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Would you believe me if I told you your pillow is an ally for improving your Emotional Intelligence?

Well actually it’s the quality of your sleep that matters because our ability to get proper rest affects our emotions and resilience to the pressures of our daily lives and especially at work.

Think of the time when your boss might have been snappy with you or your colleagues and you’ve wondered if they got out from the wrong side of the bed that morning or something.

Or perhaps you’ve been guilty of the same? Was it not getting a good night’s sleep?

The first pillar or quadrant of good Emotional Intelligence is control over self or having emotional balance and the truth is, sleep helps us manage our emotions and avoid inappropriate responses or strong reactions to situations.

Sleep helps us build another important Emotional Intelligence competency – Empathy which is important for displaying Social Awareness and Relationship Management.

The ability to walk in another person’s shoes is a skill that sets you apart from the crowd when it comes to building relationships and your reputation but you won’t be able to do it if you’re in a grumpy mood and unable to interpret the body language or emotions being displayed by the other person if your brain is clogged from sleep deprivation.

While I’m not a sleep doctor nor am I qualified to tell you how to get a good night’s sleep, I can certainly share my experience of improving the rest we get at night by making our pillow our ally.

I thought I was optimizing the use of my pillow until I saw a video last night about the use of pillows that I had not, I admit even in my wildest dreams thought about but I’m  willing to give it a shot.

I loved my fluffy pillow as a child.

So much so that when I read a Russian folk tale about the Wise Girl who helped her poor father get back his new born foal from his greedy rich brother by answering 3 riddles posed by the Judge, the fact that she finally got the foal back, married above her station in life based on her intelligence  and had the living happily ever after story ending made no difference.

It was the riddles that I remembered.

There are variations of this story in different Russian Folklore, Slavic and even if I understand correctly German lore.

The version that I know of is called The Clever Daughter (or the dispute over the Colt) where 2 brothers, rich and poor, had a dispute over whether a mare who belonged to the poor brother had given birth to a colt or the cart that he had borrowed from the rich brother under which the newborn was found the next morning.

Ultimately the clever daughter got her father justice and was married off befittingly in this version to the judge’s son. In any version of the story, the questions asked are the same.

The riddle about the Pillow is the most famous.

Riddle:  “What is the softest thing in the world?”

The answer turned out to be the palm of the hand because no matter how soft a man lies down, he always puts his hand beneath his head. An instant pillow!

I didn’t quite understand that one until years later when we used to do all-nighters to meet reporting deadlines and often took turns catching forty winks under the desk. The palm pillow was definitely better than the office files!

Coming back to the real deal pillow, we all know that pillows feel comfortable. There are hard pillows, soft pillows, feather pillows and pillow pillows.

What makes a good pillow comes down to personal preference and what makes you feel comfortable.  You know you have the right pillow if it helps you to relax, get a good night’s sleep feeling rested in the morning.

The pillow case also makes a difference. For some, like me, it has to have a nice smooth feeling while others might want the warmth of flannel or go in for an aesthetic look like embroidered pillow cases.

The virtues of a good pillow

The point is, a good pillow makes you comfortable.

Much later in life, when I had my first slipped disc problem, I found out that pillows had other uses too. Kept under the knees, it provided support to help me get a good night’s sleep as I needed the support.

I then went on to learn that an ideal pillow should be adjustable to fit the unique shape, curves and sleeping position of the user. The pillow should mold to the individual’s shape and alleviate any pressure points.

The optimized pillow should be the right height to support the head and keep the spine in natural alignment. What I learned many years ago is that the human neck curves slightly forward to sustain the weight of the head when upright and it is important to maintain this curve when one is lying down.

If your pillow is too high and you are sleeping sideways or on the back and your neck and head are bent in an uncomfortable position you are bound to wake up the following morning with a muscle strain.

Likewise, if the pillow is too low, you can still strain your neck. The ideal height of the pillow should be 4 to 6 inches in order to properly support the head and neck. If your pillow starts to flatten out, go buy a new one.

Apart from the health value of the pillow for a good night’s rest, punching a pillow is quite cathartic for anger management.

The new fact that I learned yesterday about pillows that inspired me to write about them today is a slightly unusual one. I’m still testing this one and invite you to join me in my experiment.

It relates to getting rid of negative energy in the house. The video detailed a lot of things one could do. I personally burn incense to maintain good vibrations but hey, no harm in a spot of experimenting!

The advice was to shake one’s pillows and cushions every now and then to rid them of any negative energy that may have been transferred to them due to your having a bad day or someone with negative energy having used them. The same held for blankets and sofa cushions.

It’s worth a try. Even if you don’t think it will work for negative energy, there are 2 benefits. One, any dust on the pillow will be removed and second, you will have a nice fluffy pillow.

I’d even recommend burning incense to get rid of negative energy (not to mention as a tool for Stress Management  anyway like I suggested in my Feng Shui Post

It’s your turn now.

Do you have any suggestions on how to optimize the use of your pillow? Please do share in the comments box below!

PS. Want to check if you’re demonstrating good Emotional Intelligence? This checklist is a good place to start whether you’re sleep deprived or not!

Written by: Vatsala Shukla in May 2014 and updated in June 2023 for relevance.