Every struggle you experience only makes you stronger, resilient and forms part of your inevitable success story.

I’m able to say this with conviction because whenever I’ve experienced a situation where I’ve had to struggle, I’ve emerged stronger, more empowered and in a position to guide others who are on that path.

In my post ‘Want that promotion? Better raise your Executive Presence’, I shared about how I raised my Executive Presence and Gravitas but there is another part of the story that I hadn’t shared.

The story of feeling confused, hurt, upset and even angry that I had been denied a promotion and pay increase because of that lady Manager. The fact that I had 6 months to prove myself worthy of that promotion hurt.

My colleagues knew it was unfair but only one of them, Diana, had the courage to speak up and tell me what I needed to hear.

She acknowledged the unfairness of the situation and told me that in later years I would be grateful that this setback had happened early in my career when I could learn the lessons and use them later unlike others who might have a smooth sail early in their career and then get hit by a similar situation.

Diana told me to take it in my stride and show everyone what I was really all about.

Bless her heart because I took on the secondment to the Insolvency Department with the right attitude. Even though I struggled in the start, by the time I left, I knew I was a stronger professional and achieved a lot more in my career at a young age.

She was right of course. When the recession started shortly after we all qualified as Chartered Accountants, quite a few of my colleagues and friends in the profession were given the pink slip as they walked into the office one morning and escorted out.

They went through the same emotional upheaval I had earlier. I gave them the same advice Diana had given me because it worked. Mindset is crucial to handle both failure and success.

Now ask yourself, if you always got what you wanted without needing to struggle or do hard work, what kind of person would you be?

Imagine what type of a person you would be if everything came to you without a single setback, with no failure or pain?

The honest answer?

You’d be a weak person lacking resilience. When faced with a trial or tough situation, you would be completely unable to handle it appropriately.

Without overcoming the negative opinions everyone else offers, without overcoming those failures, and dealing with obstacles, you would crumble like a house of cards.

When we talk about success, we’re not talking about the result but rather the process to success.

Buying the latest smartphone isn’t indicative of your success. Purchasing a rooftop apartment in a tony location isn’t success. Even being awarded Employee of the Month or Year isn’t success. What it means is that you are succeeding.

Success is a mental transformation. It is the process of leaving behind your mentally fragile self to embrace your mental strength.

As you struggle, the obstacles and failures you walk through will harden your mind, preparing you to achieve your rewards.

I’m reminded of the story of the man who wanted to be kind to a butterfly that was starting to hatch from its cocoon.

He watched the butterfly for hours as it struggled to force itself through a tiny hole. Then, it suddenly stopped making progress and looked like it was stuck.

Wanting to help the butterfly out, he took a pair of scissors and cut off the remaining bit of cocoon and the butterfly emerged easily although it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man thought nothing of it, and he sat there waiting for the wings to enlarge to support the butterfly.

However, that never happened. The butterfly spent the rest of its life unable to fly, crawling around with small wings and a swollen body.

What this well-meaning man hadn’t realized was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle needed by the butterfly to get itself through the small hole were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings to prepare itself for flying once it was free.

The struggle was required in the process to achieve success.

While this is a moral story, one keeps reading about the stories of lottery winners who are unable to mentally cope with the large sums of money they win overnight and end up wasting it.

They waste it all. Often, coming out on the other side with less than they had before they experienced the big win. This is fairly common for any person who comes into a large sum of money. How can you know how to handle that much money? It’s a process, not the result.

If you don’t go through struggle, then you have never gone through something that will strengthen you, leaving you weak. Without struggle, you can’t grow. Without resistance, how will you develop strength?

It’s impossible to get what you really want if you aren’t challenging yourself. If you aren’t willing to deal with the pain of growth, then it means you’ve chosen mediocrity. You aren’t really hungry enough to strive for your dreams and wants.

So how desperately do you want to achieve your dream career or life?

If you’re so desperate to achieve it, then you will accept the struggle, you will embrace the pain. Those are the sacrifices necessary to get you where you want to go. Everything comes with a price, and the price of success is struggle.

When you accept pain and struggle as part of the process, then struggle will be your ally as you become a stronger person and your soul evolves. It’s difficult to appreciate the great things in your life when you don’t experience struggle and disappointment.

Struggle forms part of your story because struggle is what has made you who you are today. Think about it. If you could go back and change mistakes and failures, would you?

Your initial response might be yes. Think about it a little deeper, all of your mistakes have led you to this point. If you didn’t make them, who knows where you would be.

No matter how difficult life can be, you’re in a pretty great spot, aren’t you? You are if you take a look around you and choose gratitude.

People love the underdog, the person who had to work through struggle and overcome challenges. They’re not interested in hearing the stories of people born into privilege and get everything without working for it.

Embrace struggle, it is part of your story.

5 Reasons struggles happen but can easily be overcome

While we accept that struggles are inevitable in life it’s equally true that overcoming them isn’t easy. But you can. The more important point is that we often make certain mistakes that keep us in struggles.

Are you making these mistakes?

1. Uncertain Goals

If you don’t set clear goals for yourself to work towards, you’ll find yourself floundering. You will always do better in life and cope better with struggles when you have clear goals to pursue.

Goals can help guide your social life, career, finances, and even family life. When you have a goal to work toward it’s easier to view struggle as the challenge that it is.

2. Demanding Immediate Gratification

Instant streaming, reservations, same-day delivery… we live in a world of immediate gratification. Yet, the world around us doesn’t always move quite as quickly (or efficiently).

If you’re expecting things to come to you easily, then you’re going to face disappointment and frustration.

You need patience when you are attempting to overcome the obstacles you face. Hard work is time-consuming, it’s a build-up, a slow burn. You will always be disappointed if you expect everything to work in your favor and quickly. You will not get immediate results, and that’s okay.

3. Inability to Prioritize

If you are constantly overwhelmed, then you’re probably going to stay in a state of struggle. You might have a list of things you want to do but if you don’t know how to prioritize these things, then you’re not going to achieve the success you crave.

Prioritization isn’t just a time management skill, you need it to identify and work on those things that move the needle for you. If you are unable to prioritize, you are going to stay stuck in your struggles.

4. You Give Up Easily

Do you give up at the first sight of trouble or as soon as things turn against you? You won’t be successful if you can’t overcome struggles. Yet, that’s what we do.

The majority of life’s problems will require multiple attempts before you find a successful solution. If you quit at the first sign of trouble, then you’re not moving yourself forward.

5. Blaming Others Instead of Accepting Responsibility

It’s easy to blame others for your struggles. But isn’t that an easy way to deflect responsibility? It might make you feel good in the moment but you still have to deal with the struggle.

It’s vital for you to learn to take responsibility for your actions and behaviour. It’s up to you to find solutions to your problems, it isn’t on others.

You may have had a difficult childhood, you could have hit a bad run of luck. However, if you hold onto those negative feelings it will keep you in your struggles.

Own your mistakes, they’re a badge of honour, they are going to mould you into the person you become.

When you feel you need support to overcome these struggles, it’s perfectly fine to ask for help. It isn’t a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is a sign of self-love and courage to admit you need support to get through a difficult time.

We all face struggles at some point or the other in life but it doesn’t mean that we need to stay stuck in those struggles.

All you need to do is make a choice and then take active steps to push yourself beyond your struggles and still find success.

5 helpful Tips to move through Struggle to Success

Sometimes the struggles we experience are outside of the realm of our control.

For example, losing your job during the pandemic or falling ill and requiring more time off than is statutorily allowed from work.  Yet, they are powerful and can easily drag us down.

Bearing that in mind, here are 5 tips that will help you make your way through struggle as unscathed as possible. These are things that you can incorporate into your daily life.

1. Make a Gratitude List

Gratitude is a powerful feeling and not just for law of attraction purposes. Researchers have documented the link between well-being and gratitude.

These researchers have found that habitually focusing on the positives in life can boost self-esteem, reduce the symptoms of depression, and improve overall life satisfaction.

The simplest way to cultivate gratitude is to keep a list. Get yourself in the habit of writing down a few things you’re grateful for daily. It only takes a minute, but that minute of effort can heavily influence your well-being, anxiety, and stress. You don’t have to struggle.

2. Spend Time Meditating

You likely already know how meditation can help relieve stress. It’s important to recognize that regular meditation can provide you with improvements in your overall well-being.

Struggle often impacts us in different ways, generally in levels of stress and anxiety. There are different types of meditation so, you will be able to find one that suits you and your schedule.

3. Regular Exercise

Do not underestimate the power of exercise, it can heavily influence you both psychologically and physically. The surge of endorphins that shoots through your body after you exercise helps you deal with stress and leaves you feeling energized.

Often, the most difficult aspect of struggle is how it influences your overall health and wellness. When you go through struggles it impacts your stress levels, anxiety, and can also trigger depressive symptoms.

This just complicates the feeling of struggle. It’s something you can combat by pushing yourself to exercise regularly.

4. Learn to Laugh

Laughter doesn’t just improve your mood, it also relieves stress. According to a study from Loma Linda University in California, after watching 20 minutes of comedy videos, older adults had a reduction in cortisol.

Now you have an excuse to watch your favorite sitcom!

5. Embrace Struggle

Whenever I faced a daunting struggle, my father used to tell me I had 2 options – brave it or brazen it. The point is, sometimes you just have to ride it out.

While the strategies we discussed above are all about fighting stress, overcoming struggle, and protecting your well-being, it’s also important to consider the alternative. You can’t always get rid of stress.

You can’t always dismiss struggles. At some point, you will just have to cope with it as best you can and ride it out.

What you can do, however, is stop imagining the worst-case scenario. Or if your Inner Critic doesn’t cut you slack, just ask yourself, what’s the worst that can happen? This one tactic will remove the sting of fearing failure and put things back in perspective.

Take a giant step back and look at the positives in your life. They will far outweigh the struggles if you look hard enough.

Final Words of Guidance

There isn’t a magic bullet for issues like stress and struggle. They are natural parts of life that we just have to deal with as they come. We do have the power within ourselves to overcome difficult times. We simply need to take the time to stop and ask ourselves what we are doing.

Are you allowing the struggle to overpower you? Or, are you going to take proactive steps to overcome struggle?

The choice is yours, and the strategies above can help you make the right decision.

I first learned about the concept of Abundance and embracing an Abundance Mindset with its equal and opposite Scarcity Mindset while reading Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Covey writes about Abundance Mindset as it, “flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making.”

This mindset is the core of any area of your life. It focuses your attention on what you already have and all the possibilities that are available to everyone in the world.

The problem, according to Covey is that most people are trapped with the scarcity mentality.

What exactly, is the scarcity mentality, then?

Covey explained it as viewing the world “as though there were only one pie out there. And if someone were to get a big piece of the pie, it would mean less for everybody else.”

When you have a scarcity mindset, it becomes difficult to share happiness, power, or recognition, with others. You feel that when they gain something, it is your loss and you worry that there isn’t enough to go around.

Covey is right, there are managers who would deliberately sabotage a reportee’s performance report to keep them down. Then they wonder why the employee left or maybe that’s what they wanted in the first place.

Perhaps that’s why annual appraisals are followed by attrition once the annual bonus is paid and performance improvement plans which are meant to help the employee improve their performance get the reputation of being tools to hound the employee out of the office.

I share the signs that a boss is getting ready to fire you in my post How to control outcomes of a Performance Improvement Plan.

That is a sign that your boss or leader has a scarcity mindset.

Leaders who inspire and motivate their teams to achieve their potential are rewarded with great performances that help everyone climb the next rung up the corporate ladder.

Abundance is a state of mind and can help us find that elusive silver lining in every dark cloud. And it works in every area of our life.

Your mindset can drastically affect the outcome of what you desire and has the power to change your life.

It’s often been proven that your mindset, or the way you think about yourself and the world around you, can change the way you approach learning, how you handle stress or unforeseen circumstances.

It can affect how you go after success or how resilient you are. It can even affect the performance of your immune system.

The biggest block I’ve found in people who want more from life but find themselves stuck in a rut is their Scarcity Mindset.

I’m not asking you to pretend that all is going great in your life when it isn’t but a few changes in how you approach life will enable you to find those hidden opportunities that can get you closer to your goal.

Scarcity mentality is when someone believes that if someone else wins, you automatically lose.

Having an abundant mindset means you see the world as having an infinite number of possibilities, a world filled with opportunities.

It means accepting you do have control and can make wonderful things happen like attracting abundance by raising your money set point.

When you live from a place of abundance, you feel gratitude for what you already have. You are aware and constantly pursuing new opportunities in every area of your life and give to others freely.

I go into detail in The Abundance Mindset that has the entire road map and action plan but first, how do you know you’re blocking abundance?

You’ll find a description of behaviors often exhibited by individuals who are stuck in a scarcity mindset below.

A scarcity mindset is when you perceive you don’t have enough in your life. Being aware of those destructive behaviors can be helpful to access abundance.

5 Red Flags you’re blocking Abundance in your Life

You’re busy focusing on the gaps

A common mistake we tend to do is to place all our attention and energy on what is missing in our life. On the other hand, people that live an abundant life are natural at putting their energy on what they want to manifest.

By switching your thoughts to what you want, you are painting a clear picture of what you really desire.

Always remember, our energy flows in the direction of our focus and attention.

Then why not channel your energy for something you want rather than fester in a situation you don’t want?

You don’t ask for help

If it is difficult for you to say “yes” to someone who offers you help, you are telling the universe that you are not deserving of receiving from others.

The same applies if you have a hard time asking for help. Showing too much independence can lead to blocking the flow of abundance.

This is because if you can’t accept help from others, you can’t accept a little help from the universe.

You’re uncomfortable with compliments

Compliments are a form of receiving similar to asking for help. If you are uncomfortable with receiving compliments from others, you are demonstrating that receiving is difficult for you. This can automatically lead you to more scarcity.

The next time someone compliments you on your work or your attire, instead of deflecting it with a self-deprecating comment, try saying a sincere thank you. You’ll see a change in your energy.

You feed a sense of urgency

People who feed a scarcity mindset are focused on immediate “wants.” They feel the need for instant gratification, a sense of urgency that the need has to be met now.

This type of behavior can be detrimental to one’s life and have a negative impact on one’s future.

How about going with the flow instead?

You’re envious of others

Envy is a feeling that attracts scarcity because we focus on what we don’t have. It can also lead to resentment toward some people and ruin relationships with friends and families.

In order to shift to an abundance mindset, you need to start recognizing the good in your life. Stop comparing yourself with others.

Start by acknowledging what it is that you like about yourself, others or your life in the present moment.

Even better, start your day with the practice of giving praise for all that is good in your life.

It will give you the right frame of mind for whatever the day brings. You’re sending a message to the Universe you’re ready to attract more abundance in your life.

Need a jumpstart to the process?

Check out THE ABUNDANCE MINDSET: The Ultimate Guide to Living an Abundant, Unlimited, Successful and Content Life here. 

If you’re reading this, then one thing is for certain. It isn’t out of curiosity but a deeper reason. You want the answer to what’s most probably your 2 am in the morning question.  ‘Why is my career not going the way I want it to, maybe it’s me?’

That’s a question a number of high achievers have when they hit a roadblock in their career.

These are the A-plus students who got great grades and were supposed to achieve a lot in life. The success path continued at college, and you got an awesome job that gave you financial freedom.

You’re probably doing pretty well in your career right now but for some reason, you’re unable to reach your peak and achieve that much desired position despite all the hard work you put in.

To the outside world it looks like you’ve arrived, and, in a way, you have but not at your desired destination.

Inside you know you deserve more and can do better but your career trajectory feels like it’s stalled a little or even plateaued.

If the issue bothers you too much, you might go looking for answers on Quora, try connecting with someone who you feel might have the answer on LinkedIn and after connecting ask to pick their brain (and then get cold shouldered if the brain picking is something that professionals pay them good money for).

You might do a Google search on the topic which could lead you to a page with details of booking a Discovery or Strategy Call with a Coach and you book the session expecting a silver bullet to solve your painful problem.

The point of these sessions is not to play Agony Aunt or provide free advice or coaching but to assess the person’s problem, see if they are a good fit for the coach’s services and if you are ready to do what it takes to change your situation.

I’ve got an easier first step you might want to consider and then go looking deeper for a solution that gets your career back on track.

Somewhere you might be the problem and your mindset, habits and actions are sabotaging your career.

The good news is, you’re also the solution.

Maybe sabotage is a harsh word to use so let me rephrase it.

Take a good and honest look at yourself. See if you’re being held back by one or more of these five factors that commonly stop people from reaching their career peak.

These are also signs that you’re sabotaging your career and need to take proactive action.

Fear of failure

I elaborate more on this limiting belief in my post Take the sting out of Fear of Failure it’s only a Belief  sharing the story of Willis Carrier. It’s how he turned failure into success with a shift of mindset.

Fear of failure stops you from taking risks and seizing opportunities. What we often forget is that we have free will and can choose how we deal with failure.

You can allow it to engulf you and never take a chance or you can use it as a steppingstone to success.

That means reframing what failure means to you personally. It doesn’t have to be an all-out disaster. Simply the shift to thinking that you haven’t found what works yet. It can be paralyzing, but only if you let it.

My favorite example is of Thomas Alva Edison, who famously failed to invent the working light bulb more than a thousand times before he hit on the right formula.

The converse of failure is persistence. And persistence will out-perform innate talent every time.

Lacking Focus, Endurance and Easily Distracted

In any activity or endeavor, it is important to build endurance. Endurance can be defined as the ability to focus on the task at hand and bring it successfully to conclusion.

Some call it fortitude, others call it strength or stamina.

No matter what you call it though, endurance is the ability to persevere and get the job done, no matter what.

Usually, when we speak of endurance, we’re referring to physical activity. Yet, endurance is as important in the business world as it is anywhere else.

In business circles, endurance usually takes the form of focus. Instead of physical prowess, it becomes the ability to concentrate successfully on a given task.

Focus is a critical skill set for any professional. Especially in today’s fast-paced world where success often means keeping several equally important balls in the air at one time.

So, how do you focus on multitasking, a situation where, by its very definition, several things are happening at once?

The key to successful focus is attention.

When several things are happening simultaneously, you need to concentrate on only one thing at a time. This doesn’t mean you bring one task to full completion before you start on another.

Rather, you spend just enough time on a given task to take it to the next stage of development and then you turn your attention to another task. In some sense, it’s a little like being a mother duck with ducklings.

You give your attention to the duckling that is farthest out of line, nudging it forward to where it should be, before you turn your attention to the next little duck.

Each duckling gets a measure of your focus, but none gets your full attention all the time. In this way, each task gets moved along in turn, and all are successfully completed in time.

Staying focused on big picture goals is the key to achieving success. It’s easy to be distracted by side issues and the demands of your email or phone. Staying productive requires attention and focus.

Make it easier to produce high-quality, consistent work by keeping focused on the current priorities and sticking to your plan.

If need be, take steps to power up your focus muscles.

Self-doubt

Sometimes we get a bad boss who undermines our efforts or a project that you worked hard on fails and your confidence takes a hit. Depending upon the situation and the fall out, your otherwise confident self now starts to second guess decisions and actions.

This internal feeling shows up in the quality of your work and impacts your career progress when your boss begins to think you’ve reached your optimal level of competency (remember the Peter Principle?) whereas that is not the case.

Self-doubt can undermine all your efforts if you let it.

The way I see it, you are responsible for writing your own success story so why indulge in self-sabotage?

Instead, when the self-doubt gremlin surfaces, remember your past achievements. Look back, see all the steppingstones that brought you to where you are now. You have the skills, and you have the know-how to get where you want to go.

Procrastination

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed at work sometimes. A solid time management plan can help to focus on the tasks that really need to get done within a time frame.

But sometimes, there are actions we need to take which feel uncomfortable or difficult. We start to delay them until we’re in full procrastination mode.

You may not want to talk to a difficult client or have that performance feedback session with your subordinate even though you know how important it is.

You don’t want to experience the discomfort and that’s normal, you’re human but the longer you put off uncomfortable tasks or discussions, the worse it is going to get. Leaders can feel discomfort too, but they do what is required of them.

It comes down to a failure to take the right action at the right time.

There are times when procrastination is good and I outline them in this post, but for the better part of the time, this creates an impression that you’re not responsible or diligent and that can impact your career.

Instead, why not commit to the action in your diary, plan for it and do it?

I recently read a great article by Justin Bariso where he shared the 5 Minute Rule used by emotionally intelligent people to overcome procrastination. It works provided you take action.

Procrastination is a habit and it can be replaced with a better habit – the habit of considered action.

There are many studies that look into the psychology of procrastination. It isn’t just a time management issue although procrastination gets bunched into it.

If you need some quick help, then my mini-course How to Stop Procrastinating Right Now is a good starting point.

Complacency

Who would have thought being complacent can adversely affect your career path?

This behavior kicks in when you know you’re good at your job and have potential. Instead of working to demonstrate you’re ready for the next level, you decide to rest on your laurels expecting to be given the next promotion or a leadership role.

Here’s a truth bomb for you. Different positions up the corporate ladder require different skill sets. If you’re not demonstrating you have them or the keenness to acquire them, then that will pull the brakes on your career progression.

If you’re lucky to have a good boss who takes an interest in your career while also ensuring the work gets done, then you might be guided to undertake specific training to develop new skills.

When that isn’t the case, then you need to figure out what new skills are required to match your ambition.

One key skill you need to acquire is Executive Presence. Your higher ups need to ‘see’ you’re ready for the next level. Competition gets tougher as you climb up the corporate ladder and you need to stand up above the others for all the right reasons.

If you really want to reach the top of your field, then you need to balance your actual work with working on yourself. In this TedTalk, Anthony Cheam shares what it REALLY takes to become the best version of yourself.

So stop being complacent and expecting things to happen but make them happen!

The bottom line is, you’re responsible for your career success and it starts by being proactive and professional development.

Don’t wait for your employer to do it for you – do it yourself!

Let go of the Critics and listen to the wisdom of your Higher Self

The truth is, it’s never late provided you have a well thought out plan supported by strategy and tactics that will bring you closer to your heart’s desire.

Accept change and make it work to your benefit

Change is a part of all of our lives.

How we deal with change is often a determining factor in how happy and successful we are.

Sometimes we get lucky, and change is gradual or even easy.

Other times, change is hard, overwhelming, or downright scary- like it was this year.

This kind of change seriously impacted our lives and needs to be embraced to make sure we are able to move forward.

How do we do that, though? Follow these 7 tips to find out how.

1. Change your attitude about change in general

Start fostering a more positive attitude towards change. Get used to embracing the easy changes in your life, so your mind is prepared for the hard ones.

2. Think about what the cost of not changing

This tip helps when you’re ready to give up when change gets tough or overwhelming. Quite often, the pain of not changing outweighs the comfort of not trying to change. If you need the motivation to change, imagine what would happen if you didn’t.

3. Don’t waste energy on things you can’t control

When massive change is imminent, take some time to reflect. Think about what aspects of this change you can control, and which aspects are out of your hand. Once that is done, focus solely on the things you have control over. This way, you aren’t wasting energy, and you are making sure this transition will go as smoothly as possible.

4. Keep a Journal

I have personally found journaling effective in dealing with change, especially if it has been caused by events outside my control.

Journaling allows you a safe space to get all your thoughts and fears out. You will find that some of your trepidation dissipates when the fears from your head are put on paper.

5. Trust Yourself

A lot of the reason people struggle to change is that they don’t believe in themselves. They don’t believe they deserve “good change,” and they don’t think they can handle any sort of negative change.

Work on boosting your self-esteem first, then you will naturally be more open to change. Get more guidance in my blog post Embrace the Truth, you can trust yourself.

6. Your Basic Needs Still Matter

When dealing with a big change, or life transition, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Some changes are so big that they are almost all-consuming, but you can’t forget your most basic needs. Sleep, diet, and exercise shouldn’t be tossed aside because you are too worried about change.

7. Make a Plan

Change is often scary because it is the unknown. But you can control parts of it with a plan. Creating a plan of action to deal with a specific change makes it easier for you to make that change when the time comes.

Even if you’re still overcoming the challenges of 2020, remember, failure isn’t the end. So banish the fear of failing and move forward with optimism.

Change how you view failure. I prefer to think of it simply as a signal for us to try something different.

When you embrace empowering beliefs and change as a catalyst for achieving your true and hidden potential, you will become unstoppable.

Want to get your Life back on track but need more focus? I have an easy solution.

Click the link to learn more Life Focus in 7 Days self-coaching workbook.

You’ve definitely heard about viewing life as a half full or half empty glass but how deeply have you thought about it?

It’s not only about being an optimist or pessimist; it also reflects the difference between an abundance or scarcity mindset and how we live our lives.

It’s our mindset that makes the biggest difference when a coveted assignment that we’ve worked hard to land goes to another colleague.

Do we start bitching about that colleague and think the person must have used other tactics or feel happy for them and then aim for another juicier assignment that is guaranteed to demonstrate our worth and take us up the next rung of the corporate ladder?

Take another scenario that often plays out in the corporate world.  A new hire is made at a senior level that throws others at the same level into a tizzy.

Everything is done to make the new person’s settling into their job as difficult as possible or even complaining about the new person’s work habits and other things instead of focusing on their own work and demonstrating they deserve to take the next step up the corporate ladder.

It’s called dirty politics and those who play this game are certified practitioners of the Scarcity Mindset.

Let’s be honest. Living a life of abundance is not a simple task by any means.

It’s not a case of simply staking our claim to an abundant life and then chanting and doing affirmations (although it does help in a different way) and expecting the Universe to shower us with benefice.

It takes grit, challenging activities, and personal growth. People who are able to achieve abundance within their lives find themselves reaping the benefits of a relaxing and rewarding lifestyle.

Then what’s really stopping us?

3 Ways People Struggle in Attracting True Abundance

I can think of a number of reasons that depend on the situation but the biggest one by far is our belief system that often restricts us and prevents us from taking the very actions that can liberate us.

Facing these limitations is the first step to overcoming them.

Having Low Self-Worth

Does that internal voice encourage you to do what is best for you or does it constantly seek to break you down? Something might have happened in the past and while you might not recall the exact event, it has affected you adversely and you now second guess your own abilities and experience low self-worth.

The sub-conscious defense mechanism that earlier protected you is now creating a problem because it is now stopping you from taking chances and risks and questions your ability to handle your life.

It can come up when your boss gives you a task that is outside your comfort zone or new to you like doing a new client presentation and you start wondering if you can really do it.

If you think of it clearly, your boss wouldn’t give it to you if he or she didn’t think you could do it. Then why are you second guessing your ability?

You’re emotional well-being is dependent on others

In other words, you’re unable to take responsibility for your own feelings or separate your own feelings of happiness or unhappiness from those of a significant other, parent, sibling, or even a friend.

If your emotional well-being is dependent on another human being, then you may never achieve true happiness. The truth is that we are capable of being empathetic without sacrificing our own happiness because of another person’s discord.

The same can be said for yourself. Take responsibility for your emotional well-being so that you do not drag others down with you.

People who are intertwined with others struggle to have their own identity. This goes hand in hand with low self-esteem and you are not likely to improve one without improving the other.

You’re overly anxious about Change and Challenge

If you struggle to embrace change or challenge, then you’re not likely to adopt an abundant lifestyle. Adopting the abundant lifestyle involves a great deal of personal growth. Through personal growth, a lot of change will come about in your life.

The same can be said about the challenges you may face in achieving abundance. If you let your anxieties keep you from trying new things, applying for a great job, or experiencing something new, then you are holding yourself back from achieving abundance.

People who resist change are adept at talking themselves out of seeking new opportunities. They shy away from opportunities where they may find a challenge or a struggle in favor of seeking less challenging situations.

However, this is a serious issue in personal growth as refusing to see the value in a challenging situation can hold you back in a major way.

On the other hand, people who embrace these new situations are faced with abundant situations frequently. They are able to fill themselves with accomplishments which in turn builds up their willingness to embrace another challenge in the future.

How to use positive Thoughts to attract Abundance into your life

Our thoughts essentially create our reality. The best way to attract abundance into your life is to alter your mindset to commit to specific goals and opening up your mind to endless possibilities.

There are many ways to shift your mind to be more positive and willing. Changing our thoughts will change your perspective on your potential and success.

Here are some specific examples of thoughts to add plenty of abundance into your daily life. Try one to start with and build more positive abundant thoughts as you go along.

“I am grateful for…”

This one is a personal favourite. Start the day by writing down 3 things you are grateful for each day to complete the sentence. Find that difficult? How about starting with 1 and then working your way up?

This will jumpstart positivity for the rest of the day and allow your mind to shift into a constant feeling of gratitude by recognizing the small things that make you happy.

Then end the day with at least 1 thing you are grateful for to come full circle.

Gratitude is one of the best ways to attract abundance into your life and naturally improve your mental health.

By focusing on positive thoughts that will lift you and allow you to prosper, you will save yourself the effort that goes into negative thinking. You will feel more confident and joyful which is why gratitude impacts your success.

“I can…”

This one can be tricky if you’re used to copping out the minute you feel uncomfortable or hesitant and are eager to avoid certain situations that can allow you to go further and prosper.

Public speaking, cold calling or even following up with interviewers and clients are examples of seemingly daunting tasks that we try to escape.

Replacing negative thoughts that make you feel like you aren’t enough with thoughts that assure you of your capabilities makes you attract the abundance that you may be holding back from.

This allows you to increase your confidence and step out of your comfort zone, which are crucial aspects to achieving abundance.

“I learn from my mistakes”

One of the best ways to realize your full potential and achieve abundance is to never stop because of failure. In fact, sometimes failure can be good for you.

According to a Forbes article Why Failure is Essential to Success by William Arruda, failure is a crucial ingredient for success and nearly every successful person has gone through some sort of failure. The article argues that failing is the way to get to success, which is why it is important to make mistakes and even have ‘routine failing’.

Rather than stopping and giving up as soon as you are approached with some type of mistake, learning from them and improving based on them is the best way to achieve abundance.

You will no longer feel stuck in your comfort zone and realize that your possibilities are endless.

“I possess the qualities I need to succeed”

This one is a mantra to be chanted every time you feel fear in doing what you know needs to be done.

By convincing yourself of your capabilities, you will no longer doubt yourself or hesitate in important situations. Many times, our minds are what stops us from reaching our success and aspirations, so we must train our minds to be filled with confidence.

When you are confident in your qualities and abilities, you will feel more inclined to step out of your comfort zone and take risks that will lead you to abundance in all aspects of your life. You will feel self-assured in any situation, regardless of the people you are around, allowing you to accomplish your goals and be more productive.

Attracting true abundance becomes easier when we change our thoughts and thus our mindset.

By repeating these thoughts every day and replacing negative thoughts with killer thoughts like these, you will be empowered to take on daunting tasks.

The tasks that used to seem fearful and impossible will be a lot easier than you think and you will be assured that you have the capabilities you need. The more confidence you possess, the more abundance you will attract throughout every aspect of your life.

Let go of your fear and scarcity mindset and embrace one of abundance that will give you the courage to step out and stake your claim to true success.

Additional Resource to groom your Abundance Mindset

Developing your Abundance Mindset requires support, guidance and a road map.

You can access this through Karmic Ally Coaching’s The Abundance Mindset Bundle that has everything you need to shift your mindset and experience true success. Click here or on the below image to learn more.

There’s no shadow of a doubt in my mind that we’re going to remember 2020 as the year of global adversity. All because of a virus that originated from Wuhan.

It’s a year of job losses and businesses, small and large downing their shutters leading to more unemployment.

Yet I believe this year will also be remembered as the one when we’d have discovered what really matters to us and the value of life and living.

Pivots are possible or even going in a different direction with our careers and business. We’ll finally embrace the change we knew we had to make. We made excuses because we were too comfortable and complacent to do what we knew we had to.

It is a year where ingenuity, strategy and the will to survive will guarantee a good year, even if things feel difficult and bleak right now.

One of my favorite stories is the one from Finland of the small bakery that decided to bake nourishing cakes in the form of – guess what – a toilet roll!

They made international headlines. Their strategy clearly indicated thinking outside the box to find new ideas. The toilet roll cake tactic paid off, the bakery is still running and the employees still have job.

Clearly, they flipped adversity and obstacles into an opportunity for success which is now being followed by others.

Don’t believe me? Watch this delightful video.

Key takeaway from the toilet roll cake story

It’s not what happens in life that defines you but how you deal with your situations.

You’ve heard the phrase ‘when life gives you lemons make lemonade‘.

This is as true today as it was when it was coined by Christian anarchist writer Elbert Hubbard in a 1915 obituary for dwarf actor Marshall Pinckney Wilder.

Although the expression was coined by Hubbard, many modern authors attribute the expression to Dale Carnegie who used it in his 1948 book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Carnegie’s version reads: “If You Have a Lemon, Make a Lemonade.”

Things are difficult right now for all of us. We are facing uncertainty on a daily basis worried if we will contract the COVID-19 virus if the person next to us is asymptomatic or if we will infect others.

There are economic and financial worries about a future where the return to normal or even a newer normal is possible.

Our experiences from which we can draw relevant guidance to cope isn’t fully available because frankly, the last time there was this kind of an epidemic was back in 1920 with the Spanish Flu and none of us or even our parents in some cases were born back then. There is no first hand experience.

Riding through the storm and coming out on top of adversity

What this means for us is to focus on mindset and strategies because we know how to do that from experience.

If you’re facing a career or life challenge, it can be hard to remember that it’s normal to have obstacles crop up from time to time. Everyone has setbacks, disappointments, and tough times.

But going through a rough patch doesn’t have to spoil your life.

The key to thriving in the face of adversity is how you respond to the obstacles in your path.

Here are four strategies to help you ride through and come out on top.

Make a conscious decision to acknowledge the obstacle or adversity

If you’re having a tough time, it can be easy to feel helpless and fall into a victim mode of thinking.

But it’s up to you to rise to the challenge and decide that you won’t be overwhelmed.

I go into detail about the time when a successful buy out of a project indicated our jobs were safe but the following year top management took a business decision to close the department leading to job losses and uncertainty in a recessionary economy in my post Can Moving Cheese Positively improve Career Life Balance.

The outcome for each team member depended on how well they embraced the obstacle and adapted to change.

Choosing to take control and embrace your challenge is the first step in overcoming it. Look your obstacle square in the face and resolve to meet it.

Use your discomfort to find a new status quo

The proof that you’re embracing your obstacle is acknowledging that it doesn’t feel good. It can feel uncomfortable, heavy, even painful.

There are lots of life experiences that hurt at the time but end up being for your best and highest good.

Discomfort is actually good because it compels you to find a new level of comfort. It’s what comes out of your Wake Up Call and the beginning of a Hero Journey to a better destination.

Of course, it can be fearful to step out of our comfort zone or you’re worried you will fail but you will feel so much better once you’ve faced the worst.

Remember it won’t last forever. Don’t shrink from the bad feelings. You can ride them out and emerge victorious!

Make sure you have the right support team to cheer you on

Sometimes, when you face adverse situations, others can help you to turn your situation around. It’s rare that anyone faces something unique.

Others have been through what you are going through. Reach out to them. It’s better to get the help you need than to needlessly struggle with your situation.

You don’t have to face your obstacles alone.

It can make all the difference to have people around you who are supportive, who’ll stick by you and cheer you on when you want to give up.

Many times, the only thing stopping you from getting support is the hesitation to ask for help or support. Some people avoid reaching out because they are embarrassed.

Remember, those people once went through it, too. They know what you are dealing with.

One of the reasons I love scrolling through my newsfeed on Facebook or engaging in Groups is because I see of people reaching out when a friend or group member is having a rough time. They lovingly offer words of support or even giving advice because they have had similar experiences.

If you have a cheer squad, you’ll find that extra level of energy to help get you through. And you’ll be there for your friends and colleagues when they’re facing their challenges.

Once you’re part of a team who have each other’s backs, none of you will have to face life’s ups and downs alone. You’ll fight together and celebrate success together.

Be grateful for the opportunities adversity presents you

Feeling gratitude for the challenges in life might sound counter intuitive. But think about it.

Accepting the challenge, resolving to meet it head-on, and overcoming it makes you a better, stronger person.

Think of how good it feels to deal with a problem and solve it. To face fear and overcome it.

If you ask any successful person how they got that way, they will most likely tell you it’s due to overcoming failures. They learned from those failures and tried something different.

Each iteration, they learned something new from their failures. They continued until there were no failures.

One of my favorite stories is how Willis Carrier, the founder of modern air conditioning found a solution that helped his company make $15,000 additional income (a princely amount at the time) because he adopted the right mindset and didn’t let failure get him down.

Final words of encouragement

Without obstacles in your life, you would not grow and learn and become a better person. Obstacles are a natural, normal part of living an authentic life.

But you have to believe in yourself and what you’re doing.

Everyone has heard the classic tale how Thomas Edison continued 10,000 times before getting the light bulb to the way he wanted it. It’s hard to say if that number became exaggerated over the years, but he likely tried several thousand times at least.

The point is, he believed in what he was doing. When you try something that is untested, you need to take a leap of faith. Otherwise, it’s too easy to give up on your venture.

That is a truth that will always hold true. Even when the pandemic is over and we step into the post COVID-19 world.

Birthdays and year ends seem to be the time when we begin to feel something is missing in our lives. It’s like you’ve ventured into the forest in search of a pot of honey but got your foot stuck in a vicious bear trap.

Its normal (not the bear trap part of course) for us to start focusing on what we still need to achieve.

The not so normal part is when we go into doom and gloom and think of what’s wrong without considering what we got right and spiral further into a self-defeating frame of mind.

What thoughts are occupying your mind right now?

Do you feel like there is something holding you back in your life, but you aren’t quite sure what it is?

Do you go to bed some nights and wonder why you did that thing or said those words and wonder how you can change some bad habits you have?

Do you have a big dream, but are finding it hard to make progress toward it?

Your attitude and mindset may be what is holding you back in life.

A mindset is the mental attitude you adopt which dictates how you will or will not perceive, react and respond to situations.

Why is it important?

Your mindset can and will determine your life from academics to career and beyond.

Your mindset controls your behaviors and choices, and the wrong mentality can leave you feeling frustrated, worried, and like you always need to prove yourself to the world.

One way to understand the impact of your mindset on your life, career and chances of achieving your goals is to see how you compare yourself with others.

While it’s not advisable to engage in Comparisonitis, it’s true that this comparison can give us a benchmark to gauge our success or failure and hence a measure of where we can improve and achieve more.

It’s what we do with the data and knowledge gained from the comparison that makes the difference.

A person with a fixed mindset will indulge in a reverse method of thinking and apply this information to reaffirm their belief that they aren’t as good as the other person, highlight their own failures and feel they are not good at all.

Our mind is capable of finding information that will support a belief rather than look at information that proves the contrary. That is where the danger lies.

The Pitfalls of a Fixed Mindset

There are many dangers or drawbacks to applying this type of thinking, and this section will explore these in more detail to help you see how this way of thinking influences your beliefs, behaviours, and choices in life.

Your Mindset makes you avoid taking Risks

When it comes to attaining lofty goals or reaching the pinnacle of your field, you must take risks from time to time.

Risks are what stretch your comfort zone and force you to dare to be different, and very little in life can ever be achieved without taking at least some chances now and then.

But many people do not like to take risks because they are too afraid that the consequences will not be favorable. They fear failure.

This fear of things not working out as you planned is born from a fixed mindset.

You choose to not make yourself vulnerable to setbacks because you do not want to be seen as lacking. And because your fixed mindset says that you are born with certain talents and can’t learn and develop new skills, failure represents nothing but adverse outcomes.

The lack of risk-taking behaviors will severely limit your life. You will miss out on new experiences and perspectives, and you will limit your opportunities to achieve your goals and realize your true potential.

Imagine if Thomas Edison had given up his goal of creating an electric bulb or telephone after the first few failures. We’d still be using wax candles and using letters to communicate!

A number of the modern utilities and gadgets that we take for granted are the products of people who were not scared of failure but used it to find the perfect solution.

Get the Karmic Ally Coaching Change Quiz here to see how you respond to risk and change

You feel the need to prove yourself constantly

Those with a fixed way of viewing themselves and the world believe that their abilities, intelligence, character, and other traits are already in place from birth.

If we can’t change in any meaningful way in our lives, then we better have everything we need in place when it comes time to show others who we are and what we can do.

This leads to a need to maintain your image, to project your competence to others, and to always prove your worth and capabilities to those around you.

When you think you can’t change, then it becomes imperative that you continuously demonstrate that you are enough, that you know enough, that you have enough. Otherwise, you would be admitting failure, which is, again, one of the greatest fears of those who think this way.

You restrict your ability to succeed

Research into attitude and mindset has consistently demonstrated that what you believe about yourself will have the most influence on how you lead your life.

Your mindset determines your choices, your beliefs, and your actions.

It is the foundation for everything you do from the time you wake up each day until you go to bed at night. So, when you believe that you are already everything that you can possibly be, why would you get up each day and try hard to succeed?

Your motivation to set lofty goals and work hard to achieve them will be profoundly influenced. Your desire to stick with challenges and push through adversity will also be limited. When you face obstacles, you are more likely to allow these to define you permanently, which will limit your future success.

And because we all experience setbacks from time to time, this means that, at some point, your mindset will stop you in your tracks toward realizing your dream, and you will be unable to progress any further.

You limit your ability to know Yourself

Those who adopt a fixed mindset receive their rewards in life from validation from others and external rewards, which are evidence of their innate talents.

They don’t take the time to understand their motivations or intrinsic reward system, and they lack the ability to self-reflect, which is integral to personal growth.

But it is only through self-awareness and knowledge that you can lead an authentic life and be truly yourself, so without this, you limit your potential and self-actualization.

Those with a fixed mindset depend on others to help determine their self-worth, which can lead to actions that are meant to deceive others or even one’s self from who they are or what they need in life.

Over time, this leads to a lack of fulfillment and a realization that something is missing from your happiness.

It’s one of the reasons I always advise clients and even consults who are not ready to hire a coach to at least practice Louise Hay’s Mirror Work Exercises.

A Fixed Mindset Means You Can’t Become a Different Person

At some point in your life, you are going to wake up and realize that you are ready for a change, that you want to try something new, or become a different version of yourself.

This is the nature of being human. You get tired of your job, your feelings for your spouse change, you want to have children, you decide to go back to school.

This is part of getting older, aging, and changing. But those with a fixed mindset have a tough time seeing a new version of themselves, of taking the chances necessary to make these substantial changes happen. You end up living the same life every day for the rest of your life.

Without the ability to imagine growth and development, you will struggle to consider alternative paths and new goals for yourself.

You will stagnate in your reality and possibly wake up feeling discontented but lack the ability to make the changes necessary to address this.

Without the ability to change your mindset, you cannot change your life.

It creates the need for competition which can turn unhealthy

When you believe that you are born with all the talent and ability you will ever have in life, you tie your identity and your self-worth to your accomplishments. “See, here is evidence of my intelligence or skill. Look at how smart/good I am.”

That means that life becomes about winning and avoiding losing. And when you focus so much on whether or not you are on top, you can end up making some poor decisions related to your desire to win at any cost.

Those who focus solely on proving their abilities to others can end up engaging in destructive, dishonest, and even illegal behaviors in an effort to prove themselves to the world.

You will never experience the level of success you are capable of and truly deserve unless you follow an approach that is on the other side of the spectrum of mindset – a growth mindset.

This mindset reframes the other person’s success as a motivator that enables you to strive harder, do more, and work harder, you re-train your brain to view this not as an excuse to stay status quo, but as a reason to thrive.

When you embrace a growth mindset, you will find that your world is actually full of possibilities, not closed doors.

What is a Growth Mindset?

The term growth mindset was first used by Carol Dweck in her groundbreaking book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success in 2006.

As a researcher of personality, motivation, and development, Dweck has studied the role of one’s outlook on success and happiness for many years, and she has determined that we all have a mindset that lies somewhere between two extremes on a continuum.

The growth mindset, as defined by Dweck and embraced by others since its introduction, is when you believe that your talents and strengths can be developed as you age.

This development occurs through work, learning from others, explicit effort, and engaging in practice.

The growth mindset is contrasted with a fixed mindset, in which one believes that your talents are innate to you when you are born and do not evolve much throughout your life.

This understanding of a growth mindset challenges long-held beliefs that you are either born smart or you aren’t, and that gifts and talents are pretty much fixed from birth.

Being growth-oriented is a way to help you identify ways of strengthening your weaknesses, closing gaps in your achievement through intentional effort and overall enabling you to grow as a person in various ways.

Today, the idea of cultivating a growth mindset has been embraced by companies, schools, personal development coaches, and many others as a way to empower people to feel that they have control over their lives and can achieve the goals they set for themselves.

9 Easy Ways to start developing a Growth Mindset

Developing a growth mindset doesn’t happen overnight and requires patience and practice.

Focus on being realistic about how much time and effort it will take to change your mindset. Your beliefs are well ingrained and probably date back from your earliest experiences.

It takes a long time and lots of work to transform these types of beliefs. It IS possible, but it does take time, so be realistic with yourself about what you can accomplish in shorter periods.

Here are my recommended ones to get you started.

#1. Start seeing challenges and obstacles as opportunities. When something difficult or unexpected happens in your life, look for what you can learn from the situation and how it can help you grow as a person. In other words, build your positive reflex.

#2. Stop seeking the approval of other people. When you are always worried about what other people are thinking about you, you are placing their priorities above your own. It does not matter what they believe. Only you must live with the consequences of your choices.

#3. Celebrate the learning and growth of other people. When you look for ways that other people are improving their lives, you start to notice more opportunities within your own. Be happy for people you love who are enhancing their experience, and soon, you will be happy for yourself, as well.

#4. Focus on being your most authentic self. Those who are fixated on proving themselves to others often pretend to be something they are not. When you do this, it diminishes your ability to be you. Focus on living as yourself and allowing others to see the real you. Once you are your authentic self, you can focus on what matters most to you.

#5. Stop fearing failure. Instead of thinking of it as a setback or failure, embrace what you can learn from the experience. Focus on the lessons and the opportunities failure provides instead of what you are missing out on.

#6. Strengthen your self-awareness. The better you know yourself, the more you can use your talents and strengthen your weaknesses. When you are not sure, ask for feedback from those you trust. People have a different perspective than you, and they can help you identify crucial areas for your development and learning.

#7. Watch your language. Pay attention to the words you use with others as well as with yourself. Your vocabulary tells you a lot about your underlying beliefs. Are you using positive, growth-oriented words, or do you still hear negative language? Changing your vocabulary can help improve your mindset, so be sure to really listen to the words you are choosing.

#8. Focus on your purpose. Those with a growth mindset are purpose-driven, so if you don’t’ really know what your purpose is, that’s a wonderful place to start with your personal growth journey. What excites you? What interests you most? What talents do you want to share with the world? The more you focus on what your driving passion is, the easier it will be to stay motivated to learn and grow.

#9. Take more risks. Those who fear failure will avoid taking risks. If you find that you shy away from chance, then, think of small ways you can take risks in your daily life. Try something you have never done before. Make yourself vulnerable to someone. Go somewhere new. The more you push your comfort zone, the easier it will be the next time you want to take a risk.

Changing your mindset takes time and patience, but with consistent practice, you can change how you view yourself and the world, which can lead to more success and happiness for you.

Now is a good time to focus on developing your growth mindset and preparing for success.

Additional Success Resource

Karmic Ally Coaching’s Success Mindset Bundle provides you with the tool to do this. This eBook explores the ins and outs of the growth mindset and how it can enhance your personal development.

It offers strategies and tips for how you can transform your mindset into a more positive, learning-oriented one that expands your possibilities with a planner to record your actions and progress through the year.

I recently asked my subscribers this very question.

That email got one of the highest open rates and clicks to a resource mentioned in the email. I knew it had hit a chord.

I personally prefer to engage in positive thinking, often doing the 7 Day Positivity Challenge when my energy levels are low, and I need a boost. Besides, negative thoughts are so enervating.

Yet I am aware that it is not always possible. Not every situation in Life can be one of those ‘turn lemons into lemonade’. Or at least not in the foreseeable future.

For example, try telling the sole breadwinner of the family to think positively when they’ve been made redundant and have to look after their family as well as meet home loan repayments in a tight job market.

Tell them to remember the good times and the loads of work experience and exposure they got in the job. I guarantee you, as sure as the morning follows the night, you will get your head bitten off by a very angry if not upset person.

What’s more important is having a positive mental attitude and resilience to weather the shocks that life may give us from time to time.

This is done by building a positive reflex and knowing how to use those negative thoughts to your advantage.

It requires knowing your priorities and what’s really important to you and which you need to achieve no matter what.

Let’s turn our attention to what you really should care about – You and what matters to You.

I recently finished reading a brilliant book by Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life.

Don’t let the 4-letter word bother you.

His message is actually quite simple: We give a “F” about so many things that don’t really matter, but don’t give a “F” about the most important things in our lives.

His book is a load of fun to read. You have to get past his liberal use of the F word, but you start to get that he’s using it to really get attention for ideas that are not very popular and can be hard to live by if you don’t take life seriously.

Here’s a review that sums it up well.

“An in-your-face guide to living with integrity and finding happiness in sometimes-painful places… This book, full of counter-intuitive suggestions that often make great sense, is a pleasure to read and worthy of rereading. A good yardstick by which self-improvement books should be measured.” (Kirkus Reviews)

What I’m loving about this book is Manson’s turning all that think positive advice on its head and his view that we’d be better off handling adversity well – which is something I coach and mentor my clients on.

Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties—once we stop running from and avoiding and start confronting painful truths—we can begin to find the courage and confidence we desperately seek.

It boils down to having a growth mindset and the willingness to accept change and adapt if required. (Learn more about your change management style here or by clicking the image below for free)

Life is short and there are only so many things we can really care or bother about, so it makes sense to focus on that which is more important to us.

2 Case Studies on Lemons, Life and Mindset

Manson proves it with the contrasting examples of 2 musicians who were unceremoniously dropped just before their groups were signing a record deal and how each dealt with it.

Both musicians went on to do well but one of them was still competing against the band that dropped him and feeling like a failure even though he made millions of dollars.

The other went into depression and almost killed himself. Fortunately, he saw the dumping as a good thing. He soon after met his wife and had a good family, which he would not have had otherwise given the dysfunctional nature of music bands.

Did I mention he made money too?

I’m talking of Dave Mustaine who was dropped by Metallica and then founded Megadeth and Pete Best, the original Beatles drummer who was replaced by Ringo Starr.

My biggest takeaway from the case studies?

One’s mindset plays a big role in overcoming difficult situations and circumstance. Having a positive mental attitude is an important key to living a happy and fulfilling life.

Yet most people do not naturally have a positive mental attitude and need to work on it.

A positive mental attitude is really a state of mind and it’s usually a deliberate choice made by the individual.

In other words, a person living with a positive mental attitude has at some point in time probably made the decision to live that way. It’s quite normal that the person with the positive mental attitude wasn’t always positive.

Both were initially driven to show the group who had dumped them that they could achieve the same kind of success. One had a positive mental attitude while the other wallowed in a negative one.

Can you guess which was which?

I highly recommend you get the book and give it a read. You can thank me later!

Taking ownership for our happiness

It also got me thinking about discovering our life purpose and whether what we’re doing is honoring us as talented professionals.

Are you happy with what you’re doing?

Or do you feel something is missing?

What could possibly be keeping you stuck?

You might be feeling frustrated, even depressed at your lack of progress.

There is an important step you can take to get you out of that rut.

You can decide to take control now and identify what it is that is stopping you moving forward.

One way I suggest which is also mentioned by Manson is to re-examine your values. These change over time and perhaps what gave you satisfaction is not working any more.

For example, when I started my career as an auditor, my burning desire was to root out every fraud in the world.

In those days forensic auditing was unheard of. So, I focused on specializing in risk management and systems. I did projects where I unearthed frauds that were in millions of dollars.

Along with it came the danger of being bumped off by the mafia. I changed track and took on another safer specialization.

In my later years my values changed, and the end result has been the creation of Karmic Ally Coaching.

If you’re finding it challenging to think positively, I suggest you look at what you’re doing and your values and check to see if they still aligned.

Back to my original question, what’s your take on positive thinking? Share your perspective with me in the comments box.

Since we’re talking about mindset, growth and positive mental attitudes, here’s a resource to help you develop a positive mental attitude and growth mindset. Check it out at this link or click the image to download it.

Update November 2023 – Positive Thinking Secrets Bundle 

December sees a surge in goal setting & planning webinars and class invitations, whether online or offline hitting our email box.

The one’s that won’t stop until you sign up. Then the next surge of offers and promises that their program will help you achieve all your dreams in the coming year.

Some of them are promoted by affiliates with stories of how they were drowning but now going with the flow. Apparently, that’s why you should enroll in a program (like yesterday) and offer their own bonuses.

There’s nothing wrong with that because we can all use good information and guidance. If an affiliate earns extra cash at year-end, then that’s good Karma.

Who’s the Elephant in the Room?

Except I find most of these sessions ignore or don’t address the actual elephant in the room. Or if they do, it’s done in such a light manner that the participant doesn’t note it.

It’s called Mindset.

You can have the best personal and professional development plan, the best sales and marketing plan, the best any kind of plan.

You can have all the skills it takes to make those plans work but guess what?

It’s all just writing on the paper or typing on the Word document if you don’t take care of your Inner Game.

You also need to make sure you have what it takes to create Change if required.

Access the quiz and mini-ecourse with my compliments by clicking here.

How to tell if you have a Mindset Issue?

You don’t need anyone to tell you the How part. You know you have an issue if:

• You start the year on full steam and then peter out by the month end, or
• Have a “stop-start” pattern, or
• You’re on track and then hear about some new method or technique and run after it. You don’t think or assess if your current method or technique is actually working better for you. (BTW, that’s shiny object syndrome)

I believe Mindset is the number one problem and one of the top reasons why people don’t generate the kind of success they deserve or desire.

That’s why every year, in the second week of December, I send my subscribers tips and resources to work on their Mindset. This helps them prepare for the coming year with the promise of new beginnings.

Choosing a Theme Word for the Year brings to the fore how we want to feel and experience the year.

Knowing what we want is brought out with the Contrast Clarity exercise which I also use in my Career Needs  course.

Of course, there is a goal setting part too. But first we need to get clear about what we really want and how we’ll keep ourselves motivated.

Then and only then can we take action on a daily basis, recording our intentions, actions taken and adjust to ensure a Growth Mindset throughout the year.

Handling Mindset issues created by Society

This elephant in the room is also affected by Society.

Society can condition an individual’s intellect leading them to believe they have limited strength to achieve their purposes.

The individual’s sense of personal existence is a conditioned belief of society’s lack of awareness of the true Self-Being. This conditioning breaks the link of the individual with his Higher Self. The person believes they are the Doer and alone in this life.

In order to break free from these often-self-imposed restrictions, it is important to realize that there is a Power and Presence of God.

This is often referred to as the Source of Power, a Life Energy within each of us. When we allow it, this can guide us to do all manner of good in our life.

Using Affirmations to wipe out conditioned beliefs

In essence, if you were to remove the error of your conditioned belief of your own sense of personal existence, you could use your mind and body to serve as a vehicle and channel for your God-Mind.

This requires that you must first synthesize your mind to the Mind, Presence and Perfection of God as your True Self.

You do this by practicing repetitively synthesizing affirmations to create a Oneness with the God-Power in your mind. Then you channel affirmations to enable the God-Power to flow through you and into your daily activities.

An easy synthesizing affirmation could be “I am One with the Divine Light of God’s Being within me”.

My favorite channeling affirmation which works for any faith is “God directs my footsteps and direction each day.”

This success secret has been known to Christ and other mystics through the ages.

The synthesizing technique uses the power of the Word to influence our conscious and subconscious thoughts. In turn, this has the power to direct and attract good and positive energy to help us to achieve our best.

The concept is clearly seen in the opening images in the Bhagavad Gita (the Celestial Song). The narration tells us about Arjuna the warrior sits in his chariot conversing with his charioteer Lord Krishna.

The Katha Upanishad, one of the four sacred texts of Hinduism throws light on this imagery which is similar to considering ourselves as God’s Vehicle.

Do you use affirmations to develop your Mindset and connect with your Higher Self? I’d love to read about it!

Written By: Vatsala Shukla

So much has been written about limiting beliefs and fears. I honestly doubt the subject is going out of fashion soon.

Google the topic and you’ll find tons of articles and blog posts providing tips to deal with various aspects of this debilitating phenomenon. That includes 10 of my own to date!

Knowledge is power but coming face to face with your fear or belief and having to deal with it head on is the real acid test.

I wrote about my own experience when I explored the secondary gains of bad habits and can state with conviction that confronting a situation and writing about it academically are 2 different things.

Here’s another case study with a different scenario and solution.

Sometime back a client hired me to help get her career back on track. An overall good performer, things had not been the way they were before her maternity leave.

She realized she needed someone in her corner to help her regain her momentum and visibility.

Watershed Moments create Transformation Opportunities

We were making good progress. Then we had a session that proved to be the watershed in our work and her approach to her career and the elusive work life balance.

The session started off well and then I asked her about her week in general. That’s when her normally confident voice started to shake. I had a feeling her tears were near to the surface.

The next few minutes can only be described as a flood after a dam bursts.

In between sobs, I gathered the issue had something to do with being a good mother, an overbearing boss, her not getting good roles, no one to champion her for meaty projects and a whole lot of other things.

She feared in a shaky economy and budget cuts in her department, if she didn’t get the right projects and visibility, her job might be among the first to go as she was a generalist.

In my heart I knew we were at the precipice of a powerful coaching moment. Handled properly, my client would get the breakthrough making her unstoppable.

But the first priority was to get her to cry as much as she wanted and get it out of her system.

Tip: Crying can be cathartic

That’s where my techniques are different because I view crying as cathartic. I encourage clients to cry if they feel like it even though I don’t make them cry.

I suggested we take a break of 15 minutes during which I wanted her to go and make herself a cup of tea, chamomile preferably and do a brainstorm of her beliefs.

No restrictions were placed on the beliefs – I wanted it all out on the table, the good, the bad and the ugly.

We got back on the call as agreed a quarter of an hour later and my client had brainstormed 13 beliefs about herself and her situation.

As we went through her list, we found 9 empowering beliefs, 1 that is universal in any job, 1 that could be easily fixed and 2 that were affecting her adversely in her current situation.

One was based on an uncertain future and the other on her ability to maintain boundaries and work under pressure.

We went through a coaching exercise that I elaborate on in my post Is Uncertainty about the Future keeping you up at night (which is also available in my Self-Improvement Strategies Workbook).

I taught her the technique of muscle testing to confirm her beliefs.

How to handle critical self-limiting beliefs

Further introspection revealed that her 2 critical self-limiting beliefs were based on specific incidents. In hindsight, this could have been avoided if she had maintained boundaries. If she hadn’t allowed her helpful nature to be exploited by others for their vested interests or was covering for other people’s inadequacies.

My client was seen as somebody who gets the job done, can mediate, can achieve, has good relationship building skills and people like her.

She was aware of the need to become more assertive and maintain boundaries.

As for the belief that was changeable, we made a discovery. Her former boss had actually put in a word to her new boss to give her more assignments so she could polish her project management skills!

When we looked at the situation carefully, she realized that her boss actually trusted her! And preferred delegating tasks to her that were critical and important to the assignment she was working on. I guess the boss had not realized she might be overloading her trusted team member.

The simple solution to this was to ask her boss to prioritize her tasks whenever the sense of overwhelm came on.

This 1 solution prove valuable both for her and her boss. Sometimes bosses don’t realize how delegating can turn into dumping on reliable competent colleagues.

My client also realized her fears were inconsistent with proven skills and capabilities.

To make sure she stayed on track, we created new empowering affirmations to replace the 2 problematic limiting beliefs.

As a postscript, I am proud to tell you that she is unstoppable and now mentors and coaches her peers on the job. Her bosses recognize her leader skills and high level of Emotional Intelligence.

Understanding your power to change what you believe

The case study I shared relates to 1 competent professional.

This story is repeated every time a person has to face a situation that brings their limiting beliefs to the surface.

Here’s what I’ve learned about beliefs from my own and other’s experiences.

It’s important to recognize the impact our beliefs have on how we feel and behave.

Our beliefs about ourselves determine how we perform in a particular situation. They also determine the level of our self-confidence (which is what was happening with my client).

Believing something about a situation determines how events progress.

However, we can choose what we believe. If we wish to see a situation differently based on new information, we have the power to do so.

In any situation, what we think and feel about another person affects how we relate to that person.

Our beliefs are particularly important when relating to others.

If we believe a person has certain qualities, then we assume we know how they think and act. When we change our mind about someone, we see the person differently, often for the better.

We are free to determine what we believe about someone.

Simply knowing we can change what we believe brings success in our lives.

We are free to make decisions about what we think is true. If we observe factors that don’t coincide with our beliefs, we can change how we view other people and situations based on this new information.

Facing a situation where you know the belief is creating a barrier to your success?

Take time out to reflect on these 3 Self-Reflection questions:

1. Do I have the power to change my beliefs?
2. What is a particular assumption that hinders me?
3. How can I create more success by accepting my power to change my beliefs?

Are you willing to embrace your inherent power to change? Or alter your beliefs that don’t serve you?