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I’m sure you’d agree with me when I say the prospects of a new boss at work can be daunting especially if an outsider has been hired. New relationships have to be forged with a complete stranger and new working styles adapted to.

But what if the new boss is not an outside hire but someone who used to be your coworker?

Let me be honest, you can make a graceful transition from being a peer to being a direct report provided you do it the right way.

Both the new boss and your Emotional Intelligence as well professionalism will be put to the test.

It happened a few years ago with one of my clients, Reena (name changed for confidentiality purposes) who had been vying for a promotion which went to another colleague and the coaching topic was handling the new situation.

Fortunately, my client and her colleague shared a good rapport. The issue for Reena was one of making adjustments to the professional relationship while also dealing with her disappointment.

As it turned out, there were others who had also wanted that particular promotion.

I pointed out that this was the time to demonstrate support where others were hanging out at the water cooler engaging in other kinds of conversations.

Things turned out well and at her first performance appraisal, her new boss thanked her for the support. He too had been concerned about it as a first-time manager. There had been challenges with other co-workers, but Reena’s professional approach had made things easier for him.

He arranged for her to get departmental sponsorship for a course. This ultimately led to her getting another job within the organization and fast-tracking her career progression.

I’d love to say adapting to change in status quo happened overnight but it didn’t. There was inner work and actions required to be taken by Reena while she also learned the technique of managing the Manager.

In this post, I’m sharing the shifts and actions that worked in this situation and will help you too if faced with a similar situation.

3 mindset changes you need to embrace for success

Reena knew things had changed. Even though she shared a good rapport with her new boss, that rapport was one of colleagues and not a direct reporting relationship. She was concerned about redefining boundaries and maintaining a professional relationship.

1. Accept your feelings and disappointment

 There’s no denying that you will experience a sense of disappointment at being passed over for the position for which you would have worked hard to demonstrate your being the best choice for candidature. It is natural.

 To be able to move forward and demonstrate your professionalism, the first step is to accept these feelings and emotions. Acknowledging them facilitates the next step of change.

2. Don’t allow uncertainty to affect your confidence

Stay self-assured. Missing out on the promotion does not in any way devalue what you bring to the table. Reassure yourself and stay strong. The change might actually be a good one as it turned out for my client!

Build your resilience for the changes that are coming with a good self-care regime which will include rest, nutrition, meditation and exercise. Draw on your strengths and remember your achievements.

If you are still fearful, try the exercise in this post to take the sting out of your fear of uncertainty.

3. Clarify your intentions

The situation cannot be changed unless you intend to quit and find a new job. A better way to adapt to change is to examine how you feel towards the new boss. Your intentions and motives will definitely affect your new relationship.

Simply deciding that you intend to be supportive won’t be effective unless you are able to accept that the new boss has certain strengths which you saw as a co-worker and which will be of value in his new role as a boss.

Ask yourself, will you be supportive because you genuinely respect the person? Or will you use your knowledge to your advantage?

In Reena’s case, she knew the manager was a man of logic. If she made a sound business case for her requests within the perimeters of his sphere of influence, a lot could be achieved that would benefit the department as well as her own career goals.

Reena used the new situation as a learning opportunity. She knew the new boss must have done something right to have received the promotion.

One of her agreed coaching actions was to observe her new boss paying particular attention to how he operated and his interactions with senior management. Without realizing it, she found a mentor at work and a role model that helped her become a better leader when she changed jobs.

Reena chose to be supportive of the new boss. She knew he had certain strengths that made him a good leader with expert and referent power bases and he was a fair person.

The decision to be supportive was demonstrated in her staying away from the water cooler gossip sessions, speaking well of her new promoted colleague and using her own referent power base to help other department members adjust to the new structure.

Her efforts were acknowledge by her new boss who supported her professional development needs and arranged sponsorship for different courses that Reena needed to achieve her department task goals.

Make your new relationship work like a true professional

Whether you’ve been close allies or friendly rivals in the past, you can learn to thrive under the new leadership by using your Emotional Intelligence skillset and maintaining an air of professionalism.

Try these suggestions for restructuring your professional relationship.

Extend congratulations

No matter how you are feeling, protocol and good manners are a must. Remember the colleague too has worked hard for the promotion and deserves to be congratulated on their success.

Express a genuine delight on their achievement and state your support to them in their new role. Go the extra distance by referring to at least 1 quality about them that you like.

Follow up with a quick email repeating your thoughts. This may appear trivial but your new boss will remember your action.

Offer genuine support

Helping your boss succeed enhances your own future. I go into more tactics in my book Get Noticed but for now, make sure the support you offer is valuable.

The co-worker is settling into a new role and would need help while fitting into the ‘new shoes’ of a manager. Be generous by volunteering information that will help them to become familiar with their expanded responsibilities. Take responsibility for your actions and dazzle them with creative proposals.

Remember, when you make your boss look good, you look good too!

Suggest regular meetings to keep track of the work that you are doing and be open to accepting feedback.

Establish healthy boundaries

Setting boundaries is important for both of you in transitioning into the new relationship. Discussions about health and family over lunch or a coffee break between 2 peers is now out of the question. It could affect your career. Decide on the extent of personal information you will share.

One big advantage of this situation is you already know your boss from the time you’ve spent working together as co-workers. While your roles have changed, you have the required background and information to be proactive in making the new relationship work. You can render the right level of support.

Management never misses a trick. You will be seen as a co-operative colleague when compared to others. That 1 little difference often opens the doors for better career advancement in the future like it did for Reena.

How would you conduct yourself if a colleague got a promotion you had been angling for and became your boss?

The ability to apply Emotional Intelligence in this situation requires a high sense of Self-Awareness. This resource will come in useful.