When it comes to networking, I have discovered that there are 3 categories of networkers along a spectrum.

On one side you have the super networkers who just love to network. When on the other side of the spectrum you have those who wince at the very thought of ‘oh God, I have to network?

And then of course there’s a middle of the road path where most of us come into the picture which is that it depends on where you’re networking. And what happens when your contacts go cold? Especially if they are valuable?

(Watch the vlog or read the transcript below it.)

Hi, I’m Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching and today we’re going to be looking at this very topic. I’m going to help you to be able to regain communications and connections with those valuable cold contacts.

Reaching out on LinkedIn with Cold Network VS a network that has gone cold

But first, I want to talk to you about reaching out on LinkedIn with a cold network or a network that has gone cold.

These are 2 completely different things and in fact this vlog post was inspired by a recent incident where I received a connection request and it was a pure sales pitch. One which made me wonder, have you even bothered to check what I do?

Now this is reaching out to a cold network on LinkedIn and if you are doing similar things then I advise you to stop it immediately.

When we talk about personalization, we talk about trying to find a common ground. Not give a veiled cold pitch and hope that you’re going to get business. Because, hey, I don’t know you from Adam or Eve. I’m not going to work with you for getting this kind of a message.

On the other hand, a network that has gone cold is one which was quite active till sometime back and then you have lost touch and you need to reconnect.

What’s the temperature of your personal network?

So here’s a question for you. Think about it. What’s the temperature of your personal network? Is it hot? Is it cold? Is it mild? Is it lukewarm? Tepid waters, maybe? Whichever way it is, unless it’s hot, there are ways that we can reignite the network.

But first, another truth bomb that I need to give you is, that when you’re reaching out to your contacts looking for a job or referral and you haven’t been in touch with them for some time then you are going to get disappointing  results.

Now it’s natural for your important colleagues to be less enthusiastic if they only hear from you when you’re asking for a favor.

Regular communication will strengthen your relationships, and in fact if you prove that you are a better contact to have, people will be delighted to hear from you.

I go into more details in how to do that in my blog post about being, the difference between networkers and netweavers. And I’ll be sharing the link with you later.

So let’s get started.

Tip#1 – Offer a sincere apology

The first tip that I would like to offer you when you are reaching out to a contact that has gone cold especially if you’ve been neglecting to return phone calls early because you were simply too busy is to apologize – a very sincere apology.

Acknowledge your lapse and ensure that you’re considerate in the future if your contact decides to forgive you and recommence the relationship.

Tip#2 – Start within your immediate network first

The second tip is to start within your immediate network first. Use the opportunities you have to practice your networking skills and make new contacts. They’re all around you. You simply have to find them and look for the leads among those you interact with daily, including coworkers and other job seekers or business friends.

But start with them first and build up your confidence before you move on to even colder contacts.

Tip#3 – Research before reconnecting

When you’re planning to reconnect with someone please do some research first because you must have some common point to talk about. You could try to find out if someone has changed job or gotten married since you last spoke.

And some good resources to do that are to check on LinkedIn or their LinkedIn profile. Even go on Facebook if you are friends with them on Facebook. Or talk to mutual friends and find out what’s up in their life.

And using this information, make sure that you’re prepared for your first conversation after such a long time.

Tip#4 – Stay informed about current affairs

Another tip is to stay informed about current affairs. You know, when you’re an interesting person and you’re able to give good interesting conversation about what’s happening in your field or in the wider world, people will be happy to reconnect with you.

So I would suggest you read books, you watch movies, and engage in deep conversations. You may also feel like first posting on social media about things that you’ve been reading or some perspective you wish to offer first so that in case that connection is on LinkedIn, they will see that you’re active there and maybe the conversation will get started from that point itself.

Tip#5 – Give more!

And the fifth one is to give more. This is again successful networking is all about being generous. And, again this is about the same thing I was telling you about netweaving.  You can always help others by sending articles, or making referrals, or just sharing an encouraging word. It’s so easy.

If you’re too scared to get on the phone to your cold connect to revive, all you have to do is maybe send an email or a message. Share something that you found or make an introduction between 2 people who might find each other’s, you know, network useful.

Give first then ask later.

7 Tips to prevent your network from going cold

Now having given you these 5 tips, I also want to talk to you about how can you prevent your network from going cold because the tips that I’ve given you earlier are only there to help you to revive it. You may not succeed. Or if you succeeded, you may not succeed as well as you want.

So prevention is always better than a cure. Let’s look at these 7 tips.

And they are very easy ones.

Be Selective

The first is to be selective.  Now in a way we all have a limited amount of time and here I suggest that quality is always better than quantity if you want to cultivate authentic relationships. So you have to prioritize.

Figure out who your key contacts are and devote more time keeping in touch with them. Then it won’t feel so cumbersome. In fact, if you look at the number of friends you may have acquired on Facebook or the number of connections you have acquired on LinkedIn, how many of them are you actually actively engaged with?

Select the ones that really matter and make sure we don’t lose touch with them. There are other results of taking care of other network members and I’ll tell you that about later.

Create an Organized System

Now here it is to create an organized system.

And that means that networking has to be organized. It may mean that you scan business cards or create a whole database, or even keep an Excel spreadsheet. Or something that helps you to know who you connected with, when you connected, some additional extra information about them so that you can find reasons to keep in touch. It could be their birthdays or work anniversaries or other useful things.

Block out Time to Network

Coming from the organized system learn to block out time. Because if it’s not on your calendar; it’s never going to happen. You could set aside say about a half an hour in the morning or in the evening to communicate with people.

Maybe make some phone calls or you can set a goal to eat lunch with one of your contacts if they are in the same city or even just, you know, fix appointments to say ‘hey let’s catch up’ sort of thing. And it doesn’t have to be a 2 hour session but could even be 15 minutes just to say hello.

Increase Your Visibility

The other one is to increase your visibility. In other words speaking or even posting on the social media networks where your contacts hang out on topics which are related to your career or your industry or even current affairs will also give you opportunities to make new contacts and refresh old ones.

So if you’re not being affected by any COVID lockdowns check with your local communities and contact the organizers for any upcoming industry event. Or if there’s an online event going on which has the facility of networking use that but definitely raise your visibility in a good way.

Offer Congratulations

Another thing I want to tell you is that people always love to hear from you if you are expressing a genuine interest in their lives and appreciation for their achievements.  So relay your good wishes when you find out that somebody has been promoted or has landed a major account or has gotten a new job.

The 2 networks, Facebook and LinkedIn often give you notifications. A simple Happy Birthday can make a very big difference. Or if you find out somebody’s got a work anniversary you just shoot them a message or post on the newsfeed and say Congratulations.

It doesn’t take too much. It’s easy.

Send Holiday Greetings

And then, send holiday greetings.  Now here you may be saying, ‘my God, I’ve got a thousand people in my network, how do I do that’? So, here’s what I recommend.

There are certain occasions whether it’s Diwali, or Eid, or Thanksgiving or Christmas or New Year’s when you can reach out to your network even if you’re not in touch with them regularly.

A bonus tip – personalize the messages for your key contacts while creating a more general message for those people with whom you interact with less frequently. The point is that they should know that you remembered them.

Take Scheduled Time Off

And finally, take some scheduled time off. You know, when you take time off it will help you to stay more motivated and balanced.

You may want to forget about business or your career when you’re with your family or with the rest of your community. It will also give you time to relax and think who do I need to connect with or who do I need to stay in touch with?

So that’s from me and because I started with LinkedIn and I’ve mentioned it so many times I have a little special gift for you and that is my ebook on the 5 Mistakes Professionals Make on LinkedIn.

The link to get this ebook is in the comments or in the summary and I recommend that you download it. Very simple mistakes and I also provide you with how to avoid it or make up for it so that you don’t irritate your network.

Final Words 

My final words are to always remember that an effective network is more than collecting business cards.

It’s developing closer professional relationships and you can do that to advance your career by keeping in touch with your contacts.

And lastly even if it kills you take the initiative to reach out if you’ve let a valuable connection grow cold.

So that’s all from me for now. I’m Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching signing off. Do tell me about your own experiences. Bye for now.

Small talk is a technique of talking. It’s a way to communicate and make contact with people. I’d say it is the glue for creating and maintaining contact with friends, colleagues and business partners.

When applied with strategy, it is also a great networking tool.

A good example that comes to my mind is the Mother Goose poem One Misty Moisty Morning.

The version I’m referring to is from The Only True Mother Goose Melodies (c. 1833) which is slightly different from the one in many nursery rhyme books.

Now that is small talk!

I would dare to imagine that once the complimenting and how do you doing was done, they might have continued talking perhaps about the weather and gotten to know each other better.

In modern days, they would have exchanged mobile numbers with a missed call or exchanged cards.

Small talk accompanied by the right body language can make everyday life much easier and if you are networking, create potential win-win connections.

It can lead to deeper connections and a wonderful way to hide our awkwardness when we don’t know what to say – far better than stony silence or jabbering away.

Your light chat can be quite effective if you include some of the tips that my pet Miss Coco showed in my blog post The Effective Communicating Canine.

Think about the time when you run into your neighbor in the elevator in the morning, do you chat about the weather on the ride down or maintain stony silence?

Small talk oils the wheels of community living.

So far so good but what if you find yourself caught in a situation where a parallel talk starts while you are in the middle of your reply?

You’d be fully justified in thinking these people are from a parallel universe or somewhere out there in the galaxy.

In essence, Parallel Talk is the type of conversation where one story triggers off a completely different one.

Strange conversation with the lady who walks her cat on a leash about the whereabouts of my car and neighbor’s dirty window

Here’s a personal story about a parallel conversation that I had some time back. It was supposed to be small talk with the neighbor who walks her cat on a leash.

Kitty and her mistress ran into me while I was downstairs and the how do you do’s started.

Then she asked about some water in the open area of my parking space and why my car was not there and also why I was wearing an orthopedic belt.

So far, so good.

I started to reply with how one of the neighbors got her windows cleaned while my car was there and the drama that unfolded compelling me to move the car despite a back problem that had gotten aggravated.

Somewhere in between the washing of the windows and my back and while my mouth was still in talking mode, she changed the conversation.

She wanted to discuss how dirty the windows must have been, how much dirt did I see and who did the neighbor hire to clean the windows.

I can assure you; I was irritated. Kitty’s pet parent was completely oblivious to the fact that I was wearing an orthopedic belt!

Complete absence of emotional intelligence or at least essential traits of it.

An empathetic inquiry about the condition of my back rather than the digressive battery of questions regarding the quantity of window dirt would have been a better topic!

In such a situation, anyone would get upset. Perhaps even start another parallel talk about how inconsiderate a person can be.

But a good neighbor and adept networker, may I add, would try to maintain a good atmosphere. Even if deep down inside you start wondering which universe the person is coming from.

More often than not, the other person doesn’t even realize what they are doing.

So I chose to keep my counsel and instead asked about Kitty and the recent surge of Tom Cats in the compound.

What to do in parallel talk situations at a networking event

From experience, I strongly recommend counting to ten and stick to the new topic.

Count 100 if required but don’t lose your cool.

If things get out of hand, move away with a polite ‘I’ve seen someone I have to say hello to, nice talking to you’ and run for your life.

The other person won’t mind it. After all you guys are there to network. Be discreet about it and don’t take me seriously about running for your life.  Do it gracefully.

The fringe benefit of this approach is that the other person will perceive you to be a great listener. And believe me, that’s a talent in very short supply. It strengthens your network too.

Forgive the other person from the bottom of your heart. They often don’t know what they’ve done to irritate you.

Besides, how would you feel if you were told you were the parallel universe speaker?

It goes without saying that this lady and I still share a cordial relationship. She doesn’t go off on a tangent anymore. I guess someone must have given her a sounding off.

Oh, and before I forget, Kitty the cat on a leash managed to run away for a few days and came back heavy with kittens. So perhaps we should have discussed those Tom Cats in more detail. 🙂

Have you ever experienced a parallel talk situation? How did you handle it?

PS. If only the lady had been a little more circumspect and sensitive, I wouldn’t have gotten irritated.

But for that, you need to demonstrate Emotional Intelligence – a skill that also helps you demonstrate leadership qualities.

Check if you have this skill with Karmic Ally Coaching’s Emotional Intelligence Checklist   You can acquire your own copy  by  clicking here. It’s on the house!

Written by: Vatsala Shukla

Photo credit : Geralt

Update on 13 December 2025: This blog post was originally written in May 2014. It has been updated by Vatsala for relevancy, including the fate of Kitty, the feline who walks on a leash.