So much has been written about limiting beliefs and fears. I honestly doubt the subject is going out of fashion soon.

Google the topic and you’ll find tons of articles and blog posts providing tips to deal with various aspects of this debilitating phenomenon. That includes 10 of my own to date!

Knowledge is power but coming face to face with your fear or belief and having to deal with it head on is the real acid test.

I wrote about my own experience when I explored the secondary gains of bad habits and can state with conviction that confronting a situation and writing about it academically are 2 different things.

Here’s another case study with a different scenario and solution.

Sometime back a client hired me to help get her career back on track. An overall good performer, things had not been the way they were before her maternity leave.

She realized she needed someone in her corner to help her regain her momentum and visibility.

Watershed Moments create Transformation Opportunities

We were making good progress. Then we had a session that proved to be the watershed in our work and her approach to her career and the elusive work life balance.

The session started off well and then I asked her about her week in general. That’s when her normally confident voice started to shake. I had a feeling her tears were near to the surface.

The next few minutes can only be described as a flood after a dam bursts.

In between sobs, I gathered the issue had something to do with being a good mother, an overbearing boss, her not getting good roles, no one to champion her for meaty projects and a whole lot of other things.

She feared in a shaky economy and budget cuts in her department, if she didn’t get the right projects and visibility, her job might be among the first to go as she was a generalist.

In my heart I knew we were at the precipice of a powerful coaching moment. Handled properly, my client would get the breakthrough making her unstoppable.

But the first priority was to get her to cry as much as she wanted and get it out of her system.

Tip: Crying can be cathartic

That’s where my techniques are different because I view crying as cathartic. I encourage clients to cry if they feel like it even though I don’t make them cry.

I suggested we take a break of 15 minutes during which I wanted her to go and make herself a cup of tea, chamomile preferably and do a brainstorm of her beliefs.

No restrictions were placed on the beliefs – I wanted it all out on the table, the good, the bad and the ugly.

We got back on the call as agreed a quarter of an hour later and my client had brainstormed 13 beliefs about herself and her situation.

As we went through her list, we found 9 empowering beliefs, 1 that is universal in any job, 1 that could be easily fixed and 2 that were affecting her adversely in her current situation.

One was based on an uncertain future and the other on her ability to maintain boundaries and work under pressure.

We went through a coaching exercise that I elaborate on in my post Is Uncertainty about the Future keeping you up at night (which is also available in my Self-Improvement Strategies Workbook).

I taught her the technique of muscle testing to confirm her beliefs.

How to handle critical self-limiting beliefs

Further introspection revealed that her 2 critical self-limiting beliefs were based on specific incidents. In hindsight, this could have been avoided if she had maintained boundaries. If she hadn’t allowed her helpful nature to be exploited by others for their vested interests or was covering for other people’s inadequacies.

My client was seen as somebody who gets the job done, can mediate, can achieve, has good relationship building skills and people like her.

She was aware of the need to become more assertive and maintain boundaries.

As for the belief that was changeable, we made a discovery. Her former boss had actually put in a word to her new boss to give her more assignments so she could polish her project management skills!

When we looked at the situation carefully, she realized that her boss actually trusted her! And preferred delegating tasks to her that were critical and important to the assignment she was working on. I guess the boss had not realized she might be overloading her trusted team member.

The simple solution to this was to ask her boss to prioritize her tasks whenever the sense of overwhelm came on.

This 1 solution prove valuable both for her and her boss. Sometimes bosses don’t realize how delegating can turn into dumping on reliable competent colleagues.

My client also realized her fears were inconsistent with proven skills and capabilities.

To make sure she stayed on track, we created new empowering affirmations to replace the 2 problematic limiting beliefs.

As a postscript, I am proud to tell you that she is unstoppable and now mentors and coaches her peers on the job. Her bosses recognize her leader skills and high level of Emotional Intelligence.

Understanding your power to change what you believe

The case study I shared relates to 1 competent professional.

This story is repeated every time a person has to face a situation that brings their limiting beliefs to the surface.

Here’s what I’ve learned about beliefs from my own and other’s experiences.

It’s important to recognize the impact our beliefs have on how we feel and behave.

Our beliefs about ourselves determine how we perform in a particular situation. They also determine the level of our self-confidence (which is what was happening with my client).

Believing something about a situation determines how events progress.

However, we can choose what we believe. If we wish to see a situation differently based on new information, we have the power to do so.

In any situation, what we think and feel about another person affects how we relate to that person.

Our beliefs are particularly important when relating to others.

If we believe a person has certain qualities, then we assume we know how they think and act. When we change our mind about someone, we see the person differently, often for the better.

We are free to determine what we believe about someone.

Simply knowing we can change what we believe brings success in our lives.

We are free to make decisions about what we think is true. If we observe factors that don’t coincide with our beliefs, we can change how we view other people and situations based on this new information.

Facing a situation where you know the belief is creating a barrier to your success?

Take time out to reflect on these 3 Self-Reflection questions:

1. Do I have the power to change my beliefs?
2. What is a particular assumption that hinders me?
3. How can I create more success by accepting my power to change my beliefs?

Are you willing to embrace your inherent power to change? Or alter your beliefs that don’t serve you?

Language is interesting. We know that communication can become difficult when two people speak different languages. A translator is brought in to help.

But what if they are speaking the same language but not aware of the meanings of phrases being used?

Especially those that involve animals, like monkeys and donkeys?

Way back in August 2012, I hosted my first guest blogger, Andrea Feinberg whose post got many viewers and 2 comments as well –one on the blog and another in a LinkedIn group. Both referred to the ‘monkey on the back’ which brought back memories of the chaos that a monkey created in an office a few years back.

Crisis management that turned into monkey management

Boss and team were dealing with reporting deadlines for a host of clients. A new client assigned to the team who needed to be handled literally with kid gloves had created an untimely demand.

Crisis management brainstorming over, boss made the innocent remark “Okay, now that we have taken that monkey off our back let us look at the other reports”.

Most of us at the meeting understood what he had said and continued with the meeting. One rookie auditor took the meaning literally. Before long, our department had monkey mania.

Everyone was being called a monkey. NO ONE was spared, be it client, manager, colleague, support staff and worse- clients. A new meeting had to be called to explain the monkey on the back phrase. Soon things returned to normal.

(Not sure about the meaning of this idiom? Check your understanding here a monkey on back )

Holding onto the past

Coming back to monkeys and backs, there is another question worth asking – how long do you hold onto things that are best left in the past? 

Those who live in the past do not get to experience the gift of the present which too shall sooner or later become the past.

Immersed in a time that will never return, they miss out on living in the present and old patterns are repeated because they do not know how to change.

There are lessons to be learned from the past – when things have gone wrong, understanding what it was and using the new knowledge implement it in the present so that the future becomes better. 

Understanding the past helps us to understand ourselves and break self-limiting patterns and beliefs that prevent us from moving onto the future and goals that we wish to achieve. 

The world that we live in is not stationary.  It keeps changing. By holding back with old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve us or benefit us, we keep those monkeys on our back.

There is a beautiful traditional tale about the Two Monks which brings home the same point. 

Have you ever found yourself holding on to past events or experiences that serve no purpose? How do you let go and progress towards your goals? Do share your actions and tips with us in the comments box below.

Written By: Vatsala Shukla

Thinking Monkey by Petr Kratochvil