and reinforced in the form of a book that my father gifted me to back up my mother’s sage views – Bertrand Russell’s The Conquest of Happiness.

Russell believed that happiness could only be achieved through thought and effort. The book of essays is guide on living a happy life. If I may dare add a true self-help classic from a time when the concept of self-help didn’t exist. It’s one of many books that I recommend reading. While the cover of the book that is available is not as pretty as the one I got as a teenager, the essence is more important than the look.

In my post Self-Help Tip for Happiness, I’ve addressed the art of happiness from the metaphysical aspect and teachings of the Bhagavad Gita. In this post, I’m addressing happiness from a practical habit-forming perspective.

5 Habits of Happy People

With the book I was gifted, I found new insights and information presented in a logical form (not surprising as Russell is considered to be one of the 20th century’s premier logicians!).

From there the happiness habit began to form which I find does help. While one size does not fit all, there are 5 habits that one can start with and then make new habits once you get the hang of it.

Be grateful for the good in your life

Understandably, when things are going wrong, it is difficult to be grateful for anything. Our experiences make us who we are and there is always something to be found even in a bad situation which helps you to avoid mistakes further on. Being grateful for all the good things already present in your life will make the tough times easier to handle.

Believe that hope floats

No matter what is going wrong in your life, make positivity and optimism your secret ally. Focus on your actions and detach yourself from the results and the things that are outside of your control. Treat each experience as a challenge and an opportunity to learn and grow. Make optimism a habit and you will see the same world from a different perspective.

Develop your coping strategies

You know yourself better than anyone else will. Analyse and understand how you react to situations. Are your actions always the best for coping or do they aggravate the situation? Knowing your reaction triggers and working out a strategy in advance helps you to cope better with whatever situation you find yourself in. Different strategies may work for different situations. The strategies don’t have to be very complex, sometimes calling a good friend or going for a walk might just work.

You can also consider the tools in this book as part of your coping strategies. These exercises plus tips have worked for my clients and participants in my Creative Visualization workshops. Click the image or here to learn more.

Develop meaningful social relationships

Happy people are surrounded by meaningful relationships whether they are with family, friends, colleagues or personal relationships. These are people whom you may not talk to or even meet very often but are there for you when you need them and vice versa. It may be cool to have hundreds of cyber friends on Facebook but they don’t have the same impact as genuine social interaction where you can chat and share your life experiences.

Do little acts of kindness without any reciprocity expectations

This is my favorite habit. The feel-good buzz from helping a senior citizen at the post office or even helping out a friend in distress without any reciprocity expectations cannot be described. It has to be experienced. Ironically, the more you selflessly do little things for others, for some reason, the Universe does respond and send you helpers and guides when you need them the most.

Need help forming habits or breaking bad habits? Try the tips in the following chart.

Tips to Break and Form Habits from Karmic Ally Coaching

At the end of the day, it all comes down to the lens with which you view the world. A happy person will always find something to be happy about, the silver lining while an unhappy person will find fault with everyone and everything.

Given a choice, I would much prefer being Sunshine than Whinny.

Practice these 5 habits for 21 days and see how it raises your happiness and positivity level. You’ll notice you start attracting opportunities for further happiness and success without any effort on your part because your vibration level will attract more happiness.

As a parting motivator, I’m sharing a favorite quote from Kevyn Aucoin. I feel it sums up all our choices – including the one of forming a lifetime habit of being happy.

What about you? Is happiness a habit you strive to perfect? How do you manage to stay upbeat and cheerful when the chips are down? I’d love to read your tips.

Job insecurity seems to have become a regular workplace phenomenon.

It wasn’t always like that. Or at least not as bad as that!

Once upon a time, jobs were meant for a lifetime.

You joined a workplace, worked there for 30 years or so. Then you had a retirement party where you were gifted a golden watch or pen or something equally memorable with your name engraved on it.

(My Maternal Grandfather got a golden watch after 40 years’ service with his name engraved on it. The Steel Company he worked for also threw him a farewell party.)

For sure redundancies took place during recessions and unemployment but that was a lesson in history and economic classes at school.

I admit reality bit way back in 1984 when our graduate class from the University of the West Indies had a hard time finding their first jobs.

We were supposed to have been one of the best, but recession doesn’t care.

I was fortunate that I was still in quasi student mode as a trainee Chartered Accountant, but it wasn’t that easy for others who were entering the job market. Mercifully our Alma Mater cared and went out of their way to help all of us, and we landed on our feet.

When I finally joined the workforce in the latter half of the 1980’s, like other graduates I had stars in my eyes firmly believing the world was my oyster.

The bywords in the workplace were “Promotions”, “Pay rises” and my favorite “Bonus”.

Economic cycles especially the downturns were a nuisance as were pink slips. Yet one managed to get a job provided one was willing to step out and find one.

There was stress and uncertainty but not the kind that we have today with the ongoing economic downturn.

Fast-forward to the 2010’s and the bywords in the workplace are “Layoffs”, “Budget cuts” and “Salary Freeze”. Bonus does exist but appears to be heading for extinction like the Dodo.

Restructuring and re-organizations are dreaded words.

In a LinkedIn Group Discussion, it was quite apparent that thanks to redundancies at the workplace, workloads of surviving employees had quadrupled. There was no scope for protesting or asking for better working conditions unless you wanted to join your redundant colleagues.

The stars in the eyes and World Oyster feelings have been replaced with fear, uncertainty and higher levels of stress.

Post the financial crisis of 2008 (which was the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression of 1929) which had a global impact, the economic climate is certainly not conducive for stress-free living. Job and workplace stress always increase in times of economic downturns.

Common causes of excessive workplace stress include but are not limited to:

• fear of being laid off,
• increase in overtime due to staff cutbacks,
• pressure to perform without a proportionate increase in job satisfaction and
• mixed messages from management.

Understandably stress management techniques which work during normal times may not be quite as effective although they do make a difference.

Uncertainty at the workplace can be a catalyst for change if you dare

Sometimes, this is the very catalyst that makes us take steps in a new direction which we might not have considered because we are already operating outside of our comfort zone.

It’s a good time to reassess whether you want to be proactive with a job or career change.

The Karmic Ally Coaching Quiz will help you assess where you stand. Click the image or on this link and get your copy of the quiz with a situational tip with my compliments.

Additional Resource:

Develop Emotional Intelligence with Ease

This is a step-by-step guide, workbook and resources to develop your Emotional Intelligence, Self-Awareness and People Skills. Show up as a Leader worth following!

Out Of Energy by Frits Ahlefeldt

I remember a story from a children’s magazine subscription which dealt with creatures called Ugly Wugglies. These characters were frightening and played havoc. If I remember correctly, they would knock on the door of your house and if you let them in, then they would play mischief and havoc with you.

In modern times, these mind game playing creatures are better known as Gremlins. They can take any form that they choose and it all depends upon you as to how much control they hold on your mind.

Gremlins are mythological mischievous creatures quite similar to imps but with an inclination to tinker with mechanical equipment.

Everybody knows about the 1984 movie called The Gremlins but did you know that the termed was used by the RAF during the World Wars to explain inexplicable accidents that happened during flights? Some pilots even claimed to have seen and heard these creatures.

Quite possibly, the stress of combat and the dizzying heights caused such hallucinations, often believed to be a coping mechanism of the mind to help explain the many problems aircraft faced whilst in combat.

What does appear to hold is that stress can create gremlins in our mind which can put us down, play the blame game and prevent us from taking action.

The Unemployment Stress Gremlin

In today’s world, many of us depend on our jobs for our identity and losing a job becomes stressful not only for economic reasons but also for the loss of sense of self and professional identity.

Our jobs influence the way we see ourselves. When someone asks you what you do, the majority of people start describing the modality of their work or their position. The elevator pitch is not the first thing that comes to their minds.

Sadly, it also influences how others view us. No matter how much guidance is available on networking and how we should see it as an opportunity to help others, most of the time, people look at how you can help them.

If you are lucky, you might be working for an organization that tries to help employees find new jobs or your network is able to help you make the jump back into employment and daily routine quickly.

But that is often not the case and the longer you stay unemployed, the stronger the Unemployment Stress Gremlin takes over manifesting itself as a loss of self-esteem and self-confidence and sense of security.  You suddenly lose that sense of purposeful activity and sometimes your social network if it was based around your job.

In the book Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson, your gremlin is the source of your negative thoughts and he (or she or it) uses some of your past experiences to influence your attitude and behavior.

Working on getting rid of the Unemployment Stress Gremlin

In my post “Getting Job Interviews in Recessionary Times”, I discussed an action plan to help with your job search which translates into purposeful activity.

But to make any effort work well, you also need to work on your mindset and stay positive (even when it kills you).

5 effective anti-Gremlin actions you need to use right now

Accept reality and honor your feelings

As painful as it is, wallowing in the past or feeling sorry for yourself will not help you to move ahead. Accept the reality that the job is gone and start planning for your next move. When I lived in Jamaica, I learned of a saying “When God closes one door, He opens 10 more”. This might just be one ending so that a better beginning can be made.

Don’t bury your feelings, accept them.

Suppressing your feelings does not help.  You might appear alright on the surface but the fears and anxiety will show up in your interactions with others. It will affect how you respond to questions in job interviews and certainly not help you put up your best.

Acknowledge the fact that you are human and have feelings. Once you are aware of your feelings, you are better equipped to handle the negative thoughts that come up and take the right actions that will move you closer to your goal – mission successful job hunt.

Don’t play mind games with yourself

The last thing you should do to yourself is play the game of self-doubt or think that something is wrong with you and get stuck in that groove. Instead, accept that even in this situation, you still have control over your actions. Put your mind to thinking about what one thing you can do each day to find that new employment.  Perhaps update your resume? Contact a head hunter who specializes in your industry? Update your LinkedIn profile?

In short, focus on the things that you can control.

Step back and look at your strengths

We learn as we go along but often forget to acknowledge our strengths and qualities until compelled to do so. Now is a good time to do another reality check – who you really are when freed from the shackles of your professional identity. Make a list of what you have accomplished, both personally and professionally. What skills, abilities or knowledge have you acquired over the years that make you employable? Are there any new skills that you need to learn or update? Can you find a silver lining to the situation?

My post on knowing one’s strengths while job hunting has an exercise that will help you.

Work on your stress management techniques

Finding a job when you are unemployed can be stressful, especially if the openings are for less qualified positions. This is the time when your stress management techniques will prove crucial to helping you stay on top of your game.

One of the biggest problems with being unemployed is the loss of daily routine. Now is the time to create a new one which takes self-care into account. Think about the things that you normally do which you enjoy and give you a sense of well being.

You might want to experiment with different stress management techniques and find one that works best for you. Take up a sport, meditation, music, reading, going for long walks, yoga or a hobby that involves your hands.

Final Thoughts on Unemployment Stress Gremlins for You

There will be good days and bad days. Now more than ever, don’t go into your shell. Now is the time to be out and about meeting people, networking and reaching out for support. You would be surprised how willing people can be to help if they only know you need it.

Treat the job hunt as a project and create a job search plan. Rethink your goals. Maybe this is the right opportunity for you to create your second innings career. Keep up your self-esteem by volunteering your time and skills. You never know where that opening will come from.

Have you ever had to deal with the Unemployment Stress Gremlin? What steps did you take to keep it at bay and get back on track?

PS. Curious about the RAF Gremlins? Here’s an interesting link!  Wikipedia/Gremlin

PPS. Want to learn more about stress management using Chakra balancing and 1-minute exercises that work? Click on the image and learn more about a special bundle created for that very purpose.

Written By: Vatsala Shukla

If your hand went up, then please share your Secret Sauce with me!

I still remember that day in March 2014 when I had an epic Blah Day – the seeds of which had been sown a week before. If you are a long time reader of my blog or know me in person, then you know that I’m usually on top of my game armed with my daily ritual which includes Chakra balancing, meditation and walking Coco. But guess what? Blah days happen to everyone, and I’m no exception.

On the Friday preceding Blah Day, I got pushed very badly by a fellow resident while out walking Coco. In my attempt to protect Coco, I took the fall that set off spasms of pain in my lower back. Things got bad enough to rush to the Emergency OPD by Sunday morning.

I was still alright, I guess but my tolerance levels were slipping thanks to the painkillers. I systematically did all the Maintenance Tasks that I could do and selected the Productive Tasks based on immediate priority for the periods when I could sit up.

Then the Blah Day happened

My mobile service provider had outsourced a new verification drive to a Third Party that was supposed to collect some documents. They did not keep their appointments. I called the service provider and they told me that there was no drive and I should not hand over my documents to anyone.

The next morning, I got a text message to immediately deliver the documents for verification with the ultimatum that non-compliance meant discontinuing my service. This was just as I was preparing to go to the hospital for a check-up.

I called, I emailed and suddenly it appeared that I had to submit the documents. No explanation of having told me earlier that I did not have to. Fortunately, the franchisee of the service provider in my locality with whom I’ve been doing business for more than a decade  reassured me that if I got the documents delivered in the afternoon, he would do the needful.

Then we got to the hospital and when I came out to drive home, someone without a car plate had blocked my car! It took us 45 minutes to locate the owner who did not bother to apologize.

I got home; started receiving calls from the service provider who had not read my complaint letter properly and packed them off to read it. Just as I thought I needed to lie down, my customer service officer at my primary bank called.

It was not to inquire about my health but to tell me that he wanted to teach a customer how to use online banking for placing fixed deposits and could I go online and place a deposit for testing?

He persisted with his request and I finally growled a firm no and shot him an email telling him that this was a breach of client relationship. I got an immediate apology and good wishes for a speedy recovery.

I concluded that the world had gone crazy and I was transforming into the Red Queen ready to shout “Off with His Head”.

It was time to take a breather and work out what was happening.

These things happen and given a back problem, I knew my resilience was low.

I realized that the area of injury corresponded to my 2 lower Chakras – the Root (which was caused by my health concerns and pain) and Sacral (caused by the heavy painkillers) Chakras. With these 2 Chakras out of balance, my energy was blocked and to compensate, my Manipura or Solar Plexus Chakra was going into overdrive and manifesting as anger, helplessness and irritation. I was out of balance, even if temporarily.

It was time to put the Karmic Ally Coaching 4 Step Action Plan to work

Within 30 minutes, I was back to normal. Here’s my 4 Step Action Plan that got me back in balance. You can use it too even if you don’t have a back problem.

Step 1 – Contemplate 

Make an honest evaluation of the situation and note how you are feeling and if you are feeling any kind of heaviness in the body. This will give you an indication of which Chakra’s energy may be blocked or out of balance.

Step 2 – Prepare to heal thyself 

Still your mind with breathing and grounding exercises. My post titled Breathe and meditate to manage stress shows you how to do it.

Step 3 – Action 

Now you are in a place to take course corrective action.

Awareness – Identify the specific feelings that you are experiencing and

Acceptance – However painful, accept yourself and your feelings. You are human and you have permission to feel. You also have permission to be kind to yourself.

Chakra Exercises – Meditate on each Chakra where you have identified the sense of blockage. For this, with eyes closed, visualize a white ball of light descending from your crown or top of the head and flowing down your spinal cord to the location of the concerned Chakra. See it turn into the color of the Chakra and visualize the Chakra rotating at the right speed.

Alternatively, visualize the light descending to that Chakra as you inhale and releasing any negative energy on exhalation. Do this for a couple of minutes.

You can enhance your actions by keeping a crystal related to the Chakra in your palms while you meditate or a Clear Crystal Quartz – the all-rounder crystal. Affirmations that resonate with you and lighting incense also help with the breathing. Learn more about using crystals in my post The Magic of Crystals -especially for the Solar Plexus Chakra.

If you want a complete set of Chakra Balancing Exercises that are good for overall balancing, my ebook Stress Management with Chakra Balancing Exercises is a good resource.

Step 4 – Check 

Having done step 3, assess how you are feeling and if the sense of heaviness has gone. The final part is to forgive the person or situation that brought on the imbalance and show gratitude for all that you have.

That’s what I did too. I was grateful for the franchisee who got things sorted out and for the faith that my customer service officer had in me that I would help. I forgave the document collector who was only doing his job as well as the banker because he later realized that he couldn’t force a customer to place a fixed deposit to teach another customer.

I was grateful for the emergency help I got at the Hospital OPD that kept me going until my personal Orthopaedic Surgeon was back in town from his lecture tour in the USA and could help me with my new back problem.

I often find that even if the actions have not been done correctly, the simple acts of gratitude and forgiveness help to release these temporary energy blockages and prevent long-term illnesses.

I haven’t experienced such a nightmarish day since or felt like the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland (or even the Grumpy Kitty) but I know better and take five if my health is not up to par and my resilience is at a low. That’s a better way to manage life.

Have you ever had my kind of blah day or any kind of blah day that was nightmarish? How did you cope with it? I’d love to read your personal coping tips!

PS. This post originally appeared way back in 2014 in my original blog Vatsala’s Tips for a Stress Free Life and the links for the 3 Chakra’s discussed are to posts at that blog.

Sometime back I wrote a post about shaking oneself out of a rut suggesting the minor tweaks to get back into our groove and move forward. Those tips definitely work once you know that you are caught in limbo and really want to get out of that awful unproductive place.

In fact, one of the key breakthroughs that happen for my coaching clients is the realization and acceptance of understanding the true nature of their unique rut that burns them out while they are running on their self-created hamster-wheel.

You can’t fix it until you know what is broken, right?

That’s what happened back at one of my favorite Facebook Groups recently when one of our members, a very talented lady with a heart of gold, mother of 2 little children and someone whom I respect immensely, was brave enough to come out in the open and state that she was overwhelmed.

This Group is a very supportive one and many of us immediately reached out to offer empathy, sympathy and advice. She graciously accepted, acknowledged and for the purposes of accountability, we know her action plan and will be there to check in on her.  That’s what community spirit is all about.

The fact is, we all feel overwhelmed at some point or the other and even more so when we quite the corporate world and embark on the journey to realize our passion and dreams as solo-preneurs. If you are considering flying solo, then even if you don’t read the rest of this post, make sure you put down Support System in your business checklist.

Overwhelm is a side effect of the Hamster-Wheel Syndrome

It took the Group and the lady some time to nail the cause of overwhelm, like peeling off layers of an onion because the more we wrote in the thread, the more we all learned.

Ultimately, we realized that it was a case of full blown Hamster-Wheel Syndrome which was resulting in inefficiency and ineffectiveness and the feeling of wondering what had been achieved during the course of the day when there were other non-work related areas of life to be attended to. We cannot be so focused on our career or business that we forget that balance in other areas of our life are equally important.

In case you are wondering, Hamster-Wheel is an adjective that means to do or say the same thing over and over or to be repetitious.

4 Steps to get off that Hamster-Wheel without hurting yourself

Accepting that you have a problem is an important step to getting out of a rut and stepping off the proverbial Hamster Wheel.

But the reality is that it isn’t so easy to step off that wheel. Because you have become so used to being on the wheel, that the minute you try to step off it, all those horrible limiting beliefs and fears and other stuff that keeps us awake at night will appear. You will definitely start feeling regret and remorse for all the wasted time while you were on the wheel thinking you were working and may even have the idea that if you spin a little more, then perhaps things will work out.  The What If Gremlins have a tendency to crawl out of the woodwork at times like these.

Guess what? You do have what it takes to get off the wheel. You simply need to want to get off badly enough and work on what you can control and influence. These are the exact steps that I shared back in the Group and which do work – ask me, I’ve done the Hamster Wheel Routine to know that one needs that moment of clarity and then the war cry for change.

Step 1 – Acknowledge that you have a habit which can be changed

Habits are patterns of behavior that we engage in because we have done them enough times to make them feel normal and part of our routine. What you need to focus on is breaking the habit and replacing it with a new one.

Be grateful for the experience and learning because sometimes, we don’t learn until we have an experience that tells us to be careful. In Hindi we have a saying that a person who burns their mouth learns to blow on hot milk before drinking it.

Then apply counterfactual thinking, which is the process of constructively assessing how something might have happened by asking the question, “What might I have done?”

This will prompt a new and empowering resolve: “When A happens (or doesn’t happen), I will do B.” and a good reason to stop doing whatever you are doing to stay on the hamster wheel.

Make sure that you visualize or think of a more positive outcome, or what is called an upward counterfactual thought, otherwise you might just end up reinforcing the very pattern of behavior that you are trying to get rid of. Think of ways to improve a situation not find a second best answer to what you can do.

For example, you learn that Periscope is the latest social media fad and lots of entrepreneurs are having great success with it for finding clients and you jump on the bandwagon, sign up for every free training you can find and periscope away like there’s no tomorrow but with zero results because your ideal client doesn’t hang out there.

An upward counterfactual thought would be to consider other possibilities. Perhaps, stop using Periscope but create video content with what you already have or repurpose it to match what your true audience really likes is one way to get out of overwhelm and get productive.

Step 2 – Check if your goals are still SMART and aligned with your objectives

The reason I say this is because you might have started off with some goals that were aligned with your overall objective but your actions are now simply keeping you on the hamster wheel with no real results.

For example, you budget an hour a day on social media to build your visibility and get business leads and join a network of bloggers to get comments and some good old SEO. But after some time, you find you are spending the better part of the day posting and interacting on social media and commenting on blogs with no real client leads in sight or time to create real offline conversations.

It happens to a lot of us. We lose focus of what we intended to do and why we are doing certain actions.

I suggest you stop in your tracks and do a reality check of 3 things.

Are your actions still helping you to achieve your goals or are they now an excuse to do everything but what you are supposed to do to achieve your goals?

When was the last time you checked your progress or noted that things were not working? Now is also a good time to check out your excuses and ask yourself about any secondary benefits for holding onto them. If you find none, let it go.

What should you be doing to achieve your goals?

Make a plan in writing with short term and medium term goals and break down the steps into manageable bytes. Revisit on a regular basis and adjust as the situation changes.

Step 3 – Get out of your comfort zone and embrace change

Quite often we stay on the hamster wheel because we have become accustomed to being on it. In a way it is comfortable even if disastrous for us in the long run because we are able to avoid our responsibilities, decisions and tasks that we know in our heart will help us to move forward in positive motion.

Stepping out of our comfort zone would mean having to face our fears – of failure, success and any other excuse that our fertile imagination may have created to avoid action.

Affirmations, visualizations and tapping will help you to create a positive mindset, but until you get off the chair and do something tangible, not much is going to happen other than spinning some more and feeling exhausted.

A better approach is to do a self-esteem or self-confidence check and ask yourself if you are engaging in negative self-talk or finding excuses to avoid doing what you know you need to do.

In the days when we had dachshunds, I remember the puppies would chew up the shoes Our technique for finding the culprit puppy was to pick them up one at a time and ask, with a bit of puppy talk if they had chewed the shoes. We knew the culprit puppy from the way a puppy would turn their head and eyes away. We lovingly called it ‘no eye contact’ and kept an eye on the puppy for any stomach upsets (chewing shoes is not good for your health).

Perhaps you need to establish eye contact with yourself and do what you know you need to do?

When you do it, be mentally prepared to embrace change. Like I wrote in my post Shake yourself out of your rut, do something different and shake yourself out of your routine. It doesn’t have to be a major change, just a small one that will open you to possibility thinking and new ways of doing things.

Step 4 – Take smart risks

No matter how daunting it may appear to make changes and step out of your comfort zone, be brave and take the risk of doing something that will actually get you off the hamster wheel and onto the road that you were meant to travel.

When I say take risks, I don’t mean doing any dangerous or risky, but well thought out calculated risks that will take you a step further towards your goal. If you feel fear creeping up on you, do a quick mental contrast exercise of where you are right now if you continue doing what you are doing and what could be the possible outcome if you took a chance.

You might find you have more than 1 option in which case, think through both and choose the one that will stretch you just that little bit to get out of your routine and give you a quick result encouraging you to go for bigger changes and actions.

When we step out of our comfort zone and take up the challenge to change our routine, we shake up the status quo which in fact is the only reason we are still on the hamster wheel to start with.

What one action will you take today to get off your private customized Hamster Wheel today?

Additional Resources from The Karmic Ally Coaching Experience:

In addition to my blog posts which can help you get off that Hamster Wheel, here are 2 that I suggest.

Goal Achievement Simplified: When Your Actions Give Results ( my Kindle book) and my free Self Test for Burnout. (Scroll down a little and you’ll see the sign-up form for the self-test and subscription to my newsletter. Don’t worry, I don’t harass people via email and your details are safe with me).

Do you believe you might have burnout?

Then Karmic Ally Coaching’s Burnout Self-Test is meant for you.

It will give you a no-obligation peek into the Karmic Ally Coaching experience. This test is used in the Effective Stress Management and Career Coaching Signature Program.

Gift yourself an insight into your stress levels by completing the form and we will take it from there!

In addition to the Self-Test, you will also get tips to take immediate action. A total value of $27 gratis!

You’ll be added to my subscriber list and receive my weekly email with tips, resources and special offers that are exclusive to my subscribers.

Be assured your email and privacy is safe with us and you can unsubscribe anytime you want  by using the unsubscribe link present at the bottom of each of our emails (though we hope you will stay!).

You can get more details about Karmic Ally Coaching’s Privacy Policy here. 

Marketing Permissions

The information you provide on this form will only be used to provide you with updates and personalized marketing. Your privacy is important to us! Please let us know how you would like to keep in touch:

Email

 

We will send you the Burnout Self Test and weekly emails with more resources. We will also send occasional emails about promotions, new products and important updates to keep you in the loop.

We use MailerLite as our marketing automation platform. By clicking below to submit this form, you acknowledge that the information you provide will be transferred to MailerLite for processing in accordance with their Privacy Policy and Terms of Service.

I have read and understood what I’m signing up for and the Policies of Karmic Ally Coaching and Mailerlite

 

Yes, I want my Burnout Self Test

Thank you!

You have successfully joined our subscriber list.