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A few years back I wrote about the Big Brother Cat style of management focusing on what leaders shouldn’t do.

In that post, I left out 1 action good leaders don’t do unless they can really justify it and have considered the effect on their team with the order ‘Do as I say, not as I do’.

Maybe there were readers out there who had this kind of a boss.

Perhaps they identified with the visual of galley mice on a slave ship. Either way, it was my most popular post for more than 6 months!

The true meaning of ‘Do as I say, not as I do’

I remember being given this instruction by my parents while growing up. Especially about talking to strangers or why I couldn’t wear makeup until I was 17 (when other mothers were allowing it).

I’d see them doing it and get confused.

Then those schoolteachers who’d tell us not to loiter in the hall between classes but didn’t think twice about doing it themselves.

To my young mind, the instructions were in conflict with their actions as my role model.

Essentially telling me to follow their advice or instructions but not their example was confusing until they shared the logic or the background. I admit, my first response to these orders was resistance.

And I saw the resistance come up even during my corporate world years when the boss didn’t bother to explain the logic the way a parent might.

Most of the time, that boss had low emotional intelligence and it showed in their career track.

What the person giving the instruction is really saying is that they are not perfect and can also make mistakes. Hence follow their advice but don’t copy them.

I won’t blame parents or teachers because this idea is an old one. A spot of research on Google reveals this specific phrase first appeared in print around 1654.

“Preachers say, do as I say, not as I do” (John Selden, Table-Talk: Preaching). .

Does this approach work for Leaders?

If you’re in a leadership role, even if you’re leading a small team or just 1 person, then this post is relevant to you.

As a leader, it is your job to lead by example and you have to consider the impact of your words and actions on others.

You set the tone for the team providing them with the motivation and encouragement they need to work their very best.

Read about historical figures who started movements that changed the course of history. You’ll find they never asked their followers to do anything they weren’t doing themselves.

They followed the principle of leading by example.

Your job is to nurture and protect that team, so that they can do their very best work.

Instead of looking out for opportunities to criticize them and weaken their morale or confidence, you need to provide them with constructive feedback to help them improve their performance.

The way I see it, you’re as good as the team you lead.

Sadly, very few managers and bosses understand this. I’m not just alluding to first time managers who are finding their management and leadership style. Even seasoned managers can make this mistake.

It’s the feeling that being a leader or a manager makes them infallible – and gives them a kind of supreme authority over their team.

Maybe that’s why they think they can utilize a “do as I say, not as I do” approach.

But to do this, is to fail to understand the intricate psychology of leadership.

Your team members or the person who is working for you isn’t expecting you to be a perfect leader. They might not see you in that light.

Your team will follow your instructions if they appear reasonable, well thought out and hold the vision of the ultimate team and personal goal.

They still have rights whether personal or legal when they joined your organization. Signing an employment contract does not include a clause that they’ve signed away their free will.

You can’t force someone to do something by simply barking orders when you’re not willing to do that work yourself.

Rising up the corporate ladder and chain of command doesn’t make you a more important person. It’s how you apply Emotional Intelligence while dealing with your team and others that makes you important.

Telling someone to do something while failing to do it yourself causes ripples of dissatisfaction through your team.

They will ask why they should bother to do work that their leader can’t seemingly be bothered to do themselves.

Resentment builds up which starts a cycle that impacts productivity, completing work of a lower standard and lower job satisfaction. This in turn either means you let them go or they find another job.

Instead of a “what I say goes” approach, which lacks emotional intelligence, a good leader should create a spirit of camaraderie – you’re all in it together!

While aspects of any job will suck, knowing that everyone else – even your manager – is also doing the same thing, can help you to get through it with a smile.

You need to create your unique power base that inspires others to work with you.

I still remember the time we were implementing a new Accounting Package and the glitches in the system required serious ironing out. It meant long hours and lots of frustration for the entire team.

I doubt we’d have gotten through it if our Finance Director had not worked overtime with us. He communicated our issues with the vendor engineer. The boss rolled up his sleeves to do the checking with us. He made sure we had decent meals delivered at the office as we slogged away.

Is there any exception to this rule?

Of course, with every rule there are going to be exceptions due to the nature of the job or the situation.

The do as I say approach is used by commanding leaders and most visible in occupations where directions are given. It is expected that others will follow those orders without questioning them.

It’s common in top-down organizations like governments and the military.

Commanding personalities are one of the most effective leadership styles in times of crisis when quick decisions need to be made.

You’ve seen it on television shows like Grey’s Anatomy when quick decisions are taken to save the life of the patient in the operating theater.

And you’ve seen it happen during crisis management situations at work or home.

One person stands up to do trouble shooting in high pressure moments leading others back to normalcy with the best resolution of the crisis possible at the time.

But this approach won’t work on a long term basis

Employee morale can dip if they feel they don’t have any say in the group’s direction or goals. It can create job dissatisfaction and raise attrition rates.

Rise to the occasion and be the Hero (or Heroine) and then return to being a leader who takes the team with them.

We already know why parents may use this rule to protect their children.

When it comes to a workplace setting and situations like this do arise.

The key is to explain why the situation is different for you on this occasion. Then try and make it up to your team when you can.

But whatever you do, don’t become a Big Brother Cat or Sister.

Instead, check out this resource to develop your Leadership Skills and Influence.

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