Micro habits enhance your executive presence. One of my coaching clients was exceptionally capable. She consistently delivered results, worked hard, and was respected for her technical expertise both within the organization and outside in her industry.

Yet when a critical project hit a tight deadline, she struggled to keep her team aligned and motivated.

“I don’t understand,” she told me. “I’m doing everything right.”

For sure she was but there was one thing that was missing.

She wasn’t demonstrating her Executive presence consistently to her peers and team.

Like many women professionals, she believed executive presence was something you developed after becoming a senior leader. In reality, the opposite is true.

Executive presence is what convinces others you’re ready for leadership before you receive the title.

It isn’t built through one grand gesture, but through dozens of small, consistent behaviors that quietly shape how people experience you.

These micro changes may seem insignificant on their own, but together they create a powerful leadership identity.

Digital Leadership Habits

The internet makes it easy to gain knowledge and promote your visibility. Take advantage of virtual opportunities to enhance your leadership perception and advance your career.

Curate your Leadership Brand on LinkedIn

 Your LinkedIn profile shouldn’t simply list your responsibilities. It should communicate the value you create, the problems you solve, and the leadership qualities you bring. Research the most effective keywords that will make you stand out.

Ask yourself: would someone who has never met me believe I’m ready for the next level?

Build strategic relationships

Leaders don’t network only when they need something. They intentionally nurture relationships across departments, industries and seniority levels. A five-minute check-in today often becomes tomorrow’s opportunity

Organize your contacts so you can follow up effectively and efficiently. Whatever software you use, a successful system will help you to stay in touch and grow your network.

Become known for elevating others

Executive presence isn’t about being the smartest person in the room. It’s about helping others succeed. Celebrate colleagues publicly, recommend talented people, and generously share useful resources.

Besides, networking is more effective and rewarding when you focus on giving to others. Take a second to retweet someone’s message or recommend a former intern on LinkedIn.

Stay business fluent

Women are often recognized for execution rather than strategic thinking. Reading industry trends allows you to contribute insights instead of simply updates during meetings.

Spend a few minutes between meetings scanning the top business blogs in your industry.

Create mental space

Use technology to eliminate routine decisions so your energy is available for leadership conversations, decision-making and coaching your team.

Guard your attention

Leadership requires focus. Protect your attention from constant notifications so you’re fully present during conversations and important decisions.

Everyday Leadership Habits

Face-to-face interactions still have a dramatic impact. Maybe that’s even truer today when so much communication occurs electronically. See what a difference showing up in person can make.

Demonstrate initiative

Identify what your boss considers to be the top business priorities so you know where to devote your efforts.

Volunteer for projects that increase your visibility across the organization, especially initiatives involving multiple stakeholders.

Develop other people

Rather than rescuing everyone, ask questions that help others think through problems. Leaders create capability, not dependency.

Speak up instead of speaking more

Speak with clarity rather than frequency. Offer observations, connect ideas and ask thoughtful questions that move the discussion forward.

Participating in meetings and business discussions will grow your confidence as they bring you extra approval.

Project calm confidence

During stressful deadlines, people watch the leader’s emotional state. Your calmness often becomes the team’s confidence.

Make expressing gratitude one of your habits

 Let your colleagues know how much you appreciate them. Offer sincere praise and share credit for team projects. They’ll be more likely to return the favor.

Recognition is one of the fastest ways to build influence. Publicly acknowledge contributions while privately offering developmental feedback.

Dress for the role you’re growing into

Executive presence begins before you speak. Your appearance should reinforce the message that you’re ready for greater responsibility.

Pay attention to the office culture so you can choose an appropriate wardrobe even if there’s no formal dress code. One good rule of thumb is to start dressing like the position you want to hold in the future.

Join a professional association

Membership has its benefits, including networking and educational opportunities.

Instead of simply joining work on your leadership visibility within your profession using any of these activities:

• Attend events
• Volunteer
• Speak on panels
• Write articles

Master Your Energy

Leadership isn’t about working longer hours or redoing work of others. It’s about showing up consistently with focus, emotional resilience and good judgement.

Energy management is a leadership skill. That’s why recovery isn’t a luxury but an important part of sustainable leadership.

Pause before responding

This micro change is central to executive presence. Confident leaders rarely rush to answer every question immediately. Taking a brief pause before speaking communicates thoughtfulness and helps you respond with intention instead of reacting emotionally.

Here’s something I’ve noticed after coaching women professionals for many years.

Most people don’t miss out on promotions because they lack technical ability. They miss out because they underestimate how consistently they need to demonstrate leadership before anyone is willing to hand them a leadership title.

These micro habits are powerful because they’re repeatable. Over time, they shape how your manager, peers and team perceive you. That’s exactly how executive presence is built.

Not through one extraordinary achievement, but through dozens of intentional actions repeated every day.

If you’re serious about moving into your next leadership role, then the next step isn’t simply working harder. It’s learning how to position yourself so your leadership potential becomes impossible to overlook.

That’s exactly why I created Breaking the Career Ceiling to help ambitious women professionals move beyond being known as dependable performers and become recognized as confident leaders who are ready for greater responsibility.

Final words on micro habits

Executive presence isn’t built overnight. Nor is it reserved for CEOs or senior executives.

Every meeting you attend, every email you write, every conversation you have and every decision you make is teaching people how to perceive you.

Executive presence isn’t about doing more but about consistently sending signals that others associate with leadership.

Small behaviors repeated consistently become your leadership reputation.

If you’re aiming for your next promotion, don’t wait until you receive the title to start acting like a leader.

Become the leader people already trust before the promotion arrives.

And every promotion begins long before the interview.

It begins with the habits you choose today.

Choose one or two of these micro habits and practice them consistently over the next month. Small shifts, repeated often, create remarkable transformations.

Micro habits create momentum. A leadership strategy creates results.

If these 15 habits resonated with you, imagine what could happen if you combined them with a clear roadmap for increasing your visibility, strengthening your executive presence and positioning yourself for your next promotion.

That’s exactly what you’ll learn inside Breaking the Career Ceiling.

If you’re ready to stop wondering why others are moving ahead while you continue delivering excellent work behind the scenes, Breaking the Career Ceiling will give you the practical strategies, mindset shifts and executive presence techniques to help you become the leader others already see as promotion ready.

Because the next step in your career shouldn’t depend on being noticed by chance but it should happen by design.

Many talented women work incredibly hard, consistently deliver excellent results, and become the person everyone relies on. Yet when promotion opportunities arise, they often wonder why someone else gets noticed.

Or worse, they are promised a promotion or a particular role provided they meet their Key Performance Indices and goals during their performance appraisal. They deliver the goods, but that promotion goes to another colleague.

It’s happened to two of my clients and the answers given to them by their supervisors for being overlooked were far from satisfactory.

If this sounds familiar, then read on because I’m going to tell you what I told those 2 clients and the way to turn it around.

The truth is that impact at work isn’t measured only by how much you do. It’s also measured by how people experience your contribution, your confidence, and your leadership.

If you really want to be seen as leadership material, it’s time to move beyond simply completing tasks and start creating visible impact.

Try these 3 strategies for increasing your impact at work.

Start by thinking like a leader and not a contributor

Women are often encouraged to be dependable, but leadership requires more than dependability. It requires initiative and a different mindset.

Instead of waiting to be asked, look for opportunities to improve processes, solve problems, and make work easier for everyone around you.

These techniques will help you provide solutions with innovation and out-of-the-box thinking:

Continue learning. You’re more likely to spot issues and resolve them if you stay on top of developments in your field. Keep your technology skills up to date. Read industry publications and attend conferences.

Clarify priorities. Focus your efforts on the areas where you can expect the greatest returns. Talk with your boss about what matters most to them.

Develop proposals. Be prepared before you present your ideas to your boss. If possible, offer several options. Try to identify possible obstacles and strategies and address them.  Improve your out of box thinking skill.

Take small, calculated risks that stretch your confidence. Every time you volunteer for a challenging project or share an idea you’ve been hesitant to voice, you’re strengthening the confidence you’ll need as a future leader.

Embracing change feels scary, but it’s essential for making progress. Remind yourself of what you have to gain. Start small and learn from your experiences.

Make yourself visible

Many women believe that good work should speak for itself. That belief used to be true at some point. The world has changed and you need to change too.

Unfortunately, workplaces don’t always work that way. Visibility isn’t about bragging. It’s about making sure your ideas, expertise, and achievements are seen by the people making promotion decisions.

Your accomplishments may not speak for themselves. This is why you need to develop the skill of self-promotion.

Use these tips to learn how to promote yourself effectively, so others will take notice:

Speak with intention during meetings. You don’t need to dominate the conversation. Aim to contribute at least one thoughtful question, observation, or recommendation. Questions can be just as helpful as statements Consistent participation builds credibility and strengthens your executive presence.

Choose your assignments. Take more control of your workday. Volunteer for projects that align with your career goals.

Network vigorously. Reach out to colleagues in your workplace and at other companies. Aim to meet someone for coffee or lunch at least twice a week.

Manage your online presence. Do your social media pages convey the professional image you want? Update your LinkedIn profile for leadership branding by updating your headline and work samples. Check your keywords and add a professional photo and banner.

Tip: Do a self-google and see what comes up for your name. Do the same with ChatGPT. The results will provide a good starting point.

Lift others while building your influence

Strong leaders build trust by helping others succeed. Sharing knowledge, mentoring colleagues, and recognizing others demonstrates confidence rather than competition.

Ironically, the professionals who generously elevate others are often viewed as natural leaders themselves.

Building up your colleagues is likely to bring you more happiness and success. Earn a reputation for being a team player.

Follow these strategies:

Share feedback. Talking with others about their performance can be awkward, but it’s one of the most effective ways to help them. Provide specific and constructive input that they can act on. Be grateful when someone does the same for you.

Provide recognition. Let your coworkers know when they’re doing a great job. Write a thank you message and copy their supervisor.

Make referrals. Be generous with introductions and referrals. You may spark rewarding partnerships and reinforce your own network.

Pitch in. Offer your help without having to be asked. Tackle any remaining tasks necessary to meet a deadline or put together an outstanding client presentation.

Teach others. Maybe your employer has a formal mentoring program or welcomes a new slate of interns each year. Maybe you can find your own ways to train others and pass along your knowledge and skills.

Final thoughts

Your impact at work isn’t determined by how busy you are. It’s determined by the value people associate with your ideas, your presence, and your leadership.

Women who consistently innovate, communicate with confidence, and support others don’t just build successful careers; they become the professionals’ people naturally look to for leadership.

The good news is that confidence and influence aren’t personality traits. They’re skills you can intentionally develop.

Ready to become more confident and influential at work?

If you’ve ever held back from speaking up in meetings, questioned your abilities despite your achievements, or struggled to be recognized for the value you bring, you’re not alone.

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something you build through consistent action.

That’s exactly why I created the 5-Day Confidence kick start for Aspiring Women Leaders.

Over five practical days, you’ll learn simple confidence-building strategies designed specifically for women professionals who are ready to increase their visibility, strengthen their executive presence, and prepare for leadership opportunities.

Ready to stop waiting to be noticed and start leading with confidence? This program is the perfect next step.

Start Your 5-Day Confidence kick start here.

Is your leadership identity visible to the decisionmakers? After coaching ambitious women professionals for years, I’ve noticed that many career setbacks aren’t caused by a lack of competence.

They’re caused by breaking a few unspoken laws of leadership that nobody teaches us.

This is how it plays out.

You work hard, deliver results and solve problems.

Your team experiences psychological safety in the workplace and you are seen as a supportive manager.

Yet somehow, less capable colleagues seem to get noticed, trusted with bigger opportunities, and promoted ahead of you.

If this sounds familiar, the issue may not be your skills, experience, or work ethic.

It may be your leadership identity.

In this post, we’ll explore five leadership identity truths that can quietly shape the trajectory of your career.

You’ll also be prompted to ask yourself questions about the truth and how it may relate to you.

1. Competence doesn’t create Leadership Identity

In the early stages of our career, many women believe that their hard work will speak for them, and their efforts will be recognized.

Demonstrating competency is important because that is the skill that gets you hired and helps you perform.

It also helps you to earn the trust of your supervisor and fellow team members.

You may get promoted to a team leader or manager position, but when it comes to leadership roles at a higher level, the rules of the game change.

Leadership roles are rarely awarded based solely on what you’ve already accomplished.

Senior leaders are evaluating something different:

Can they see you operating successfully at the next level?

The challenge I’ve observed is that many women become known as the reliable expert, the dependable problem-solver, or the person who always gets things done.

While those qualities are valuable, they don’t automatically position you as a strategic leader.

The uncomfortable truth is that you can become indispensable in your current role and invisible for the next one.

Ask Yourself:

How much time do you spend demonstrating leadership capacity versus proving competence?

2. People believe the Leadership Story you tell about yourself

With every meeting, every conversation and every opportunity you either claim or decline, you’re constantly shaping your professional reputation.

In my short audio blog, The Truth about Good Performances not resulting in Promotions, I shared 5 subtle ways self-sabotage often shows up for high-performing women professionals.

Many women unknowingly do self-sabotage when they communicate a leadership story that sounds like:

• I’m here to help
• I don’t want to take credit
• I don’t want to appear arrogant
• I’m not quite ready yet

To be a leader who advances, you need to communicate a very different story:

• I solve important problems
• I influence outcomes
• I create value
• I lead change

The story people hear repeatedly becomes the story they believe.

Eventually, it becomes the story they tell about you when you’re not in the room.

Ask Yourself:

What leadership story are your actions telling?

3. Visibility is not Self-Promotion

This is a big mind-set shift women leaders need to make.

As I mentioned earlier, relying on your competency to demonstrate leadership identity doesn’t work.

I once coached a high-achieving professional who consistently exceeded expectations. She had been told a promotion would be hers if she delivered on ambitious goals.

She did.

In fact, she exceeded them.

Yet, the promotion went to someone else. It wasn’t because he was more capable but because he was more visible.

Here’s what many women professionals get wrong:

They think visibility means bragging.

They worry that talking about achievements will make them appear arrogant.

So, they stay quiet.

They use “we” when they should use “I.”

They downplay their accomplishments.

They hope the right people will notice.

Unfortunately, leadership doesn’t work that way.

The thing to remember is that visibility is not ego but information.

Your manager cannot advocate for achievements they don’t know about.

Senior leaders cannot evaluate impact they cannot see.

Decision-makers cannot consider you for opportunities if they don’t understand the value you create.

The women who advance aren’t necessarily the loudest in the room.

They’re often the women who have learned to communicate their contributions clearly, confidently, and without apology.

Claiming credit for work you’ve genuinely done isn’t self-promotion.

It’s leadership.

And here’s the truth many women really need to hear: Self-deprecation may make you likeable, but it rarely makes you promotable.

Ask Yourself:

Are you making it easy for others to understand the impact you create?

4. You teach people how to treat your expertise

Your leadership identity is reinforced through your everyday behavior, such as

• Your vocabulary and the words you choose
• The boundaries you set
• The confidence you project
• How you respond when challenged

Many highly capable women unintentionally undermine their own authority and self-sabotage their image by prefacing ideas with statements such as:

• This may be a silly thought…
• I’m not sure, but…
• Sorry, just a suggestion…
• You probably know this already…

While these phrases seem harmless, they subtly train others to trust your expertise less.

Ironically, this often happens when the woman speaking is one of the most qualified people in the room.

When you consistently minimize your expertise, others learn to minimize it too.

Ask Yourself:

What habits might be quietly diluting your credibility?

5. Promotions follow Identity Shifts, not Just Skill Development

Many women believe they need to earn the next level before they start acting like someone who belongs there.

The reality is often the opposite.

The professionals who advance fastest begin thinking differently before their title changes.

They

• Communicate differently.
• Set stronger boundaries.
• Focus on strategic impact.
• Stop waiting for permission.

Instead of asking, “How can I prove I’m ready?”

They ask, “How would a leader at the next level approach this situation?”

And then embody that leadership in the way they present themselves and their work.

Leadership growth often follows this pattern:

Leadership Identity → Leadership Behavior → Leadership Visibility → Leadership Opportunities

Not the other way around.

Ask Yourself:

Are you waiting for a promotion to think like a leader, or thinking like a leader before the promotion arrives?

Which of these hidden leadership identity mistakes are affecting your career?

Reading about leadership identity is one thing.

Recognizing how these patterns show up in your own career is another.

Many women professionals don’t realize they’re engaging in subtle self-sabotaging behaviors that reduce their visibility, weaken their executive presence, and keep them from being recognized for the value they bring.

If you’re wondering which of these patterns might be holding you back, start with my free Career Self-Sabotage Audit.

The audit will help you identify hidden habits and mindset patterns that may be limiting your leadership growth and career progression.

👉 Download the Career Self-Sabotage Audit

The hidden career cost of getting Leadership Identity wrong

The truth is that most women professionals don’t struggle because they lack talent.

They struggle because they continue operating from an identity that no longer serves their ambitions.

In other words, they

• stay hidden when they need visibility
• downplay when they need ownership
• seek permission when they need influence
• focus on proving competence when they should be demonstrating leadership

The result?

Career stagnation that feels confusing because they’re doing everything they’ve been told should work.

What you need to remember is that leadership isn’t just about what you do.

It’s about who you believe yourself to be.

When your leadership identity shifts, your communication, confidence and visibility changes.

And ultimately, your career trajectory changes.

Are you ready to stop being overlooked?

Many women don’t realize they’re bumping up against a career ceiling created not by a lack of talent, but by outdated beliefs about visibility, leadership, and self-advocacy.

If you’ve recognized yourself in these leadership identity traps, the next step isn’t working harder.

It’s identifying the hidden behaviors, beliefs, and patterns that may be keeping you stuck below your potential.

That’s exactly why I created Breaking the Career Ceiling.

This practical resource helps ambitious women professionals identify what’s really standing between them and their next level of leadership, influence, visibility, and career growth.

Whether you’re aiming for a promotion, a leadership role, or simply greater recognition for the value you bring, you’ll gain insights to help you move forward with clarity and confidence.

👉 Get Breaking the Career Ceiling here

Because sometimes the biggest obstacle to career growth isn’t a lack of capability. It’s the invisible ceiling you’ve been taught to accept.

Many highly capable women professionals don’t miss promotions because they lack skill. They miss them because subtle, unconscious patterns undermine how they show up at work.

You may be doing all the right things on paper. You’re delivering results, staying dependable and working hard.

Yet you still feel overlooked for the recognition, opportunities, or leadership roles you know you’re capable of.

Often, self-sabotage doesn’t look dramatic. It shows up in small behaviours that quietly shape how others perceive your readiness for growth.

In this short audio blog, I share 5 subtle ways self-sabotage often shows up for high-performing women professionals and how to start shifting those patterns.

🎧 Audio blog: Listen here

I also created a free resource to help you identify your own patterns:

📌 The Career Self-Sabotage Audit for Women Professionals
Access the free audit here

Your subconscious mind shapes much of your external behaviour. This includes the choices, reactions, and habits that may be holding your career back without your even realizing it.

Once you become aware of these patterns, you can interrupt them and make more intentional choices.

Some common reasons self-sabotage may be operating beneath the surface

1. Fear of failure

Success often requires visible risk. It means speaking up, applying for a stretch role or leading a project. All of these carry the possibility of being judged or failing publicly.

To avoid that discomfort, many women unconsciously hold back. Their fear of failure shows up as delaying action, staying overly cautious, or avoiding putting themselves forward.

2. Low sense of self-worth

Even successful professionals can quietly carry the belief that they are not quite good enough.

When this belief is active, you may downplay your achievements. You hesitate to advocate for yourself, or unconsciously make choices that keep you small.

You may tell yourself you want growth, while behaving in ways that keep you from receiving it.

3. Fear of change

Promotion changes more than a job title. It changes visibility, expectations, responsibility, and often lifestyle.

Part of you may want advancement, while another part resists what comes with it.

For example, you may say you want a senior role but repeatedly emphasize to leadership how important maintaining current work-life boundaries are to you.

When an opportunity opens, your manager may assume you’re not interested in the demands of that role.

Without realizing it, you may have communicated hesitation.

4. Control and perfectionism

Perfectionism often disguises itself as professionalism.

When you need everything to be perfectly prepared before acting, you slow your visibility and decision-making skill.

Women professionals who over prepare miss key moments to lead, influence, or position themselves for advancement.

5. Habitual self-sabotage

Sometimes the issue isn’t mindset but repeated behaviour.

Consistently arriving late, avoiding difficult conversations, staying silent in meetings, delaying important decisions, or not following through can shape your reputation more than you think.

Small habits create career narratives.

6. Internalized criticism

Critical voices often stay with us long after the original source is gone.

Family expectations, workplace criticism, difficult managers, and past experiences can become internal scripts:

• “I’m not ready.”
• “Someone else is more qualified.”
• “I shouldn’t ask.”
• “I’ll probably fail.”

Repeated enough, these thoughts influence your choices and reinforce self-sabotaging patterns.

Research in behavioural psychology and adult development shows that many of our coping patterns are learned early and carried into adulthood. They can absolutely be changed but first, they must be recognized.

Then reframed to make criticism work to your advantage.

In addition, research shows that your parents can affect you as an adult.

If your parents exhibited self-sabotaging behaviour, then you may copy it throughout your life.

You’ve grown up seeing this pattern and have a hard time breaking out of it. Their insecurities can carry over to your life.

Now for the good news

Self-sabotage is learned behaviour, not fixed identity.

When you notice a thought that weakens your confidence, visibility, or action, pause and question it:

Is this actually true or is this an old pattern protecting me from discomfort?

That question alone can begin to shift how you lead, communicate, and position yourself.

The more you practice recognizing these patterns, the easier it becomes to interrupt them.

And that is often where meaningful career change begins.

Curious about your own hidden patterns? Start with the free Career Self-Sabotage Audit here:

Take the free audit

Many professionals believe that if they demonstrate gravitas then they will be perceived as having executive presence.

They are willing to invest in training to acquire and polish this Wow factor.

But here’s the truth. Gravitas becomes visible and perceived by others when expressed through your communication style.

This means speaking confidently, presenting clearly, or using the right language in meetings.

Those skills certainly matter.

But experienced leaders know that effective communication begins even before you say a word.

Professionals with strong executive presence often notice signals that others miss.

They pay attention not just to what is being said, but to what is happening around the conversation.

In my previous post, I pointed out that when you learn to read your boss’s mood, you will also be able to read other people.

That’s because you’ll be developing your social awareness skill.

Social awareness is one of the most important building blocks of executive presence because it allows professionals to adjust their communication based on the dynamics around them.

If you’re exploring ways to strengthen your leadership presence more broadly, you may also find my Executive Presence Checklist helpful.

Executive Presence is not just how you speak. It’s how well you read the room

It begins with understanding the emotional and relational dynamics in the room.

So, you consider the following questions:

What is the emotional tone in the room?

Who feels invested in the topic?

Can someone feel threatened by the idea?

Who holds informal influence in the discussion?

Who seems engaged or hesitant?

Is there tension or resistance present?

Do I need empathy, clarity, or authority here?

This is called doing an emotional climate scan. It’s part of Part of the Executive Social Awareness Starter Pack. [Get the Checklists]

It’s important to know how to read the room because sometimes the emotional tone of a conversation changes. Quite possibly, someone in the room is experiencing pressure or frustration.

In some cases, leaders may react unpredictably under stress, which is why learning how to stay composed in these situations is also important.

I wrote more about this in my article on how to keep calm and composed when your boss is volatile.

Professionals with strong social awareness notice these signals quickly and adjust their approach accordingly.

That ability is a major reason their ideas gain traction.

Decisions in organizations are rarely purely logical

Most workplaces operate on an unspoken assumption that decisions are made primarily through data and logic.

In reality, decisions are influenced by a mix of:

• relationships
• perceived risk
• organizational politics
• emotional reactions to change

A client once told me that her project proposal was technically sound but consistently stalled in meetings.

When we looked closely at the dynamics, she realized a senior colleague felt the proposal would reduce their team’s influence.

Once she addressed that concern directly, the conversation shifted and the proposal moved forward.

So, a proposal may be technically sound but still encounter resistance if it disrupts someone’s priorities or authority.

Socially aware professionals recognize these dynamics early and shape their communication to address both the logical and human aspects of the conversation.

Social Awareness aids Leaders to detect resistance early

One of the most valuable leadership abilities is detecting unspoken resistance before it becomes open opposition.

I remember my first boss and mentor who demonstrated this skill to perfection.

During our audit planning meetings, he’d observe each one of us and would suddenly ask one of us what we thought of the strategy on a particular audit section.

The team member who was asked would fidget a bit and then come out with their risk related concerns. Not an easy thing to do in front of the boss. However, this would lead to better dialogue and quite often gave us all a different perspective.

Resistance rarely appears immediately.

It often shows up through subtle signals such as:

• polite but vague responses
• sudden silence after an idea is presented
• reduced eye contact or engagement
• side conversations after meetings

Professionals who notice these cues early can address concerns proactively instead of being surprised later when progress stalls.

Social awareness is equally valuable outside formal meetings.

For example, networking conversations often involve interpreting subtle cues about interest, openness, or shared priorities.

I explore this further in my article on small talk with people who feel like they come from a parallel universe at networking events.

The skill that strengthens Influence without increasing Authority

Influence is a powerful tool to be used with care.

Many professionals believe influence comes primarily from formal and legitimate authority and power bases.

In my post on the 5 Leadership Bases, I share how we can exercise power like a leader in the workplace even when we don’t have the title of a boss.

In fact, some of the most effective leaders influence outcomes even when they are not the most senior person in the room.

They do this by:

• recognizing the concerns others may hesitate to express
• acknowledging emotional reactions to change
• adapting their message to the priorities of different stakeholders

Social awareness allows them to engage people in ways that build alignment rather than resistance.

Social Awareness is a key signal of leadership maturity

When you are vying for a promotion or a leadership position, developing this skill can be the game changer.

Senior leaders often evaluate potential leadership candidates on more than technical competence.

They look for signs that someone can:

• navigate complex interpersonal dynamics
• recognize the perspectives of multiple stakeholders
• maintain composure in difficult conversations

These capabilities signal leadership maturity.

And they are all rooted in strong social awareness.

Professionals who develop this skill tend to demonstrate a level of presence that makes others naturally view them as leadership material.

This is why professionals who develop strong social awareness often find that their communication becomes more effective.

Ideas presented by them gain more traction, and their executive presence grows naturally over time.

If you’re a woman leader or aspiring executive, mastering executive presence on LinkedIn is no longer optional—it’s your quiet superpower.

In today’s hyper-connected world, your digital presence often precedes your physical one. The impressions you make online directly impact how people perceive your competence, credibility, and leadership potential.

Why LinkedIn isn’t just a Resume anymore

The truth is, many talented women are overlooked not because they lack capability but because they’re invisible in the very spaces where opportunities are seeded.

Having a strong online presence is non-negotiable if you want to advance your career.

LinkedIn isn’t just a place to list job history anymore. It’s the decision-makers playground, a hiring manager’s research zone, and a recruiter’s treasure hunt.

In my post Are You Game to Accept the Karmic Ally Coaching Google Yourself Challenge, I suggested doing a Google search for your name to see what results come up.

Now ask yourself: if someone Googles your name, what do they see? And more importantly—what don’t they see?

What you may not know is that the top results are either those of your website (if you have one) or your LinkedIn url. It could also be your Facebook or Instagram profile/content.

Imagine when there are others with the same name. Shouldn’t you try and make sure your profile is at the top of Page 1?

I’d go one step further and ask ChatGPT who you are by asking, ‘Who is (your full name)’.

The results with sources might just surprise you.

Put simply, the stakes are high. Your LinkedIn presence can either silently block your rise or quietly accelerate your ascent.

It’s one reason I always include a LinkedIn Profile review as part of my coaching packages and ensure that at least the profile is optimized during the engagement to reflect Executive Presence. I also teach them how to engage for visibility.

Executive Presence isn’t just for the workplace; it’s how you project yourself even in the online space, especially LinkedIn.

Most women don’t realize this until they’ve already been passed over. Let’s change that right now.

Establishing Executive Presence on LinkedIn: A Strategic Starting Point

To project executive presence on LinkedIn, especially for women professionals, you need more than a polished headshot and a list of roles. It requires digital nuance, precision storytelling, and intentional visibility.

You can pick up some basic tips in my blog post on LinkedIn profiles for job hunters which are relevant even here.

Now let’s focus on establishing your executive presence on LinkedIn with some specific tips.

1. Command Attention with a Powerful Headline and Banner

Your headline is not your job title—it’s your value proposition. Instead of “Marketing Manager at XYZ Corp,” say:

“Driving Brand Transformation | Customer-Centric Strategist | Empowering Teams to Scale with Purpose”

Layer in strategic keywords so your profile ranks in search while communicating the leadership story you want people to know.

Banner tip: Customize it. Use brand-relevant colors, include a leadership quote, or display visual cues about your industry or mission.

2. Craft a Summary that speaks like a Visionary

The About section is where executive presence either shines or vanishes. Skip the generic career timeline. Instead, lead with intention, credibility, and conviction. Open with a bold sentence about your leadership mission or the impact you aim to create.

Example opening:

“I believe that empathetic leadership is the future—and I’ve built my career guiding high-performing teams to deliver with both excellence and humanity.”

Then layer in:

• Strategic accomplishments (quantified)
• Core leadership philosophies
• Industries or markets where you’ve created measurable change

Show them who you are before they scroll to see what you’ve done.

3. Strategic Use of LinkedIn Featured Section

Most profiles neglect this area. This is prime real estate. Use it to feature:

• Media interviews or speaking engagements
• White papers or case studies you’ve contributed to
• Personal blog posts or LinkedIn articles on leadership, diversity, or innovation
• Thought leadership videos or slides from industry panels

This curates your credibility without having to say a word.

Bonus Tip: If you’ve created videos, then make this the first feature on your Profile.

The Hidden Layers of Influence that most women miss

Even when the profile is polished, the real magnetism comes from how you show up consistently.

Here’s what goes underutilized:

4. Thoughtful Commenting is Quiet Authority

Commenting on posts from industry leaders, company executives, or relevant publications puts you in conversations you haven’t been invited to—yet.

Don’t just like—comment with depth.

Examples:

• “Interesting shift in hiring trends—seeing the same in APAC markets.”
• “This speaks to the importance of empathetic leadership, especially in hybrid work environments.”

Each comment becomes a mini demonstration of your thinking style.

5. Content Creation that Signals Leadership

You don’t need to post daily, but if you’re not sharing your perspective at all, you’re missing the single most important digital positioning tool available.

Some useful ideas as part of your content curation:

• Reflections on leadership lessons
• Team wins or strategic project debriefs
• Industry insights with your analysis
• Empowering advice to others in your field

Use your voice. Each post builds a silent reputation.

Bonus Tip: Contribute to collaborative articles on LinkedIn where you feel you can add value and showcase your expertise.

Still wondering what you should post on LinkedIn to reflect executive presence?

Its simple. Share content that aligns with leadership, innovation, people development, or strategic thinking. Avoid fluff. Prioritize insights over opinions.

Most importantly, show your own authentic style of leadership through your content.

Optimization Moves That Signal High-Level Readiness

Once the fundamentals are set, take things up a notch with these techniques:

6. Skills & Endorsements: Don’t just collect—curate

Instead of 50 random skills, choose 10 that align with your leadership brand. Reorder them. Then, invite endorsements from people who’ve seen those skills in action.

Strategically request:

• Leadership
• Strategic Thinking
• Change Management
• Cross-Functional Collaboration

7. Recommendations: Proof of Influence

Most women hesitate to ask for recommendations. Flip the script—offer one first. Then ask colleagues, mentors, or past direct reports to write one that highlights not just what you did but how you led.

Guide them subtly:

“Would you mind highlighting how we collaborated on that digital transformation project, and what stood out about my leadership during the transition?”

These are subtle but powerful endorsements of presence.

Leveraging LinkedIn for Strategic Career Moves

Beyond daily interactions, LinkedIn is also a stealth career strategy tool.

8. Connect Intentionally

Curate your network. Connect with:

• Executives in your desired industries
• Alumni from your university or past companies
• Influential women leaders you admire

Use personalized connection notes:

“Loved your recent post on executive resilience. I’m building my voice around that topic too—would love to connect.”

Bonus Tip: Check out my post on The Missing Link on LinkedIn

9. Engage with Recruiters without saying you’re looking for a change of work

Turn on “Open to Work” but set it to private (visible only to recruiters). Then update your profile to reflect leadership-readiness. You’ll begin to appear in targeted searches.

Building Digital Gravitas Over Time

Here’s the truth: executive presence on LinkedIn for women professionals isn’t built overnight. It’s cultivated through small, consistent signals that tell the world, “I’m already leading—even before the title says so.”

This is a digital persona built from:

• Storytelling with substance
• Engagement with intention
• Visibility with strategy
• Presence with purpose

Final Thoughts: Your Future Boss Is Watching—Are You Ready?

Your next opportunity may not come from a job board or a head-hunter’s cold call. It might come from someone silently watching your content for months. That someone, who has been reading your comments and has noticed your voice.

This is how modern leadership begins—online, quietly, confidently.

If you’re ready to elevate your executive presence on LinkedIn, start now. Audit your profile. Post one insight this week. Comment with substance. The momentum will build.

Your digital reputation is your first impression. Make sure it speaks the language of leadership.

You’ve put in the work to build your LinkedIn presence—now it’s time to measure what the world really sees.

Your personal brand is speaking… but is it saying what you want it to say?

👉 Click here to discover how to track and tune your LinkedIn impact using the LinkedIn Social Selling Index. This powerful, little-known tool reveals how your profile and activity is actually performing behind the scenes.

If you’re serious about visibility, influence, and Executive Presence, this is your next step. Don’t guess. Know. And grow.

There’s a lot of noise out there about how women should show up in leadership.

Unfortunately, the prescribed method to achieve this doesn’t take the person’s strengths, weaknesses or consider a style that doesn’t make women experience imposter syndrome.

Leadership means being able to lead a team that trusts and respects you, it doesn’t mean you’re becoming a round peg trying to fit into a square hole.

Leadership presence was being taught long before we all became aware of Executive Presence.

I still remember the time I was told I needed to “command the room.”

It was in a leadership workshop—one of those off-site trainings run at luxury hotels in exotic locations.

A bunch of eager mid-level managers are crammed into a windowless hotel ballroom and handed out little notepads and pens with the hotel logo. Then for the next 8 hours (with mini breaks) you are told by a trainer wearing an expensive designer suit how to become a better leader.

Our facilitator told us, in no uncertain terms, that if we wanted to be taken seriously, we needed to project confidence.

Speak with authority. Lower our voices. Take up more space. We were literally ordered to stop saying “I’m sorry.”

I remember nodding along; writing it down diligently in my notebook—command the room. It sounded important. It sounded like a rule.

I was in my early thirties, ambitious and hungry for something—maybe validation, maybe a roadmap. I don’t know. I just knew I wanted to get it right.

I tried it in the next meeting and felt like a total fraud—awkward, disconnected from myself.

I told myself that practice makes perfect and I was being strategic. I was doing it right and would ‘grow’ into it.

I knew something was off but couldn’t put my finger on it.

Then I noticed that the more I tried to perform confidence, the more disconnected I felt from what I was actually saying. I’d leave meetings replaying my words in my head, cringing at how forced it sounded.

My colleagues—especially the women—seemed to look at me differently, like they couldn’t quite figure out what had changed.

And the truth is, I couldn’t either.

Because here’s the thing I wasn’t ready to admit back then:

I didn’t want to command the room in that way. I didn’t want to perform some scripted version of leadership that didn’t feel natural to me.

I love people and empathy is my strength. I wanted to connect—to listen, to ask thoughtful questions, to build trust through quiet presence, not by taking up the most space or having the loudest voice.

But back then, that felt like a weakness.

Frankly speaking, there’s so much noise out there about how women should show up in leadership.

You know the kind—articles, podcasts, panels where everyone agrees that women need to be more assertive, less emotional, more confident, but not too confident.

To be honest, I was exhausted.

It was because I was trying to fit into a mould that was never really designed with women like us in mind.

The pressure starts to build up and self-doubt creeps in. Before long, you start wondering if you’ll ever feel truly at ease in your own skin as a leader.

It wasn’t until I let go of those rigid rules and started speaking the way I actually think—calm, thoughtful, honest—that people started listening.

That’s when I realized: leadership isn’t a script. It’s showing up in a way that feels like you, and letting that be enough.

That’s also when you demonstrate Executive or Leadership Presence.

I’m not the only one who feels that way.

It’s confusing, isn’t it? One day you’re told to lean in. The next, you’re told to step back and make space for others. Show vulnerability, but not too much, or they’ll think you’re not cut out for the big jobs.

It’s a tightrope that feels impossible to walk.

And I see it in the women I work with, too. They come to me saying they’re exhausted—tired of trying to fit into a mould that wasn’t designed for them in the first place.

They ask: Should I be more direct? Am I smiling too much? Should I stop apologizing?

I don’t have easy answers. I wish I did.

What if Executive Presence isn’t something you achieve?

That’s what Deepa (name changed) realized in the course of our working together.

In our initial conversation, she said she wanted to ‘learn Executive Presence’ so that she could position herself for the Vice President promotion.

The trigger?

She thought buying a designer suit, memorizing the talking points, and holding eye contact would be enough. But in that meeting—when the stakes were high and the silence heavy—none of it mattered.

What did matter was the moment she took a breath, said what needed to be said, and stayed grounded even when her voice trembled.

She did everything the articles said to do—spoke with authority, leaned in, wore the “right” outfit.

Still, just like I had done years earlier, after the meeting, she’d walk out questioning herself. Not because she failed—but because she felt like she was performing a version of leadership that didn’t quite fit.

During our chat, she realized: Executive Presence wasn’t about looking ready—it was about becoming steady. And that kind of presence isn’t built in a day.

Here’s the truth no one likes to say out loud: there’s no one-size-fits-all strategy for presence. No template, no script, no magic fix.

And yet… there is something. A shift. A way of showing up that feels less like effort and more like alignment.

Executive Presence isn’t a checklist. It’s a practice.

The kind built slowly—in quiet moments, small choices, and subtle rewiring. It happens in the space between self-doubt and self-trust. In the space between silence and clarity.

The best part?

You don’t have to overhaul your personality or become someone else to get there. You just have to stop leaving yourself behind in rooms where you were meant to lead.

That’s where it begins.

This isn’t about being louder. It’s about being rooted. Steady and intentional.

You learn how to carry that energy with you—whether you’re presenting to a boardroom or speaking up in a room that wasn’t built for you.

No hype. No overnight transformation but a real shift. The kind that stays with you long after the room goes quiet.

By the time we completed our engagement, Deepa was a different person.

But what if the problem isn’t you? What if the real issue is the noise—the constant, conflicting messages about how women should show up in leadership?

I can’t tell you exactly how to lead—because the truth is, it’s not a formula. It’s not a script.

It’s a process of learning to listen to yourself, and discovering what works for you—even when it doesn’t look like what the books, the podcasts, or the “experts” say it should.

What I’ve learned, slowly, over time, is this: there’s no single “right” way to show up as a leader.

There’s just your way.

It’s quieter than the noise. It’s messier, more nuanced. Don’t expect it to always fit neatly into the frameworks or the catchy leadership sound bites.

For me, it’s been about learning to trust that my thoughtful, measured style is leadership.

It’s been about realizing that listening deeply and speaking with intention can be just as powerful as commanding the room with a booming voice.

And yes, sometimes I still catch myself falling into the old habits—trying to be more polished, more assertive, more something. But then I pause. I ask myself: Is this me? Or is this the noise talking?

I think that’s the real work—learning to tell the difference.

It’s not easy. It takes time. It takes unlearning. And it takes a willingness to sit in the discomfort of not always having a blueprint to follow.

But I can tell you this: the more I’ve cleared out the noise, the more I’ve started to feel like myself again—and the more impact I’ve been able to make, in my own quiet way.

So if you’re feeling that tension—that sense that you’re supposed to lead a certain way but it just doesn’t feel like you—I get it. I’ve been there.

And I’m not here to tell you to stop speaking up, or to speak louder, or to smile less, or to be more confident.

I’m here to tell you that you get to decide what leadership looks like for you.

It might be bold. It might be gentle. It might be a little of both.

But it won’t come from following the noise.

It comes from slowing down, tuning in, and getting really honest about what feels authentic for you—even if it doesn’t match the latest leadership trend.

That’s where the real presence is.

And that’s where I hope you find yourself, too.

When you’re ready, I’ll show you how to clear the noise and figure out what leadership looks like when it finally feels like you. Reach out and let’s chat.

Final Words on embracing your own style of leadership

Here’s what I wish more women heard sooner:
There’s no magic bullet.
Executive Presence isn’t a performance.
It’s a practice.

One you build slowly—in small, intentional moments.
The pause before you speak.
The way you stand in your values.
Your choice to take up space without apology.

Not everyone is ready to commit to an investment of 3 months where we fine tune your version of Executive Presence and leadership.

That’s exactly what I created the 5-Day Confidence Kickstart for Aspiring Women Leaders to help you do.

I believe sometimes it just takes one step to create the results we want.

No pressure. No push to be someone you’re not.

Just five days to reconnect with your own leadership presence—on your terms.

If you’ve been second-guessing yourself, over explaining, or feeling like you have to earn your seat every single time…

this is your quiet reset.

Start your Confidence Kickstart here

Because the leader you’re becoming?

She doesn’t need to try harder.
She just needs to stop leaving herself behind.

Research shows that it only takes seven seconds to make a first impression. Experiments by Princeton researchers even suggest that people can make accurate judgments of others within 1/10 of a second. Seems like the Swedish band Roxette knew what they were talking about in The Look!

On a more serious note, when you’re aiming to climb the leadership ladder, your Executive Presence Dress Code can either open doors or close them before you’ve had a chance to speak.

You’ve nailed the qualifications and your experience is impeccable. But if your wardrobe doesn’t communicate gravitas, authority, and influence, you could be undermining your own advancement without realizing it.

There’s a Hidden Cost of dressing below your role

You’re competent. You’re intelligent. Yet, something’s holding you back. You’re getting passed over for stretch roles, your strategic ideas aren’t landing with upper management, and your credibility in high-stakes meetings seems to fall flat.

This I can tell you are true based on my own observation back when I was training to be a Chartered Accountant in London.

There was a highly competent colleague who was often mistaken for a junior when in fact she was leading the team for the simple reason that she didn’t dress the part. Her office suits didn’t speak leader, and her shoes were worn out at the heels.

The managers in our group must have had a talk with her because she finally did a wardrobe overhaul (including the shoes) and her career was back on track.

Mind you, it’s not about superficial appearance but about visual alignment.

If how you show up doesn’t reflect who you’re becoming, leadership won’t see you as ready.

This is where the Executive Presence Dress Code becomes more than just clothing—it becomes your silent ambassador in every room you walk into.

Why Executive Presence hinges on how you dress

In an earlier post, I shared 3 tips to command presence in the room but Executive presence isn’t just posture and voice. It’s about being seen as a leader before you speak.

Your clothing sends subconscious cues about your authority, attention to detail, decision-making skills, and even your future potential.

Can what you wear really impact your Leadership Trajectory?

Yes—and the science backs it up. According to a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, individuals dressed in formal business attire are perceived as more competent and confident. The right wardrobe choices can elevate your influence quotient instantly.

The colleague who I mentioned earlier benefitted from changing her wardrobe. Her earlier mistake and one that many professionals make, is to ignore the executive presence dress code.

If you’re dressing for the job, you have and not the one you want, you need to seriously consider updating your visual cues to match the expectations of the next level.

Let’s take a look at how you can command attention without saying a word using your Wardrobe Blueprint.

Executive Presence Dress Code for Women in Leadership

When you’re preparing for C-suite visibility, your wardrobe must walk the fine line between polish and power.

1.    Structured Silhouettes Signal Authority

Blazers with clean lines, pencil skirts, wide-leg trousers, and sheath dresses in quality fabrics signal decisiveness. Structure in clothing mirrors structure in thinking—crisp lines suggest control and leadership.

2.    Go Neutral, Then Add Power Accents

Foundation colors like navy, charcoal, ivory, and black communicate professionalism. Use them as a base, and layer in a signature accent—like a deep plum blouse or an emerald green scarf—to show controlled individuality.

3.    Fabric and Fit Speak Louder Than Labels

A perfectly tailored outfit in mid-range fabric will always outrank an ill-fitting luxury label. Prioritize fit, drape, and comfort that doesn’t sacrifice professionalism.

Executive Presence Dress Code for Male Professionals

1.    Invest in a Power Blazer

A single-breasted navy or charcoal blazer in wool or wool-blend fabric becomes your visual armor. It conveys maturity, strategic vision, and control over your image.

2.    Shirts That Signal Precision

White or light-blue shirts with a structured collar and minimal patterning help maintain a clean, authoritative look. French cuffs or subtle contrast buttons can subtly elevate without shouting.

3.    Footwear Is the Underrated Authority Signal

Polished oxfords or loafers in leather complete the look. Scuffed shoes or casual styles instantly diminish presence—pay attention to this often-overlooked detail.

Beyond the Outfit: Accessories That Elevate or Erode Presence

Accessories are the fastest way to fine-tune or fracture your message. Here’s how to stay calibrated:

• Watches: Choose classic styles over digital or sporty versions.
• Jewellery: Minimal, intentional, and not distracting.
• Bags: Structured over slouchy. Leather or vegan leather for a polished impression.
• Grooming: Executive presence is head-to-toe. Hair, nails, and skincare should all reflect attention to detail.

Virtual Executive Presence: How to Dress for the Screen

In remote and hybrid workplaces, your upper body does most of the talking. Apply these tips.

• Avoid busy patterns that blur on camera—solids in saturated tones work best.
• Collars or lapels frame the face, drawing attention upward to your eyes and expressions.
• Lighting and backdrop play supporting roles—choose a clean, uncluttered environment and dress in contrast to your background.

Bonus Tip: One immediate way to improve your executive image on Zoom is to wear a blazer or collared shirt even for internal meetings. Instantly distinguishes you from peers and communicates leadership readiness.

Dress Code Mistakes That Sabotage Executive Presence

Even seasoned professionals misstep. Avoid these subtle yet significant misalignments:

• Wearing out-dated pieces that signal you’re not evolving with the times.
• Over-accessorizing, which can dilute your authority.
• Dressing too casually, especially in “business casual” environments—comfort doesn’t override presence.

Calibrate to Culture without Losing Authority

Different industries have different rules—but leadership always demands distinction. Align the Executive Presence Dress Code to your industry. For example:

• Corporate/Finance/Law: Go classic. Dark suits, conservative tones, subtle personal style.
• Tech/Creative Startups: Think elevated casual. Tailored jeans, statement blazers, luxe minimalist pieces.
• Non-Profit/Public Sector: Conservative, approachable, with a touch of warmth and polish.

Pro Tip: Study those two levels above you—what they wear, how they show up, and what consistent visual themes exist. Emulate, then elevate.

Step Into Your Next-Level Self—One Intentional Outfit at a Time

The fastest way to up level your leadership brand isn’t a certification or another degree. It’s curating a wardrobe that mirrors the authority, confidence, and influence you’re already cultivating inside.

The Executive Presence Dress Code isn’t about being stylish—it’s about being strategic.

Make intentional choices. Let your presence precede your pitch. And when you walk into the room—virtual or not—let everyone feel your leadership before you say a word.

Ready to refine your executive image?

Download the Leadership Wardrobe Checklist—a high-impact, low-effort guide to revamping your professional presence from the inside out.

Your next opportunity might depend on what you’re wearing right now.

Do strong emotions affect the way you manage conflicts whether in the workplace or at home?

If you nodded in agreement, then take heart.

Even for the most seasoned pros, resolving conflict can still bring up some powerful emotions.

Have you ever wondered why this happens and how you can avoid getting sucker-punched by your feelings while you are trying to fix a tricky situation?

Hi, I’m Vatsala Shukla, Chief Encouragement Officer at Karmic Ally Coaching. In this presentation, I’ll be discussing how to manage strong emotions when dealing with conflict.

Your composure or lack of it impacts people’s perception of your having Gravitas and a level of Emotional Intelligence. These in turn impact how others perceive your Executive Presence.

Strong Emotions & Conflict Resolution: Prefer to read? Here’s the transcript

Conflicts inherently come from an emotional place. It is vital you practice self-awareness, know how to control your feelings and resolve them successfully.

Understanding Conflict

To begin with, let us try to understand conflict is.

Conflicts come from differences between two or more people. You may disagree over goals, perceptions, needs, ideas, or values, and this rift triggers an emotional response because the other person is threatening something we hold very dear to us.

It may not even be the differing ideas or goals that are the real source of the problem; instead, it is about what these differences mean to having your need for safety, understanding, respect, acceptance, or another emotional requirement fulfilled.

These unmet needs are the real source of conflict, and because they are connected to our emotional health, we feel them very strongly when they are under threat.

The most common emotions that are activated during a conflict are anger and fear, which can manifest in many different ways.

It could be your body language sending out combat signals, that knee jerk email that you can’t recall. Or even shouting at the other person which goes against you even though you may be right about the issue. Think about it. Has this ever happened to you?

When you’re in the middle of a conflict, it’s common to automatically enter into a “fight or flight” mentality.

You experience an adrenalin rush. If you’re not able to control it or aren’t aware of what’s happening to you, you end up reacting rather than responding in an emotionally intelligent manner.

So let’s first understand and then manage our emotions during conflict.

Understanding and Managing Emotions during Conflict

In my blog post Conflict Management can be easy and without losing one’s mind, I recommended focusing on the issue.

It’s easier said than done when our emotions come into the picture.

One of the most important steps in managing your emotions to resolve a conflict is first identifying them and understanding their source.

Getting in touch with your anger or fear (or sadness or whatever else you are feeling) is vital.

Until you know what you are feeling and why, you cannot possibly hope to get your feelings under control. Doing this outside of the conflict situation is imperative.

You cannot rationally discuss a problem with someone else while simultaneously trying to work out why you are feeling the way you do.

It is also helpful to look at how this emotion has influenced you in the past, and if those actions were productive.

When you’ve been angry before, did you lash out physically or use your words to demean someone else?

What were the consequences of your hostile actions, and why would you have or rather what would you have done differently?

Recognizing the emotions of the other person’s also essential. Why do they feel the way they do, and how are their emotions influencing their actions?

Use the exercise of perceptual positions to get a feel of the other person’s point of view. And above all, don’t let your emotions feed the other person’s emotions. Maintain composure and don’t allow the other person know how you’re getting upset.

This will help you to find a win-win solution.

Understand your Emotional Buttons

Understanding your emotional “buttons” is crucial to making sure that your emotions do not take over when you are trying to resolve your problem.

What are the issues, comments, or actions that are most likely to make you upset or feel frustrated? When you hear or see these things, what can you do instead to minimize your emotional response to them?

Once you know your trigger points, it’s easier to manage your response to them and not feel blindsided when they come up during conflict.

In fact, I usually ask my clients about the trigger points when they mention that they got upset or they lost their cool. And normally, it turns out that there is something else going on in the background.

Acknowledge and Label your Feelings

I recommend that you acknowledge and label your feelings.

And this comes from Susan David, who’s the author of Emotional Agility, who points out that when you’re feeling emotional, the attention you give your thoughts and feelings crowd your mind and there’s no room to examine them. And you have to distance yourself from the feeling and label it. Call a thought a thought and an emotion an emotion.

You see, labelling allows you to see your thoughts and feelings for what they are: the transient sources of data that may or may not prove helpful. And when  you put that space between these emotions and you, it’s easier to let them go — and not bury them or let them explode.

What’s Your physical response?

Becoming more aware of your physical response to emotions can also help you get a handle on them in times of stress. When you are upset or angry, what happens to your pulse? How does your stomach feel? What sensations do you notice in other parts of your body?

The more you are aware of these responses, the better you will be able to recognize them as they are starting to build up rather than waiting until you are in full-blown reaction to begin to de-escalate.

Other ideas to handle strong Emotions

I have some other ideas that can help you to handle strong emotions. Mindfulness and breathing strategies can help to calm you when your emotional response kicks in.

You can use the power of mantras or affirmations to calm yourself down. You can try saying ‘all is well’ or ‘this is not me/ about me’. Or anything else that can help you to calm down in the moment. You can also try tapping your collar bone just below the neck to release any pent up emotion.

Learning how to talk about your feelings and the unmet needs can help you to resolve your problems.

And, without blaming, you should be able to express to the other person how their actions or beliefs are actually making you feel, and you should also practice listening to their responses, which can give insight into the situation.

If nothing else, request a break and stretch your body or simply stand up and walk a bit.

Another technique that I find works well is to touch each finger with the thumb until one feels calm. And this is one that I have actually tried before and I suggest it. Nobody would even know what’s going on.

Extra Resource: Having Tough Conversations Tipsheet

I have an extra resource that will help you, especially when you’re having tough conversations and can help you to avoid conflict. The link to my special report Having Tough Conversations is given below this video.

So having shared all of that, I’d like to leave you with a quote and a question.

The quote is from Frederick Lenz and it’s very true.

“Learn to control your emotions. Be able to glide through them. By practicing concentration exercises and meditation, you will find that when strong emotions strike, you will gain the ability to not be swayed by them.”

And overall, becoming more emotionally aware will help you avoid feeling ambushed by your feelings while also learning to channel them productively into finding a resolution to your source of conflict.

That’s all from me for now but I’d like to leave you with a question, for you to consider and perhaps even leave me with a reply.

That is, which tip will you apply first the next time you’re experiencing strong emotions during a conflict situation?

With that, I leave you to reflect on this question. I’m Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching signing off. Bye for now.

My previous post on commanding presence in a room led to some interesting insights related to the use of silence to raise one’s presence. (You can read that post here)

For one, it was a favorite tactic and for another, I discovered what appears to be a universal phenomenon. Moms are good at using this particular form of communication!

Why is Silence so powerful?

Growing up, do you remember your parents or teachers telling you ‘Silence is golden’?

It’s actually part of a much older proverb, “Speech is silver, and silence is golden” and praises the value of silence over speech.

Digging a little deeper into this proverb or phrase, I discovered it probably originated in the Arabic culture. It was known and used as far back as the 9^th century.

In modern times, we all know the virtues of silence when one is lending a sympathetic ear to a distraught friend or colleague.

It’s one way of letting them know you’re fully attentive to their need and accept them as they are as of a given moment.

It’s also a useful tool to help calm and diffuse a situation instead of reacting when someone starts yelling at us.

It’s a technique that demonstrates Emotional Intelligence.

One caveat though, never use silence to avoid a conflict where your own feelings are ignored because it can lead to resentment and negative feelings.

It’s always good to talk to the yelling person once their anger or situation is under control. Then tell them how you felt without being confrontational. Not every situation needs to become a battlefield.

Which brings me to another benefit of silence.

It can help you with difficult conversations.

Silence can be uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s just what is required to enable the other person to process the information that is being given to them and a chance to react appropriately.

In my story about missing an important promotion there is one part that I left out. In between telling me why I was being overlooked for the promotion round, my Group Manager did offer moments of silence during which neither of us spoke.

In fact, he was ‘holding the space’ for me to understand what was being said and why. He then created a viable solution instead of a knee jerk reaction and conflict.

Wielded correctly, silence can be a powerful conflict management tool.

With all these powerful uses of silence, I wasn’t surprised when I discovered during my research that silence is a therapeutic tool in clinical psychology.

Silence as a powerful leadership skill

It’s the use of silence to demonstrate leadership that fascinates me.

Now that I think of it, there was a Managing Partner in one of the audit firms where I worked whom we had nicknamed Silent Assassin. He’d take a round of the entire office in silence during the afternoon stopping only to smile at an employee if the eyes met.

The best part was, he knew his nickname and loved it – definitely more than the Partner who was called Penguin! (I won’t articulate why :))

The key lesson I learned from observing this Managing Partner and other effective leader bosses is that they all knew the power of silence.

Being a leader means many things. One of the most important skills for anyone who is in charge of other people, is the ability to command a room and to gain attention.

You can be the best leader in the world in terms of your strategy and your people management – but if you can’t get anyone to listen to you, then you won’t be effective!

One of the greatest tools in your arsenal when it comes to getting over this obstacle & commanding that audience, is to use silence.

Many of us think that the best way to gain attention and to look in control, is to shout and make a lot of noise. The truth couldn’t be further from this, and I wouldn’t advise it.

Why is that? Because when you shout and make fuss, you look desperate for that attention. Most of us have been conditioned to learn that if someone is desperate for attention, then we probably shouldn’t give it to them!

Conversely, someone who is seemingly calm and indifferent to you, will instantly become more intriguing and dynamic. Because they are trying to impress you, the power dynamic shifts and you find yourself trying to impress them.

Silence combined with your Signature Voice -the right words and inflexion -provides powerful results.

When someone stands up to talk and starts with a moment of silence, this makes them seem extremely confident. That’s because most of us are constantly anxious that even a moment of silence will mean we lose our audience!

In fact, back in school when we had to prepare for debates and extempore, our teachers taught us to start our speech with silence for a good reason.

Starting a sentence or a speech with silence ensures everyone needs to lean in and listen to what you are saying. This will set the tone for what you’re about to say.

Watch an actor or a politician who is known for being charismatic. That could be Will Smith, Dwayne Johnson, Obama, Narendra Modi etc. What you will find, is they tell a lot of stories.

And when they do this, they leave moments of silence in between their statements in order to create suspense and drama.

This is one of the biggest differences between those confident and charismatic speakers, versus someone who comes across as nervous and anxious.

How can a story have a dynamic ebb and flow if you try to get it all out in moments?

And when someone uses silence in this way, they come across as supremely confident and in charge of the room.

Recognize the power of silence.

Don’t be afraid to ask a rhetorical question and then let it hang. Don’t be afraid to build some suspense for what you’re about to say next!

Too many of us feel a constant urge to rush everything we have to say out at once. In fact, though, it is often the silence between the individual statements that really has the most impact. It shows poise, control, patience, and confidence.

Try using more silence the next time you speak to someone and see just how powerful this can be!