To create a new beginning, you must first experience an ending. A new year cannot begin until the old one draws to a close. A new chapter cannot begin until another ends. Every end signals a new beginning, it is just difficult to realize it sometimes.

That’s when it’s important to tap into The Magic of Starting Over.

When you lose someone close to you, it’s painful. The end is a sad one, but if you can shift your mindset and recognize it as a new beginning you can accept the incredible memories you made together and look on them fondly. The ability to do that will ensure the new beginning leads to a more fulfilled, happier life.

It’s not just bereavement. When something in your life ends, it can be painful and scary. But every ending can be a new beginning, leading to something better.

How can you turn an ending into a new beginning?

That’s where closure is important.

In psychological terms, closure is the transition away from something old or completed to something new and different. Life coaches, who specialize in helping people make new starts, state that closure of something old is vital to having a positive new beginning.

Many life events have a pre-determined closure. High school and college end with graduation, apprenticeships end when you’ve gained enough experience, and even vacations end when you need to go back to work.

While it’s great to have good memories of these situations, you need to close those parts of your life to move forward successfully.

Like divorce or being fired, unplanned events also need closure, or you will spend more time focused on what ended than on what is beginning for you.

I suggest you avoid negative thoughts or at least reframe them to empower you and not drag you down.

Psychologists offer these steps to gain closure from and ending in life: 

• Take responsibility for the ending
• Grieve loss
• Create a ritual
• Focus on your strengths
• Make a plan

No matter the reason why something ended, you need to reflect on your role in the situation and take responsibility for your part.

Did you miss enough work to get fired? If you didn’t spend enough time studying, poor grades in school are your responsibility. Acknowledging your role and grieving what you lost, good or bad, help you find closure before starting a new beginning.

Creating and performing a ritual is a powerful tool to help gain closure. Many religions have rituals spread over a period of days after the demise of a loved one to help the family come to terms with the ending of a person’s life.

Some cultures have rituals to end the old year and step into the new one!

The point is, beyond thinking and talking, and thinking and talking some more, ritual is driven by intention and action. A “symbolic enactment” allows you to utilize your creativity and intuition in order to bypass the intellectual, logical part of your brain.

Get ready to focus on your strengths. Use your strengths to make a plan, so your new beginning is positive and productive.

Every step forward in life is necessary to continue your growth.

When high school ends, college or a career begin. When college ends, a career begins. With every end, there’s a new beginning. Even in divorce, the painful end ushers in a fresh start.

When you start a new job, you have left an old one. Starting a new relationship happens when a previous one finished. When you celebrate your birthday, you are also celebrating the end of another year.

The end of every year provides you with an opportunity to reflect on your journey and decide how to start the New Year positively.

To capture a new beginning, you first must bring an end.

If there is a negative situation at hand and it is beyond your control, you must first let it go before you can begin again.

You have to distance yourself from it, create space for positivity, and begin again. Otherwise, it will interfere with the new beginning dawning.

Before you can properly experience new beginnings you first must get a grip on what endings are. You don’t have to like the ending.

You simply must accept the reality of them. If you cannot accept that an ending makes way for a new beginning, then you are giving up on what could be. You are instead giving in to happiness and regret.

So, I want you to think about things differently.

We get so stuck in our ways; it’s easy to give in to negativity. Resist that impulse. By embracing a new perspective, you can let go of old, negative beliefs that no longer serve you.

If you aren’t willing to take a chance you will never achieve change. You can get a fresh start without letting go of the good things in your life.

The truth is every single end brings a new beginning. It’s up to you to adopt a growth mindset that recognizes that as the fact it is. I want to help you ensure you do so.

There are four words you can use to see every ending as a new beginning.

Those 4 words are “From here on out…”

From here on out…

I will let go of the things of which I cannot control.

From here on out…

I will accept reality and embrace it. Things happen for me; they do not happen to me.

From here on out…

I will be courageous enough to change my mind because it’s just part of life’s process. I cannot grow without change.

From here on out…

I will hold on tight to all of the good things in my life.

From here on out…

I will rest to regroup and reenergize.

From here on out…

 I will take a chance and keep climbing.

From here on out…

 I will appreciate every lesson.

From here on out…

 I will accept that every step I take is a necessary one.

From here on out…

I will celebrate the end for what it is a new beginning.

Better yet, create the change you seek with The Magic of Starting Over.

When you get The Magic of Starting Over, you’ll also receive these powerful resources to support your goal to restart and redesign your life:

1. Complete Checklist: A step-by-step action plan to ensure success, breaking down the key principles into manageable, actionable tasks so you never feel lost or overwhelmed.
2. “What Do You Want? Designing a Plan for Your Life “: A Life Planning reflective guide Ebook that helps you ask critical questions about your life, such as “Is this the life I want?” and “What changes do I need to make?” This ebook will help you create a vision for your future.
3. Life Plan Workbook: Designed to complement the life planning ebook, this workbook includes detailed templates and exercises to help you craft a concrete and inspiring plan for your life goals.
4. Fresh Start Journal Workbook: This journal features guided prompts for self-reflection, discovery, and growth. Explore sections like:
   • Self-Reflection Journey
   • Self-Discovery Journal
   • Self-Esteem Journal
   • Mental Health Journal
   • Visual Journal

These prompts will inspire you to gain clarity and track your personal transformation.

5. Vision Board Guides: A comprehensive tool to help you create an effective vision board. Includes a “Why Vision Boards Work” guide, practical tips, and worksheets to align your goals with actionable steps.
6. 7 Simple Crystals You Need to Support Positive Change: A short report focussing on 7 crystals and gemstones that enhance our inner qualities and support us when we need them most.
7. Micro-Course: Protecting Yourself from Negative Energy: Learn how to identify and guard against negative influences, both external and internal. Includes:
   • Practical strategies to stay motivated
   • A set of affirmations to keep your energy positive
   • Assessment prompts to recognize and counteract negativity
   • Relaxation response breathing technique to ground you when negative thoughts threaten your goal to restart your life

Make a Life-Changing Decision

So now you have two choices:

1. Do nothing and remain stuck in the past.
2. Take action and embrace a fresh start with The Magic of Starting Over.

The choice is yours. Why wait?

Click here to start your transformation and become the master of your destiny.

Additional Resources:

Sometimes restarting life is the key to genuine success

Want to be Successful? You need to change Your Beliefs

Do you dare to take the 7 day positivity challenge?

5 Success Secrets to Win the 7 Day Positivity Challenge

6 ways to use your negative thoughts to your advantage

Mind Mastery for Professional Women

Managing Change to create a better Life

The Light in the Heart: Inspirational Thoughts for Living Your Best Life

Here’s the transcript for the Simple Starting Over Tip

No matter what has happened to you in the past, know that it doesn’t control your future if you really want to start over.

Hi, I’m Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching and today, I’m going to share a simple starting over tip. It’s to start thinking in the present.

In my previous post, we discussed different reasons for wanting to press the reset button and starting over. We also accepted that while resets and starting over are not always that easy, there are 3 ways to deal with our concerns.

Yet, it can feel daunting. Besides, our mind has this wonderful tendency to pull out information stored in our sub consciousness to validate and justify what we are feeling.

It doesn’t matter if that issue is positive or negative – evidence will be found.

In my micro course on Mind Mastery for Professional Women, you learn how to reprogram your subconscious mind and apply the learning to make those mindset shifts that will bring you closer to your goals.

You also need to change the way you think, and this begins with thinking in the present instead of staying stuck in the past.

It’s not as hard as you think though. You really need to want to create the change that you desire.

There are 3 top practices that I can share to help you begin thinking in the present.

Overall, the vast majority of adults have had to or wanted to start over with something in their lives.

It doesn’t have to be as extreme as a mid-life crisis, but sometimes something that doesn’t work for them anymore.

Maybe your job doesn’t provide the same satisfaction that it did earlier. It could be that your personal life isn’t the way you pictured it going by a certain age.

We often find ourselves staying in the same relationships and activities out of fear of change.

What if you fail?

So, you repeat the same patterns even in new situations where a different outcome is possible.

You have become accustomed to the behavior out of fear of change.

How you see yourself today can be all about how you were prompted to see yourself earlier, ranging from incidents during your childhood and adolescence to different disappointments and discourages as a younger adult.

Overall, the way that you viewed the implications of your words and actions formed your central sense of self. Your limiting beliefs overpower any attempt at possibility thinking.

However, you can always change your life by changing the lens you see the world with and even how you see yourself.

So let us look at the three best ways to move forward with your new way of thinking:

Practice Self-Forgiveness for your mistakes

 Instead of working on forgiving the people in your past, try forgiving yourself first.

Tell yourself, “I forgive myself for not seeing the red flags”.

Now, break that down even further.

“I forgive myself for not acknowledging that his temper scared me during our arguments.”

After working on your personal apologies, make yourself a promise that you will not punish your future relationships with old memories. That is exactly what they are, memories. Don’t give them unnecessary importance.

Recognize and acknowledge your negative thoughts

The ability to recognize the multiple places of your negative self-talk or thoughts is the first step to rectifying outdated perceptions and conclusions about you and your mental environment.

Now write down all these different negative thoughts on a sheet of paper. Below each statement, write a positive way you could have responded.

Read them to yourself. You will find that over a short period, your mindset will begin to change to a positive response to yourself and inevitably to the people around you.

And lastly, leave the door open

While it is perfectly normal to hold back in any new relationship, after some time, if you’re still feeling apprehensive, check in with yourself. Are you punishing yourself out of fear that the new person will be just like others from your past? If it possible you are punishing yourself for thinking you do not deserve good relationships.

This could apply both to your personal relationships and even those say with a new boss or new coworkers.

Either way, ask yourself what is the outcome of your fear. Likely, one would be the new person walks away.

Or your boss or new coworkers distance themselves. Stop punishing those that were not a part of that memory. Allow them to earn your trust, confidence and love. Base your thoughts from that behavior, not your personal negative thoughts.

And as a final word I suggest you give yourself a pep talk every day.

Congratulate yourself for the good thoughts or actions you had with others.

And remember that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and that is okay. As Author Roy T. Bennett quoted in The Light in the Heart, “If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.”

(And) that is what I suggest you do. And with this, I’m Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching signing off. See you in my next tip.

Additional Resources for Starting Over

• Change Quiz
• Managing Change to create a better Life
• Take the sting out of Fear of Failure it’s only a Belief
• Change Catalyst Power Session
• Mind Mastery for Professional Women
• Improve your out of the box thinking 
• Wake Up Call: What happens when you accept your Call to Adventure

Here’s the transcript for pressing the restart button on your life

Are you feeling you need to press the reset button for your life or even career?

You’ve had your share of success in the past but are now finding that something is missing. It’s your unique wakeup call and a call to adventure beckons.

The good news is that you can choose any time of year to start over in life.

I believe your new year begins with you and the changes you are ready and prepared to make.

You can start over on January 1st if you like, but you can also choose your birthday month, the start of a new season, or any day you want.

So, know that what I’m going to tell you is relevant whenever you feel change is imminent. The key is that you know you need to take action and to improve your situation.

Hi, I’m Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching. Today, we’re talking about pressing the reset button.

At the time of recording this message, we are beginning the second week of December.

Some of us are starting to wind down while others are pushing towards the last lap to finish 2024 on a high note.

Either way, there’s some form of review and thinking going on, even if not in a formal manner.

While doing my 2025 business plan, I’m also looking at my personal life and assessing what worked and what didn’t.

Then there’s also assessing what’s stopped working and needs to be let go of.

Before making plans, it is important to review and reflect.

Whichever method of review and reflect you undertake, I know that like myself, you’re going to wonder if you could have achieved more.

Or perhaps when looking back, you’ll notice that some things simply didn’t work out.

Then this question will crop up: Is it time to start over in your life or even career?

People decide to start over for many different reasons. Some of the most common reasons include:

• Major life disruption
• Feeling empty or unfulfilled
• Wanting more out of life
• Opportunity

Let’s explore each of them.

A major life disruption may include a divorce, the death of a loved one, or losing a job. These situations are often the trigger or wake up call for people to start over and change their life.

You may also be at a point where you feel empty or unfulfilled by the life you are living.

Realizing that material things do not guarantee happiness and wanting better spiritual, mental, and physical health are good reasons to start over.

Sometimes life provides opportunities where you can choose to start over or remain where you are. Going away to college and a job offer in another state are examples of having a choice to restart your life.

No matter what reason you’re facing, you can push the reset button and start over in your life.

Psychologists, life coaches, and business entrepreneurs offer advice for making the most of your new start.

A simple Google or Bing search will give you tons of free advice.

If it’s in your career and you are really fed up of playing superhuman or need support in getting out of a rut and stepping into 2025 with optimism and a plan, then I suggest my Change Catalyst Power Hour coaching session.

You’ll find the details in the description to this session.

Resets and starting over are not all that easy.

Dealing with change is often faced with fear and trepidation.

I suggest you put fear aside.

In the TV series Star Trek, the crew is tasked to “Boldly go where no one has gone before.”  Starting over in your life can be scary, but you have the power to learn, grow, and overcome that fear.

That IS the Star Trek message.

According to psychologists, fear of the unknown is an ancient human trait. And so is overcoming that fear to explore and learn about the world around you.

Acknowledge your fear and learn to work through it.

Fear of failure is more common than you’d think. You’re not alone.

If your plan to start over doesn’t work, what will you do?

Sometimes it does happen. In this case, you iterate your plan.

Successful entrepreneurs look at each failure as a lesson. The more you fail, the more you will learn, and the better you will do the next time.

I share my 3-step approach to dealing with fear of failure in my blog post, Take the sting out of Fear of Failure it’s only a Belief. You also get to read the inspiring story of Willis Carrier, the founder of modern air conditioning.

Remember, pushing the reset button isn’t a one-time thing. You can start over as many times as you need to and build on the experience you’ve gained.

Apart from dealing with the fear of failure, I have 2 more tips that work.

Firstly, use the power of your imagination and be creative.

Starting over allows you to reimagine and reimage your life.

This is an opportunity to consider what you want. What are your hopes, dreams, and goals?

To help visualize your new life, ask yourself these questions:

• What makes me happy?
• (Or) What makes me sad?
• What do I want to accomplish?
• What can’t I live without?
• (Or) What don’t I want or need anymore?
• Where do I want to be in six months, a year, and five years from now?
• How do I want to be remembered?

To be successful in starting over, you need to know what you want to accomplish when you push the reset button.

Take time now to plan your new life and how you will get there.

Secondly, tackle obstacles as they arise and not imagine them.

Along with creating a new vision of your life or career, you also need to envision what obstacles you might face.

Understanding what challenges and obstacles lie ahead and having a plan to overcome them helps lessen the fear of starting over in your life. Your success depends on how well you can tackle obstacles and overcome challenges.

Obstacles can come in two forms, external and internal. External obstacles may include not getting the promotion you expected or buying a house that needs more work than you thought.

Internal obstacles are how you react to challenges.

Self-esteem, resilience, and good problem-solving skills are necessary to overcoming doubt and misfortune. Planning for obstacles helps you find the best way to overcome them.

If you study high performing athletes, you’ll notice that many of them go on to be successful entrepreneurs.

What they share in common with prolific inventors and successful businesspeople is seeing obstacles as challenges they can overcome.

Each time they succeed, their confidence and self-esteem increases. Facing challenges makes them excited and happy instead of scared.

Ultimately, it comes down to mastering your mindset and reprogramming your subconscious mind.

I recommend you check out my 60-minute micro course Mind Mastery for Professional Women.

The course is designed to enable you to transform your limiting beliefs, boost your confidence, and achieve the success you deserve.

Just remember, when you push the reset button, you will face fear and challenges. Knowing what you want from your life and career can help you start over and succeed.

So, are you ready to do what it takes to live a more fulfilling life? It starts with pressing that reset button now.

Has the thought of reinventing yourself crossed your mind?

Based on my own experience and that of others, one thing is clear.

The wakeup calls to create change is normally triggered by the feeling of being stuck in a rut.

Sometimes, it’s simply a sign to shake things up as I point out in my post How to shake yourself out of your rut for genuine Success.

It can also be a sign that you need and want more from your life and career.

Have you been dreaming of doing something completely new with your life?

Are you no longer satisfied with your life?

Do you often feel like you’re stuck in a maze and can’t find your way out?

Are you thinking about learning a new language or finding a new talent?

Or you could be thinking of pursuing a new career.

Remember the rise of the Gig Economy in the post-pandemic period?

Forging a new path definitely sounds exciting, but just the idea of starting a new chapter can seem daunting.

What you’re about to do is reinvent yourself.

You’ll have to change certain aspects about yourself or bring forth those aspects that have been hidden from others. You don’t know how people will react and that creates a bit of discomfort.

One example close to home is that of my corporate professional sister who also used to write poetry in her teenage years.

People identify her with her professional career but there is a side to her that needed expressing. We first started with a poetry website for her and then moved into publishing her Kindle ebooks in a series.

They were well received and after a while she started sharing her poetry on LinkedIn too. The next step is printing her poetry books.

That was a major step. In a way, she has reinvented herself, allowing others to discover a previously hidden facet of her personality. It is the poet in her.

Was it daunting? Of course, it was but the rewards were well worth the discomfort.

Modifying our outlook on life can be truly liberating and worth the journey to self-actualization. It requires the willingness to adapt to change.

There are steps to be followed and that’s what we’re exploring in this post.

Identify Your Whys and Change Your Life

Nike’s slogan “Just Do It” has become part of our normal lives. It’s inspiring.

No more excuses, no more talk, no more planning, no more second guessing… “Just Do It.”

Maybe that’s just what you needed to hear. Maybe it can give you that push or that nudge you needed to accomplish your goals.

But there is something that this slogan does not fully capture: What about the why?

Why should I “Just Do It”? What’s the reason for doing it? Do I even want to do it?

In life, you can “Just Do It” day-in-and-day-out and not enjoy a single moment of your life. Quite possibly, you’ll miss the opportunity of engaging in a single moment of passionate, fulfilling work.

So, before you go and “Just Do It,” identify your why. This will help you enact real change in your life.

What Do You Love?

The whys in your life are directly tied to what it is you love. What you love incorporates other things like what you are passionate about, what you think is important, what you ultimately care about, and what you enjoy doing.

Your whys, or what you love, point to your motivators. Your whys take routine or mundane actions and infuse them with passion and desire. They take the things you do and put life into them.

To identify your whys, ask yourself: What is it that I love?

What Energizes You?

The whys in your life are directly related to the things that give you energy. Passion is fuel for action. Without it, you will quickly burn out.

So, what gives you energy? What are the ways you recharge your batteries after they have been fully drained? Knowing this can help you see what your energy gainers are.

Another method is to identify what areas of life seem to be effortless for you. What can you engage in for seemingly endless periods of time without much output of energy? Both of these strategies can help you identify your whys.

To identify your why, ask yourself: What gives me energy?

What’s in the Highlight Reel of your life?

The whys in your life are also directly correlated with your various accomplishments. To make a project successful, it can help to start at the end and work your way back. This approach can help when trying to identify your life’s whys.

Imagine you are near the end of your days, sitting on a porch, staring out onto the beautiful countryside. As you observe the landscape, your mind drifts back over the highlight reel of your life. What are the major scenes you want to see played back to you?

Do you imagine a few career highlights, family memories, personal relationships, charity involvement, or other activities?

What do you want to be able to reflect on when your life is near its end? Your answer to these questions will reveal what you think is important.

Create your Personal Mission Statement

Now that you have determined your why by establishing what it is you love, what gives you energy, and what you want to accomplish, put these thoughts into a personal mission statement. This is a way to take these ideas and write them down in a functional, usable format.

Your Personal Mission Statement will help guide you during times of decision making. It will remind you of the reason behind your actions. It not only captures your why, but also your what and even your when.

The next time you are in a situation where are you are going to “Just Do It,” you will be able to support that action with the full understanding of your why.

Having true passion behind your actions is a formula for pure, lasting, and impactful changes in life.

Want a Success Secret? Let Go of Bad Habits

You won’t get very far if you continue to practice old habits that keep you back instead of helping you move forward.

Reinvention can take many forms. It can be the refinement of habits or characteristics that should remain in your life but need fine-tuning.

Reinvention can also take the form of letting go. Specifically, let go of bad habits that hinder your success.

John Maxwell, an American writer in the field of Leadership, says, “I can predict the long-term outcomes of your success if you show me your daily habits.”

Habits really matter, and bad habits can cause lack of success and even failure.

Letting go of bad habits must be a top priority if you want to reinvent yourself.

But it’s not as easy as it sounds.  It isn’t as simple as “just letting go of a bad habit.”

When you let go of a bad habit, you need to replace it with a good habit. So today is the day.  No more excuses and no putting off till tomorrow.

For example, there’s one bad habit many of us have that not only affects our health but also our Executive Presence and Gravitas. Can you guess what it is?

It’s called slouching.

You have probably heard this admonition countless times throughout your life: Sit up straight and stop slouching!

Well, as unpleasant at this feedback usually is, it’s right.  Poor posture is nothing but a bad habit that has developed over time.

Slouching (which is typically defined as a forward head posture and rounded shoulders) causes poor joint alignment, especially in the neck and back.

According to the American Physical Therapy Association, poor posture of the spine can contribute to muscle tightness, loss of range of motion, and even pain.

When it comes to presence, you look frightened with your energy pulled in. Can you imagine having a team willing to follow you if you’re stooping? Leaders stand tall and so should you.

I admit it’s very difficult to just “stop slouching.” You can reinvent yourself, however, by replacing the bad habit of slouching with the good habit of setting postural reminders for yourself.

For example, if you are a desk worker, you can place a small mirror at the top of your computer screen.  When you are in the correct posture, you should see the top of your head in the mirror. Seeing this continuous visual cue as you work will remind you to correct your posture.

You can also start the habit of checking your posture each time you send an email or start up your car.

These habits ensure that you continually assess and correct your posture, thus breaking you of bad postural habits.

Next, let’s look at another obstacle on your path to reinventing yourself. It’s your fears.

Identifying and Eliminating Your Fears

You don’t need to participate in Fear Factor to be a winner.

Fear is something we all need to deal with if we want a better future for ourselves.

Ever wished you could leave your humdrum job and sit on a beach to paint instead? A junior school friend of mine recently climbed the Everest.

During my corporate world days that dream was a beach in Goa with lots of prawns and rum punch.

I’ve got other dreams now.

The thing is, every one of us has a dream and they’re all different. But one thing many of us share in common is that we bury those dreams.

At some point, we decide to take the well-travelled road and put aside our ‘childish dreams.’ We give up a bit of ourselves when we do that.

Isn’t it time to reinvent ourselves?

Think of reinvention as a re-brand. It’s something that major companies do. Coca-Cola has changed up their branding, a couple of times in recent years. Just as Richard Branson has reinvented himself over the years to become the businessman he is today.

Before Jim Carrey made his acting dreams come true, he wrote himself a massive check. He decided that if he could dream it, then he could also do it.

One of the biggest things that hold us back from truly pursuing our dreams and reinventing ourselves is fear.

That doesn’t mean that it’s too late to reinvent yourself. The first step in doing that, though, is identifying the fears that have been holding you back and eliminating them.

There are three massive fears that often hold us back.

The Fear of Failure

Nobody enjoys failure. Who on earth sets out to do less than their best and lose? The problem though, with this mindset, is that we are too scared to take risks.

There are adrenaline junkies out there who pay people to throw them out of a plane but the very idea of failure is paralyzing. Unfortunately, a lot of us really care about what others think about us. Failure is only temporary, though. You should think of it as a stepping stone towards your reinvention.

So, how do you eliminate your fear of failure?

Look to the lesson in every failure and learn how to use it to your advantage. You can better yourself through failure.

Instead of seeing it as the end of the world – start seeing it as a learning experience.

Maybe you’ll fail more than you succeed, but the more you put yourself out there the greater your chance of success.

And if you need more inspiration, then check out my post on the limiting belief called Fear of Failure.

Take a page out of inventor Willis Carrier’s story.

You’ll be glad you did.

The Wrong Mindset

I’ve had to work hard to master this one and yes, it takes time. It is easy to slip off the wagon with small triggers but one must plod on!

What is your inner voice telling you? Is it a positive force in your life? Or, is it whispering negativity in your ear and hating on your every action?

That negative voice is fuelling the wrong mindset and it’s that mindset that is keeping you tucked safely in your comfort zone.

One of the best ways to eliminate this fear is to practice overriding those negative thoughts with positive affirmations.

It’s all about drowning out that negativity and replacing it with the right mindset.

Make it a Growth Mindset.

Lack of Knowledge

Sometimes the biggest fear that holds us back is a lack of knowledge. We don’t know what to do or where to go to make our visions a reality.

The best way to deal with this fear is to find a mentor. Look for someone who works in the field that you want to be in or does the thing you want to do.

You can learn from them. If it’s a specific thing you want to reinvent about yourself, then find someone who is good at it. You can use social media to find people that are outside of your circle and build your network. Or, find a coaching program.

Better still, book a no obligation 30-minute call with me and let’s talk about how we can make your reinvention a success. The only thing I request is to be serious about our call. This is not a time pass activity. It has to be a meaningful dialogue.

Remove All That Is in Your Way

“The fastest way from point A to point B is a straight line,” the saying goes. If you want to get from where you are to where you want to be, then go directly. Sometimes this advice is easier said than done.

Oftentimes there seems to be a lot of barriers between point A and B without detours that have to be crossed before reaching your destination.

While there may be some unavoidable barriers on your path, most of the time the clutter in your way just needs to be removed.

Sweep it away, shove it to the side, and clear your path. You do not need to take the long way around. Initiate the process of reinventing yourself by removing all that things in your life that are in your way.

Don’t be afraid to let go of the ‘What ifs’

Fear can have a positive or a negative influence on you. At times, fear can motivate you positively by helping you achieve your goals. Fear can also motivate you negatively by hindering you from letting go of things that are holding you back.

If you dwell on the ‘What if’, it will put your focus on the obstacle in your way and not the goal you are moving towards. The fear associated with what if only entrenches the thing that is in your way.

Don’t be afraid to let go of the ‘what ifs’. Focus instead on what you want.

For example, rather than thinking “what if I start my own business and then get into financial trouble,” you should think, “what I want to achieve is independence in time, finances, and passion, therefore I will open my open business.”

Ask for support from others

When we are too close to a situation, we might not be able to see things clearly and need help.

This is particularly true when it comes to seeing what is truly in your way. Being able to see this may require the help of a friend, mentor, or advisor. They can often identify the things we are not able to see.

The help of a guide is particularly helpful when moving the smaller things that are in your way. Your own eyes can typically identify the larger items in your path. The smaller things can be more difficult to spot.

But lots of little items cluttering your way can slow you down just as much as one large boulder.

Be willing to do the heavy lifting

At the end of the day, moving the things that are in your way requires that you do some heavy lifting. There is going to be sweat, effort, and maybe even a little pain. But what positive or advantageous thing doesn’t require these things? There is just no way around the hard work. So, roll up your sleeves and get to it.

The fastest way from point A to point B is a straight line. To travel in a straight line, you need to remove the things that are in your way. To achieve your goals, you don’t need to take the long way around.

Reinvent yourself and take the fast route to success.

Additional Free Resource to get your reinvention story started 

Resource Mentioned in Video

Karmic Ally Coaching’s The Workaholic’s Guide to Managing Stress

Prefer to read? Here’s the transcript

Success is often seen as the ultimate goal in life. Many people spend their entire lives striving for it. However, this pursuit can include some negative consequences.

Because, in our quest for continued success, we might find ourselves turning into raging workaholics and even forget what we had started out to achieve in the first place.

In this short video, I would like you, as a professional who is on the quest for excellence and success to consider these nine reasons about whether you’re becoming obsessed with success or what.

The first one is that success isn’t very easy to define.

Even our idea of success can change based on our age or life experience. It’s a subjective concept and differs from person to person. And the ethereal aspect of success means that it can seem like an endless and frustrating pursuit because what worked earlier for us may not be our idea of success later on.

The pursuit of success can lead to burnout.

Now when you’re constantly striving for success it can impact your mental and physical health. Any obsession with success can also mean that you might prioritize success more than your own well-being.

Success might not make you happy.

Now success is often portrayed as the key to happiness, but this is not necessarily true. There is no guarantee that success will fix all your problems. In fact, there are times when people have regretted that the pursuit of success made them neglect other areas of their life which were important which went a toss.

Then, success can also lead to selfishness.

Now while success may feel great, it is balanced by the damage we did to our relationships and our reputation. Because, we are simply working in a silo, without considering other areas of our life.

Success also comes at a cost.

Success is not always synonymous with wealth. Many people have lost everything on their journey toward success. They may have made some wrong decisions or sacrificed things that really should not have been sacrificed to begin with.

It can also create complacency.

Because often what happens is when people reach a certain level of success, they stop pushing themselves towards growing and improving further.

It can also lead to temptation to do unethical or illegal behavior.

Especially if they feel that they are not achieving that same level of success that they had, it’s become an addiction. They will go out of their way to do whatever it takes which may not necessarily be a good thing. This kind of behavior can ruin your reputation, at the best, or end up having much more serious life-long consequences.  We know what happens when illegal behavior is done in the profession and you end up in jail. And that’s not a good idea, is it?

Funnily enough, success can also foster a fear of failure.

Because when we become obsessed with success, we risk developing a fear of failure. Thinking of failure is terrifying when our whole persona is wrapped up in the idea of success. And, you know, this can lead to fear of even pushing ourselves further because we’re scared.

It can also hide our purpose.

Now, when we pursue what we think we want, while what we really want slips away, that’s not going to help you. This can lead to a lack of fulfillment even if we achieve success. And many times, a lot of other things get compromised, and one has seen that in historical cases also where freedom fighters have been fighting for the freedom of their country and in the process they created problems within their own family structure or ruined their relations with their families.

One great example is that of Gandhiji and his eldest son. It’s been documented also. I’ll try to share a link with you in case you are interested in reading about it.

So what can we do?

Well, I’ve got 3 action steps.

The first one is to Practice gratitude.

And, you know when we focus on being grateful for what we already have, we tend to raise our vibrations and we tend to have a more balanced perspective of things. And in return, we tend to attract success for sure but of a kind that is of good use to us.

Secondly, I suggest you set yourself meaningful goals.

Instead of focusing on external markers of success, set yourself goals that are personally meaningful and aligned with your values.  That makes success that you do achieve much more precious.

And thirdly, cultivate healthy habits.

Because, when you’re chasing like a mad person, it can lead to burnout and neglecting your physical and mental health. In which case, I suggest always make sure that you prioritize self-care.

Now, I had mentioned becoming a workaholic in your quest for success, and I’ve got a resource that can help if you feel that you are heading into the realm of workaholicism.

And that is, Karmic Ally Coaching’s Workaholic’s Guide to Managing Stress because that will also show you what you need to do to prevent getting into situations where, you know, you might be behaving like a workaholic and how to keep your work life balance. It’s a free report and I encourage you to download it.

So, this is Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching signing off. I hope that you succeed in you quest to achieve success but you don’t turn into a mad person running after success and you avoid unnecessary pitfalls.

Additional Reading for the discerning professional

Sexual Harassment in the Workplace is a serious issue. It simply can’t be brushed under the corporate carpet. In fact, it’s a global challenge.

The Australian Financial Review detailed complaints against bullying and sexual harassment in the Big Four and catalogued the number of cases at KPMG during the period 2014 to 2019. However, most employees contacted by the paper declined to detail their cases.

The article believes this might have been due to the use of non-disclosure agreements after workplace. Other Big Four firms were also mentioned in that article.

It reminds me of a case closer to home known as the KPMG case.  A lady Chartered Accountant joined the firm in 2005 and was subjected to indecent and embarrassing acts by KPMG’s senior employees. Her employment was also terminated post her complaint.

Long story short, the perpetrators were arrested in 2007 but later released on bail and even got promoted!

It was quite sensational in the Indian financial services industry. My employers immediately set up a 3-person committee for any complaints we might have had in our firm. They went on to create policies for such complaints as well.

I’ve often wondered if the incidents I’d narrated in my post on Workplace Bullying and Harassment would have had a committee set up too. One thing is for sure, the firm acted with Emotional Intelligence.

Sexual Harassment Laws in India have come a long way since the Super Cop incident.

This is the story of an inspiring woman who decided to fight against a society where violation of dignity of women was still considered casual.

Way back in 1985 Rupan Deol Bajaj, a senior IAS officer, took Super Cop the late KPS Gill to court over a case of sexual harassment and won it. She was the first woman to do so.

The incident happened at a party when KPS Gill, came to Ms Bajaj’s seat and put up a finger on her face ordering her to come along. She told him that he was misbehaving and got up to leave at which point he slapped her posterior. Ms Bajaj was traumatized and the guests at the party were shocked.

More shocking at the time was the concerned High Court quashing her complaint which they considered a trivial offence under Section 95 of the Indian Penal Code not worthy of any prosecution.

The court found the offence unnatural and improbable. Undeterred, Ms Bajaj took the matter all the way to the Supreme Court which overturned the decision of the lower Court.

It came down to the definition of modesty. The Apex Court referred to various dictionaries. Modesty was defined as ‘womanly propriety of behaviour; scrupulous chastity of thought, speech and conduct’ and ‘decorous in manner and conduct; not forward or lewd; shamefast’.

The Supreme Court ruled that the offence of outraging the modesty of women was committed under Sections 354 and 509 of the Indian Penal Code.

This isn’t the only instance of high-profile sexual harassment cases

An article in the Business Today has curated a collection of high-profile cases which shocked the nation. India has its fair share of #MeToo cases. Fortunately, action has been taken in each case but I doubt the trauma experienced can really be compensated for.

In the years that have followed, The Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace (Prevention, Prohibition and Redressal) Act 2013 (“POSH Act”) addresses the issue of workplace sexual harassment faced by women.

The POSH Act is a must read for any professional in any industry to understand what constitutes sexual harassment in the workplace.

If you’re a manager in another country, then make yourself aware of the relevant law and your company policies dealing with such complaints.

What is sexual harassment?

It occurs whenever an employee makes a continued, unwelcome sexual advance, requests sexual favors, or uses inappropriate sexual remarks to another employee against their wishes.

Examples of sexual harassment may include:

• Unwanted jokes, gestures, offensive writing on clothing, or comments of a sexual nature
• Any kind of unwanted physical contact between employees, including scratching, hugging, or kissing
• Repeatedly asking for dates
• Sending emails that contain sexual imagery
• Watching pornography at work
• Putting sexually suggestive objects or pictures on display
• Playing sexually suggestive music

What can you, the Manager, do to prevent sexual harassment at your company?

If you’re a manager at your workplace, it’s important for you to be aware of sexual harassment and how it can affect the company’s work environment.

Here are some questions to consider.

Does your company have a sexual harassment policy in place?

 If yes, does this policy, set out what is acceptable and what is not?

It is important that all employees make themselves familiar with this policy, including how to report any sexual harassment encountered.

 Does the company have clear procedures in place to report harassment?

All employees should be comfortable to report any behavior they feel is inappropriate and makes them uncomfortable. Staff should feel safe at work and not left to feel alone while dealing with inappropriate colleagues.

In other words, don’t leave it to the company to implement the relevant policies and procedures. Your input is valuable.

Even more valuable is adopting strategies to ensure that you are part of the solution and not ignoring the problem. That’s what a manager with high emotional intelligence does.

7 Strategies an Emotionally Intelligent Manager uses

Incorporate harassment training in your workplace. Have regular training with annual refresher courses. There are online courses available that can help deal with harassment in the workplace.

Raise awareness of sexual harassment. One of the most effective ways to prevent harassment from occurring in the first place is to make people aware of it. Once people understand what can be interpreted as harassment, they’ll be able to avoid it.

Incorporate staff welfare into review meetings. These are usually used to review an employee’s performance, but they can also be an opportunity to review the company. Allow your colleagues to voice any concerns that they may have, either with the company as a whole or with one particular colleague.

Deal with allegations of sexual harassment immediately. Failure to act could allow the problem to get worse. This toxic environment will make your employees uncomfortable.

Use the tips in the free report Having Tough Conversations to come across firm but genuine.

Have a person in place dedicated to dealing with harassment. This can be difficult in smaller companies with employees having to juggle numerous roles. In larger companies, a dedicated HR person who deals with sexual harassment issues can make the employees feel more secure.

Have a zero-tolerance policy towards sexual harassment. Make it clear to all employees and colleagues that any form of sexual harassment will not be tolerated. It does not matter what role the person performing the sexual harassment has in the company, any cases will be dealt with immediately.

Do not laugh at or encourage inappropriate jokes. While it’s important that we all enjoy ourselves at work, it’s also important that we all understand that not everyone has the same sense of humor. Sometimes things said can be offensive rather than funny to some. Keep this point in mind, even in jokes.

Since sexual harassment can happen at any level of the organization, you need to look out for yourself too.

If you believe that you’re being sexually harassed at work, it’s important that you complain to someone in authority there.

By doing this, you will ensure that your employer is able to take action and you can go back to work without having to deal with disrespectful colleagues.

Have you ever experienced sexual or other kinds of harassment in the workplace? What steps did you take to stop the perpetrator from hurting you or others?

Gender Parity in the workplace isn’t a new topic. It’s a global issue that’s become even more visible in the post-pandemic world.

Prime Minister Narendra Modi spoke about it in his Independence Day speech in 2022. He reiterated the point about his vision for more women in the workplace. This is a sign that the disparity has been noticed.

In fact, at 25%, India has among the lowest female labour force participation (LPR) rates among its emerging market peers.

Another study highlights the significant pay difference between males and females who are engaged in similar kinds of jobs.

That study also states that the low female LFPR can be attributed to various factors like obligations towards the performance of domestic duties, conservative social norms, and lack of flexible work models.

It is also observed that household constraints trump financial need and individual preferences for job choice among women.

There can also be employer gender bias

I recall being invited for a job interview at a German multi-national for a senior finance position. My interviewer made it a point to talk about marital status. He told me they didn’t hire women engineers at entry level because these professionals tended to quit after getting married.

I doubt this company could have done that in Germany but this conversation has stayed in my mind for its lack of political correctness.

The world has changed a lot in the last 17 years. This company now states its commitment to Diversity, Equity and Inclusion. I’m sure it also recognizes the issue as a leadership challenge.

COVID-19 Pandemic severely exacerbated existing gendered barriers, widened India’s gender gap in the workforce, and affected (overwhelmingly female) caregivers and frontline workers.

Survey Findings of Impact of Pandemic on Women in July 2021 revealed that women made up just 24% of those working before the pandemic. Yet they accounted for 28% of all those who lost their jobs. Women also constitute 43% of those who are yet to recover their paid work.

Now with Modi taking a stand for women, there is hope because we continue to see his commitment to the cause even in 2024.

The COVID-19 and post-pandemic hybrid work models could become game-changers for many women – offering flexible and more innovative work options with increasingly empathetic work cultures.

Such new work models may improve gender diversity at work, in traditional organizations as well as in the gig economy.

Women face challenges in the workplace globally

This issue is not isolated to only Third World countries or emerging markets.

The problems exist in other countries too, as recorded by PWC in their report Women in Work 2021 which reviewed the impact of COVID-19 on women in work.

The recommendations in that report about policy responses to support economic recovery from COVID-19 need to specifically address the impacts of the pandemic on women.

According to the latest Women in the Workplace Study by McKinsey & Company in 2021, women are more burned out now than they were a year earlier.

It’s a matter of concern that as a result of the pandemic, one in three women has considered leaving the workforce or down shifting their career. This is a significant increase from the one in four in the first few months of the pandemic.

Additionally, 4 in 10 women have considered leaving their company or switching jobs—and high employee turnover in recent months suggests that many of them are following through.

Update February 2024 – Proposed World Bank Gender Strategy.

The formal consultation process on the draft Gender Strategy 2024-30 is closed. A new strategy will be formally launched in 2024.

As their brief affirms, Gender Equality is an urgent imperative.

The brief recognizes the fundamental human right of gender equality for all people, a matter of fairness and justice. It is a foundation for a peaceful and prosperous world and essential for development.

It also acknowledges that achieving gender equality is uniquely challenging and complex.

The WB Gender Strategy 2024-30 proposes a focus on innovation, financing, and collective action to end gender-based violence, elevate human capital, expand and enable economic opportunities, and engage women as leaders.

How can women help improve this situation?

While the policy makers and industry figure out a viable solution, women can do their bit and more.

In my post on champions and sponsors for women in the workplace, I shared quite a few stories where champions had helped raise the profile of women professionals mentoring them to achieve their potential.

In the post-pandemic world, women can support other female co-workers at work.

This is one way to protect gender equity and help women deal with growing challenges.

Many female employees are facing financial insecurity, along with increased burdens on parents and caregivers.

Without additional resources, it’s easy to burn out.

Try these practical strategies for bonding and collaborating with other women.

Cultivate Relationships

A study by Harvard Business Review found that both male and female executives were likely to have a diverse network of well-connected peers.

However, women seeking greater authority and higher pay also needed an inner circle of close female contacts.

Use your skill of Emotional Intelligence to create a difference.

Keep these strategies in mind:

1. Focus on giving. Professional networks and personal friendships depend on helping others. Reach out and share your time and expertise. Perform random acts of kindness and build mutual support.
2. Be selective. The quality of your friendships matters more than the quantity. Find other women who share your values and interests. Move on if someone consistently turns down your invitations to get together or fails to respect your boundaries.
3. Pace yourself. Healthy reciprocal relationships take time to blossom. Be patient. Get to know each other gradually.
4. Have fun. Friends see each other outside of the office and talk about stuff besides spreadsheets and coding. Host parties and organize outings.

Encourage Work-Life Balance

Women continue to bear responsibility for the majority of work at home. The American Psychological Association warns that this causes stress and other health issues and lowers productivity.

Try these techniques to enhance work-life balance:

1. Suggest flexible hours. One upside of the pandemic has been a big increase in the opportunities for remote work. Maybe supervisors at your company are willing to experiment with alternative schedules as long as employees complete their responsibilities.
2. Examine benefits. Let your employer know what perks matter to you and other women in your office. Maybe you’d rather have gym memberships instead of bean bag chairs and coffee machines.
3. Review workloads. Are your performance reviews based on realistic expectations? Discuss the situation with your colleagues to see if adjustments are needed.
4. Take time off. Research shows that excessive overtime and unused vacation days actually lower productivity. Set an example by leaving the office at a reasonable hour. Take advantage of your annual leave.

Develop Leadership Skills

Women at the top are struggling too. The McKinsey report also describes Onlys: women who are the only or one of the only women at their level in the workplace.

They’re more likely to feel pressure to work more and face a variety of microaggressions.

These strategies can help:

1. Support mentoring. Depending on what stage your career is at, you can look for a mentor or become one yourself. You might even do both. These relationships provide guidance and build community.
2. Advocate for others. Unfortunately, there’s some truth in The Devil Wears Prada kind of stereotypes. Even if your company culture tolerates bullying other women, break the cycle. Have the courage and compassion to provide constructive feedback. Help other women advance in their careers.
3. Network with women. Join a professional group for women or start one of your own. Mingle with other women when you attend conferences and follow up with interesting acquaintances.
4. Make referrals. One of the most effective ways to help other women is to make introductions and referrals. Bring others together to find new partners, clients, and friends.

One woman’s success can benefit others too. It’s up to you to do your bit to create an environment that maximizes and celebrates each other’s accomplishments.

Whenever people use the word ‘struggle’ to describe their situation, I tell them to rephrase it and think of it as challenges.

This word makes me think of a fish out of water. Now that’s real struggle, survival for life.

In contrast a challenge is something where you still have power to do something about it. Instead of procrastinating, you can take action. Any action will do as long as you are making a move to overcome the challenge.

The best example I can think of is Viktor E. Frankl, whose book Man’s Search for Meaning is among the most influential works of psychiatric literature since Freud.

This must read book begins with a lengthy, austere, and deeply moving personal essay about Frankl’s imprisonment in Auschwitz and other concentration camps for 5 years, and his struggle during this time to find reasons to live.

Frankl believed that man’s deepest desire is to search for meaning and purpose.

If he could find meaning and survive the challenge of staying alive, then why can’t we?

Are you living life or thinking in ‘someday I will’ terms?

If I were to count a dollar for each time I’ve heard people wanting to do big things or make a difference I’d have a very big bank balance!

Sadly they balk at the thought of taking that decisive or inspired action and stay in struggle mode.

That’s a sign putting off living. Instead of accepting their Call to Adventure, they stay safe in their comfort zones and watch the world pass by their windows.

It’s okay to dream about how green the grass is on the other side, but what about exploring to determine whether that’s the case?

Or attempting to fertilize their grass or make it greener?

Are you struggling right now?

Without the tough fieldwork, there can be no harvest. Then why think of it in terms of struggle?

A few years back I was at the wedding of a friend’s daughter. I ran into one of her friends who had become a model after winning a beauty pageant. She said she wasn’t doing as well as she had thought she would.

My friend told me the girl had to struggle to be successful. I beg to differ. Work hard? Yes.

Go after opportunities to get a foothold in a highly competitive industry? Yes.

But it doesn’t mean you have to struggle so much!

View the world with the right lens and embrace any struggle as part of the process to success. We can find fulfilment in life’s difficult challenges.

Many incredible people have struggled and managed to overcome it to succeed and find happiness. They’ve accepted struggle as being part of the process to the final goal of success.

Believe it or not, you’ve got everything necessary to do so in your toolkit. It’s time that you discovered them for yourself to struggle less and succeed more.

5 Ways to stop struggling for Success

1. Know when it’s time to Let Go

The first step is to stop holding onto what you need to let go of or what no longer serves you.

Whether that is a job, a person, a thing, a painful memory or even the person you view yourself as.

If something is simply fueling pain and robbing you of fulfilment, why are you holding on?

In order for better things to enter your life, you need to make space for it. Honor and value yourself enough to know when to walk away.

2. Don’t measure success by material possessions

We all want certain material items. Some may be aspirational and others that fulfil our Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. However, that’s not the measure of a life well-lived.

The true measure of a life well-lived is that it is filled with love, compassion, and kindness. It’s finding fulfillment.

You will be on the receiving end of what you want because you fill your life with positivity. All of those little things add up to bigger things. Make a habit of finding the positive in your day.

3. Be Who You Are

When you wake up in the morning, you have the choice to be the person you want to be. If you’re struggling to become who you’d like to be, it’s probably because you’ve been sucked into the habit of being someone else.

Take the bull by the horns and start acting like the person you want to be. You can learn more about yourself when you surround yourself with positive people who lift you up.

4. Don’t Make It Harder Than Necessary

We are all guilty of making life too complicated. Success is hard to achieve because it requires you to overcome struggle and sometimes challenges. That’s a fact.

However, sometimes we make life far too difficult for ourselves. It makes life seem like an endless struggle when it doesn’t have to be.

Start with the small things – follow through when you give your word, eat well, be on time, act with integrity. It doesn’t have to be difficult, don’t make it harder than necessary.

5. Struggle Less – Your Life’s Blueprint

Once you know what success truly means to you, it’s up to you to make choices daily that will lead you in the correct direction.

Humans are creatures of habit, the actions you take and the choices you make form your blueprint for life.

Focus on what matters to you, and success is inevitable. If you make a mistake, don’t sweat it – every day offers you a new opportunity.

These tips will help you develop the right mindset but you may still experience anxiety until you’ve transformed you way of viewing life and taking the right actions.

Changes don’t happen overnight and habits need to be developed with positive reinforcement.

Coping With the Anxiety That Struggle Brings

The biggest fallout of struggle is that it brings anxiety with it. The extent of anxiety depends on how fertile your imagination is or the strength of your Inner Critic.

In such a scenario, it’s easy to withdraw when you feel like this. You shun social interactions and you question the world at large.

It’s easy to slip into a rut. You may feel inadequate, as though your actions and behaviors have caused this trouble.

In truth, you aren’t necessarily responsible for the struggles that life throws at you.

However, you are responsible for how to deal with the struggles that life throws at you. In addition to learning how to overcome struggle, you must also learn to cope with the anxiety that follows.

Diffuse anxiety and fear with journaling or just write it out

Writing might seem like a cliché, but it’s powerful. It’s a powerful way to process your thoughts and feelings and to get everything out in a journal. It really does make you feel better.

Writing can also help you gain perspective about the situation that you’re in. It isn’t easy to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Yet, when you write it out you have a chance to read back and really think about things.

With writing comes clarity and often, anxiety and struggle cloud focus and clarity. It can be difficult to see the situation from other perspectives when you’re trying to look at it through a haze.

Talk about it

Purge fearful thoughts and feelings by talking them out with someone you trust. There is power in talking about the struggle and anxiety that you are experiencing.

As you talk about your struggles, you process the underlying emotions that come along with them and feel cleansed by the time you‘re done – like you have purged all of the negativity from your system.

Choose a professional, a support group or a close friend.

A therapist is a professional specializing in anxiety disorders and can offer an unbiased ear.

A support group will offer you a group of people who are experiencing similar issues. You might be surprised by how powerful it can be to discuss struggle and anxiety with people walking through the same storm.

Likewise, chatting with a friend about what’s going on in your like can relieve a bit of the anxiety you may be dealing with. Struggle is frustrating. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by life, seeking out your social network can be beneficial.

Choose your conversation partner carefully. Avoid confiding in people that are overly negative, closed-minded, or judgmental.

Instead, select someone with a lot of life experience, is generally successful and well-balanced in their own life, and would be supportive and encouraging in their approach to your problem.

These are the people who might be able to provide solid objective insights that you may have missed because you were too emotionally involved in the situation.

Practice Meditation

It’s the answer to (almost) everything. Meditation comes with so many benefits, that it should come as no surprise that it can help you deal with anxiety. There is a multitude of ways that meditation can relieve anxiety, and according to the Eco-Institute, there are at least 11.

Humans think between 60 and 80,000 thoughts daily… imagine how those thoughts fuel anxiety when you’re dealing with struggle?

Your thoughts take a turn to the negative when you’re dealing with anxiety and exacerbate the issue. Meditation helps you focus your mind and purge those negative thoughts, whilst also quieting your mind.

Learn to Cope With Struggle

It’s causing you anxiety, but what can you do with the root cause of the problem? Address your struggles!

Struggle is a natural aspect of life, it’s going to happen whether you take proactive steps to prevent it or not. You can’t just stop it. You will be a stronger, more successful person when you learn how to cope with struggle by overcoming it.

Re-frame how you view struggle – it’s simply a challenge for you to overcome. It’s not the obstacle that will serve as your downfall, it’s merely a hurdle for you to hop after some intense training. Changing your mindset on struggle will help you cope with the anxiety that is sure to come with it.

You can achieve what you want, and you can succeed more while struggling less. ‘

Struggle will never go away, it’s a natural part of life. It’s important you don’t lose hope as you walk the path of life. There is enough happiness to go around. If you believe in yourself, then you can do whatever you want.

For those visitors who are new to Karmic Ally Coaching’s blog, Miss Coco is my beloved fur baby who passed away on 5^th January 2021. She continues to motivate and inspire me.

This post is a little different from my normal posting how to, educational and professional development posts.

Yet, Miss Coco is integral to my business blog. She was my Muse for my early blog posts and has appeared from time to time in different posts including one on empathy.

Losing her 18 days after a contractor used a drill meant only for demolishing buildings or roads inside our apartment building creating noise at high decibel levels that led to the first of many seizures and later loss of life will always be a personal tragedy for me.

Despite my efforts, I couldn’t get her justice and that has been painful.

That’s when close friends and well-wishers suggested I write about her and when I was ready to put pen to paper, the words started to flow.

When I found it difficult to write, I recorded my memories and edited the transcripts.

7 months later, I published Miss Coco: The story of a Princess Pup who changed my life forever on Amazon.

This Kindle ebook is a labour of love with no plans to commercialize it and no marketing plan.

I was thrilled to find it started to rank in the Hot New Releases category both in Amazon USA and Amazon India.

Click here to visit Amazon India

Background to Miss Coco’s Kindle ebook

This is the story of my beloved Miss Coco Chanel Shukla, who was my friend, companion, pet kid and a lot more than I can articulate.

She was, as my mother lovingly called her, a Princess Pup.

Miss Coco was a gift to my mother when the last of our miniature brown dachshunds, Bruno passed away 5 months short of his 18^th birthday leaving a void that was unbearable.

It’s another thing that Miss Coco and I forged a deep bond quite similar to that of a mother and her child. My mother became more of a grandmother to this delightful little dog whose passion for life, strong willpower, headstrong in the most lovable way.

Her deep compassion for humans and animals alike has left an indelible mark on my soul.

We were lucky Bruno lived as long as he did because he was our emotional support system after we lost my father. When he died after an aneurysm, it was a double loss for us.

He had buffered my father’s death for us and suddenly it was just Mummy and me and no Bruno.

The arrival of Miss Coco was a blessing and she carved her own special place in our home and our hearts.

If Bruno had helped us cope with our grief, then Coco was the furry pet child who showed us how to move forward.

Losing her the way we did hurts. All I ever wanted was for her to have a happy old age.

That didn’t happen as this book will tell you. I want the world to know what a special dog she was . Especially how she reached out from beyond the veil to help me in my grieving process.

This book is my humble tribute to a furry family member who gave me many happy memories before becoming a memory.

The Princess Pup becomes a Celebrity Pup!

Miss Coco was already a celebrity having appeared in Dogs & Pups magazine numerous times including an article.

Her celebrity status was given the final stamp when Cindy Kochis of Pen to Paper Press invited me to do a podcast interview. We spoke about Miss Coco, the book and a lot more about writing a book.

I am grateful to Cindy for giving me this opportunity.

I invite you to listen in to Episode #043 titled The Best-Selling Author and the Princess Pup below or at the Pen to Paper Press website.

Who on earth would have thought a blog post written for Blog Action Day in 2013 would become a living post?

Not I for sure and yet, once again I find myself updating it today in the hope that along with Nirbhaya’s parents and my country people, we will get closure on January 22^nd at 7am when the 4 convicts sentenced to death in the Nirbhaya case will finally hang.

My eyes were glued to the television set on 7th January 2020 as I waited along with many to know if the death warrant had finally been issued. My wait didn’t disappoint.

I’m not a great fan of capital punishment but what happened on December 16^th 2012 shook me completely as this heinous crime really is ‘rarest of rare’.

I won’t rant about why it has taken us 7 years to reach this day despite the conviction happening within 9 months of the case being filed.

Or think about the convict lawyers who found loophole after loophole to delay the execution until it would pass the point in time when the sentence would get commuted to life imprisonment. .

For now, I complete my own journey of keeping this particular post alive for 7 years and pray for closure.

Nirbhaya Blog Post update: May 5^th 2017

When I first wrote this post as a participant of Blog Action Day in 2013, the Nirbhaya case was fresh in public memory and the incident had created public outcry that led to many laws being reformed.

Who would have thought that outing to PVR Saket to see the early evening show of Life of Pi would lead to a tragedy that would shake the conscience of the country?

I followed the story through the years, updating my blog post for major events and four and a half years later, am delighted to share that today, the Supreme Court of India has upheld the death sentence of the 4 convicts, describing the crime as a story of a different world.

They described the incident as one that sent all of us into a tsunami of shock.

That is true.

Today the Supreme Court has upheld the verdicts of the Trial Court and High Court.

The verdict was pronounced to loud applause in court, in the presence of the parents of the woman who came to be known as “Nirbhaya” or Fearless, while her mother wept silently.

The journey isn’t over yet. The convicts still have the option of appealing twice against the Supreme Court ruling and also a presidential pardon. But we’re on the home run stretch now. RIP Nirbhaya.

The story of Nirbhaya that shook the conscience of a country

It is amazing how one’s memory gets jogged by incidents that appear to be unrelated on the surface but have some connection in the sub-conscious mind. One such incident relates to December 16^th, 2012, an incident that shook the conscience of Indians to the core – Nirbhaya’s case.

Many years ago, when I was still a part of the corporate world, the company where I worked was instructed by the global executive office to increase the representation of women in the higher echelons of management.

To inspire lady professionals to become ambitious and aim for higher positions, a special dinner party was held to facilitate a delegation of lady partners from the USA office. They shared stories of how they overcame hurdles and barriers and rose to the top.

Apart from one of the speakers the rest had hard time stories to share. I noticed a common theme, each time, there was a man who believed in their potential and treated them as an equal rather than as a female. It was not so much a story of their potential but the role that the mindset of their male mentor.

Now I had a disturbing morning that day when our domestic help came to work in a battered state.  I wanted to take her to the police to lodge a complaint against her husband.

She refused saying that a violent husband was better than no husband as she would become fair game to the goon element in her locality. There was some talk about social stigma and I left for work very disturbed about her husband’s mindset and the woman’s own reluctance to seek assistance.

So when the Q & A time came around, I could not help myself and pointed out that the ladies in the room came from privileged backgrounds and could afford the luxury of talking about potential and achieving The Dream.

I agreed that women needed to achieve their potential, but asked why this dream depended upon the male mindset?

I pointed out that in  India,  for many, women’s rights was still an issue of Fundamental Human Rights, not just the rights of a group of ladies sitting in a 5 star hotel drinking wine and discussing how to break a glass ceiling.

That attitudes towards women had to change, even in developed countries and then quoted some statistics (yes, I do read the papers!)

The male mindset needed to change. They needed to accept that it is a woman who carries them for 9 months and goes through labor to bring them into the world and then holds their hand through the early part of their formative years.

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. The collective consciousness has to accept that women have every right to go out and work and fulfill their potential both within the home and in the workplace.

Needless to say, there was a deathly silence. I had spoken my truth and much later, one of the partners and a few other colleagues came up to say that they agreed with me but did not dare to acknowledge my truth to preserve their potential, they had not thought of it as a Human Rights issue.

I am confident they would now be thinking of what I had said in a different light.

So what does the memory of a lavish party of corporate women have to do with December 16^th, 2012?

Well, I realized, to my horror, that a young lady professional on the threshold of a career could be gang-raped and submitted to atrocities in a moving bus which passed through police check posts but was not stopped.

Despite complaints of a theft by a previous passenger in that bus just a short while before the incident that rocked the collective conscience of a nation.

Some men wanted to celebrate a birthday and she became fair game because she resisted. She had gone to see an early evening movie show with a male friend. Her dress was NOT provocative by Indian standards.

Her male companion had his legs broken, she had her intestines, uterus and other parts pulled out and they were left for dead on the road. Did she ‘ask’ for it? The provocation was that she bit one of her assailants in self-defense and she had to be taught a “lesson”.

The young lady died 13 days later in Singapore where the government had flown her for an organ transplant. She came to be known as Nirbhaya (The Fearless One).  Many things happened in the aftermath of her brutal rape.

Not all men are animals, not all men need to change their mindset. The population – young and old, male and female took to the streets in protest. They faced water cannons, police lathi charges and courted arrest.

They demonstrated outrage on behalf of a young girl whose name was not known, who had no face. Their voice was heard in Parliament.

The protests were not just held in Delhi, but nationwide and in many other countries, including Nepal, Sri Lanka, Pakistan, Bangladesh and France.

The inmates in Tihar Jail beat up the adult perpetrators. Imagine how strong the outrage was! One of the accused allegedly committed suicide in March this year, another was classified a juvenile. The recent judgment in the case found all of them guilty.

The rarest of the rare cases, death by hanging was the sentence for the adults – the juvenile got the maximum imprisonment and will be free to walk the streets in a year or so.

The story of Nirbhaya is one where a father dreamed that his daughter was entitled to a good education.  He encouraged her in her quest for financial freedom and an identity of her own.

Coming from a small village in the Ballia district in Uttar Pradesh, he works as a loader for a private company at the airport. He sold his agricultural land to finance her education. Nirbhaya, a physiotherapy intern, supported her education by giving tuitions.  No doubt there was no mindset issue here.

Her friend, a software engineer, testified in court. He wanted justice for his friend. There was no mindset issue here.

The people of India who raised their voices and came out onto the streets were of both genders. There was no mindset issue here. We all felt the pain; we were all outraged that such a heinous crime could take place in a civilized society.

Some good, if any did come out of this tragedy.

Help lines were established for women, which were clogged within minutes of the numbers becoming effective. Rape cases will be heard in fast track courts. Important laws were amended.

A Criminal Law (Amendment) Act, 2013  came into force from 3 April 2013 amended and included new sections to  the Indian Penal Code, 1860, the Code of Criminal Procedure, 1973, the Indian Evidence Act, 1872 and the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act, 2012.

This new Act expressly recognized certain acts as offences which were dealt under related laws. These new offences included acid attack, sexual harassment, voyeurism, stalking now incorporated into the Indian Penal Code.

The most important change that has been made is the change in definition of rape under The Indian Penal Code. The word rape has been replaced with sexual assault in Section 375, and has added penetrations other than penile penetration an offence. The section has also clarified that penetration means “penetration to any extent”, and lack of physical resistance is immaterial for constituting an offence. Except in certain aggravated situation the punishment will be imprisonment not less than seven years but which may extend to imprisonment for life, and shall also be liable to fine. In aggravated situations, punishment will be rigorous imprisonment for a term which shall not be less than ten years but which may extend to imprisonment for life, and shall also be liable to fine.

A new section, 376A has been added which states that if a person committing the offence of sexual assault, “inflicts an injury which causes the death of the person or causes the person to be in a persistent vegetative state, shall be punished with rigorous imprisonment for a term which shall not be less than twenty years, but which may extend to imprisonment for life, which shall mean the remainder of that person’s natural life, or with death.”

In case of “gang rape “, persons involved regardless of their gender shall be punished with rigorous imprisonment for a term which shall not be less than twenty years, but which may extend to life and shall pay compensation to the victim that shall be reasonable to meet the medical expenses and rehabilitation of the victim. The age of consent in India has been increased to 18 years, which means any sexual activity irrespective of presence of consent with a woman below the age of 18 will constitute statutory rape.

Certain changes has been introduced in the CrPC and Evidence Act, like the recording of statement of the victim, more friendly and easy, character of the victim is irrelevant, presumption of no consent where sexual intercourse is proved and the victim states in the court that there has been no consent, etc.

Yet it leaves some unanswered questions in our minds. For starters, did it really need the sacrifice of Nirbhaya when there have been other brutal cases like the Shanbagh case where the victim continues to be in a vegetative state and cannot receive euthanasia or mercy killing because it is not allowed under the laws of the country?

There were celebrations when the death sentence was announced. Yet one witnessed a defense lawyer speak in derogatory terms about women. Was he suffering from the Stockholm syndrome or what? He seemed to condone the conduct of his clients. Je protest!

While the law has been amended, it can only do justice to Nirbhaya and the unknown Nirbhayas’ if it is implemented and executed effectively. This is not a case of silencing the lambs by saving one lamb.

It makes me wonder; will executing the criminals bring back Nirbhaya or make a dent in India’s rape crisis? Would making the death penalty in rape cases make it safer for women in India?

One of the perpetrators of the diabolical crime, and indeed the one who was most brutal was the juvenile who will walk free in less than 2 years. Interestingly, in another recent case involving a journalist, 2 of the perpetrators have claimed to be juveniles.

So should we make amendments to the juvenile law and treat them as adults in gang rape cases? How many more perpetrators will declare themselves juveniles and escape hard punishment with a maximum sentence of 3 years?

In a recent news report that I read, last year, there were 24,923 cases of rape reported in India, according to the government’s official statistics. But the actual figure is believed to be far higher with experts saying women are reluctant to file complaints for fear of social stigma in the socially conservative nation. Such was the case of our domestic help.

In the same report, Kavita Krishnan of the All India Progressive Women’s Association is quoted as saying that the punishment would hardly go to serve as a deterrent. She points out that in the same court; there were acquittals in 20 out of 23 rape cases. Potential rapists can see how remote their chances of conviction are, leave alone the punishment.

So where does that leave us?

The death penalty is, I feel, still appropriate for the rarest of rare cases but there are deeper issues to be dealt with, and not reduce the law to an eye for an eye scenario. Instead of retributive punishment, we need to take constructive steps into the future.

Perhaps the need of the hour is to stop rape and that means undertaking an extensive public education campaign to change the mindsets of those who still do not respect the basic human rights of a woman – to have dignity of self and person. We need to educate mothers that their girl child has the right to live with dignity; to remind them that a rape victim is a woman, so is a mother, a wife, a daughter or a sister. Only then will they instill respect for women in their sons during their formative years. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

We need to stop acting like ostriches that keep their head in the sand and instead accept and tackle deep-rooted social problems. The girl child should be given her right to existence. In one State, the government of that State has a scheme which encourages parents to keep the girl child and educate her with incentives. It has made an impact in female infanticide rate for that State.

Likewise, we need to bring about institutional reforms that change the mindset of those people who can attack other Nirbhayas and think it is their right as men.

We need to imbibe the mindset of Raja Ram Mohan Roy to uplift women and embed institutional reforms.

That first step was taken by the Indian people in the wake of the Nirbhaya case. Now is the time to follow up and bring about the required reforms so that we do not have to take to the streets again to get justice for another faceless Nirbhaya. Only then will Nirbhaya’s sacrifice not go in vain.

And I ask again, Nirbhaya, when did we forget that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world?

Update: This post was originally written as a contribution for Blog Action Day 2013 and has been updated on 16 December 2015 on the 3rd anniversary of the incident that shook Indian Society to the core. RIP Jyoti ‘Nirbhaya’ Singh.

Update 16 December 2015 – Nirbhaya Case

Following the incident the government set up the Nirbhaya Fund to address violence against women. The Fund is administered by the Department of Economic Affairs of the finance ministry.

One of the accused, Ram Singh committed suicide in his jail cell hours before he was supposed to appear in court while the other perpetrators of the heinous crime were found guilty and have appeals against their death sentence going through the process of the courts. There have been protests to prevent the juvenile who perpetrated the most brutal assault on Nirbhaya that night from being released on December 20, 2015 because he is considered to be beyond rehabilitation. The others have their appeals against death row pending in the higher courts.

India’s Daughter, a documentary film on the subject, directed and produced by Leslee Udwin as part of the BBC’s ongoing Storyville series was scheduled to be broadcast on International Women’s Day in India on NDTV’s 24×7 channel and in the UK on BBC Four.

It was later revealed that the filmmakers had paid and interviewed one of the rapists while he was incarcerated in Tihar Jail where he states in a sotto voce tone that the victim ‘had asked for it (to be raped). There were violation of rules governing access to prisoners ’and the broadcast was blocked by the Indian government via a court order on 4 March 2014.

BBC complied but moved the transmission forward to March 4 and showed it in the UK. The film, which has generated a lot of controversy in India and internationally was also uploaded on You Tube and went viral when the Indian government directed You Tube to block the video in India and You Tube complied.

Of interest:

Deception, Lies Behind Making of India’s Daughter

Supreme Court upholds death sentence verdict

Photo Credit: Hand in Chains by George Hodan