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I recently asked my subscribers this very question.
That email got one of the highest open rates and clicks to a resource mentioned in the email. I knew it had hit a chord.
I personally prefer to engage in positive thinking, often doing the 7 Day Positivity Challenge when my energy levels are low, and I need a boost. Besides, negative thoughts are so enervating.
Yet I am aware that it is not always possible. Not every situation in Life can be one of those ‘turn lemons into lemonade’. Or at least not in the foreseeable future.
For example, try telling the sole breadwinner of the family to think positively when they’ve been made redundant and have to look after their family as well as meet home loan repayments in a tight job market.
Tell them to remember the good times and the loads of work experience and exposure they got in the job. I guarantee you, as sure as the morning follows the night, you will get your head bitten off by a very angry if not upset person.
What’s more important is having a positive mental attitude and resilience to weather the shocks that life may give us from time to time.
This is done by building a positive reflex and knowing how to use those negative thoughts to your advantage.
It requires knowing your priorities and what’s really important to you and which you need to achieve no matter what.
Let’s turn our attention to what you really should care about – You and what matters to You.
I recently finished reading a brilliant book by Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life.
Don’t let the 4-letter word bother you.
His message is actually quite simple: We give a “F” about so many things that don’t really matter, but don’t give a “F” about the most important things in our lives.
His book is a load of fun to read. You have to get past his liberal use of the F word, but you start to get that he’s using it to really get attention for ideas that are not very popular and can be hard to live by if you don’t take life seriously.
Here’s a review that sums it up well.
“An in-your-face guide to living with integrity and finding happiness in sometimes-painful places… This book, full of counter-intuitive suggestions that often make great sense, is a pleasure to read and worthy of rereading. A good yardstick by which self-improvement books should be measured.” (Kirkus Reviews)
What I’m loving about this book is Manson’s turning all that think positive advice on its head and his view that we’d be better off handling adversity well – which is something I coach and mentor my clients on.
Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties—once we stop running from and avoiding and start confronting painful truths—we can begin to find the courage and confidence we desperately seek.
It boils down to having a growth mindset and the willingness to accept change and adapt if required. (Learn more about your change management style here or by clicking the image below for free)
Life is short and there are only so many things we can really care or bother about, so it makes sense to focus on that which is more important to us.
2 Case Studies on Lemons, Life and Mindset
Manson proves it with the contrasting examples of 2 musicians who were unceremoniously dropped just before their groups were signing a record deal and how each dealt with it.
Both musicians went on to do well but one of them was still competing against the band that dropped him and feeling like a failure even though he made millions of dollars.
The other went into depression and almost killed himself. Fortunately, he saw the dumping as a good thing. He soon after met his wife and had a good family, which he would not have had otherwise given the dysfunctional nature of music bands.
Did I mention he made money too?
I’m talking of Dave Mustaine who was dropped by Metallica and then founded Megadeth and Pete Best, the original Beatles drummer who was replaced by Ringo Starr.
My biggest takeaway from the case studies?
One’s mindset plays a big role in overcoming difficult situations and circumstance. Having a positive mental attitude is an important key to living a happy and fulfilling life.
Yet most people do not naturally have a positive mental attitude and need to work on it.
A positive mental attitude is really a state of mind and it’s usually a deliberate choice made by the individual.
In other words, a person living with a positive mental attitude has at some point in time probably made the decision to live that way. It’s quite normal that the person with the positive mental attitude wasn’t always positive.
Both were initially driven to show the group who had dumped them that they could achieve the same kind of success. One had a positive mental attitude while the other wallowed in a negative one.
Can you guess which was which?
I highly recommend you get the book and give it a read. You can thank me later!
Taking ownership for our happiness
It also got me thinking about discovering our life purpose and whether what we’re doing is honoring us as talented professionals.
Are you happy with what you’re doing?
Or do you feel something is missing?
What could possibly be keeping you stuck?
You might be feeling frustrated, even depressed at your lack of progress.
There is an important step you can take to get you out of that rut.
You can decide to take control now and identify what it is that is stopping you moving forward.
One way I suggest which is also mentioned by Manson is to re-examine your values. These change over time and perhaps what gave you satisfaction is not working any more.
For example, when I started my career as an auditor, my burning desire was to root out every fraud in the world.
In those days forensic auditing was unheard of. So, I focused on specializing in risk management and systems. I did projects where I unearthed frauds that were in millions of dollars.
Along with it came the danger of being bumped off by the mafia. I changed track and took on another safer specialization.
In my later years my values changed, and the end result has been the creation of Karmic Ally Coaching.
If you’re finding it challenging to think positively, I suggest you look at what you’re doing and your values and check to see if they still aligned.
Back to my original question, what’s your take on positive thinking? Share your perspective with me in the comments box.
Since we’re talking about mindset, growth and positive mental attitudes, here’s a resource to help you develop a positive mental attitude and growth mindset. Check it out at this link or click the image to download it.
Update November 2023 – Positive Thinking Secrets Bundle
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I would describe my approach to life as “there is always a silver lining, even if you have to look really hard to find it.” Seeing life this way is more than simply thinking positively or putting on a happy face, which I don’t think are helpful at all.
But not everyone is comfortable with this approach, so I don’t try to convince anyone else to adopt it. Heck, there are only a few people who I am comfortable talking about my own life this way!
For example, we had our roof replaced Fall of 2017. It started leaking the next Spring (the roofing company refused to fix it, so we are taking them to court, but that’s a story for another time). Most people would see that leak as something to get depressed and sad about, but not me. I see it as a gift. A really annoying gift, but a gift nonetheless. Because without it, we would not have known how horrible a job these roofers did until 5 or 10 or 20(!) years from now after significant damage was done to our home (think requiring the removal of the entire roof, including the rafters) and the roofing company was no longer in business.
The ability to see the silver lining in a dark cloud requires a high degree of Emotional Intelligence, Lesa. You’ve got it! One of the ways I’ve found to handle negative or challenging situations is to try to see something good in a situation, similar to your being grateful the roofing defect was noticed sooner rather than later. Best of luck with your court case.
It reminded me of the time a global accounting firm refused to give me a job on my return to India even though I was qualified and had impeccable references. The HR Manager gave the excuse that the firm didn’t hire returning expats until they had lived in India for 18 months. My response at the time was ‘what if the firm ceased to exist in 18 months?‘
The HR Manager smirked a bit. But here’s what happened. A few months later I got a job as a Finance Manager where this firm was the Auditor and the Partners and staff treated me like a Queen because I was the client.
Even better, this firm ceased to exist 18 months later after the Enron fiasco!
I love this topic because it clears up the notion that positivity is as simple as “turning that frown upside down.” As you mention, a growth mindset is so much more than just positive thinking. Changing how I think about everything has been instrumental on my entrepreneurial journey. I can see clearly now how the things I believed and how I reacted influenced my success (or lack thereof). I’m always learning! Thanks for addressing positive thinking in a different way so that we better understand the importance of mindset.
You’re welcome, Meghan. Positive thinking can’t be maintained on a long term basis without the right mindset and its mindset that supports us on our journey.
I’m a firm believer of positive thinking, but yes just saying “be positive” is not enough. It takes work to become positive and then heal from it.
That’s precisely the point, Zeenat. One can’t expect to be told ‘be positive’ and everything will be ok. It takes wor k on oneself to develop a positive attitude and mindset. I’m so glad you raised this point. Thank you!
This, my dear friend, is a brilliant post! As my family approaches the fifth rotation around the sun without my father, and the second year without my oldest son, it’s hard to be “positive” or Susie Sunshine. I want to be positive, truly I do. But…
How we handle life’s event is more important than the concept that we have to fake-it-until-we-make-it positive attitude. I don’t want to be fake. Actually, it’s not in my DNA. I’m a horrible liar and cannot fake anything (not even an orgasm). Perception is a key element and so is love. We can be positive all we want; if there’s no love of Self (or others) positivity is sure to ring a negative tone.
Thank you, Vatsala. I needed to read this. Much love to you…
Thank you, dear Cindy. I know where you’re coming from. I go through the same around the time of my father’s anniversary and while it doesn’t hurt as much as it did the first year, it’s not the best time to expect me to be Susie Sunshine either. It’s going to be 15 years this September and I’ve learned to use the day in gratitude and prayer and wait for the next day. Luckily my friends know I’ve shared deep bonds with both parents and are supportive. By the way, I can’t lie to save my life. Maybe that’s why my teacher in Junior School always made me the Class Monitor. 🙂
I agree mental and emotional resilience is key to success in business and in life. I am also interested in reading this book! Thank you for sharing it.
You must read the book, Kathleen. I promise you you’ll love it.
It’s not so much about positive thinking as having a positive outlook on life. When I expect it to be a good day it usually is. It’s not about what happens, it’s about how you handle it.
I agree Barb. It’s a mindset and outlook thing that can always think of some silver lining in a dark cloud. And yes, how we handle life’s curve balls is important.
I can’t agree more with what you say about the messages of “just be positive” is not always possible and when we experience adversity or a “contract, just thinking positive can be counterproductive or as you say the need to face adversity head on. I find the whole love and light and be positive can be like a drug causing us to ignore or “spiritually bypass” what really needs to be faced. It’s like an addiction that can implode. Thank you for sharing this. I did a video in November 2018 on a similar topic addressing spiritual bypass. It’s a growing problem. Much love to you
Thank you Laura. I must check your video.