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We often self-sabotage our confidence with negative words that we use to describe our feelings or while describing ourselves. It doesn’t matter whether we are thinking about them or saying them aloud, the damage of disempowerment is done.
Think of it this way, when we feel bad if someone else calls us stupid or incompetent, how would you expect the world to believe contrary about you if you, who are your own best friend think of yourself as being stupid or incompetent?
Are you aware of the disempowering effects of the words that you are using?
More often than not, the words that we use to put us down are ones that we use in our normal daily life and have become so habitual that we lose awareness of their true impact on our psyche and sense of well being.
Here are a few common examples that describe negative emotions:
“I’m clumsy”
“I’m stupid”
“I’m angry”
“I’m overwhelmed”
“I’m depressed”
What we may not realize is that these negative phrases are intense and can adversely impact how we feel and hit a major blow to our sense of confidence and self-esteem.
Change your vocabulary for self-empowerment
There are 2 ways that you can change your vocabulary to reduce the negative impact of your current word usage.
One way is to replace those words or phrases that put you down with ones that are more empowering and less negative in intensity.
So, instead of saying:
“I’m clumsy” to “I’m a little awkward”
“I’m stupid” to “I’m a slow learner”
“I’m angry” to “I’m a little annoyed”
“I’m overwhelmed” to “I’m in too much demand!”
“I’m depressed” to “I’m feeling a bit under the weather”
Are you using any negative phrases that make you feel worse or lower your sense of self-esteem? How would you replace them?
Hint: check a good dictionary, whether online or offline and find a word that matches and can be made empowering.
Another way is to reframe your feelings using empowering positive words which have a higher intensity.
So for example, the next time someone asks you how you are doing or feeling, instead of the negative words or neutral ones like “I’m feeling okay” or “I’m feeling the same” why not try saying “I’m feeling great today”. Enhance the power of your words with a smile!
Give your self-confidence a boost by using powerful words that convey the same positive feeling. Again, the dictionary may prove to be your best friend here.
For example:
Instead of saying –
“I feel happy” say “I feel blissful” or “I’m on cloud nine!”
“I feel confident” say “I am sure of myself”
When you start to replace the good words that you have used in the past with more empowering ones, try them on for size and see which ones resonate with you. This is something similar to affirmations. If your conscious mind does not believe them, then the unconscious mind wont either. It takes practice but then practice makes perfect.
In my Kindle book Self Confidence in 8 Steps I go deeper into how one can achieve the transformation from low self-confidence to high self-confidence with exercises and guidance to maintain your sense of self-esteem.
Which words do you use that put you down rather than lift you up? Did you come up with any word replacements that made a difference in how you felt? Do share your observations with me in the comments box below.
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Words are definitely powerful. I am more conscientious of the words I use in every day conversations than I was, and am learning every day. These keys have definitely helped me to increase my confidence and I have stopped (or I cycle through negativity faster) using these disempowering words. Thank you for sharing this post – great information!
Being aware of the words that we use in everyday parlance helps us to identify the disempowering words on our vocabulary and switch them with something that boosts our self-confidence or at least doesn’t dent it. Brilliant tip, Tamara. Thanks!
What an empowering post! I have a bad habit of saying “I’m overwhelmed” almost daily. “I am in huge demand” has a great ring to it. Thank you for sharing this post!
That is such an empowering re-frame of feelings, Sharise!
This is great. I have this conversation often with a loved one. So hard to change your language habits but so important.
It is often challenging to give up habits that are deeply embedded in our psyche, Heather, but being aware of our words and vocabulary is a good start. It is important to change our language habits if they are disempowering us.
Awesome post Vatsala!
Using empowering words is definately an excellent way to empower yourself to be the best that you can be!
Thanks for the excellent share!
My pleasure Joan. Thanks for dropping by at The Karmic Ally Coaching Experience Blog. Season’s Greetings!
I’m always catching myself with negative phrases and am working hard on trying to replace them. I am constantly telling myself how forgetful I am and a favourite phrase is “I’m hopeless”, which is a bit dramatic. If you tell yourself something often enough you start to really believe it, and make others believe it too. It’s very important to speak kindly to yourself – thank you for the reminder. 🙂
I used to do something similar Tamuria especially when I would spill drinks or drop things by saying that I was clumsy. Then I noticed that it seemed to give others permission to call me clumsy. So I decided to reframe it with a more positive phrase and a laugh and that created a new response within me of knowing that these things happen and others would jump in to reassure me about the same. My phrase was ” I am so graceful that I surprise myself”.
The key is to be aware and conscious of the habitual words we use. Often they are old patterns and aren’t even spoken, but are like little automatic responses in our heads. I know this very well, as I see them running through my mind a lot when it comes to how I “think” I look at a particular moment.
Weight has always been a big issue in my life and the thinner I was the better. I learned to transform this through my long healing journey, yet still need to catch myself when I “go there” in my head. Another thing I’ve learned, is it is okay and important to feel what you are feeling. Instead of attempting to switch the words and not deal with the root of the thought and feeling, it is very key to honour where this comes from and work to transform it. Thanks for the lovely post, Vatsala! Something we all can continue to practice in our lives.
You are most welcome, Beverley. And a super thank you for sharing your perspective. It is important to feel what one is feeling and to acknowledge it because only then can real healing take place for whatever is bothering us. I found that useful when I was going through the grieving process after my father’s demise.
Many years ago I picked up a book about self-talk. It covered more about the relationship to how we feel based on our self-talk. The one example that made an impression upon me was I sometimes used a phrase, “I can’t stand…’ PS. I had leg issues. Once I stopped using that phrase my legs felt better. This led me to learn more about the relationship of mind/body. All so enlightening and often we are unaware of those automatic phrases we use.
There is indeed a relationship between our mind and body, Roslyn. When I had my second episode of slipped disc following a car accident, I remember having to somehow pull myself up from the bed in the morning and every time I needed to go to the toilet or even sit up to eat something, doing all sorts of contortionist moves while my Mom and poor Miss Coco stood by to support me if required. I used to chant ‘mind over matter’ and then somehow get up. There is indeed a connection.
What an inspiring post. Words can be so hurtful, especially when you use them against yourself. I do find that I use some of the negative words, but not to make myself feel bad, it’s just the first thing I think about. A popular one is calling myself a “ding dong” when I lose my glasses when they are on my desk. I used the cloud 9 statement yesterday to describe how I felt when I hit a milestone with a new client.
I love it! Simply describing winning a new client with the cloud 9 statement would have raised your energy levels and vibrations to receive more goodness from the Universe, Gisele. Onward and upwards!
Great advice! I do things like this already, but there are days when I am “under the weather,” or “just a little tired” instead of extremely exhausted, lol. Thank you, as always, for sharing such great perspective!
You are most welcome, Liz. I prefer reframing feelings and emotions to take the sting out of the negative or less energetic ones too.
What a great post, Vatsala. The words we use can lift us up or bury us in despair. Being as kind to ourselves as we are to others makes a world of difference. Thanks so much for this post.
Welcome Deb. The best gift we can give ourselves is encouraging words to empower us.