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How to optimize a pillow for a really good night’s sleep

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Pillows for Sleep to improve Emotional Intelligence

 

Would you believe me if I told you your pillow is an ally for improving your Emotional Intelligence?

Well actually it’s the quality of your sleep that matters because our ability to get proper rest affects our emotions and resilience to the pressures of our daily lives and especially at work.

Think of the time when your boss might have been snappy with you or your colleagues and you’ve wondered if they got out from the wrong side of the bed that morning or something.

Or perhaps you’ve been guilty of the same? Was it not getting a good night’s sleep?

The first pillar or quadrant of good Emotional Intelligence is control over self or having emotional balance and the truth is, sleep helps us manage our emotions and avoid inappropriate responses or strong reactions to situations.

Sleep helps us build another important Emotional Intelligence competency – Empathy which is important for displaying Social Awareness and Relationship Management.

The ability to walk in another person’s shoes is a skill that sets you apart from the crowd when it comes to building relationships and your reputation but you won’t be able to do it if you’re in a grumpy mood and unable to interpret the body language or emotions being displayed by the other person if your brain is clogged from sleep deprivation.

While I’m not a sleep doctor nor am I qualified to tell you how to get a good night’s sleep, I can certainly share my experience of improving the rest we get at night by making our pillow our ally.

 

Are you optimizing the use of your pillow

 

I thought I was optimizing the use of my pillow until I saw a video last night about the use of pillows that I had not, I admit even in my wildest dreams thought about but I’m  willing to give it a shot.

I loved my fluffy pillow as a child.

So much so that when I read a Russian folk tale about the Wise Girl who helped her poor father get back his new born foal from his greedy rich brother by answering 3 riddles posed by the Judge, the fact that she finally got the foal back, married above her station in life based on her intelligence  and had the living happily ever after story ending made no difference.

It was the riddles that I remembered.

There are variations of this story in different Russian Folklore, Slavic and even if I understand correctly German lore.

The version that I know of is called The Clever Daughter (or the dispute over the Colt) where 2 brothers, rich and poor, had a dispute over whether a mare who belonged to the poor brother had given birth to a colt or the cart that he had borrowed from the rich brother under which the newborn was found the next morning.

Ultimately the clever daughter got her father justice and was married off befittingly in this version to the judge’s son. In any version of the story, the questions asked are the same.

The riddle about the Pillow is the most famous.

 

Russian riddle answered by the Wise Girl

 

Riddle:  “What is the softest thing in the world?”

The answer turned out to be the palm of the hand because no matter how soft a man lies down, he always puts his hand beneath his head. An instant pillow!

I didn’t quite understand that one until years later when we used to do all-nighters to meet reporting deadlines and often took turns catching forty winks under the desk. The palm pillow was definitely better than the office files!

Coming back to the real deal pillow, we all know that pillows feel comfortable. There are hard pillows, soft pillows, feather pillows and pillow pillows.

What makes a good pillow comes down to personal preference and what makes you feel comfortable.  You know you have the right pillow if it helps you to relax, get a good night’s sleep feeling rested in the morning.

The pillow case also makes a difference. For some, like me, it has to have a nice smooth feeling while others might want the warmth of flannel or go in for an aesthetic look like embroidered pillow cases.

 

The virtues of a good pillow

 

stack of great pillows

 

The point is, a good pillow makes you comfortable.

Much later in life, when I had my first slipped disc problem, I found out that pillows had other uses too. Kept under the knees, it provided support to help me get a good night’s sleep as I needed the support.

I then went on to learn that an ideal pillow should be adjustable to fit the unique shape, curves and sleeping position of the user. The pillow should mold to the individual’s shape and alleviate any pressure points.

The optimized pillow should be the right height to support the head and keep the spine in natural alignment. What I learned many years ago is that the human neck curves slightly forward to sustain the weight of the head when upright and it is important to maintain this curve when one is lying down.

If your pillow is too high and you are sleeping sideways or on the back and your neck and head are bent in an uncomfortable position you are bound to wake up the following morning with a muscle strain.

Likewise, if the pillow is too low, you can still strain your neck. The ideal height of the pillow should be 4 to 6 inches in order to properly support the head and neck. If your pillow starts to flatten out, go buy a new one.

Apart from the health value of the pillow for a good night’s rest, punching a pillow is quite cathartic for anger management.

The new fact that I learned yesterday about pillows that inspired me to write about them today is a slightly unusual one. I’m still testing this one and invite you to join me in my experiment.

It relates to getting rid of negative energy in the house. The video detailed a lot of things one could do. I personally burn incense to maintain good vibrations but hey, no harm in a spot of experimenting!

The advice was to shake one’s pillows and cushions every now and then to rid them of any negative energy that may have been transferred to them due to your having a bad day or someone with negative energy having used them. The same held for blankets and sofa cushions.

It’s worth a try. Even if you don’t think it will work for negative energy, there are 2 benefits. One, any dust on the pillow will be removed and second, you will have a nice fluffy pillow.

I’d even recommend burning incense to get rid of negative energy (not to mention as a tool for Stress Management  anyway like I suggested in my Feng Shui Post

 

burning incense and aromatherapy for stress management

 

It’s your turn now.

Do you have any suggestions on how to optimize the use of your pillow? Please do share in the comments box below!

PS. Want to check if you’re demonstrating good Emotional Intelligence? This checklist is a good place to start whether you’re sleep deprived or not!

 

Checklist - do your colleagues think you are emotionally intelligent?

 

 

Written by: Vatsala Shukla in May 2014 and updated in June 2023 for relevance.

 

 

 

28 Responses to “How to optimize a pillow for a really good night’s sleep”

  1. I love your connection of emotional intelligence and empathy with good sleep Vatsala! Great article and reminder about the power of a good night’s sleep to feel grounded and empowered! Thank you so much!

  2. Laura Joseph says:

    I can’t agree more that a good pillow is key to emotional intelligence and a great night’s sleep. Thank you for sharing

  3. Anne Wade says:

    My favorite pillow feels like a dear friend, a sanctuary. Now I know why! It loves getting fluffed and sprinkled with lavender, and I love what it gives to me in return.

    • Karmic Ally says:

      Pillows are unsung heroes or heroines, Anne, and yet they serve an important purpose – ensuring a good night’s rest which helps us to build our resilience and maintain emotional balance.

  4. A good pillow is important for a restful sleep. I have found a great pillow, it is similar to a wedge and perfect for supporting my neck. Sleep is important for empathy! I can concur as a psychotherapist, just one night of sleep deprivation can decrease our empathy for others. Thanks Vatsala for your post!

    • Karmic Ally says:

      Thank you for backing up the fact that sleep is important for empathy, Lisa. Back in my corporate world days if I hadn’t slept well the night before, I used to tell my team and they knew I’d need more coffee. 🙂 We were a good team and luckily these occasions were rare.

  5. Genevieve Kohn says:

    This is fascinating Vatsala! I didn’t realize the importance of energy with regards to a pillow, and I am an energy healer by training!
    I know I could use a new pillow to better support my neck as well. Thanks for the reminder about that!

    • Karmic Ally says:

      Definitely get a good pillow soon, Genevieve, you’ll notice a big difference in your energy levels and quality of sleep not to mention better emotional intelligence because the mind will be rested and better able to cope with the daily grind. Glad you liked the post.

  6. Joyce Hansen says:

    Searched for a long time, but finally found a contour pillow. Never thought about height, but apparently that’s one of the things my new pillow already has. Also, I never heard of shaking out the negative vibrations, but it makes sense. Thanks for the pillow tips.

    • Karmic Ally says:

      My pleasure Joyce. Glad you found the tips useful. One more pillow tip that I have is for times when we have a back problem. Placing a contour pillow under the knees at night takes the pressure off the back, as I discovered when my orthopedic surgeon suggested it during a spot of slipped disc in 2010.

  7. Seems I would be wise to give my pillows a little bit more love and attention, Vatsala. I do sleep with a pouch with some gemstones under my pillow and do adjust and plump my pillows from time to time. I could probably even use some “new” pillows, although there is something comforting about the ones I have, even if they might be long past their prime. Love the tips in this post and may sprinkle some lavender oil on mine tonight before I go to sleep!

    • Karmic Ally says:

      Nothing like an old favorite pillow, Beverley, to feel snug and secure. 🙂 I keep an amethyst and clear quartz crystal under my pillow for sound sleep and I find it keeps the nightmares away. Fluffing pillows is easy for me because Miss Coco jumps on them and pushes them a bit at night and I often wonder if she is onto something that I wasn’t aware of, like removing negativity or is it to make them comfy for me? 🙂

  8. Tamuria says:

    The first thing I do before getting into bed is fluff up my pillow – I must have instinctively known this was good.It’s funny because I almost always end up getting rid of it during sleep ( even though it’s very soft and not too high) and wake up with my head on my palms.

    • Karmic Ally says:

      Quite possibly your instinct, Tamuria, our subconscious self knows more than we give it credit for. Or maybe you saw your Mom doing it as a child and have continued the habit. Either way, good move! And yes, you have discovered the softest and sweetest pillow possible. 🙂

  9. Suzie Cheel says:

    Love this i will think of my pillows in a new way although i love cuddling up to my pillow as I go to sleep. thank you xo

  10. I absolutely love when someone turns a thoughtful lens to things that are not often thought about; they just are.

    I love this, thanks. Gonna give my pillows a bit of extra love and shaking today. And will share this post.

    • Karmic Ally says:

      I’m so glad you loved the post, Sue. I’ve been giving extra love to my pillows too and even Miss Coco has her own pillow to rest her long back. 🙂

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