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Additional Resources Mentioned in Vlog
Time Management: Sheep without Sheepdog
Karmic Ally Coaching’s Executive Presence Checklist
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Women professionals don’t just face a double standard or two in the workplace; they face many that can crop up in the strangest ways possible.
It’s that one elephant in the room that really needs to be looked at and addressed by companies and the affected women professionals.
Hi, I’m Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching sharing my thoughts and observations on the topic. You’ll also get some simple but effective suggestions for you to take action on.
The issue was articulated by Jessica Stillman in her article about double standards.
It caught my eye because I know from experience and observation that it was true.
For instance, the article gave the example of employees accepting negative feedback from male bosses better than they did from females ones.
In my time management post on the sheep type of employee and the manager becoming a sheep dog, I share the story of a male employee who wouldn’t heed the instructions or feedback of his female boss. He even challenged it, to his detriment.
We see a lot of this phenomenon in the financial and tech sectors.
Some statistics I found for the tech sector by Teamstage.io, can easily apply across other industries.
The same study pointed out that there is a promotion gap.
The majority of HR leaders believe women are less likely to be promoted because they do not receive as much sponsorship as men.
Only 32% of women in the workplace believed their efforts received the recognition they deserve.
Similarly, 32% of HR specialists say different standards apply to women, an opinion shared by 40% of women.
Statistics on women in the workplace show 19% of HR leaders and women agree that women have lower chances of being promoted.
What disturbs me about double standards is its effect on productivity and the creation of a toxic workplace.
The impact on psychological safety and mental health cannot be ignored or swept under the carpet.
So how do we define double standards?
Even though this is fiction, George Orwell’s 1945 novel “Animal Farm” is a great read to understand the concept.
In the story, a group of animals decides to take over the farm where they live, so they can rule themselves instead of having humans rule over them.
One of the core rules the animals decide to follow is that “all animals are equal”. However, as time passes, the pigs gather power over the other animals, and give themselves preferential treatment in a variety of ways.
Eventually, this culminates in the pigs revoking all the rules that the animals initially agreed on. In its place is a single rule, which exemplifies the concept of double standards: “all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others”.
In the real world, a double standard is a situation where two different sets of principles, rules, or expectations are applied to two different groups of people, even though they are performing the same or similar work.
Factors that can attribute to this include gender, race, ethnicity, age, or other personal characteristics.
People are held to different standards based on their identity rather than their job performance, which can lead to unfairness and discrimination in the workplace.
Double standards can take different forms. It can get complicated at times.
A man can be praised for being assertive and confident while women are criticized for the same behaviour and are labelled as “bossy” or “aggressive”.
While a man’s boasting about his achievements is considered normal, a woman doing self-promotion is considered a show-off.
If self-promotion is a leadership skill, then how is one to overcome the gender bias?
When we talk about charisma and appearance, the dress code for women professionals is more rigid. We’re expected to dress ‘professionally’ which include makeup and jewellery while nobody bats an eyelid for men unless they are completely unkempt.
A more innocent example I can give is something that happened to me 19 years ago in my last job.
At that time, there were only 2 women Senior Audit Managers in our office. I was one of them.
In the eyes of my team members, I didn’t fit the quote unquote ‘criteria’ expected of me to be their leader.
For sure, I had the right professional credentials and the years of experience for the role. Yet, they felt uncomfortable.
A casual chat with our visiting HR Manager who was based in Mumbai apprised me to the problem. I wasn’t married and they felt uncomfortable working with a female boss who they found too stern.
For a moment I was stumped. Then I replied that if these guys did their work properly, we could all leave the office in time and I’d get a chance to meet some eligible bachelors.
With a bit of luck, one of them might turn out to be Mr. Right and we could solve this deficiency.
Maybe they too could find Miss Right in their time away from work.
The HR Manager had a good laugh. His only child was a girl who he wanted to raise to be an empowered person in her own right.
He suggested I bring in some feminine mystique into the picture.
Then I was given a crash course in the Indian male mindset and how some of them were still caught in a different time zone.
I got it.
It was a Delhi office feudal mindset thing. This was not an issue in the other metropolitan offices.
I found my workaround.
On a more serious note, double standards do exist in the workplace.
Sometimes a female professional trying to demonstrate executive presence will find her efforts backfiring on her.
It’s also true for many of the women professionals who reach out to me for help with their career progression.
As women professionals we not only have to make sure we’re as competent as our male peers but also hide or tone down the very qualities that we are taught are required as leadership potential.
So, should women give up trying to demonstrate executive presence? Or are the rules different?
Not really.
There is a workaround. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be your own person or fear that demonstrating your Executive Presence will come across as being aggressive.
What it does mean is demonstrating Executive and Leadership Presence with a twist.
For example, if you’re being assertive is being seen as aggressive, don’t stop being assertive. Flip the switch and use a different way of being assertive.
Focus on how you communicate and by developing your signature voice.
Instead of trying to become one of the boys or try to bulldoze your way into the boys network, start your own.
It’s something I mentioned in my post on Networkers who lunch.
In her book, The Likeability Trap, Alicia Menendez advises that instead of looking for approval or being part of a group, work on being relatable and build your connections. Stop looking for validation outside of yourself.
While likeability is an important element of charisma, one needs to be wary of the dark side of it and not fall into the likeability trap.
It’s up to us women professionals to break free from the likeability trap.
I love her suggestion that we change the narrative.
This means changing how we define our self-worth and separating it from our likeability. Our self-satisfaction should focus on the things and the people that really matter most.
The change we seek won’t happen overnight, but we can call out double standards while being advocates of change and celebrating our accomplishments and successes.
In the words of my colleague, the HR Manager, use your feminine mystique – but properly, ethically and morally.
Accept that as women professionals who have culturally expected duties outside of the workplace, you may need to decelerate before you accelerate again.
Instead of making a noise about having young children and the need for work-life balance and then lament when you’re overlooked for a juicy assignment or position, talk to your boss.
Find a workaround that allows you to be a productive member of the team who will pick up steam and start climbing the corporate ladder again when the time is right.
Good companies never want to lose their valuable workers, even the women.
We simply need to have effective conversations, create action plans and then implement them.
Like their male counterparts, women professionals still need to demonstrate gravitas, possess effective communication skills and maintain a professional appearance.
Confidence and decisiveness will still be required even if it misconstrued. But there is one area where women can make a big difference, by embracing the principle of inclusiveness.
When one has experienced the challenges, we are in a better position to help formulate the policies on equity, diversity and inclusion. Even more importantly, we can add value to the strategy.
Again, from experience and observation, I know it works.
That’s what I coach and mentor my clients on. We work on executive presence but we also focus on demonstrating it without falling into the double standard bias.
There’s always an authentic workaround and if you feel you need to work on yours, let’s chat. Send me a message via the connect form with the heading Executive Presence for Women. We’ll schedule a no-obligation chat and see if we’re a right fit for each other.
And before you leave, please remember to hit the Subscribe button on my Youtube channel for future updates.
This is Vatsala Shukla for Karmic Ally Coaching signing off. Bye for now.
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