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There’s a lot of noise out there about how women should show up in leadership.

Unfortunately, the prescribed method to achieve this doesn’t take the person’s strengths, weaknesses or consider a style that doesn’t make women experience imposter syndrome.

Leadership means being able to lead a team that trusts and respects you, it doesn’t mean you’re becoming a round peg trying to fit into a square hole.

Leadership presence was being taught long before we all became aware of Executive Presence.

I still remember the time I was told I needed to “command the room.”

It was in a leadership workshop—one of those off-site trainings run at luxury hotels in exotic locations.

A bunch of eager mid-level managers are crammed into a windowless hotel ballroom and handed out little notepads and pens with the hotel logo. Then for the next 8 hours (with mini breaks) you are told by a trainer wearing an expensive designer suit how to become a better leader.

Our facilitator told us, in no uncertain terms, that if we wanted to be taken seriously, we needed to project confidence.

Speak with authority. Lower our voices. Take up more space. We were literally ordered to stop saying “I’m sorry.”

I remember nodding along; writing it down diligently in my notebook—command the room. It sounded important. It sounded like a rule.

I was in my early thirties, ambitious and hungry for something—maybe validation, maybe a roadmap. I don’t know. I just knew I wanted to get it right.

I tried it in the next meeting and felt like a total fraud—awkward, disconnected from myself.

I told myself that practice makes perfect and I was being strategic. I was doing it right and would ‘grow’ into it.

I knew something was off but couldn’t put my finger on it.

Then I noticed that the more I tried to perform confidence, the more disconnected I felt from what I was actually saying. I’d leave meetings replaying my words in my head, cringing at how forced it sounded.

My colleagues—especially the women—seemed to look at me differently, like they couldn’t quite figure out what had changed.

And the truth is, I couldn’t either.

Because here’s the thing I wasn’t ready to admit back then:

I didn’t want to command the room in that way. I didn’t want to perform some scripted version of leadership that didn’t feel natural to me.

I love people and empathy is my strength. I wanted to connect—to listen, to ask thoughtful questions, to build trust through quiet presence, not by taking up the most space or having the loudest voice.

But back then, that felt like a weakness.

Frankly speaking, there’s so much noise out there about how women should show up in leadership.

You know the kind—articles, podcasts, panels where everyone agrees that women need to be more assertive, less emotional, more confident, but not too confident.

To be honest, I was exhausted.

It was because I was trying to fit into a mould that was never really designed with women like us in mind.

The pressure starts to build up and self-doubt creeps in. Before long, you start wondering if you’ll ever feel truly at ease in your own skin as a leader.

It wasn’t until I let go of those rigid rules and started speaking the way I actually think—calm, thoughtful, honest—that people started listening.

That’s when I realized: leadership isn’t a script. It’s showing up in a way that feels like you, and letting that be enough.

That’s also when you demonstrate Executive or Leadership Presence.

I’m not the only one who feels that way.

It’s confusing, isn’t it? One day you’re told to lean in. The next, you’re told to step back and make space for others. Show vulnerability, but not too much, or they’ll think you’re not cut out for the big jobs.

It’s a tightrope that feels impossible to walk.

And I see it in the women I work with, too. They come to me saying they’re exhausted—tired of trying to fit into a mould that wasn’t designed for them in the first place.

They ask: Should I be more direct? Am I smiling too much? Should I stop apologizing?

I don’t have easy answers. I wish I did.

What if Executive Presence isn’t something you achieve?

That’s what Deepa (name changed) realized in the course of our working together.

In our initial conversation, she said she wanted to ‘learn Executive Presence’ so that she could position herself for the Vice President promotion.

The trigger?

She thought buying a designer suit, memorizing the talking points, and holding eye contact would be enough. But in that meeting—when the stakes were high and the silence heavy—none of it mattered.

What did matter was the moment she took a breath, said what needed to be said, and stayed grounded even when her voice trembled.

She did everything the articles said to do—spoke with authority, leaned in, wore the “right” outfit.

Still, just like I had done years earlier, after the meeting, she’d walk out questioning herself. Not because she failed—but because she felt like she was performing a version of leadership that didn’t quite fit.

During our chat, she realized: Executive Presence wasn’t about looking ready—it was about becoming steady. And that kind of presence isn’t built in a day.

Here’s the truth no one likes to say out loud: there’s no one-size-fits-all strategy for presence. No template, no script, no magic fix.

And yet… there is something. A shift. A way of showing up that feels less like effort and more like alignment.

Executive Presence isn’t a checklist. It’s a practice.

The kind built slowly—in quiet moments, small choices, and subtle rewiring. It happens in the space between self-doubt and self-trust. In the space between silence and clarity.

The best part?

You don’t have to overhaul your personality or become someone else to get there. You just have to stop leaving yourself behind in rooms where you were meant to lead.

That’s where it begins.

This isn’t about being louder. It’s about being rooted. Steady and intentional.

You learn how to carry that energy with you—whether you’re presenting to a boardroom or speaking up in a room that wasn’t built for you.

No hype. No overnight transformation but a real shift. The kind that stays with you long after the room goes quiet.

By the time we completed our engagement, Deepa was a different person.

But what if the problem isn’t you? What if the real issue is the noise—the constant, conflicting messages about how women should show up in leadership?

I can’t tell you exactly how to lead—because the truth is, it’s not a formula. It’s not a script.

It’s a process of learning to listen to yourself, and discovering what works for you—even when it doesn’t look like what the books, the podcasts, or the “experts” say it should.

What I’ve learned, slowly, over time, is this: there’s no single “right” way to show up as a leader.

There’s just your way.

It’s quieter than the noise. It’s messier, more nuanced. Don’t expect it to always fit neatly into the frameworks or the catchy leadership sound bites.

For me, it’s been about learning to trust that my thoughtful, measured style is leadership.

It’s been about realizing that listening deeply and speaking with intention can be just as powerful as commanding the room with a booming voice.

And yes, sometimes I still catch myself falling into the old habits—trying to be more polished, more assertive, more something. But then I pause. I ask myself: Is this me? Or is this the noise talking?

I think that’s the real work—learning to tell the difference.

It’s not easy. It takes time. It takes unlearning. And it takes a willingness to sit in the discomfort of not always having a blueprint to follow.

But I can tell you this: the more I’ve cleared out the noise, the more I’ve started to feel like myself again—and the more impact I’ve been able to make, in my own quiet way.

So if you’re feeling that tension—that sense that you’re supposed to lead a certain way but it just doesn’t feel like you—I get it. I’ve been there.

And I’m not here to tell you to stop speaking up, or to speak louder, or to smile less, or to be more confident.

I’m here to tell you that you get to decide what leadership looks like for you.

It might be bold. It might be gentle. It might be a little of both.

But it won’t come from following the noise.

It comes from slowing down, tuning in, and getting really honest about what feels authentic for you—even if it doesn’t match the latest leadership trend.

That’s where the real presence is.

And that’s where I hope you find yourself, too.

When you’re ready, I’ll show you how to clear the noise and figure out what leadership looks like when it finally feels like you. Reach out and let’s chat.

Final Words on embracing your own style of leadership

Here’s what I wish more women heard sooner:
There’s no magic bullet.
Executive Presence isn’t a performance.
It’s a practice.

One you build slowly—in small, intentional moments.
The pause before you speak.
The way you stand in your values.
Your choice to take up space without apology.

Not everyone is ready to commit to an investment of 3 months where we fine tune your version of Executive Presence and leadership.

That’s exactly what I created the 5-Day Confidence Kickstart for Aspiring Women Leaders to help you do.

I believe sometimes it just takes one step to create the results we want.

No pressure. No push to be someone you’re not.

Just five days to reconnect with your own leadership presence—on your terms.

If you’ve been second-guessing yourself, over explaining, or feeling like you have to earn your seat every single time…

this is your quiet reset.

Start your Confidence Kickstart here

Because the leader you’re becoming?

She doesn’t need to try harder.
She just needs to stop leaving herself behind.