A few weeks back I saw social awareness in a non-corporate environment which reiterates why reading the room is crucial if you want to make the right impression.

That Monday was a day I don’t want to ever repeat again. Coco Junior started to show signs of going into a heatstroke, which was prevented by timely action.

I noticed the signs around 3pm and immediately called the vet’s clinic and was told to come when they opened at 5.30pm. They’d treat it as an emergency case, and I wouldn’t have to wait for a turn.

There wasn’t much traffic and I reached 20 minutes early. The place was dark, but I was allowed inside as the temperature was 42 degrees Centigrade with a real feel of 46.

The attendants normally stay in and have a siesta until the evening shift and there I was with Coco Junior in the dark. I put her on one of the tables and pressed my head to hers and prayed.

Nearing the clinic opening time, I noticed a tall young man in jeans and t-shirt walk in with a rucksack.

He sat quietly in a corner. I didn’t pay much attention because I was focused on Coco Junior.

When the lights came on, I saw him again. By now he was wearing a doctor’s coat and realized he must be one of the new interns.

My vet runs a teaching clinic, and many young vets get their mandatory residency there.

To be chosen means the newly qualified vet must be very good.

This young vet was. He patiently listened to me, asked the right questions and immediately started treatment.

Coco Junior is known to snap and bite but in her condition; she wasn’t up to doing much and seemed to take a liking for this vet.

After a worrisome night, I woke up the next morning to find my dog back to her normal self. She drank water after 24 hours and was voraciously hungry.

We were back at the vet’s for follow up. Even though the pet was feeling better, and could have nipped his fingers, she was still nice to the young vet and allowed him to stroke her under the chin.

It got me thinking about how important it is to read the room before taking any action.

The young vet had seen me and the dog quietly waiting in the corner of the clinic.

He saw how the attendants treated me with respect and got me a chair to sit in the dark. How respectful I was to the attendants apologizing for interrupting their siesta as they would be working till 8.30pm.

He had read the room and when the lights came on, wasn’t surprised to see 3 attendants ready to take care of Coco Junior.

I’m not a VIP client but one who has a standing in the clinic which also took care of Miss Coco Chanel.

There was a relationship beyond dog owner and dog service provider.

What struck me later was that the young vet hadn’t just demonstrated clinical competence.

He had demonstrated social awareness.

Before he spoke to me, he had observed what was happening around him. He noticed the interactions, understood the dynamics, and adjusted his approach accordingly.

What this experience reminded me about Reading the Room

Watching this interaction unfold made me realize that social awareness is often misunderstood.

People assume reading the room means being political or changing who you are.

I see it differently.

Reading the room is the ability to notice context before deciding how to act.

That skill matters, whether you’re treating an anxious dog or leading a team through uncertainty or a challenging project.

1. Observe before you act

The young vet didn’t rush in trying to establish authority.

Instead, he chose to watch.

He noticed the environment, the interactions, and the emotional state of both owner and pet before stepping in.

In the workplace, high performers sometimes move too quickly into problem-solving mode.

In fact, influence often starts with observation:

• Who is speaking and who isn’t?
• Are there concerns people are avoiding?
• What emotions are present beneath the conversation?
• What relationships already exist?

Executive presence isn’t always about saying more. Sometimes it’s about seeing more.

2. Competence builds credibility, but awareness builds trust

The vet clearly knew what he was doing. Being competent alone wasn’t what stood out to me.

It was the way he approached the situation.

He listened before acting and adjusted to the emotional reality in front of him.

Trust is often created in moments where people feel seen.

At work, professionals are frequently promoted for technical expertise but remembered for how they make people feel.

You don’t build influence only through delivering results.

You build influence through understanding people and demonstrating emotional intelligence in every situation.

3. Relationships are part of the room too

One detail has stayed with me.

The young vet noticed the existing dynamic.

He saw the respect between me and the attendants and understood there was history and trust already present.

Instead of disrupting it, he worked with it.

Many professionals walk into meetings assuming every interaction starts from zero.

It rarely does because every room already contains:

• history
• alliances
• expectations
• emotions
• unspoken rules

Reading the room means recognizing that context before deciding your next move.

The workplace cost of missing the signals

Many capable professionals don’t struggle because they lack expertise.

They struggle because they unintentionally miss cues about influence, timing, perception, and relationships.

Missed signals can quietly affect credibility, visibility, and opportunities.

That’s exactly why I created 7 Signs You’re Misreading the Room at Work.

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re unintentionally undermining your influence or executive presence, you can download your free copy here:

👉 7 Signs You’re Misreading the Room at Work 

Reading the room isn’t office politics. It’s actually leadership intelligence in action.

There’s a moment many professionals quietly arrive at, but almost no one knows how to put a name to it.

You’re not failing.
You’re not lazy.
You aren’t even “burnt out” in the way people casually describe it.

And yet, something feels off.

This is how you experience it.

Work that once stimulated you now feels mechanical. Progress feels slower even when you’re doing more. The ambition is still there, but it’s heavier, foggier and less obedient.

This is what most people call a mid-career rut.

But that label is dangerously shallow.

That’s because beneath that surface frustration lies something far more precise and powerful.

It’s a biological shift and a psychological reorganization.

An identity fracture trying to become an upgrade.

And here’s the part most people miss.

After you’ve been working for 20 years or more, it’s natural to assume that you know how to manage your career.

But research tells a different story.

A widely cited study in the Harvard Business Review found that mid-career professionals, especially those between 40 and 48, are the most likely to make decisions that quietly undermine their long-term success.

They put off decisions when they should be examining what needs to change.

Not because they lack intelligence or experience, but because they’re navigating invisible pressures: daily demands, fear of making the wrong move, and the tension between innovation and perceived risk.

I’ve shared the story of how a brave resilient lady discovered during a consultation that she needed to figure out what direction she wanted to take but needed to first figure out what was making her unhappy.

It’s a classic example of how this mid-career rut manifests itself.

In other words, the very stage where you should feel most in control is often where your internal systems are most conflicted.

What follows are five rare, scientifically grounded truths about the mid-career rut.

These truths don’t just explain what’s happening but fundamentally change how you respond to it.

Reflect on each truth and ask yourself – do I relate to it?

1. Your brain has outgrown your current Rewards System

The work didn’t become meaningless. Your brain stopped finding it meaningful.

Neuroscience Layer:
In earlier career phases, your brain is wired for visible wins like titles, promotions and recognition. These activate dopamine pathways that reinforce effort.

But over time, the brain adapts. The same wins stop producing the same internal reward.

So, your motivation fades. Not because the work is empty, but because your brain is asking for something deeper.

Psychological Layer:
This is where boredom creeps in. Not because you’ve lost ambition but because your ambition has matured.

Philosophical Shift:
You are no longer driven by proving yourself.
You are driven by expressing yourself.

When that happens, you require an entirely different game plan.

2. You’re experiencing Identity Lag, not Lack of Clarity

Your external life is running on an outdated version of who you are internally.

Neuroscience Layer:
Your brain continuously updates your identity based on experience. But your habits, environment, and role often lag behind that update.

This creates friction.

Psychological Layer:
You feel stuck. But the deeper truth is sharper:

You’ve already outgrown your current identity, but your life hasn’t caught up.

This is exactly where many mid-career professionals freeze.

The fear of making a wrong move, of losing credibility, or stepping into uncertainty keeps them looping in roles that no longer fit.

Philosophical Shift:
Clarity is not your problem. Permission is.

A focused 5-day reset to cut through the noise and get clear on your next career move.

3. Your cognitive load is quietly destroying your sense of progress

You’re not stuck. You’re overloaded in a way that blocks forward momentum.

Neuroscience Layer:
As responsibility increases, your brain’s decision-making system becomes saturated with too many inputs and too many demands.

When that happens, the brain defaults to efficiency and not innovation.

Psychological Layer:
You feel busy but stagnant. Productive but unfulfilled.

And because you’re still performing, no one questions it.

This includes you.

Philosophical Shift:
Just because you can carry it doesn’t mean you’re meant to.

4. Your nervous system is rejecting performance without purpose

You can still perform, but your body no longer wants to sustain it without meaning.

Biological Layer:
Years of operating under pressure condition your system to deliver under stress. But over time, without purpose-driven engagement, the body starts resisting.

Fatigue becomes constant. Motivation becomes forced.

Psychological Layer:
This is where people quietly disengage even while still showing up.

Philosophical Shift:
Your capacity hasn’t diminished.
Your tolerance for misalignment has.

5. You’re wired for expansion but trapped in optimization

You’ve been trained to improve systems, not reinvent them and now that’s the problem.

Neuroscience Layer:
Your brain shifts into optimization mode as you gain expertise. But fulfilment requires exploration – novelty, challenge and expansion.

Without it, the brain signals stagnation.

Psychological Layer:
You’ve mastered your role. And that’s exactly why it feels limiting.

Philosophical Shift:
The next version of your career will not come from doing more.

It will come from becoming more.

What this means in Real Life

The research is clear: mid-career professionals are at risk of becoming undervalued and overworked.

Not because they lack capability, but because they’re navigating fear, pressure, and internal misalignment.

And when that happens, most people try to solve the problem at the surface level.

They work harder while waiting for clarity.

They distract themselves with short-term fixes.

But if you’re feeling the early signs of a mid-career rut, the real work is different.

It’s deeper, more precise and far more transformative.

How to recalibrate without burning everything down

If this is a transition and not a failure, then your next move is not drastic.

It’s intentional.

Dealing with Fear and Boredom

• Shift from execution to strategy. Start thinking beyond tasks and towards influence and impact.
• Ask for real feedback. Not validation, but perspective.
• Rebuild your network. One meaningful conversation a week can open unexpected doors.
• Find a mentor who reflects where you’re going and not where you’ve been.
• Keep learning but apply it in real time.
• Review your career direction every six months. If nothing changes, that’s a decision. Update your resume and social media profiles. Set specific goals to strive for.

Creating Work-Life Balance that actually supports Growth

• Treat self-care as a non-negotiable performance tool.
• Strengthen relationships that ground your identity beyond work.
• Use your time outside work to expand and not just recover.
• Reconnect with purpose through reflection, spirituality, or values.
• Work in alignment with your energy, not just your schedule.
• Lighten the emotional weight you attach to everything.

Where most people get stuck (and why it matters)

At this stage, the biggest trap is not lack of effort.

It’s lack of direction.

Because once your internal system has shifted, generic advice stops working.

What you need instead is precision.

You need to identify:

• What actually matters now
• What no longer fits
• And what your next move needs to optimize for

Most importantly you need a structured way to arrive at those answers without overthinking, second-guessing, or stalling for months.

No overwhelm. Just clarity on what needs to change and what doesn’t.

A smarter way to find your next move

This is exactly where a focused, time-bound process becomes powerful.

Not another long course or endless introspection or vague journaling prompts.

You need a contained space where you can zero in on what truly matters in your career right now.

A short, structured intervention, when done properly, can cut through months of mental noise.

That’s the idea behind a 5-day approach to identifying your most important career need.

Five days to:

• Step out of autopilot.
• Separate signal from noise.
• Make decisions from clarity and not pressure.

Because the truth is, you don’t need more information.
You need sharper insight.

The opportunity hidden in the Rut

Your mid-career phase is not meant to be predictable.

It’s meant to be powerful.

This is where you stop chasing external validation and start building internal alignment.

This is where your work becomes less about proving and more about positioning.

And this is where small, intentional shifts create disproportionate impact.

Because clarity shouldn’t take another year.

The Bottom Line

A mid-career rut is not a sign that something is wrong with you.

It’s a signal that something inside you is ready to evolve.

Ignore it, and you stay busy but disconnected.

Respond to it, and you unlock clarity, direction, and a level of professional alignment most people never reach.

The next version of your career is not hidden.

It’s waiting for you to get precise about what actually matters now.

And once you do, everything starts to move.

If this hit deeper than expected…

There comes a point where insight isn’t enough.

You don’t need more information.
You need a way to translate what you’re feeling into clear direction.

That’s exactly what a focused 5-day process is designed to do.

Not to overwhelm you.
Not to push you into drastic decisions.

But to help you zero in on what actually matters in your career right now and what your next move needs to be built around.

👉 Start your 5-Day “Zero In on Your Important Career Need” reset here

Have you ever walked into a meeting and instantly wondered:

Is my boss in a good mood today… or is this going to be a difficult conversation?

Most professionals quickly learn that a manager’s mood can influence how:

• feedback is delivered
• ideas are received
• decisions are made

The challenge is that few people are taught how to read these signals accurately.

Instead, we guess.

And sometimes we guess wrong.

In my post How to keep calm and composure when your boss is volatile, I shared the experience of my department with a mercurial boss whose behaviour impacted employee morale.

Whether your boss’s behaviour occasionally changes under deadline pressure or one who really needs to manage his emotions, it’s still important to be able to understand your boss.

That is, if you don’t want to jeopardize your mental and professional well-being.

You also need to understand level-headed bosses.

Why reading your boss’s signals matters

While good leaders use positive communication to motivate their teams, all leaders communicate using non-verbal cues. These include subtle signs like:

• tone shifts
• body language
• engagement patterns
• conversational cues

Silence too is a communication cue depending upon the situational context and other non-verbal cues.

It can express disappointment or irritation. In a tense situation, the same silence might be calming, reassuring and give a sense of emotional safety.

Professionals who notice these signals early can adjust their approach and avoid unnecessary friction.

11 signals that reveal your boss’s mood

While one cannot always read the boss accurately, there are ways to assess the boss’s mood. You then know when to approach them and when to stay quiet.

Here are a few examples of signals:

1. Short or clipped responses

This is often indicative of stress or urgency.

2. Rapid interruptions

This may signal impatience or pressure. Your response should be to keep your inputs short and concise and to the point.

3. Avoiding eye contact

Sometimes, this is an indication of distraction or internal focus.

4. Leaning forward and engaging

This body language cue signals openness to discussion.

5. Asking more questions than usual

Can signal curiosity or concern.

6. Checking devices frequently

When this happens, the boss isn’t being rude but may be indicative of competing priorities.

7. Increased formality

Sometimes indicates tension.

8. Sudden silence

More often than not, it means they are evaluating an idea. It’s best for you to stay silent too and not talk to fill the silence.

9. Delegating quickly

This can signal overload.

10. Repeating the same point

This often indicates unresolved concern. Do your best to answer the question being asked or provide more information to remove the concern.

11. Engaging with others but not you

This can make you feel bad and may signal disagreement or distraction. Check on whether you have said or done something to bring out that response.

Why most professionals misread these signals

Sometimes the source of the communication gap could be due to personality clashes, difference in work styles, ineffective feedback or even an expectation gap on both sides.

Some common mistakes that can happen include:

• assuming silence equals agreement
• reacting emotionally instead of observing
• missing hidden workplace dynamics
• focusing only on words instead of behaviour

As an emotionally intelligent professional, becoming aware of the exact problem is the first step.

The simple “Social Awareness Scan”

Here is a small framework you could implement.

Before responding in meetings, quickly observe:

• emotional tone in the room
• engagement signals
• who influences the conversation
• subtle resistance cues

This helps you respond strategically instead of reactively.

It helps you develop your social awareness skill not just when dealing with your boss but also your co-workers.

If you want to get better at detecting workplace signals like these, I created a short report:

7 Signs You’re Misreading the Room at Work

It shows you the subtle cues professionals often miss in meetings and conversations.

Social Awareness is a core Executive Presence skill

As you develop your skill of reading your boss’s mood, you will also be able to read others. That is what will help you develop your social awareness skill.

As a leader or even aspiring leader, you need to develop the ability to:

• interpret signals quickly
• adapt communication style
• manage difficult personalities
• navigate power dynamics

Many professionals use structured tools like a Read the Room Checklist to help them quickly assess meeting dynamics and adjust their communication in real time.

Final Thoughts

Workplace communication is rarely just about words.

Much of what happens in meetings is communicated through signals, tone, and behaviour.

Learning to recognize these cues can dramatically improve how you navigate conversations and influence outcomes.

Start by downloading the report:

7 Signs You’re Misreading the Room at Work

As a manager or leader, you’re expected to bring strategic vision, operational excellence, and results.

But increasingly, organizations are looking beyond technical prowess and asking: Can this leader connect, inspire, and regulate under pressure?

Emotional intelligence (EI) is no longer a soft skill—it’s a leadership imperative.

What Is Emotional Intelligence for Leaders?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, while effectively navigating the emotions of others.

For leaders, this translates into:

• Self-awareness: Recognizing your emotional triggers and biases
• Self-regulation: Staying composed and intentional under stress
• Empathy: Understanding team dynamics and individual needs
• Social skills: Building trust, resolving conflict, and motivating others

 5 Case Studies of Emotionally Intelligent Leaders in Action

Emotional Intelligence isn’t just a leadership asset but a game-changer. Check out these real-world examples.

Sundar Pichai – CEO of Alphabet (Google)

Sundar Pichai’s rise from engineer to CEO is a master class in emotionally intelligent leadership. Known for his humility and empathy, Pichai fosters psychological safety and open communication across Google’s diverse workforce.

His leadership style encourages innovation by making employees feel heard and valued.

• Empathy in Action: Pichai’s ability to understand employee perspectives has built a culture of inclusivity and trust.
• Resilience under Pressure: During regulatory scrutiny and internal challenges, his calm and transparent communication helped maintain morale and stakeholder confidence.

Howard Schultz – Former CEO of Starbucks

Schultz returned to Starbucks after an eight-year hiatus, driven not by profit but by love for the company and its people. His emotionally intelligent leadership led to initiatives like generous healthcare benefits, inspired by his father’s struggles.

• Values-Driven Leadership: Schultz’s decisions were rooted in compassion and fairness.
• Cultural Impact: He built a brand synonymous with community and care.

Indra Nooyi – Former CEO of PepsiCo

Nooyi’s philosophy of “performance with purpose” redefined leadership at PepsiCo. She emphasized empathy, often writing personal letters to employees’ families to thank them for their support.

• Human-Centered Strategy: Nooyi aligned business goals with employee wellbeing.
• Authenticity: Known for singing in hallways and walking barefoot while patrolling the office, she broke down hierarchical barriers and built genuine connections.

Jeff Bezos – Founder of Amazon

Often portrayed as intensely analytical, Bezos also demonstrates Emotional Intelligence through his obsession with customer experience and long-term relationships.

• Customer Empathy: His focus on understanding customer needs shaped Amazon’s success.
• Team Dynamics: Bezos encouraged internal debate and diverse thinking, fostering a culture of innovation.

Oprah Winfrey – Media Mogul & Philanthropist

Oprah’s Emotional Intelligence is central to her brand. Her openness, vulnerability, and ability to connect deeply with audiences have made her a force in media and philanthropy.

• Emotional Resonance: She uses storytelling to inspire and heal.
• Leadership through Empathy: Oprah’s success stems from her ability to understand and elevate others.

These leaders prove that Emotional Intelligence isn’t just a “nice-to-have”, but a strategic advantage.

Whether you’re managing a team or steering an entire organization, leading with empathy and self-awareness can elevate performance, loyalty, and innovation.

Developing Emotional Intelligence as a Leader

According to a CareerBuilder survey, 71% of employers value emotional intelligence more than IQ.

34% of them admitted to placing greater emphasis on EQ when hiring and promoting employees.

59% of them said they’d pass on a candidate with a high IQ but a low EQ.

Why? Because emotionally intelligent leaders foster healthier cultures, retain talent, and drive sustainable performance.

How can you demonstrate your people skills to a stranger in less than an hour?

Firstly, you need to develop and demonstrate Emotional Intelligence.

Secondly you need to convey this Emotional Intelligence in the interview.

Here are actionable strategies to strengthen your Emotional Intelligence and lead with greater impact:

1. Practice Mindful Living by increasing your Self-Awareness

• Reflect daily on your decisions and interactions.
• Use journaling or meditation to increase emotional clarity.
• Own your mistakes and model accountability.

2. Expand your Emotional Vocabulary

• Know what to call your feelings to make it easier to process them.
• Learn to distinguish between frustration, disappointment, and burnout.
• Labeling emotions accurately helps you respond—not react.

3. Regulate before you react to manage impulses

• Pause before responding in high-stakes situations.
• Use breathing techniques or mental reframing to stay grounded.

4. Lead with Agency

Psychologists use the term agency to describe your ability to recognize and change your environment.

• Take initiative to shift toxic dynamics or outdated processes.
• Assertiveness is not aggression—it’s clarity with compassion.

5. Cultivate Optimism

• Frame setbacks as learning opportunities.
• Positivity is contagious—your team will mirror your mindset.

6. Serve beyond Self

• Volunteer, mentor, or support causes that matter to your team and community.
• Giving builds perspective and emotional resilience.

Suggestions to demonstrate Emotional Intelligence in Leadership Interviews

If you’re interviewing for a leadership role, expect psychological tests and strategic questions that probe your emotional intelligence. Be prepared to make a positive impression.

Here’s how to showcase it effectively:

Prepare Purposeful Stories

Questions about emotional intelligence often require significant thought, and a detailed description about how you would handle specific challenges.

• Share examples of how you handled team conflict, led change, or supported a struggling employee.
• Practice with a peer who can challenge your clarity and tone.

Listen like a Leader

• Show active listening with eye contact, nods, and thoughtful responses.
• Demonstrate that you value dialogue over monologue.

Model Professional Courtesy

Consideration for others is part of Emotional Intelligence.

• Arrive early, follow up with thank you notes after the interview, and respect everyone you meet.
• These small gestures reflect your emotional maturity.

Highlight Your Growth Journey

It’s natural to have weaknesses. Employers want to know what you’re doing to overcome them. Tell them how you learn from experience and acquire new qualifications.

• Discuss how feedback shaped your leadership style.
• Show you’re committed to evolving—not just executing.

Talk through Tough Moments

Challenging situations put emotional intelligence to the test.

• Share how you navigated a team crisis, managed an unhappy client or resolved a disagreement.
• Focus on empathy, resolution, and lessons learned.

Express Genuine Enthusiasm

• Speak to your passion about the opportunity and the company’s mission.
• Share your motivation, why you chose your career path, and what made you apply for the current opening.
• Energy and authenticity leave lasting impressions.

Ask Insightful Questions

Come prepared with some questions of your own.

• Inquire about team culture, leadership expectations, and strategic priorities.
• Show you’re thinking beyond the role—into the organization’s future.

Final Thoughts about why Emotional Intelligence is your Leadership Superpower

Emotional intelligence isn’t just about getting hired—it’s about leading well.

The benefits of emotional intelligence go far beyond just landing a job offer. Developing these skills can enhance your mental and physical wellbeing and strengthen your relationships. Becoming more aware and empathetic will enrich your personal and professional life.

In the corporate world, it enhances your relationships, reduces burnout, and creates a ripple effect of trust and engagement across your team. Leaders who invest in EI build workplaces where people thrive—not just survive.

Enroll in Emotional Intelligence: The Basics for Professional Success here. 

Your self-image is how you see yourself — and how you believe others are seeing you.

As a woman professional who is navigating career ambitions, workplace dynamics, and life’s many demands, it’s easy to lose sight of who you really are beneath the roles you play.

Our self-image can often get blurred by external expectations and internalized pressures.

You might identify as a team leader, team player, high performer, mentor, perfectionist, caregiver, mother, daughter, or all of them.

At times, you might even be your own worst critic and experience the pangs of Imposter Syndrome.

But here’s the truth:

You are more than your job title, your responsibilities and achievements.

More than anyone else’s expectations or opinions.

In fact, you are a whole, multi-dimensional person with values and inner wisdom that deserves to lead, make your own choices.

Definitely not sit in the background.

You’re a unique person with nuances that are unique to you!

Why self-image and authenticity matter

When who you are aligns with how you show up — at work and in life — that’s called authenticity. And it’s more than a buzzword.

Authenticity is the foundation of Executive Presence, self-leadership, and sustainable success.

It’s how you are perceived as an authentic empowered leader.

Authentic professionals are more resilient, respected, and confident. They lead with clarity, make better decisions, and build stronger relationships.

But many women professionals feel the tension of trying to be everything to everyone.

The idealization of being a Super Woman leads to burnout, self-doubt, and emotional dissonance.

Living out of sync with your true self can trigger anxiety, guilt, imposter syndrome, and a persistent sense of “not enough.”

When you live out of alignment with your core self and keep trying to meet expectations that aren’t even yours, the emotional cost adds up.

You experience:

• Chronic stress and self-doubt
• Decision paralysis
• Imposter syndrome
• Lack of fulfilment, even when you’re “successful”

So how do you shift back into alignment and reconnect with your true self?

You rewrite that narrative.

Follow these 5 steps to create a self-image that reflects who you really are and not just what your role or résumé says.

Stake your claim to live life on your terms as your true self.

Step 1 Identify your core values

An authentic self-image is rooted in what truly matters most to you. It’s not what you’ve been taught to value or what your industry, upbringing, or peers say.

When your values are clear, your decisions, boundaries, and energy follow suit.

Action step:

• Write down all the values that resonate with you — everything from creativity to loyalty to growth to independence.
• Narrow that list to your top 10 that feel non-negotiable.
• Ask yourself: What values guide me when no one’s watching? Which ones energize me even when I’m exhausted and make me feel proud?

These are your internal anchors that make you feel grounded. They are the starting point for reclaiming your self-image.

Step 2 Determine any inner conflicts

Sometimes, your values compete with each other and create tension.

Conflicting values can quietly sabotage your confidence and clarity.

You might deeply value freedom and security, or achievement and balance.

These conflicts can lead to analysis paralysis or emotional exhaustion.

Ask yourself:

• When was the last time I felt stuck or confused or procrastinated?
• Could it be because two of my core values were pulling me in different directions?
• Are there any values on my list that aren’t really priorities for me? That actually came from family perspectives or shaped by societal expectations and not from me?

The more clarity you create, the more empowered your decisions will be, because you can’t build an aligned self-image on borrowed beliefs.

Step 3 Align your actions to your values

Values only shape your self-image when they’re visible in your behaviour. Otherwise, they’re just idealistic words on paper.

In order to make them real, choose one value and ask: How can I express this in my daily life?

Example:

• If you value leadership, speak up in meetings or mentor a junior colleague.
• If you value well-being, build rest or ‘Me Time’ into your calendar and protect it.
• If your values include growth, invest in your personal development, not just your professional skills.

Every aligned action reinforces the self-image of a woman who leads from within.

Step 4 Choose activities you enjoy that are aligned and reflect your values

Many high-achieving women are so focused on doing what’s “right” that they forget to do what feels right for them.

Try this:

• Make a list of joyful activities that match and reflect your values.
• If you value connection, start scheduling coffees chats with colleagues & friends or join a relevant networking group.
• If you value creativity, pick up a passion project or a hobby you’ve shelved.
• Is growth important to you? Enroll in a course or start a new project outside your comfort zone.

Experiencing joy isn’t a distraction from your goals but fuel for your soul.

5. Reflect and refine daily

Self-awareness isn’t a one-and-done task — it’s a habit.

Ask yourself at the end of each day:

• Did I honour my values today?
• When did I dim my light to make others comfortable?
• When did I show up powerfully as me, even when it was hard?

These small moments of reflection build a self-image based on strength, not self-sacrifice.

Self-awareness is a practice, not a one-time insight.

Ready to reconnect with the Real You?

If you’re done with surface-level strategies and ready to create a career and life that reflect who you really are, then it’s time to go deeper.

Make the move from reflection to transformation.

✅ Introducing: Developing Your Self-Awareness

This self-paced digital product is designed for professional women who want to:

• Break free from imposter syndrome
• Make clear, aligned decisions
• Build a self-image that supports growth, leadership, and presence

It includes a practical eBook and guided workbook to help you uncover blind spots, shift inner narratives, and become your own best advocate — in work and in life.

Because, when you know yourself, you stop shrinking to fit. You start expanding to lead.

Remember you’re not here to fit in. You’re here to show up as the leader your values have already called you to be.

Make that self-image your new normal.

Most of us tend to be wary of criticism, especially when we’ve worked hard on something and feel we deserve a pat on the back. Naturally you’ll get upset when you’re criticized!

It’s human to not want to hear something contrary to what we want. It doesn’t just include a toxic boss or co-workers but can also include constructive criticism.

That’s how I turned around the situation when I missed a coveted promotion into a learning opportunity. It stood the rest of my corporate career in good stead and made sure I adopted a growth mindset.

The promotion was a precious one with a pay increment, but I missed out because one manager decided that I wasn’t ready and needed to ‘stop being so nice’.

Want to know what the managers thought was the cure?

6 months in the Insolvency Department being shouted at by upset creditors of insolvent clients!

The good news is that I became more assertive, made new friends at work with who I’m still in touch even after 37 years and got the promotion with pay increment.

I know this may sound counter-intuitive, but sometimes a critique can be the most impactful thing someone can offer you.  It all comes down to what you decide to do with it.

So why not make criticism work to our advantage?

If you’d like to discover how to make criticism work for you, rather than derail you, read on.

Create distance between what is being said and your sense of self-worth

When someone says something critical about you, you have some choices to make.  Of these choices, one of the most significant is whether or not you choose to be offended.

The stoic philosopher Epictetus said this on the subject, “If someone in the street were entrusted with your body, you would be furious. Yet you entrust your mind to anyone around who happens to insult you and allow it to be troubled and confused. Aren’t you ashamed of that?”

Don’t fall into the trap of allowing the opinions of others to control your emotions and take charge of your mind.

Recognize that someone’s thoughts about you only have the significance you afford them. Decide how you will feel and see the foolishness of letting other people’s words control you.

This recognition creates distance between what is said and your sense of self-worth.

It is a powerful tool to assist you in navigating snares of modern life such as the attention economy and cancel culture.

Allow life to be your teacher

Choosing to learn from each experience you have is profoundly empowering.  You don’t have to agree with people or even think they’re intelligent.  The important thing is that you can garner lessons from everything you encounter in life.

When someone criticizes you, it’s a great opportunity.  When you choose to create distance and not allow words to offend you, you now have the chance to scan over what was said and see if there’s anything useful there.

You’re ready to learn and grow if possible, transforming the encounter from a trial to a win.

Embrace the process and move forward

Sometimes a little humility goes a long way.  When we acknowledge that we’re all works in progress, it doesn’t hurt so much to encounter criticism.  Instead of feeling embarrassed or belittled, you can figure out how the observation might pave the way for improvement.

After all, a lack of growth often leads to stagnation. So we should embrace the process, relishing opportunities to break the mold and move forward.

Criticism can actually cultivate creativity

Sometimes hearing what is wrong with something you’ve done can pave the way for innovation.

For example, when someone presents you with issues in a proposal you present, or holes in a story you’ve written, it can reveal new ideas that were previously obscured from your view.

This expanded vision is a part of how collaboration works, making more minds better than one.

According to Harvard Business Review, there’s a sweet spot in criticism that recognizes the flaws in something without throwing the baby out with the bathwater.  They refer to this process as “yes, but, and.”

In this scenario, the “yes, but” portion presents the issue with a presented idea, while the “and” portion presents potential solutions.

By approaching a discussion this way, the critique becomes an invaluable method for creating novel solutions without disregarding a person’s initial concept.

Showing regard for other people’s feelings and perspectives while giving constructive criticism makes for more thorough communication and better outcomes.

Final Thoughts

It isn’t all bad to be criticized, even when your critic has questionable intentions.  Choose to analyze a person’s words, scan them for utility, and refuse to take them personally. That way you will always learn from the encounter.

The freedom from releasing the perception of insult paves the way for vast personal improvement while removing potential suffering. It enables us to benefit from a growth mindset too.

The benefits of criticism are amplified when it is used constructively amongst respectful individuals.

In this ideal scenario, you will be encouraged to elevate your ideas and hone your skills, while being free from personal attack.  Thus, being amongst good company is another potent way to make criticism work for you.

In an earlier post, I shared 5 common signs indicating the need to improve self-awareness as well as ways to do it.

That guidance if applied consistently will definitely raise your self-awareness and emotional intelligence level.

The question is what’s your level of self-awareness?

Yes, there are levels of self-awareness. It’s not that complicated although you’ll find people differing on how many levels.

The 3 Levels of Self-Awareness

The number of levels isn’t as important as being able to demonstrate the skill. So, I’m sticking to just 3 levels.

For a truly self-aware person all 3 levels listed above should add up most of the time. Yet, there are times when we need to find a balance. That’s where difficulties will arise.

For example, at level 1, you believe in being honest. Your motto is to always tell the truth no matter the place or situation. You justify it with sayings like truth can be a bitter pill to swallow.

Being truthful and honest in voicing your views is a good thing but sometimes, it can project you as being harsh, rude or even critical.

There is a time, place, and way to share the truth. Radical honesty is just no filter and an excuse to be unkind to others. In this case – your level 2 does not align with level 1. So, who are you really?

Think about this for a moment. Are you the same person at home with your family as you are with your friends? Does your frame of mind alter how you respond to situations?

Do you change your body language and your tone to cater to specific audiences? Probably. Should you? Probably not.

There may be times to do this, but for the most part, you should be self-aware enough to be authentic.

 Level 1 – Who are you?

Everything starts with you and your self-perception. Be truthful with yourself. What kind of person do you believe yourself to be?

Are you socially aware? Are you considerate? Do you consider yourself to be a thoughtful conversationalist?

Perhaps you are fully aware of the fact that you have a short fuse?

Or maybe you are well-mannered until you reach a certain point. Are you supportive in your relationships?

When someone asks you your strengths, there’s a good chance you can come up with a few.

What about your weaknesses?

What about your motivations?

Do you know what motivates you, what you desire? Do you have a strong understanding of your beliefs and how you perceive the world?

Think about what kind of person you believe yourself to be and prepare to be brutally honest in the next level.

Level 2 – Is that whom you act like?

We touched on this in our example of being honest earlier. Now look at what you discovered about yourself in Level 1 and ask the following questions.

Do your words and actions line up with what you said in the last level?

Do your actions suggest that you are disciplined, that you live your values, that you are courteous and compassionate?

Or, do your actions suggest that you’re disinterested and uncomfortable.

Do your words and actions change like a chameleon?

Level 3 – Who are you really?

So, who are you really? Deep down, at your very core, who are you?

Do you walk your talk? Are you motivated to do more for the benefit of your community? Do you want to drive progress? Are you fearful of particular things?

When you engage in self-discovery, you’ll realize there are no constants.

You’ll also realize that there will be crossovers between your actions and your words. You can find yourself in a situation that triggers your short-fuse, whether at work or with your family members and still be someone who cares.

At the end of the day, we are all humans and we are known for being inconsistent. That’s why I suggested that your levels should mostly add up. There’s always a margin of error.

It’s not realistic to think that all three levels will marry up perfectly all of the time. However, having self-awareness in all of the levels places you better to define yourself and who you want to be.

It is this self-awareness that serves as your foundation and where you draw your checks and balances from.

This will make you better at decision making, in acting your authentic self, at building friendships, at improving relationships, and at being happy. So, the levels of self-awareness are your friend and this is something that can check in with regularly as you move through life.

We grow and change as people so, it only makes sense that our values and beliefs will also shift. Are you aware of how you’ve changed? Check in with yourself often.

Better yet, get the Developing Your Self-Awareness Guide and Workbook to support you in becoming the person or professional that you know you are meant to be.

How to increase your Self-Awareness

Having gone through the levels of self-awareness, by now you know what you’re good at, and what you’re not good at.

You recognize that you still have a lot to learn, and you’re not afraid to admit when you don’t have the answer.

Be willing to own your mistakes and apologize when appropriate. Listen, ask questions, think before acting, and consider how your actions impact others. Self-aware people can read the room and are aware of social cues.

So, how can you increase your self-awareness?

Practice meditation to improve your awareness of the present

Basic meditation is simply focusing on the process of breathing, in and out, in and out. It’s not only good for stress management but also for increasing your own self-awareness. You don’t need to adopt a formal meditation process to do this, though.

Think about what you are trying to achieve, what’s working, what isn’t, and what you can do to make changes. I agree this isn’t your traditional form of meditation, but it’s certainly an effective way to clear your mind and also boost your self-awareness.

Plan & Prioritize

Take a pen and paper, sit down and think about what you really want to do. Write out your key priorities and plan how you plan to achieve them. Use your written record to track your progress.

When you create a plan, think of it as though you are justifying your decisions – not to anyone else, but to yourself. How does your plan play with your values and beliefs? What does it tell you about yourself?

Seek accountability and feedback from trusted people

No matter how self-aware you think you are, it’s impossible to know how others perceive you.

That’s why it is important to have accountability partners and friends you can ask for feedback. Tell your family or close friends that you want objective feedback. Invite them to be critical and candid. Alternatively, you can ask them to call you out when you’re exhibiting the behaviour you have already recognized and want to change.

Also consider the professional aspect of your life. Seek feedback from your peers, employers, and employees. You can set up anonymous returns form so people can feel free to share honestly.

Consider trying psychometric tests

Not sure where to start? Try a psychometric test or two. The most well-known of these tests include the Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, and Predictive Index.

Free versions of these tests are available online and they can offer you a starting point to your journey. You will probably immediately recognize much of the result, but you will learn a lot about yourself in the process.

It’s important to understand that tests are merely a starting point and will help you get a better understanding of certain traits that you possess.

After that, increasing your self-awareness is entirely dependent on your own actions and initiatives.

Get the Developing Your Self-Awareness Guide and Workbook here.

Are you facing a toxic workplace challenge? If yes, then relax because help is at hand.

In my series on Leadership Challenges in 2024, one of the challenges I addressed was that of psychological safety in the workplace. It included a personal experience that impacted a once happy team.

Psychological safety is part of a healthy workplace.

Toxic work culture does more harm to us than we might imagine.

Take for example a recent case where ByteDance Ltd.’s TikTok has been sued by a content moderator in the UK alleging disability discrimination and a toxic work environment.

Olivia Anton Altamirano worked on TikTok’s Badness Project meant to weed out harmful content from the platform. She alleges that she felt offended, harassed and degraded in a toxic work environment. This stress allegedly led to anxiety, depression and complications in her pregnancy.

This isn’t an isolated case. The American Psychological Association’s s 2024 Work in America survey reveal that most workers are generally satisfied with their jobs. They feel good about their performance and productivity, especially in workplaces that foster “psychological safety.”

Despite most workers’ job satisfaction, 15% reported a somewhat or very “toxic” workplace, lacking in psychological safety.

Not surprisingly, the overwhelming majority (89%) of this group also reported experiencing lower psychological safety at work.

For such individuals, work life appears to be a source of significant psychological distress.

Traliant surveyed over 1,000 U.S. employees for Fear Factors: A 2024 Employee Survey Report on Workplace Violence, Harassment and Mental Health.

They found that mental health is a major area employers need to focus on in 2024. A full 86% of the respondents either strongly or somewhat agreed that employers need to do more to address mental health needs in the workplace.

Some of the top contributors were burnout and toxic management practices, in addition to wage stagnation. This signals that macroeconomic factors are contributing to employees’ mental health concerns.

This situation isn’t unique to the U.S.

Toxic work culture exists even in India, with the culture of cliques and gossip, subtle workplace bullying and unequal enforcement of policies.

Even now, there is a toxic hustle culture where grueling work hours and hard work are a norm.

Trust me, I went through it for 2 years before my wakeup call. I decided that while I loved my job, I loved myself and my life outside the workplace.

I chose to live rather than collapse in the office. Nobody in their right mind wants to leave behind a life that has so much to offer other than working like mill horse.

What’s the use of a fat bank balance if there’s nothing worth mentioning in your obituary?

Of course, we all want a job that we love.

We want something to aspire to and to get out of bed in the morning and be as productive as we can be.

Unfortunately, some workplaces can be toxic, and the idea of even going into the office can fill us with dread. We can quickly become shells of our former selves, lose our confidence, and start to resent work.

However, change can happen.

You don’t have to be a designated leader by position to be a change catalyst.

The first base of leadership is self-leadership. This means making sure that you’re not adding to the toxic environment.

Armed with this self-awareness, it’s time to apply the skill of social awareness. Identify who are key the players in the toxic workplace game. What are the rules of their game and how does it look in action?

I’ve got an entire mini-course on detoxing the toxic workplace that covers handling the toxic boss and co-workers on a strong assertive footing.

But what if you need some quick moves – like yesterday?

Let’s explore how you might be able to banish those workplace blues!

4 simple ways for managing the Toxic Workplace

Always be polite

The first way to deal with a toxic workplace is to always be polite.

• Never lose your nerve and always stay professional. Even if there is a conflict between your colleagues or a boss who isn’t supporting you, it’s essential that you remain polite.

• People will always remember a friendly person. You will have more respect for yourself and be respected more by your colleagues if you are patient, friendly, and fair.

• You shouldn’t allow your judgment and behavior to be clouded by people making your workplace unpleasant.

Avoid office politics and gossip

We’ve all been there. You walk into the staff room, and everyone is talking about someone else.

• It may be an awkward situation and, just like the playground at school, there will always be one person talking negatively about another. It can cause workplace rifts and make the whole situation very negative, uncomfortable, and unpleasant.

• Regardless of your feelings and thoughts on a situation, remain neutral. If you want to defend a friend against an unfair comment or situation, go for it. Remember to be polite, fair, nuanced, and balanced to show your careful judgment and maturity.

• Avoid taking sides, spreading gossip, or calling people names. You should maintain your dignity and integrity.

Inform the relevant departments

If a manager is causing you problems and you don’t know how to deal with it, consider contacting a department in your workplace that can offer immediate support.

• Let them know what has been going on, how it makes you feel, and ask them to support you.

• Be firm but fair, and do not accuse any individual of anything false. State the facts as you see them and how you would like the situation to progress. Remember, professionalism is the key here.

Schedule a meeting with your boss

If it’s possible, it may be worth scheduling a meeting with your boss to discuss your issues.

• Consider having a team meeting so you can discuss your grievances together. It may well be that other members of staff have the same concerns as you but have not been comfortable voicing them.

• Be fair, be firm, give everyone a chance to speak, and work out a positive action plan so you all know how to move forward.

Nobody wants to deal with a toxic workplace. S0, make sure you deal with situations as they arise responsibly and maturely. That’s what true leaders do.

There are ways to handle a toxic workplace to make the job more bearable. We can turn the workplace into a healthy environment where everyone can do the jobs that they love.

If you really want to be a change maker and make a contribution to detoxing your toxic workplace, then click here for the right way to do it.  

Do strong emotions affect the way you manage conflicts whether in the workplace or at home?

If you nodded in agreement, then take heart.

Even for the most seasoned pros, resolving conflict can still bring up some powerful emotions.

Have you ever wondered why this happens and how you can avoid getting sucker-punched by your feelings while you are trying to fix a tricky situation?

Hi, I’m Vatsala Shukla, Chief Encouragement Officer at Karmic Ally Coaching. In this presentation, I’ll be discussing how to manage strong emotions when dealing with conflict.

Your composure or lack of it impacts people’s perception of your having Gravitas and a level of Emotional Intelligence. These in turn impact how others perceive your Executive Presence.

Strong Emotions & Conflict Resolution: Prefer to read? Here’s the transcript

Conflicts inherently come from an emotional place. It is vital you practice self-awareness, know how to control your feelings and resolve them successfully.

Understanding Conflict

To begin with, let us try to understand conflict is.

Conflicts come from differences between two or more people. You may disagree over goals, perceptions, needs, ideas, or values, and this rift triggers an emotional response because the other person is threatening something we hold very dear to us.

It may not even be the differing ideas or goals that are the real source of the problem; instead, it is about what these differences mean to having your need for safety, understanding, respect, acceptance, or another emotional requirement fulfilled.

These unmet needs are the real source of conflict, and because they are connected to our emotional health, we feel them very strongly when they are under threat.

The most common emotions that are activated during a conflict are anger and fear, which can manifest in many different ways.

It could be your body language sending out combat signals, that knee jerk email that you can’t recall. Or even shouting at the other person which goes against you even though you may be right about the issue. Think about it. Has this ever happened to you?

When you’re in the middle of a conflict, it’s common to automatically enter into a “fight or flight” mentality.

You experience an adrenalin rush. If you’re not able to control it or aren’t aware of what’s happening to you, you end up reacting rather than responding in an emotionally intelligent manner.

So let’s first understand and then manage our emotions during conflict.

Understanding and Managing Emotions during Conflict

In my blog post Conflict Management can be easy and without losing one’s mind, I recommended focusing on the issue.

It’s easier said than done when our emotions come into the picture.

One of the most important steps in managing your emotions to resolve a conflict is first identifying them and understanding their source.

Getting in touch with your anger or fear (or sadness or whatever else you are feeling) is vital.

Until you know what you are feeling and why, you cannot possibly hope to get your feelings under control. Doing this outside of the conflict situation is imperative.

You cannot rationally discuss a problem with someone else while simultaneously trying to work out why you are feeling the way you do.

It is also helpful to look at how this emotion has influenced you in the past, and if those actions were productive.

When you’ve been angry before, did you lash out physically or use your words to demean someone else?

What were the consequences of your hostile actions, and why would you have or rather what would you have done differently?

Recognizing the emotions of the other person’s also essential. Why do they feel the way they do, and how are their emotions influencing their actions?

Use the exercise of perceptual positions to get a feel of the other person’s point of view. And above all, don’t let your emotions feed the other person’s emotions. Maintain composure and don’t allow the other person know how you’re getting upset.

This will help you to find a win-win solution.

Understand your Emotional Buttons

Understanding your emotional “buttons” is crucial to making sure that your emotions do not take over when you are trying to resolve your problem.

What are the issues, comments, or actions that are most likely to make you upset or feel frustrated? When you hear or see these things, what can you do instead to minimize your emotional response to them?

Once you know your trigger points, it’s easier to manage your response to them and not feel blindsided when they come up during conflict.

In fact, I usually ask my clients about the trigger points when they mention that they got upset or they lost their cool. And normally, it turns out that there is something else going on in the background.

Acknowledge and Label your Feelings

I recommend that you acknowledge and label your feelings.

And this comes from Susan David, who’s the author of Emotional Agility, who points out that when you’re feeling emotional, the attention you give your thoughts and feelings crowd your mind and there’s no room to examine them. And you have to distance yourself from the feeling and label it. Call a thought a thought and an emotion an emotion.

You see, labelling allows you to see your thoughts and feelings for what they are: the transient sources of data that may or may not prove helpful. And when  you put that space between these emotions and you, it’s easier to let them go — and not bury them or let them explode.

What’s Your physical response?

Becoming more aware of your physical response to emotions can also help you get a handle on them in times of stress. When you are upset or angry, what happens to your pulse? How does your stomach feel? What sensations do you notice in other parts of your body?

The more you are aware of these responses, the better you will be able to recognize them as they are starting to build up rather than waiting until you are in full-blown reaction to begin to de-escalate.

Other ideas to handle strong Emotions

I have some other ideas that can help you to handle strong emotions. Mindfulness and breathing strategies can help to calm you when your emotional response kicks in.

You can use the power of mantras or affirmations to calm yourself down. You can try saying ‘all is well’ or ‘this is not me/ about me’. Or anything else that can help you to calm down in the moment. You can also try tapping your collar bone just below the neck to release any pent up emotion.

Learning how to talk about your feelings and the unmet needs can help you to resolve your problems.

And, without blaming, you should be able to express to the other person how their actions or beliefs are actually making you feel, and you should also practice listening to their responses, which can give insight into the situation.

If nothing else, request a break and stretch your body or simply stand up and walk a bit.

Another technique that I find works well is to touch each finger with the thumb until one feels calm. And this is one that I have actually tried before and I suggest it. Nobody would even know what’s going on.

Extra Resource: Having Tough Conversations Tipsheet

I have an extra resource that will help you, especially when you’re having tough conversations and can help you to avoid conflict. The link to my special report Having Tough Conversations is given below this video.

So having shared all of that, I’d like to leave you with a quote and a question.

The quote is from Frederick Lenz and it’s very true.

“Learn to control your emotions. Be able to glide through them. By practicing concentration exercises and meditation, you will find that when strong emotions strike, you will gain the ability to not be swayed by them.”

And overall, becoming more emotionally aware will help you avoid feeling ambushed by your feelings while also learning to channel them productively into finding a resolution to your source of conflict.

That’s all from me for now but I’d like to leave you with a question, for you to consider and perhaps even leave me with a reply.

That is, which tip will you apply first the next time you’re experiencing strong emotions during a conflict situation?

With that, I leave you to reflect on this question. I’m Vatsala Shukla from Karmic Ally Coaching signing off. Bye for now.

When we talk of cultural differences it doesn’t necessarily mean between countries or nations. It can also mean between different parts of your own country.

For example, India, where a huge country with different kinds of people, different cultures depending on whether you’re in the north or the south or east or the west.

In today’s business world, you are bound to encounter colleagues and clients from different backgrounds whether in your own country or internationally.

The exposure to other experiences and perspectives can be enriching, but it can also be challenging to work together effectively.

While it’s important to avoid stereotyping, there are some common situations you can prepare for.

Review these ideas as you think about how to bridge cultural differences in your workplace.

Additional Resources

In the story that I shared about my Japanese colleague and the Leadership Course, things might have worked out differently if everyone had demonstrated Social Intelligence.

That too is important for reducing cultural differences both in the workplace and in our private lives.

Read more here.

Learn more about my recommended resource with this post here or on the image below.